Forever and ever
by bailey64
Summary: A follow on from the The Happy Ending. Now Ava and Julia have grown into adults do they still need their adoptive parents Jac and Jonny? This is a fourth story in a serries about the Naylor-Maconie family; The Promise, The Truth, The Happy Ending.
1. chapter 1

_This will probably just be a one shot - a little follow up from the happy ending. Thank you for reading, please leave a review :-)_

Jac Naylor watched her niece as she talked excitedly through the plans the architect had left with her fiancé. After much discussion it had been decided that Ava and Markus would build their very first home together at the end of her adoptive parents garden. At the age of 22 Markus was about to start studying for his PhD and Ava, at 19, having already earned a bachelors degree was studying for her masters whilst illustrating books in her spare time. Ultimately Ava wanted to become a full time artist but finding studio space had been difficult. Since Markus had proposed last year, as much as it pained her to admit it, Jac realised the young couple had such maturity and a need to live together she had been afraid Ava was truly about to fly the nest. In the end it had been Jonny who saved the situation with the suggestion of building a little dream house for the couple complete with Ava's very own studio space in the neglected patch way at the bottom of the family garden

'And then my studio would be at the front here' Ava walked across the space to show Markus. 'Big windows to let in loads of light' she grinned broadly as she could see he was finally starting to imagine it as she saw it, the plan in his hand helping him to understand what the Naylor-Maconie's were truly proposing.

The plan was more than Markus had been expecting. He had imagined a small one bed property, a simple starter home. What he held in his hand was details to build a two bedroom future proof home complete with his own study space. He couldn't help a grin forming on his face as he figured out precisely what Jac Naylor-Maconie had devised from her plan. Even he could see there was scope from the design of this build to perhaps add another bedroom if needed at a later date in the loft space. 'You're sure you're ok with this?' Marcus spoke in his calm and considered way to Jac 'I mean, you wouldn't get sick of the sight of us?'

'I never say things I don't mean Markus' Jac rolled her eyes 'you should know that by now.'

'So you're happy right?' Ava snaked her arm around Markus's waist.

'I'm immensely happy' Markus chuckled before kissing the top of Ava's head. 'I just don't know how we can possibly thank you for letting us do this.'

'Its a sensible plan and good use of the money Grandad George left Ava' Jac shrugged 'you don't need to thank us.'

At the sound of the purr of a motorcycle engine driving slowly up the drive Ava squealed with excitement 'Julia's home! She needs to see this!' She let go of Markus and rushed back into the house to meet her adoptive sister.

'To be clear Markus' Jac spoke bluntly as soon as she was sure Ava was out of ear shot 'this is Ava's house, its her money being invested.'

'Of course' Markus nodded.

'So then you won't be offended when you're asked to sign a prenuptial agreement.'

'I've already started looking into solicitors, you just need to advise Ava its necessary.' Markus answered strongly. He'd learnt a long time ago that with Jac Naylor acting as a mother you needed to be at least two steps ahead and show no signs of weakness to be considered as even partly worthy to date her daughter.

'Good' Jac nodded approvingly 'you just leave the prenup talk to her godfathers. They reek of bad divorces and it should be more than enough to persuade her to our way of thinking.'

'Great' Markus chuckled.

'For what its worth Markus I don't dislike you.' Jac gave him a rare smile.

'Thanks that's good know' Markus spoke with confidence although he was uncertain where this was going.

'I'm not sure how much Ava has told you about her adoption but in the early days, when she was feeling insecure, she'd make us promise that we would always want her and she could live with us forever and ever.'

'I know' Markus spoke softly 'she's told me everything about your sister and losing her and about how her biological dad didn't want anything do with her.'

'Then you'll know how much this means to me' Jac looked Markus dead in the eye to convey her words with meaning 'how much Ava's happiness means to me.'

'You can trust me I promise, I want the same thing you want' Markus assured her 'if Ava is happy then that's all that matters.' He knew the conversation was over and the matter closed from the curt nod Jac gave him just as the girls came into the garden.

'Mum can I invite someone over to dinner tomorrow night?' Julia spoke happily as she shook out her blonde hair.

'This someone wouldn't happen to be the medical student you went out on that date with would it?' Jac arched her eyebrow quizzically at her eldest daughter. She knew full well Juila had been dating this girl since they'd met during a placement at St James 6 months ago and yet her daughter had merely made it sound like one off meeting.

'I think its time you should meet' Julia smiled guiltily at her mother, knowing she had been sussed 'Hattie is really special, she wants to meet you and dad.' She took the plans out of Markus's hands, determined to change the subject. 'Whoa! This place is going to be amazing. Looks like you've got your wish Ava, Mum and Dad are never going to be shot of you now' she teased her slightly younger sister.

'Yep forever and ever' Ava grinned at her Auntie 'just like Auntie Jac and Uncle Jonny always promised.'


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for reading. I'm just going to see where this story takes me, hopefully you'll enjoy it. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and suggestions :-)_

Julia Naylor-Maconie checked her reflection one last time. She didn't know why she was so nervous, it was only a family roast after all. She took a few deep breaths, trying to install into herself the confidence that everything would be fine; her parents would fall in love with Hattie and be civil and polite. She tucked her long blonde hair behind her ear as she turned away from the mirror, catching her sister grinning at her from the bedroom doorway.

'What?!' Julia tisked, feeling vulnerable and sure her sister was about to tease her about something.

'Nothing' Ava shrugged. 'I'm just happy for you I guess. You don't need to be nervous, I overheard Uncle Jonny telling Auntie Jac to be on her best behaviour today so I'm sure she'll be nice.'

'Thanks that's very reassuring' Juila rolled her eyes. Both the girls knew their adoptive mother was like lioness when it came to their wellbeing and happiness. They were expecting many awkward moments to occur during this lunch as poor unsuspecting Hattie was scrutinised.

'It'll be fine' Ava chuckled 'if things really go bad Markus has promised to fake a coughing fit, that ought to distract Auntie Jac for long enough for Hattie to escape.'

'Great so our only back up plan is reliant on your boyfriends COPD, Julia couldn't help but smile now, finding humour at the thought of needing Markus to fake a near death episode to calm tensions at dinner.

'You have warned Hattie what to expect right?' Ava asked seriously 'I mean you told her exactly who our mother is?'

'Not exactly no' Julia answered guiltily ' I broached the subject that mum could be difficult and she was all "don't worry I'll make your parents love me" so then I didn't have the heart to brake her confidence by telling her mum is THE Jac Naylor.'

...

'You could have told me you mother is Jac Naylor' Hattie whispered furiously to her girlfriend as they took refuge in the garden. It was turning into a beautiful August day and Jonny was in the process of setting up a large table outdoors for the family to dine together.

'I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting her to answer the door. You did great though!' Julia spoke with as much confidence as she could muster.

'I stood on the doorstep mute with shock for about five minutes before your mother eventually said "yes?" as though I was there to sell her double glazing or something' Hattie shook her head with embrassment.

'It was seconds not minutes' Julia stifled a laugh 'trust me it could have gone a whole lot worse. I promise Dad will be much more welcoming.' She squeezed her girlfriends hand reassuringly as she called out 'Dad, come and meet Hattie.'

'I see our guest of honour is punctual' Jonny greeted the girls warmly 'How do you do Hattie?' He held out his hand to the tall slim young woman. She had cropped brown hair and was dressed causally in jeans and a smart blouse.

'I'm good thank you' Hattie smiled warmly as she shook Jonny's hand, pleased Julia's father was at least welcoming.

'Welcome to our home, we've heard so little about you its great to finally meet you' Jonny spoke teasingly.

'Don't start Dad' Julia groaned good naturedly 'I wasn't keeping Hattie a secret.'

'Well now perhaps you girls wouldn't mind finishing off setting the table why I go and carve up the beef. Best not to leave it to your mothers incapable hands' Jonny joked as he headed back to the house.

'See its going to be fine' Julia smiled aa she handed Hattie some napkins to fold 'I can tell Dad likes you already.'

'Yeah he seems nice' Hattie nodded as she nervously folded the small piece of linen into a neat triangle.

'Mum likes to give people a rough ride, she likes to see what people are made of that's all' Julia spoke softly. 'She's protective, just ask Markus. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you.'

'She just thinks I'm the village idiot' Hattie sighed .

...

'Well that was my best yet' Jonny Maconie praised himself as the last fork had been laid down onto an empty plate. 'My wife only married me because of my domestic skills' he joked kindly across the table to Hattie, who had been quiet and shy throughout the meal. 'So you're about to enter your third year of medicine. How are you finding it?'

'Its good' Hattie nodded. 'I mean its hard work, long hours but in the end I'll have a job where I can really help people.' She could feel Jac's eyes on her, analysing her every word and movement.

'How are you finding the change from London to Bristol?' Jac asked, knowing if she didn't make an effort to converse a little with their guest Jonny would have plenty to say to her once the dinner was over.

'Thats the best bit for me' Hattie smiled at Julia as she spoke 'The change of pace has been good, the city can be so rushed and impersonal sometimes. Plus things weren't great with my family, they haven't been the most supportive. So I decided to make a big change, so far its worked out pretty good. Bumping into Julia in the hospital coffee shop was the moment it truly felt like it was the right decision.'

'Well as good as new relationships are you've both got a lot going on, Juila will be starting her second year of her nursing degree' Jac started say before Jonny cut her off.

'So its good that both going through something similar, it will give you an understanding of each other' Jonny rushed in before Jac could begin any lectures. He nudged her foot in warning under the table which earned him a sour glare.

'Who's for pudding?' Ava spoke up brightly to cover up any awkwardness.

'Oh yes' Markus cottoned on, standing up to help clear the table. 'I do hope you like strawberries Hattie, Ava and I went a bit overboard when making the pavlova.'

'Sounds great' Hattie smiled warmly 'would you like to me help?'

'You're the guest, so please just relax' Jonny answered her as the plates, cutlery and dishes were gathered together by Ava, Markus 'my troops are more than capable.' He grinned as picked up the severing platter and followed Ava and Markus to the kitchen.

'Excuse me for just one minute' Jac stood up from the table taking out her vibrating phone from her pocket 'I just need to take this call.'

'She's in the middle of trial' Julia explained. 'Will you be ok here by yourself for a few seconds if i just take the gravy jug into the kitchen?'

'Sure' Hattie nodded 'your family are really nice.'

'yeah I'm pretty lucky.' Julia smiled as she stooped to plant a kiss on Hattie's lips 'I'll be super quick I promise.'

Hattie sat back in her chair as she watched Julia walking back towards the house. She was starting to relax , realising the Naylor-Maconie's were actually pretty great once you got to know them. Jac was a little frosty but at least she'd been civil.

'So my daughter seems fairly smitten' Jac broke into Hattie's thoughts as she sat back down at the table.

'Well she makes me very happy too' Hattie spoke brightly.

'How much has Julia told you about her past?' Jac decided to be blunt, it would be quicker this way.

'She's told me a little' Hattie answered cautiously.

'Julia hasn't had it easy, there are things that she has had deal with which no person ever should. Being in a relationship with my daughter is not always going to be plain sailing or easy. Its going to take time, patience, understanding and more love than it is probably inconceivable for you to understand at your age. Consider this your warning; if you do not feel like you can handle the terror that my beautiful daughter has faced with maturity and unfailing trust then you end this now because what that marvellous girl doesn't need is any heartbreak.'

'Mum?' Julia spoke in shock behind her. She looked across the table at Hattie's pale face. 'What have you told her?'


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for reading and reviewing. Please let me know your thoughts as this story develops :-)_

'What have you told her?' Julia repeated herself more loudly.

'Angel I haven't told Hattie anything' Jac defended her actions 'I'm just giving her the dose of reality you both need.'

'I think I should probably go' Hattie spoke awkwardly, getting to her feet.

'What's going on?' Jonny walked back into the garden drying his hands on a tea towel, a concerned frown across his face. He had come to know Julia so well since she'd joined their family unit he could tell just from her body language when she was upset.

'Despite all these years of mum telling me its my story to tell she's just gone and blurted out all the gory detail of my childhood inside a paedophile ring' a single tear ran down Juila's face as she spoke, showing her hurt at this betrayal.

'Julia your mum really didn't tell me anything' Hattie spoke softly, walking close to her so she could place her hand on her arm. 'I think I should go and give you guys some space' she gently kissed Julia's cheek. 'We'll talk later yeah?'

Julia closed her eyes and swallowed down a sob as Hattie walked away from her and into the house. She slowly opened her eyes and looked her mother before uttering 'why?'

'Because she needed to be told' Jac spoke matter of factually. 'I had my heart broken by idiots who couldn't handle the truth of what I went through, who failed to understand and to just hold me during the nightmares and tell me everything was going to be ok.'

'How'd you know that Hattie would be like that?' Julia sniffed.

'Why hadn't you told her?' Jac answered simply. 'If you trusted her you would have told her. Hoping that the longer you waited to tell her would make it easier for her to accept is a fools errand. It's better to know now before you get into deep.'

'You've ruined everything ' Julia let out a sob with her words.

'No I've stopped you from making the same mistakes I made' Jac spoke softly. 'Even with your Dad I found it hard to truly be open with him, to explain to him just what it was like to be trapped inside the memories in my own head. He could have left me at any point, our entire relationship has been based on the most rockiest of roads. Yet he fights for me, always has and always will. You need that, you'll need the same as me as you navigate through life. Its the only way its ever going to be good.'

'Harriet did care about me' Julia sniffed 'I told her about the self harming, I had to, she saw the scars. She said she wouldn't push me to tell her the rest, it was up to me. Now you've pushed and she's gone!' Julia broke down into sobs.

'Then unfortunately it looks like I was right doesn't it?' Jac longed to hold her daughter, to pull her close and tell her it would all hurt less by morning. She knew though that Julia would never let her, not when she was feeling like this. 'By all means hate me, its fine with me because I know what I've just saved you from.' At those final words Julia fled into the house, sobbing freely as she went.

'I know you did what you did with the best intentions' Jonny spoke angrily to his wife 'but did you have to do it quite like that and on the first meeting?'

'Its always me who's the bad one isn't it?' Jac scowled at her husband 'always me that has to say no, be pointing out the dangers and protect them from harm.'

'Och Jac, they're grown women with their own minds and hearts. They need to go out into this world and live it' Jonny tried to keep his voice level. 'Do you think I like the idea of our wee misses getting hurt out there? Because I don't but all I know is they have to go out there being independent from our molly codling so they have a chance of leading a normal life!'

'She's independent, intelligent and a god dam fighter Jonny but she's far too fragile to face rejection from people's narrow minded judgements based on her past' Jac spat out the words in anger but upon seeing the solitary tear rolling down her cheek Jonny knew how much she was hurting inside.

He went to her side and crouched down next to her chair, taking one her hands in his as he spoke 'She's angry now but she doesn't hate you. She could never hate you.'

...

'You know Auntie Jac only said what she did to Hattie because she cares about you' Ava tried to soothe her sister as they sat in her bedroom eating the pavlova.

'I know' Julia sigh. 'I guess what hurts is she's right. I just wish she had spoken to me about it and not Hattie.'

'How do we know Jac is right about Hattie though?' Markus mused. 'I mean Jac is right about people a lot of the time and look at my biological dad – a complete arse if ever there was one. But what if we haven't given Hattie enough of a chance?'

'Well she could have stayed' Ava shrugged .

'Would you have stayed to witness a family row?' Markus counter argued. 'None of us want to see Julia get hurt, there are unfortunately a lot of idiots out there. But mum found Guy and Jac found Jonny. They're always saying about how it wasn't always easy but they work at their relationships. Maybe all Hattie needs is fair hearing, a chance to know the truth and decide for herself if she can truly handle it. If she can't be bothered to try then she is an idiot and most certainly not worth Julia's time.'

'So what should I do? Call her?' Julia spoke slowly, considering Markus's words .

'Shouldn't this be the type of conversation you have in person?' Ava pondered.

'I don't know, I've never had this type of conversation before, its not something you go blurting out to everyone you meet' Julia sighed. 'You'd think one of the many therapists Auntie Jac sent me to would have discussed the correct social etiquette for this type of situation.'

'I don't think there is any right way' Markus spoke softly 'but I think it should be your way, you're the one who needs to be in control throughout this.'

...

Julia hesitated for a moment before pressing send. She'd written Hattie a long email along with links to the many news articles that had covered her story all those years ago. She knew she'd find it difficult to put into words exactly what happened to her throughout her childhood. She just hoped Hattie would still see her for who she is now, would still want to be with her and still love her. The first time Hattie had said that little four letter word Julia had asked her how she could be so sure, they'd only been dating a month. 'Because you are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I fall asleep' Hattie had answered simply 'I just know how I feel.' That's when it hit Julia that it was what she was feeling too, the reason why she'd been off her food and unable to concentrate, was simply love.

Julia got up off her bed and walked across the hall to her parents room. 'Mum?' she spoke softly as she hesitated at the open doorway.

Jac looked up from her laptop at the sound of her daughters voice, relieved she had come to her.

'I get why you spoke to Hattie' Julia walked into the room and sat down on the end of the bed 'but I'm an adult now and I can make my own choices.'

'I just can't bear to see you get hurt' Jac shrugged.

'I know' Julia smiled softly 'but if I never take any chances then I'm not going to get very far in this life.'

'Well you know I'm always I'm going to be here, no matter what. Whether its picking up the pieces or celebrating with you, I want to share this life with you.'

'I know' Julia nodded 'and I'll always want you to be. You just need to let go a little.'

'You girls, and of course your father, are my entire world. I never thought I would get to have a family and I would do anything to protect it, to protect each and every one of you.' Jac reached out and smoothed Julia's long blonde hair, letting her hand rest on the young woman's pale cheek. 'I didn't adopt you because I thought I was this amazing mum who would always get everything right. I adopted you because I'd connected with you, I felt a love and a bond for you that I just couldn't explain. Even though I know both you and Ava are no longer children the way that I feel hasn't changed. So I'm sorry, I will mess up, I will make ridiculous decisions and embarrass you but you'll always be my girls and I will never stop fighting for the best for you.'

'I guess I'll just have to learn to live with that then' Julia laughed softly.

'I'm afraid so' Jac looked seriously at her daughter. 'I want you to have a good happy life, no one deserves that more than you.'


	4. chapter 4

_Thank you for reading. I think I've got the plot worked out so the story should start to take shape. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jonny Naylor-Maconie smiled to himself as he looked across the pillows at his wife's sleeping face. She looked content in her slumber, her face relaxed. Even after all these years he still had to pinch himself that she had chosen to spend her life with him. His best friend Mo had had her doubts that they could make it last on account of Jac's moods and his ability for annoying her. What Mo hadn't accounted for was how much love could overcome anything. He knew Jac was feeling pressure at work as she was fighting for funding to keep her current research trial going. Her work could still distract her from her family, making it appear that her career was her top priority. Jonny knew differently though; for Jac her job was to save lives and she would unashamedly do whatever it took, even if it went against regulations and caused controversy. Jac believed in giving every patient the chance to live a good quality of life and every loss felt like a failure to her. Jonny knew she felt the same about her girls; every tear, every upset and every scraped knee was a sign of her failure as a mother. Jonny never worked out how she did it being both a fantastic mother and a world renowned surgeon but he made sure he reminded her how wonderful she really was, especially on the days when self-doubt started to creep in. He reached out and gently brushed the strands of her auburn hair that her fallen over her face to one side. As she'd aged Jac had simply grown more beautiful to him. The few lines on her skin failed to give away her true age and yet had the look had softened her. Jonny placed a soft kiss on her forehead before getting out of bed to get ready for a run. He counted it as a success to their marriage that Jacqueline Naylor had long ago given up her 5am career orientated starts in favour of a little extra sleep and breakfast with her daughters. Sometimes you really can have the best of both worlds and his wife, Jonny thought proudly to himself, was a true master at it.

...

Jonny frowned as he watched his daughter slow to a halt at the bottom of their drive. Their morning run had been a long one and Jonny had struggled to keep pace with the nineteen year old. 'What's up Angel?' he called out to her.

'That's Hattie's car' Julia panted, pointing to a mini convertible sat on the top of their drive.

'Pretty fancy for a student doctor' Jonny mused.

'Her parents got it for her after she passed her A Levels' Julia explained with a shrug. 'Although it was before Hattie came out so it's probably the last gift she'll ever receive from them.'

'Are they really that bad?' Jonny asked as he stretched his calf.

'She's an only child, they wanted grandchildren.' Julia could tell from her father's tut he was angry on behalf of Hattie. 'Unfortunately the Greystoke family believe Hattie's sexual orientation to be a phase and told her to get it out of her system before finishing uni.'

'Well I guess it's true, money cannot buy you class' Jonny shook his head sadly. 'You'd better go in the house then Angel, she's come all this way to see you.'

'I'm frightened I'm not going to like what she has to say' Julia spoke softly.

'I know' Jonny nodded empathically 'but you can't leave the poor girl alone in there with your mother. I think that is just far too much to ask of her.'

...

'Jac stop trying to listen in on them!' Jonny hissed at as wife as he led her firmly away from the closed living room door and back into the kitchen

'If that heartless cow is breaking her heart...' Jac muttered darkly at her husband.

'You don't know she's heartless' Ava chuckled as she buttered some toast. 'I actually think Hattie might be quite a nice person.'

'You're only saying that because she happened to go your exhibit last year' Jac grumbled as she sat down at the breakfast bar.

'I know how cool is that right? Julia and Hattie could have met then but somehow missed each other only for fate to bring them together at St James's' Ava sighed happily as added liberal amounts of jam to her toast.

'Sometimes you are so like your mother, trying to see the good in everyone' Jac shook her head with a smile. With her auburn hair, high cheekbones and green eyes it was clear Ava was biologically related to her aunt. Whilst Ava couldn't remember her mother sometimes she would remind Jac so strongly of Jasmine's easy going personality it would take her breath away.

'Well I'm glad our wee miss is like she is, otherwise poor Hattie would have had quite the stony reception this morning' Jonny chuckled as he peeled himself a banana.

'I was perfectly polite thank you' Jac rolled her eyes.

'Lucky for Hattie I got to the door first' Ava smirked. Her face dropped and she became silent as they heard the living room door open.

'Hattie and I are going to go out for a drive' Julia announced as she stepped into the kitchen. She looked happy but her face was tear stained.

'But you haven't had breakfast yet' Jac started to protest

'We'll stop somewhere for breakfast' Julia shrugged. 'We've still got loads to talk about. I'm just going to get quickly get changed and then we'll head out.'

'Well have fun' Jonny smiled encouragingly at his daughter before she left the room.

'I cannot believe you're encouraging this' Jac whispered waspishly at her husband.

'Encouraging what?' Jonny stifled a laugh ' it's just a breakfast date.'

'We know next to nothing about this woman' Jac glowered at him 'for all we know she could be using Julia for her money or her family connection to help boost her career.'

'Was Auntie Jac like this when I started dating Markus?' Ava asked, clearly amused.

'She was worse' Jonny chuckled as Jac glared at him.

'I...erm...I just wanted to say' Hattie spoke nervously from the doorway of the kitchen 'I know you guys don't exactly trust me yet but I promise I wouldn't do anything to hurt Julia. I just think you should give us a chance.'

Jac looked at Hattie, considering her for a moment. It was obvious the young woman hadn't slept well, her skin was pale with dark circles under her eyes. She had a nervousness about her, like someone who was about to enter on an adventure with an uncertain end. 'Hattie I think you should worry less about what others think and more about what makes you happy' Jac spoke as she found.

'Urm ok' Hattie nodded, unsure of what to make of this advice.

'My girls both know you cannot wait for life to work out for you, you've got to do what's best for you and to hell with the rest of them' Jac continued with her lesson. 'If my daughter thinks you're a risk worth taking then I'll trust her judgement. Just don't break her heart unnecessarily and you and I will get on fine. Understood?'

'Yes' Hattie spoke weakly as she nodded.

'Okay I'm ready' Julia spoke brightly as joined her girlfriend in the kitchen doorway.

'Ok then have fun' Jac smiled brightly back watching as the two girls headed up the hall hallway. She turned back to towards to counter top to resume drinking her coffee when she caught the surprised looks on the faces of her husband and niece. 'What?' she shrugged.

'Its 7:30, you're in your pyjamas and you can still intimidate a medical student into a puddle of nerves' Jonny laughed

'Actually the fact she came in here to confront me impressed me a little' Jac mused.

'I think you gave her good advice' Ava kissed her aunties cheek on her way out of the kitchen. 'I don't think anyone has ever told her its ok to just be her before. I'm going to meet Markus, I'll be back for dinner.'

'Tell Amanda lunch on Thursday is fine' Jac called after her niece

'Ok' Ava called back as she reached the front door. 'Oh and Auntie Jac? I don't think it'll do Hattie any harm to be a little weary of you.'

Jac chuckled as she heard the front door close on Ava. She looked up to see her husband still staring at her. 'What?' she frowned at him.

'Just admiring my beautiful wife that's all' Jonny smiled softly as she rolled her eyes at him. He knew she loved his affection really.

….

Julia smiled as she looked across at Hattie sat in the driver's seat. They had the top down on the car and were speeding through the country lanes. They had stopped for breakfast at a little bistro and then headed to Waitrose to buy food for a picnic lunch on the beach. Julia was pleased things still felt comfortable and easy between them. She knew she would never be able to express the relief shed felt when Hattie had started their conversation with the words 'nothing can change how much I love you.' They hadn't gone into details on all that had happened to Julia during the first twelve years of her life but Hattie now knew enough to be able to support her girlfriend and to understand her anxiety a little better. They'd made promises not to keep things from each other, to share in everything, whether it be good or bad. As Hattie slowed down the vehicle to join the queue of cars at the beach carpark Julia spontaneously spoke 'You know I love you right?'

'Of course I do' Hattie chuckled 'how could I not?' she paid the attendant the fee for parking and then looked back at her girlfriend. 'I didn't know life could be like this.'

'Like what?' Julia asked as she looked around for a free space. She pointed one out to Hattie and waited until the car was safety parked before asking her question again.

'I dunno exactly' Hattie shrugged with a laugh 'Just kind of free I guess.'

'Well I'm sure you'll get used to it' Julia laughed, understanding what Hattie meant. She knew her girlfriend had been hiding who she really was from her parents, too frightened of their rejection to ever be any different than the image of perfection they had projected onto her. 'I've had the freedom to just be me since mum and dad adopted me. It's like there were once two mes; the one before who was trapped and then this other one who had to learn what it was like to be safe and not frightened all the time. Now I just feel lucky because somehow I've ended up in this life where I'm respected for exactly who I am as a person.'

'Your parents are pretty amazing' Hattie agreed.

'Trust me, once they've stopped worrying you're going to steal all my money and leave me heartbroken, you'll be a fully-fledged member of the family' Julia laughed 'and then you can see how truly amazing it is to have Jac Naylor fighting your corner for you.'

'About this money that I keep hearing about…' Hattie asked curiously.

'It was compensation from my life before' Julia shrugged as though it was no big deal. 'I didn't want it but Mum made me keep it. Its paying for my uni fees so I guess she was right but generally I try not to think about it.'

'So really there's not much point in playing you for a long con then' Hattie teased.

'Sorry, I'm no millionaire' Julia played along, please Hattie was willing joke around rather than feel sorry for her.

'Ah well I'll just have settle for your beauty instead then' Hattie kissed Julia softly on the lips letting it linger for a moment. 'You're a pretty amazing woman Julia Naylor-Maconie and there is no one on this earth I'd rather spend my new found freedom with than you.'


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a review to share your thoughts :-)_

Jac smiled to herself as she flicked through selfies Ava and Markus had taken in front of the newly laid foundations for their home. The build was due to be finished in April, a month before the wedding. Organising both was going to be a challenge and Jac hoped the young couple wouldn't crumble under the pressure. Jac put her phone down on the bedside table and picked up her laptop, intending on doing some work. She hated being away from home, even New York had lost its charms since Jonny had snuck his way into her life. However key note speaking was essential part of keeping the money flooding in to fund her research. Since Mo Effanga-Levy had become head of department Jac found she couldn't avoid public appearances as much as she'd used to. Jac had no idea how Mo managed to manipulate her into agreeing to the fortnight away in New York and yet here she was promoting Holby City CT department as though it was a centre for excellence in the world and not just the UK. A skype call came through just as she was settling into her stride with her paper.

'Hey Julia' Jac answered the call. 'How was your first week back at uni?'

'It was good' Julia's face beamed out from the laptop. 'We're all missing you.'

'Well I'll be home in seven days'

'Sounds like you're counting them down' Julia laughed 'you're in New York mum! Enjoy it!'

'I'm trying' Jac answered truthfully 'I went to a pretty interesting lecture today. Anyway is the house still standing?'

'Of course' Julia chuckled 'you really don't trust Dad do you?'

'I trust him, just not his housekeeping skills.'

'Talking of which' Julia spoke nervously 'how would you feel if Hattie and I moved into together?'

'Oh.' Jac tried her best to hide her shock. 'Don't you think its a bit soon?'

'She can't stay where she is, its horrible. It has damp and her roommates play loud music all the time, I have no idea how she'll pass this year living like that. Plus I'm pretty sure I saw a drug deal going down right outside the building last time I stayed over there. To be perfectly frank I'm surprised her car hasn't been stolen.'

'Are you sure you're not being melodramatic?' Jac sighed 'Surely she can afford something better than that? I thought her family are well off?'

'She told them about me and they well and truly cut her off this time' Julia explained 'but if we got something together I reckon we could just about afford it.'

'Are you sure you'd really want to move out?' Jac spoke slowly, thinking things through. 'What happens if you're alone there and get a panic attack?'

'Well I was assuming I'd still be welcome here and you and dad are only a phone call away' Julia laughed. 'Most people my age have moved out of home to study, I'm not suggesting something completely radical.'

'No, you're right, you're not but living with someone is a huge commitment'

'I know, but its me suggesting it not Hattie. I just want to be around her all the time. You must remember what that's like.'

'Its still like that' Jac suppressed a laugh 'your dad and I are still very much in love thank you. Look, don't do anything until I get back. We'll look at all your options together then ok?'

'Ok' Julia nodded.

'And if you're really that concerned about Hattie's safety then invite her to stay at our house' Jac offered 'I can't be worrying about the two of you being accosted by drug dealers whilst I'm in New York. '

'I'm sure Hattie will be genuinely touched you care that much' Julia laughed 'Dad has already said she'd better stay here after she'd cried because he'd cooked her a meal. The sleep deprivation has been really getting to her.'

'Huh, how well I remember that' Jac mused.

'Anyway I'd better go, Ava and Markus are waiting for me, we're going bowling.'

'Ok have fun, I love you Angel.'

'Love you too' and with that the call ended.

Jac groaned as she slumped back against the pillows. She reached out for her phone, typing a quick text to her best friend Sacha.

 _My babies both want to fly the nest._

 _Want to talk?_ The reply came almost instantly

 _Yes. You free to Skype?_

 _Dialling you now._

As Jac chatted to her best friend she started to feel better. Only Sacha could make her laugh when her heart was breaking.

...

Ava watched Markus as he lay sleeping. She often did this, listening to his breathing trying to detect any signs he may be getting ill. Since his diagnosis Markus made sure he kept fit and healthy, even joining a gym much to his sisters amusement . There had been occasions though when an infection had come out of nowhere causing him to be hospitalised. These times had frightened Ava, she had no idea how to exist without him, they'd been inseparable for so long now. Deciding to give up on sleep for a bit she slipped out of bed and tipped toed her way out of her bedroom. She walked down the stairs pausing to stroke her cat Perdita, who had taken to sleeping on the middle landing. 'Not out hunting tonight then lady?' she whispered to her pet, enjoying hearing the animal purr. She continued on her way to the dining room where she'd left her sketch pad only to find the room was already occupied. 'Oh hello' Ava spoke warmly to Hattie who was sat at the table writing notes as she read a text book. 'I thought I was the only one who couldn't sleep.'

'I'm just trying to catch up, its been hard to concentrate in that flat. Its so quiet here I thought I'd make the most of it' Hattie explained.

'It must be tough keeping on top of everything, its one of the reasons why I' glad I have no interest in medicine' Ava confessed as she sat down at the table and opened her sketch pad. 'Do you mind if I draw you? I promise I won't distract you from your reading.'

'If you want to' Hattie laughed 'but wouldn't you rather draw someone more interesting? I'm kind if plain looking.'

'There's no such thing as plain looking' Ava rolled her eyes. 'Every person is unique and interesting. Just carry on with your work and pretend I'm not here.'

 _'_ Can I ask you something?'

 _'_ Sure'

'The pictures in the hallway, the young redhead is your mother right?'

'Yep and the old man was my great grandfather' Ava nodded.

 _'_ I'm right in guessing the baby isn't you?'

'The baby was Amelia, Auntie Jac's and Uncle Jonny's daughter. She died before I met them. She wasn't very old, about 3 months I think. You should ask Auntie Jac about her, people seldom talk about her these days she'll be glad you took an interest .'

'It feels like you guys have lost an awful lot' Hattie spoke sadly.

'We've gained a lot too' Ava smiled reassuringly. 'I don't really remember my mother and that's sad but I have the best parents in the world.'

'Its funny, I've read all of Jac Naylor's research papers, heard all the stories about her and yet she's nothing like I thought.'

'She had to be tough to make it to the top in her job. She started with nothing, and I mean literally nothing, but she worked hard and kept focused.' Ava smiled kindly at Hattie 'Auntie Jac knows what its like to not have any family support, so don't worry about staying here when she cones home. I bet she'll have you and Julia sorted out with a plan before you know it.'

'To be honest I'm kind of embarrassed to have to rely on the kindness of relative strangers' Hattie's looked down at the text book, unsure how to voice how she felt.

'Its ok to accept a little help every now and then.' Ava tried to be reassuring. 'Its not your fault your parents are stuck living in the fifties.'

They lapsed into silence and worked for a further hour before Ava yawned. 'I think I may actually be able to sleep now.'

'Can I see the drawing?' Hattie asked curiously.

'Not until its finished' Ava shook her head. 'Don't stay up for too much longer, you need sleep as well as study.'

'I won't' Hattie promised.

As Ava slipped back into bed she felt Markus envelope her into his arms. 'Where'd you go?' he mumbled sleepily into her ear.

' I just couldn't sleep, too excited about the house I guess' she turned to face him, making out his handsome features in the gloom of the dark room. 'You'll never leave me will you Markus?'

'Of course not, you're my one and only, you know that' Markus frowned. 'Are you ok?'

'Yes. Its just sometimes don't you ever get scared that everything is going to go wrong somehow?'

'Nothing bad is going to happen' he gently kissed her lips. 'I absolutely promise you I'm never leaving you, you're my soul mate Ava. We are going to have the most beautiful wedding and then we're going to move into our home, have successful careers that we love, raise a family, retire and grow old together.' He kissed her forehead tenderly 'you just need some sleep that's all.'

'Talk to me until I fall to sleep' Ava snuggled against his chest, feeling comforted by his words.

'What about?' Markus gently smoothed her long ginger hair as he spoke.

'Tell me about this family we're going to have. How many children?' It was game they'd often played, a make believe future full of possibility. Because of their age gap it had often felt like they'd been waiting a life time to be together without judgement.

'Well we'll plan to have two but then who knows? After all, twins run in my family. I think we'd have a girl first, not that we'd mind. We'll call her Jasmine after your mother, I think Jac would like that. Of course it we had boy we'd call him George. You'll be the most amazing mother and we'll spend every weekend doing family stuff like picnics, flying kites and feeding ducks. And having a hoard of devoted grandparents close at hand will mean your illustration business will still flourish and I will make tenure whilst I'm still young enough to enjoy it.'

'I think you'll be a great Dad Markus' Ava spoke sleepily.

'I hope so. My own Dad was pretty absent and then when he was around he'd act like a complete prat.'

'You could never be like him, our children will adore you.' Ava closed her eyes. 'Keep talking.'

As Markus continued to talk about the adventures they'd have as a family Ava finally drifted off to sleep, her head now full of positive what ifs instead of the negative.

...

'Morning' Julia yawned to sister as she walked into the kitchen. Today was a Saturday and she had no plans other than to be extremely lazy. Hattie was still fast asleep and Julia hadn't wanted to wake her.

'You've got good timing, I've just finished drawing this for you' Ava held up her finished drawing of Hattie. 'What do you think?'

'Incredible as always' Julia smiled as she took a closer look 'she looks beautiful.'

'Well last night she described herself as plain so you might want to tell her she's beautiful once in a while' Ava signed the drawing and the carefully ripped the page out if her sketch pad to hand to her sister.

'She knows I think she's gorgeous' Julia rolled her eyes 'she's so witty and intelligent and just Hattie.'

'Well just Hattie could do with a confidence boost right about now trust me' Ava got to her feet and started to stack the dishwasher. 'Dad will be home from work in less than an hour so don't leave the kitchen looking like a bomb has hit it.'

'I'm only going make to some toast' Julia hated being nagged by her younger sister. The family had come to accept Julia was a messy person and generally just picked up after her having given up on trying to change her. 'How much mess could that possibly make?'

'I dread to think' Ava answered 'but I'm not cleaning up after you. I hope Hattie knows what she's letting herself in for moving in with you.'

'Fine forget it. I'll go out for breakfast instead' Julia huffed stomping out of the kitchen. On the whole herself and Ava were the very best of friends but every so often they could rub each other up the wrong way. Ava had a quick to fire temper and Julia had long ago learnt it was best to walk away if she were spoiling for a fight.

Julia carefully opened her bedroom door and then closed it softly behind herself. She propped the drawing of Hattie up on her dresser before tip toeing over to the bed. She lifted the duvet and lay down carefully next to Hattie before gently kissing her cheek and running her fingers through her short brunette hair.

'What time is it?' Hattie spoke groggily.

'It is just coming up to nine' Julia kissed her forehead. 'You need to wake up so we can go out for breakfast. Ava is in a mood and Dad is about to come home from a night shift and I'm guessing he'd appreciate a bit of peace rather than world war three.'

'Hhmmm ok' Hattie sighed but didn't open her eyes.

'I saw Ava's drawing of you' Julia hoped to tempt Hattie into alertness. 'I've got to say she really captured your pimples and dark circles with startling accuracy.'

'Where is it?' Hattie snapped open her eyes.

'Ah so you are capable of being awake today then' Julia teased as she looked deep into her girlfriends hazel eyes. She kissed her lips before leaning her forehead against Hattie's. 'I was teasing you, you idiot. She's drawn you they way that you really are, which is to say the very beautiful Harriet Louisa Meryl Greystone.'

' Don't use my full name' Hattie groaned. 'And I bet I look awful in that drawing.'

'Well get out of bed and you can see it' Julia kissed her girlfriend again, laughing as Hattie rolled her onto her back.

'Or alternatively we can just stay here for a bit' Hattie kissed her neck, moving her kisses downwards, undoing the buttons on Julia's nightshirt.

'I think I might like this alternative plan' Julia moaned softly as she enjoyed the feel of Hattie's mouth on her breast. Their hands began to wonder freely over each other as they shared kisses, their bodies relaxing into the moment when they heard Jonny call out 'Girls I'm home!' As Hattie suddenly stopped what she was doing and dissolved into giggles Julia muttered 'we so need to get our own place.'

' I'm sorry' Hattie tried to control her mirth. 'Lets just go down, say hi and get some breakfast. We'll find sometime to do this later on.' She kissed Julia gently on the lips 'I promise I'll finish what I've started with spectacular results.'

'You'd better had' Julia kissed her back 'because the one thing I didn't think you were was a tease.'


	6. Chapter 6

'You, Mrs Naylor-Maconie are never ever leaving me for two whole weeks ever again.' Jonny kissed his wife between each word. His body was still gloriously entangled with hers in the bedsheets of their own bed. Her flight had landed on Friday morning and the couple had made the most of an empty house to catch up and reconnect.

'Well you'll have to take that up with Mo. She's the big cheese now. The puppet master in control of my strings' Jac gently ran her fingers through Jonny's greying curls.

'As if anyone could really control you' Jonny snorted 'if you weren't so in love with your research you'd have told Mo where to go long ago.'

'I did tell her where to go. I even sulked but somehow I still ended up on that plane.' Jac rested her head on Jonny's chest 'I did actually enjoy it though. I mean I missed you like crazy, but at the same time it was nice doing something just for me.'

'Missed me like crazy huh?' Jonny teased.

'Yep. I still don't know what you did to me Maconie. I was this strong independent woman and then you came into my life and distracted me into loving you and pathetically needing you.'

'I'm proud of you Jac, for going and showing those people exactly why you are and always will be the best cardio surgeon the UK has to offer. Hell, maybe even the world' Jonny gently strokedthe smooth skin of his wife's back with his finger tips.

'Okay, stop hanging out with Mo' Jac lifted her head to kiss him. 'she's turning you into her political mouth piece.'

'I can't be proud of my amazing genius wife?' Jonny laughed as Jac made herself comfortable once more on his chest.

'Right now all your wife wants is to catch up on a little sleep' she yawned.

'Do you want the bed to yourself?' Jonny checked, not wanting to disturb her.

'No' Jac closed her eyes 'and keep stroking my back like that, it feels nice.'

'Anything you want, your royal highness' Jonny teased her with a chuckle.

'I love you Maconie' she spoke sleepily, realising she hadn't used the L word since he'd picked her up from the airport. As she'd spotted him waiting for her, her tummy had filled with butterflies, a sudden rush of feelings for him overwhelming her as she had been unable to touch him for so long. Of course she had composed herself by the time she'd reached him, not wanting to cause a scene with a public display of affection. Instead she'd given him a brief kiss and then as he'd gathered her into his arms for a quick hug she'd whispered huskily into his ear 'we'd so better be returning to an empty house.'

'I know you do, I love you too.' Jonny spoke softly. 'Don't think I didn't spot the way your footsteps quickened when you saw me waiting for you in arrivals. I notice everything about you Jac Naylor and I love everything you are.'

...

Jonny loved listening to his wife and girls chatting. As he tidied the kitchen he kept looking over to where his little family sat around the large wooden table. Jac had taken both the girls to New York when they were 16 but they still clamoured her for every little detail about her fortnight in the big city. They heard the front door open and close again, shoes being taken off in the hall and a coat being hung on a hook. 'Come on into the kitchen Hattie, I've kept some food warm for you' Jonny called out to her. He hoped she wouldn't revert to being shy again now Jac was home. He'd gone back to the flat with her to see what could be done about the mould and ended up telling her to pack up all her things. There was no way he was willing to leave her to live in such a poorly maintained building with three housemates who clearly had no intention of being considerate or clean. He'd talked to Jac that night and they'd both agreed they would have to help the girl if her family had no intention of doing so.

Julia jumped up from the table to greet her girlfriend with a brief kiss and an offer of a cup of tea.

'Hello Hattie' Jac spoke warmly. She'd grown to quite like the girl over the summer and whilst she wasn't yet convinced Hattie could cope with the true extent of Julia's anxiety and depression she was willing to give her chance. Provided she kept Julia smiling like she had been Hattie could stay as a member of family. 'Take a seat, you must be exhausted.'

'Thanks' she smiled shyly as Jonny put a plate of bolognaise in front of her. She ate her food listening to the family chattering around her, contributing to the conversation every now and then. She liked the informality of the Naylor-Maconie household. Everyone was free to come to go as they pleased, dinner arrangements were made on the go via whatsapp and so long as Jac and Jonny knew the whereabouts of each family member things went along pretty harmoniously. It was a stark contrast to own family which was ridged with rules. In her brief visit home during the summer break Hattie had felt as though she'd had to ask permission to even leave the house. In the end she had confronted her mother, telling her as twenty one year old woman she was independent enough make her own decisions in life. The argument had escalated leading to Hattie shoving her phone in her mother's face, a picture of herself kissing Julia on the screen. 'I want this life!' she had screamed at her mother 'this life with Julia Naylor-Maconie, where it's relaxed and happy. Most importantly is away from you and your judgements!' She had packed her things after that and was gone within an hour. She hadn't spoken to her mother since and ignored the brief text from her father. She smiled as Julia sat down next to her, resting her blond head contentedly on Hattie's shoulder. She knew how much Julia had missed her mother, their bond was so strong it seem impossible to imagine the adoption had only taken place six years ago. Hattie couldn't imagine herself pinning for own mother the way Julia had done in the two weeks Jac was away.

'Right then, time for a family meeting' Jac spoke up loudly as Jonny joined the table. Julia sat up straight in her seat and squeezed Hattie's hand reassuringly. 'Obviously Hattie cannot go on living in awful student accommodation and I also think Julia has made it clear she wishes to try living independently away from her nagging parents'

'Which we both agree is a really great big positive step in adulthood' Jonny added supportively.

'So we're going to make a proposal' Jac continued. 'As, Hattie may or may not have noticed, from the building site down the bottom of our garden Jonny and I recently gifted Markus and Ava some land. Of course we are aware we have two daughters and must treat them equally so we had the land valued and then set aside this amount of money for Julia to be used for a deposit on her first home. We had been expecting for this money to sit in the bank until after Julia had graduated and taken her first nursing job and secured herself a mortgage. However we see now that it was unrealistic of us, it's natural that she should want to move out of home.'

'So what we are proposing is we take out a mortgage now in our names and Julia pays us the money each month for the repayments' Jonny finished off before looking at Julia seriously. 'It would be better than renting, at least the money you're paying would be invested into you rather than a rich landlord. If you two are serious about living together then Hattie would pay Julia rent to halve the costs. Then in the future when Julia is employed, and the bank are happy she can afford repayments, the mortgage will be signed over into her name.'

'This way, Angel, you get a property at the end of it' Jac spoke softly to her daughter, she could see from the frown on her face her mind was thinking furiously.

'I think that makes it fair' Ava agreed with her parents.

'But if Hattie is paying for the mortgage too surely the property should partly belong to her?' Julia spoke up 'otherwise how would it be fair?'

'It would be the same as me renting somewhere' Hattie shrugged, having been unconcerned by the arrangement suggested to them 'only a whole lot cheaper. What your parents are offering you is an incredible gift Julia, you'd be on the property ladder! A truly independent woman and you'd be my landlady.'

'Obviously if you two decided to make a lifelong commitment together then you can decide what to do then, whether the house belongs to just Julia or to both of you. But at the moment the money is ensure you, our daughter, is solvent and safe' Jac explained.

'Markus has signed a pre-nuptial agreement over our house, he says its not a big deal because he'd rather my money was just mine' Ava spoke encouragingly to her sister. 'I think it's because he's worried being a prat is genetic but Amanda and I both keep reassuring him if it were it would have shown itself by now.'

'Honestly I think this is great plan' Hattie squeezed Julia's hand. 'Markus is right, anything can happen in a relationship. At the moment you and I are sure we'll grow old together but what if I turn out be an evil money grabbing narcissist? You'd be grateful to have an asset I couldn't get my greedy hands on then.'

'That would never happen' Julia let out a soft laugh.

'I doubt it would' Hattie smiled softy 'but you just never know. Although I would place a pretty safe bet on Markus and Ava celebrating their 50thwedding anniversary.'

'We all would' Jonny chuckled. 'So what do you say then Angel? Do you want to start house hunting?'

'Okay' Julia smiled, excitement starting to fill her.

'There is just one small, tiny little problem' Hattie spoke up. 'I'm tied into a contract on that flat for the rest of term.'

'You leave that to me' Jac spoke confidently 'I have a patient who's a top property lawyer. I'm sure he would love to point out the error of your landlord's ways in the most officially scary way possible.'

'Wow, Julia wasn't kidding when she said you're force to be reckoned with' Hattie laughed.

'Oh she's truly magnificent when she gets into her stride, you've seen nothing yet kid' Jonny spoke with pride as he put his arm around Jac and kissed the top of her head.

'I'm going to message Markus to tell him I'm staying here tonight instead' Ava announced 'we're spending this evening checking out Zoopla!'

'Just remember this is Julia's house Pumpkin, not yours' Jac spoke firmly, knowing this could quickly escalate into a huffy row. Ava had a tendency to be bossy and Julia was starting to find her feet in saying no.

'I know' Ava rolled her eyes as she typed into her phone. 'I'm guessing close to the hospital, has to have a garage and a garden. Two bedrooms, because she'll need a spare room for her favourite sister to visit, open plan kitchen and separate lounge. Am I right?' Ava grinned at her sister.

'You left out feature fire place' Julia laughed back.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa!' Jonny held up his hand to his daughters. 'I think we need to discuss the budget first before you get delusions of grandeur.'

'Aww, look at your father's Scottish genes coming out' Jac teased her husband 'he's already breaking out into a cold sweat. A wedding and now two house warmings to pay for; we'd be better be careful girls, his blood pressure will be sky high.'

'Shut up woman' Jonny spoke good naturedly 'you taught me long ago you cannot put a price on true happiness'. He kissed his wife whilst his daughters made gaging noises. This was a good life he thought to himself, a truly good life that just kept on getting better with age.


	7. chapter 7

_Thank you for reading, please review :-)_

Petrified screams penetrated through the Naylor-Maconie household in the early hours of the morning. Jac Naylor leapt out of bed and raced down the hallway to her daughters bedroom, ready to banish away the night terror that had engulfed her. The screams had stopped before she'd reached Julia's door and upon opening it she discovered Hattie holding her sobbing daughter tightly in arms, whispering words of reassurance. Hattie looked up at the sound of the door opening, her face a picture of calm as she comforted her girlfriend.

Jac simply nodded her head once before closing the door again. She walked slowly down hall trying to understand the strange feelings she had. Hattie gave Julia what Jonny had given, and still gave, to Jac. He had been the first person she'd ever truly opened up to and he had met each of her terrifying secrets with understanding and love. She'd wanted that for Julia, to have a person to love her unconditionally, to comfort her and never judge. Now Julia had it Jac felt oddly displaced and it annoyed her that she couldn't find any reason to disapprove of Hattie. She was a nice girl, clearly intelligent and cared so much about Julia. With Ava it had felt different when she'd stared seeing Markus – Jac had always known Ava wouldn't stray far from the family home. Julia on the other hand was more of a free spirit, only held back by her own anxieties. With Hattie around to give Julia the strength to battle through her fears, Jac knew Julia would happily take off and explore the world. A gap year had been in discussion for the last couple of years and Jac had played along, knowing Julia didn't really have the courage to take the plunge. Now though things were different and Jac found she had a small irrational burning loathing for Hattie for making Julia ready to fly the nest.

'Is she ok?' Jonny muttered sleepily as Jac got back into bed.

'Hattie seems to have it under control' Jac spoke stiffly.

'Not had one for a while though has she? Are you sure reducing her meds was a good idea?' Jonny snuggled up to his wife, pulling her slightly cold body closer to his warm one.

'Its Julia's decision, she hates the way they make her feel slightly numb.' Jac wondered if she should tell Jonny how she was feeling.

'Well so long as she recognises when she really needs to ask for help, because that's what scares me.' Jonny closed his eyes and Jac lay in silence in his arms listening to his breathing deepening as sleep overcame him.

'What really scares me is becoming redundant as a mother' Jac whispered her confession to her sleeping husband 'because I'm not sure exactly where that leaves me.'

...

'I'm home' Jac called out to her family as she closed the front door. It was late evening, she'd been held up in theatre and was longing for a long soak in the bath.

'We're in here' Ava called from the living room.

Jac set her bag down and kicked off her shoes before heading into the room where she found Ava and Amanda sat on the floor surrounded by flower catalogues.

'I think I've decided which flowers I want' Ava beamed at her.

'I hope you don't mind' Amanda clocked the momentary disappointment that passed over Jac's face.

'Auntie Jac isn't really into all this girly wedding stuff' Ava giggled.

'Its fine' Jac tried to keep her voice up beat. 'Where are your sister and Dad?'

'They went out for a run with Hattie' Ava answered, becoming absorbed once more in pictures of button holes. 'He left you some food, it just needs reheating.'

Jac nodded her head before heading to the kitchen. She smiled briefly at the goofy little note Jonny had left for her with instructions on how to reheat her dinner.

'I'm sorry, I couldn't persuade Ava to wait for you' Amanda spoke guiltily as she stepped into the kitchen.

'Honestly its fine' Jac shook her head. 'She's right I'm no good at this sort of stuff.'

Amanda gave her a considering look before commanding 'sit down, you look dead on your feet.' She started to sort out Jac's food for her as the redhead did as she was told. 'You look just how Guy looks when he's had a tough day.'

'I nearly lost a patient' Jac confessed, tracing a pattern in the grain of wood on the large oak table. 'It was a bit stressful for a second.'

'Only a second?' Amanda chuckled as she set the timer on the microwave.

'I think quickly' Jac smirked her.

'Well Guy has always said you're the best in the business, although he blames you for his silver fox look' Amanda teased her.

'So does Elliott' Jac spoke fondly of her old mentor.

'You also look ever so slightly like I did when Amy moved out to live with her friends' Amanda spoke kindly. 'I felt I bit redundant; Markus about to be married, Isobel away uni and then Amy wanting the adventure of living off her own wages. Suddenly all my babies were adults.'

'So I'm not the only one then?' Jac looked up and smiled ruefully at her friend.

'Of course not' Amanda laughed. 'Be grateful at least one of your girls wants to live with you forever, albeit down the bottom of your garden.'

'Its weird, I wanted the girls to be independent and forge out their own lives. And I am proud, especially of Julia...' Jac let her voice trail off, unsure of how to voice how she felt.

'They still need us Jac' Amanda spoke reassuringly 'they just have different needs. There'll be weddings, graduations, good times and bad and they'll want you there for every one of them. Giving them advice, fighting their corner with them. As a parent our job is never really over. Guy made me see that. Now we've got our first grandchild on the way I definitely get what he means.'

'How is Zosia?' Jac asked, hoping to change the subject. 'Wasn't yesterday her due date?'

'She's huge' Amanda nodded 'and so uncomfortable. Ollie is as nervous as hell, keeps fussing over her. We've offered for them to stay with us for the first few weeks after baby is born. I think Zosh just needs reassurance that she'll be a good mother.'

'It must be hard for her' Jac pondered 'she was struggling a little with the bipolar, that's why Mo and I suggested taking early maternity leave.'

'She's coped so well' Amanda agreed. 'She calls Guy about twenty times a day, asking questions about her mama but a least she knows what is real and what isn't. I keep telling her it'll all be worth it the minute that baby is in her arms.'

'She has no idea' Jac smiled at the memory of holding her own baby all those years ago. That feeling of automatic connection, overwhelmed by love.

'I reckon we'll be calling you Grandma in a couple of years' time' Amanda teased.

'Please don't' Jac groaned good naturedly 'I know Ava wants to be a mother sooner rather than later, especially because of the endometriosis, but I'm hoping they'll wait a few years yet.'

'Just goes to show there's still so much more to look forward to though' Amanda removed the plate of food from the microwave and walked over to the table. 'It'll be okay Jac, your girls still love and need you.'

'I just never expected to feel like this' Jac shrugged as Amanda put the plate in front of her. 'I guess I always thought my work would be enough to fulfil me.'

'Talk to Jonny about it' Amanda advised as she sat down opposite Jac. 'I bet he will understand better than you think.'

'About the wedding planning' Jac decided to be honest. 'I don't begrudge you doing most of the planning; Ava's right I'm really not into all the girly stuff. But my sister was. So I still want to be involved because, whilst it should of been Jasmine fluffing her dress and getting stressed over seating plans, I still care that my little girl gets to have the wedding of her dreams.'

'I'll talk to Ava about it' Amanda promised. 'I think she wants you to be there for the real important stuff, like the dress fittings and the menu planning. She was just excited.'

'She keeps reminding me so much of Jasmine' Jac let out a soft laugh.'Watching Ava trying on dresses the other weekend made me remember the time Jasmine snuck out of hospital to help me find my wedding dress. I was so mad at her and yet she didn't care, she found the whole wedding thing so much fun. I doubt we'd have ever actually tied the knot if wasn't for her and her romantic notions.'

'You must really miss her, especially now' Amanda spoke softly.

'I know Ava doesn't really remember her, but I feel a bit sad that Jasmine will never get to see how beautiful she looks in that white dress. Jasmine wasn't stupid, she knew the deal with her cancer meant she wasn't going be around to see Ava grow up. But I remember her so clearly and she would have loved all this.' Jac smiled at her friend 'I'm glad you're here to help, that you have the patience that I lack to sit with Ava for hours looking at place settings. I promise I am trying so hard to enjoy it, to find the fun in it as Jasmine did. But what I really love is the way Ava's whole face lights up when she's excited because it's just her mother to a tee. I just don't want to miss out on a second of that.'


	8. chapter 8

_Thank you for reading, please review :-)_

Jac Naylor felt content and happy as she leaned against her husband, his arms wrapped around her waist, warming her as they watched the children playing with sparklers. Ava and Hattie were helping Sacha and Mo's twins safely spell out their names and Markus and Ava were writing love notes to each other in the air.

'Okay hot chocolate is ready' Mo announced as she entered the garden balancing a tray laden with steaming mugs. Jac had no idea how the tradition had started but every year they now held a small bonfire party in their huge garden. They had a small fire to toast marshmallows on and Jonny would set off a few fireworks.

'Evelyn, come and help me please' Mo called out to her eldest daughter, who at 15 was making it plain she'd much rather be hanging out with her friends than at a garden party with her parents. Jac stifled a laugh as she watched the melodramatic way Evelyn stuffed her phone into her pocket and stomped over to Mo. She had to admit she was glad her girls were long past this stage of growing up.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she smiled as she read a message from Amanda. 'Everybody Zosia and Ollie's baby has arrived, a healthy 7 pound 6 ounce baby boy' she announced to the group

'Aww what's he called?' Ava asked.

'Amanda didn't say. Just that both mum and baby are doing really well. There's a picture though' Jac held out her phone to Markus 'congratulations Uncle' she smiled at him as he took the phone.

'Well he's a handsome little fella!' Markus grinned, showing Ava the picture. The phone was passed around and gushing noises were made.

'Huh, well now he's got Zosh's dark hair and eye lashes alright' Jonny chuckled as the phone made its way back to Jac 'I wonder if he's got Ollie's eyes?'

'Babies all look the same when they're new born' Jac shrugged 'kind of squashed looking.'

'Now what would you have said if someone had said that about Amelia?' Jonny laughed.

'I would have agreed with them' Jac put her phone back into her pocket. 'She looked like a little prune when she'd first been delivered. If they'd said it to me two days later I would scratched their eyes out, I had definite mummy goggles by then and to me she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life' she turned around and kissed her husband. 'You remember right?'

'Yes I remember' Jonny smiled softly before kissing her forehead. 'She was as beautiful as you.'

'Maconie are you lighting these fireworks or are you too busy with your PDA?' Mo called over to them jokingly.

'In a minute woman, I'm too entranced by my beautiful wife here to work safely with pyrotechnics' Jonny yelled jokingly back.

'Ok enough, the moment is over.' Jac wriggled out of his arms 'just go and light your pathetic bangers so we can go inside and get warm.'

…..

'Your parents friends are really nice' Hattie spoke as she gently smoothed Julia's long blond hair. In a bid to get warm they had snuggled up together in Julia's bed, the duvet wrapped firmly around them.

'Yeah they've been through a lot together' Julia answered sleepily 'Mo is so lovely and Sacha is hilarious. I think their home and this house were the only two places I ever felt really safe for a long time. I can't wait for you to meet Elliot too. He's kind of like a grandfather to us. He moved away to be closer to his son but he still visits.'

'I wish my family was more like your family' Hattie spoke sadly.

'I still think you can work things out' Julia squeezed her girlfriend tightly. 'Your dad seems keen to talk to you.'

'He put money into my account yesterday' Hattie confessed ' I had a message from him to say he was sorry, he hadn't realised mum had cut me off. I sent back it isn't about the money to which he replied that he knew that but my studies were important to him I shouldn't have to worry about money. He said he was proud of me.' Her voice broke as she spoke her final words, tears spilling over her cheeks.

' Hey, its ok' Julia spoke softly, raising her head, look at Hattie. 'if its breaking your heart so much why don't you just call him?'

'Because of mum, because he'll relay everything I tell him back to her' Hattie dried her tears.

'That's a pretty stupid reason.' Julia kissed Hattie's forehead. 'Your argument is with your mum not your Dad.'

'But he'll defend her, he always does. I've not heard him say anything in support of me, not once' Hattie spoke bitterly.

'Okay, okay' Julia spoke exasperatedly 'I just think you should give him a chance that's all.'

'I've got a good mind to just transfer that money right back into his account'

'Now you're just being stubborn. You need that money for books and stuff. Taking a part time job whilst studying medicine is a stupid idea. Even mum said so.'

'Your mum had bursaries given to her back then because she had no family to support her!' Hattie tisked.

'Exactly but you do. Your Dad is trying to support you' Julia tried hard to keep her voice level 'don't cut off your nose to spite your face.'

'Fine, I'll keep his stupid money' Hattie sulked.

'Good' Julia spoke firmly before lying her head back down. It was a few minutes before Hattie resumed the gentle stroking of her hair. 'I love you, you know.'

'I know you do and I love you to the point that it hurts. But this thing with my family is hard and I need to deal with it in my own way. I don't want to let it come between us.'

'So don't let it' Julia answered 'instead let us deal with it as a couple.'

'We should probably get some sleep, your mum has got about 30 properties lined up for us to view tomorrow' Hattie kissed the top of Julia's head.

'Its only five' Julia laughed. 'I can't wait until we're living together, like a proper couple.'

'Me too' Hattie agreed 'it'll be just us two against the rest of the world.'


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you for reading, please review :-)_

'So what do you think?' Julia asked as herself, her girlfriend and her sister stood in the living room of a three bed Victorian terrace that had clearly seen better days.

'I think it smells like dog' Ava wrinkled her nose 'and not in a good way.'

'I was asking Hattie' Julia rolled her eyes 'but thanks for your input.'

'Well I think its big, for the price' Hattie answered 'but it needs an awful lot of work.'

'But you like the size?'

'I like the size' Hattie nodded 'its so much bigger than the last two flats we looked at. Okay, there's no driveway or garage but at least its residents permit parking and you could always keep your bike in the terrace garden out the back.'

'It's a fifteen minute walk to Holby General' Ava chipped in 'very handy if either of you end up working there.'

'Plus, look at the fire places; did you see the one in the master bedroom?' Julia spoke excitedly .

'I can see why its been on the market for over eight months' Jac spoke gloomily, as she walked back into the living room with the estate agent. 'I doubt you could even live in it in its current state. It needs new windows and boiler just for starters. Lord knows what a home inspection report would bring up.' She sighed 'I just think it would be way to much of a project for you girls, money will be tight as it as without affording a new kitchen and bathroom.'

'I guess it is in a bit of a mess' Julia came back down to earth with a bump. 'It definitely needs more than a lick of paint and new carpet.'

' Well we best be making tracks, we've got an appointment to a view a show house down at the Hartley homes site' Jac smiled pointedly at the estate agent.

'If course it is a big decision. If after you've seen the new build house you want come back here to take second look...' the gentleman started to say before he was cut off.

'No I think I've seen enough dirty avocado bathroom suites for one day' Jac spoke briskly. 'Come on girls, we best not be late.'

Not another word was said until they were all back into the car. 'Did you really hate it that much?' Julia spoke disappointedly.

'Nope' Jac chuckled as she pulled away from the curb. 'First lesson in house buying; never let them know you're interested.'

...

'I can't believe this the top end of our budget and yet its so small!' Julia whispered to Ava. 'That second bedroom was more like a cupboard.'

'I know' Ava nodded as she whispered back 'and I think you'd need to make a stark choice between having a sofa or a table and chairs in this supposed lounge/dinner.'

'So what do you think?' the sales rep beamed as herself, Jac and Hattie re-entered the house after inspecting the garden. 'Can you imagine where you'd put your furniture?'

Jac tried not to laugh as she saw the look on Julia's face as she glanced sadly around the small room once more. 'To be frank with you, we've seen bigger flats' Jac pointedly handed back the sales brochure to the woman.

'Well if its something bigger you're after we do offer a shared ownership scheme on our three and four bed properties' the woman smiled broadly.

'No' Jac sharply shook her head as she crossed her arms 'My daughter wants to make a sound investment with her money, clearly new builds are not the way to go.'

'Think about it this way; everything in this house is new and untouched. You get to choose all the carpets, flooring, paint, kitchen, bedroom – all the fixtures and fittings are installed to your specifications without you having to lift a finger' The woman continued to beam at Jac, unperturbed by the sour look on her face. 'When you think of it like that, the price seems cheap!'

'And how long would it take for Julia to make any sort of return on a property like this? The tiny little rooms do not make it future proof – if she wanted to sell to move to a bigger property so she and Hattie could start a family in say five years time you'll still be building on this site. Why would some idiot buy a lived in house when further along the plot of land they can buy a nice shiny new one? My daughter would be lucky to sell for the same price she brought it for. So then she'd have to wait what, 10 or 15 years just to make a tiny little profit? No, I don't think so' Jac glared at the woman 'so all in all you'd better save your sales pitch for unimaginative cretins with more money than sense.' She turned on her heal calling out 'come on girls, we've wasted enough time here already.'

'Urm, thanks for showing us around' Hattie mumbled awkwardly to the shocked looking woman.

'Yeah thanks' Ava echoed brightly as they trailed out of the house.

'Please tell me you actually didn't like this house this time?' Julia spoke up as she got into the car.

'I hated it' Jac chuckled as she waited for all the girls to buckle up their seat belts. 'What an absolute scam. Its like a bloody shoebox of a house.'

'Good because I absolutely hated it too' Hattie spoke with relief. 'I couldn't live crammed in like that.'

'Huh that's quite an impressive poker face you've got Hattie' Jac spoke admiringly as she started the engine 'I couldn't tell in there what you were thinking.'

'Well I just didn't want to be rude' Hattie spoke feebly as Ava giggled.

'This has been such a fun day!' Ava spoke brightly. 'Honestly the look on Julia's face when that lady asked if you could see where the furniture would fit in! It was priceless!'

...

'Urgh the suspense is killing me' Hattie groaned as she threw down the text book she was trying to read onto the bed. She looked across to where Julia was sat in the armchair at the side of the bed. 'How can you be so calm? Its your money!'

Jac had called the estate agent and made a ridiculous offer on the three bed Victorian terrace and they were waiting to hear back. They where leaving it up to Jac to make the negotiations, Julia fearing she wouldn't have the nerve to make an offer so far under the asking price.

'Because I doubt they'll take that first offer' Julia shrugged as turned the page of the nursing journal she was reading. 'If you can't study you could always do something useful and massage my feet. They're killing me after all the hours I've done on placement this week.' Julia propped her feet up onto the edge of bed.

Hattie shuffled closer to her girlfriend and did as she was asked, gently rubbing her feet. 'Did you hear your mum imagining our future?' Hattie smiled 'imagining us with kids.'

'Do you want kids?' Julia lowered her magazine again.

'I dunno' Hattie shrugged 'maybe one day. What about you?'

'I've never really thought about it.' Julia frowned. ' I've never really seen myself as the mothering type.'

'I'm not saying its a deal breaker' Hattie laughed at the look on Julia's face. 'We're both going to have full on careers, but maybe when we're older we might want to think about it.'

'I guess i just feel way too young to think about this type of stuff' Julia shrugged, her face relaxing again.

'Of course we are, I'm talking way, way in the future' Hattie returned her concentration back to Julia's sore feet 'when we're married and settled and stuff.'

' Marriage?' Julia raised her eyebrow.

'You wouldn't want me to make an honest woman of you one day?' Hattie chuckled.

'I haven't really thought that far ahead' Julia shrugged as though it didn't matter, even though her heart was racing.

'Yet you asked me to move in with you' Hattie looked up and stared deep into Julia's blue eyes. 'So you must see some sort of future for us.'

'I just know that I want to be with you all the time' Julia spoke slowly choosing her words with care. 'I want to fall asleep with you every night and wake up to your face in the morning. I want to touch and kiss you, be intimate with you– not something I'd ever thought I'd feel after everything I've been through. I want to support you in everything you do, because I know you'll support me too. I want to believe this will last us, that it will always be enough for the both of us.' Julia looked away from Hattie's gaze 'I guess I just don't take it for granted that we'll always feel this way about each other. Things can change, especially as living with my anxiety isn't always going to be easy.'

'Can I ask you to just trust me?' Hattie got up off the bed and cupped Julia's face in her hands 'everything you've just described is what a marriage is. No one else connects with me the way you do. I want to grow old with you Julia Naylor-Maconie, I want to spend my whole life with you by my side. People can scoff and say we've only been together nine months but I know this just like I know the sky is blue. So can you just trust in that? Trust me when I say that no matter what I'm always going to love you, to cherish you and stay with you?'

'Okay' Julia nodded, before smiling. It had never occurred to her that she could find someone like Hattie, someone so willing to accept her exactly as she was. Hattie made her feel safe and it made her stomach tie up in knots to think about her leaving her. She knew she would probably have to hear those words time and time again from her girlfriend, to hear the love and reassurance in her girlfriends voice. At least Hattie was willing to say them, and would say them every hour of the day if needed.

'At least we now know your mother approves of me' Hattie joked 'I think that is my top achievement this week.'

'Shut up making jokes about my mother' Julia reached up and kissed Hattie's lips. 'Just because she approves of you doesn't mean I have to marry you.' They both laughed as Hattie wrapped her arms around Julia holding her tightly.

'You're never going to bloody believe it!' they heard Jac yell up the stairs 'but they've only gone accepted your first offer!'

'Shit' Julia mumbled as she looked at the shock on Hattie's face. They both giggled slightly hysterically as Julia added 'I'm actually going to be on the property ladder!'


	10. chapter 10

_Thank you for reading. Please review :-)_

Jac knelt down in front the plaque marking the place her biological daughters ashes were buried. She buffed the marble with the sleeve of her grey hoodie before taking a quick glance around the peace garden to make sure she was completely alone.

'Hey baby girl' she whispered softly. 'You would have been 16 today. I can see you so clearly; you'd have been tall and lanky just like me, all legs and arms and vibrant red hair. You'd be driving your sisters mad by stealing their make up and borrowing their clothes' Jac chuckled. 'As you can see I still miss you like crazy.' She laid the wreath she'd brought with her on top of the plaque. 'Daddy will be down later, we both will, with your sisters and Auntie Mo and Uncle Sacha. We wouldn't forget your service.' She stood up, her words having dried up. She knew she didn't really need to say anymore, Amelia had known how much she was loved from the minute she was born.

'Isn't it a little cold to be out here without a coat Ms Naylor?' Mr Hanson's voice spoke behind her. It was the week before Christmas and there was a definite chill in the air.

Jac whipped around to face him, crossing her arms 'how long have you been stood there for?'

'Oh not long. I didn't mean to intrude.' He smiled kindly before adding 'there's nothing wrong with talking out loud to your daughter Jac.'

'I know there isn't' Jac spoke defensively as she shrugged 'its just that some people might find it odd, what with her having been dead for over 15 years.'

'Its not odd at all' Henrick shook his head reassuringly. 'I myself had the most enlightening conversation with my mother just last week. All one way of course, but it certainly helped to straighten a few things out.'

'Well that's good to know.' Jac wondered at which point she could leave the awkward conversation.

'Are you still holding the service this afternoon?' Henrick asked conversationally.

' Of course' Jac nodded.

'Good, good' Henrick gave a curt nod back. 'Well you'd best be heading back into the warm, I don't want my best CT surgeon coming down with hypothermia just before Christmas!' he laughed at his own feeble attempt at humour.

'Ok then' Jac looked at him oddly before walking away.

Henrik watched her walk towards the hospital entrance before stooping down at the place Jac had occupied a moment ago. 'Well now little one' Henrik pulled a tea light candle and lighter out of his pocket. He placed it onto one corner of the plaque and lit it . 'How well I remember you and the way you clung onto my little finger the first time I visited you! I know I say this every year but I'm sorry that this hospital couldn't save you. I tried so hard to find an answer that would stop the infection so you could live long enough for our surgeons to fix your poorly heart. I contacted so many specialists from all over the world...' he let his voice trail off. 'Your mother is magnificent, you'd be so proud. I keep a watch on her for you, do what I can to keep her research going. She's fixed hundreds of little babies born just like you now, she's calling her latest invention the Amelia device. So you see your name will live on, little one, your short life wasn't in vain. Your mother is turning your legacy into something that truly matters.'

...

'And here we go again.' Jac sighed as Jonny unwrapped the ancient angel to sit on top of their Christmas tree. For the past three years Jac had tried in vain to get a star tree topper she'd bought in Paris on top of their spruce.

'Just what is it that you've got against my granny's angel?' Jonny looked lovingly at the menacing china face.

'I haven't got anything against it per se but its falling apart Jonny' Jac rolled her eyes.

'Well she's very old' Jonny spoke stubbornly.

'It Jonny it! It's an object, not a living thing!' Jac glowered at him 'And it, by the way, has the most ugly face that is not getting any better with age!'

'Don't you listen to the bitter lady' Jonny crooned lovingly to the angel 'its only because she knows that I love you.'

'Your attachment to that thing gets more worrying every year' Jac crossed her arms 'it is not going on top of the tree this year, I've had enough of it!'

'You know its strange to think there was once a time when you couldn't have cared less about Christmas.' Jonny laughed before turning around to put the angel on top of the tree.

'No you don't!' Jac shouted leaping after him and wrapping her arms around his torso tightly, binding him so he couldn't reach his arms upwards.

'Hey! Get off me!' Jonny laughed.

'Not until you drop that ridiculous angel!' Jacs voice was muffled from where her face was pressed into his back.

'Let me go woman!! Its tradition to have her on top of our tree every year!'

'No! It has to end sometime Maconie!' Jac tightened her hold.

'You know you wouldn't be doing this if the girls were here, you'd have let me place her on top of that tree, albeit whilst glowering.'

'The girls aren't here though are they? They've grown out of the tree decorating tradition. Maybe its time you grew out of your attachment to that piece of tat.' Jac's arms suddenly loosened their grip they had around him and she turned away from Jonny, busying herself with tidying up the tissue paper the glass bubbles had been wrapped in. The fun had suddenly gone out of the game for her.

'Is that it? You're giving in that easily?' Jonny spoke with mild surprise.

'Do whatever you want' Jac shrugged 'it doesn't really matter.'

'Okay, what have I said to upset you?' Jonny asked, sitting down on the floor in front of Jac .

'It's nothing you've said or done' Jac continued with her task.

'So why have suddenly gone all moody?' Jonny grasped hold of her hands. 'Is it because it's today?'

Jac shook her head before answering sadly 'it's just I thought the girls would want to stay that's all.' Ava and Julia had attended the service and eaten dinner with their parents. However they had only stayed for half of hour of tree decorating before leaving to join Hattie and Markus a festive pub quiz being held near to the university campus.

'Well they are a little old for this stuff now and soon they'll have their own trees to decorate.' As he spoke the last few words it suddenly dawned on Jonny just what was wrong with his wife. He released one of Jac's hands and gently cupped her face, running his thumb affectionately along one of her striking cheek bones. 'I wondered why you'd been all quiet recently. You've got the beginnings of empty nest syndrome haven't you?'

'I never expected to feel like this' Jac looked into Jonny's eyes 'and I know its ridiculous before you say anything.'

'No its not' Jonny smiled 'its actually really sweet and totally normal.' He leaned forward and kissed Jac's forehead 'you know you're going to be seeing Ava all the time right? I doubt she'll ever properly move out of here. You know she wants us to keep her bedroom exactly as it is so she can stay over?' Jonny laughed, pleased when Jac laughed with him. 'I told her, she's on our land, she couldn't live any closer to us, she has no need to stay over. And do you know what she said?'

'No' Jac answered softly.

'I don't want Auntie Jac to get lonely when you're working the night shift.' Jonny chuckled, pulling his wife into his arms. 'So of course then I had to say yes to keeping her room exactly as it is didn't I?'

'You always were a push over with her. Had you wrapped right around her little finger by day one' Jac allowed herself to relax in her husband's embrace. 'What about Julia though?'

'Well that one will be messaging us all day and skyping us all night, you just wait.' Jonny kissed the top of Jac's head 'I bet she'll be staying over in her old room just as much as Ava does. And she'll be wanting her Dad's amazing roast dinners every Sunday so don't think we won't be seeing her because we will.'

'I guess I just feel sad that this part of our lives is over' Jac tried to explain how she was feeling.

'Pah, its not over, its just different that's all. You need to think about all the stuff we're gaining now they're older. Our family is growing for a start; Markus and Hattie aren't bad additions if you ask me. Plus with them moving out we can do stuff like walk around the house naked, have conversations about medical stuff with Ava passing out every five seconds or I can play the piano without Julia correcting me constantly. We can make love in any room we fancy, as loudly as we like! And we can just take off on holiday with limited planning needed; no need to worry anymore about who's taking care of the girls.'

'I guess so' Jac chuckled.

'Och, and I can't wait for the grandkids to start arriving' Jonny grinned 'I can imagine you being the coolest granny there is. The best bit is we'd get to do all the fun stuff without any of the actual parenting.'

'Hopefully they don't start arriving too soon, I want Ava to live a little first' Jac still smiled thought of a little person to cuddle and tell stories to.

'Of course but she's a mother already and you know it. I can tell from how she is with Mo's twins she'll excel at motherhood' Jonny squeezed her tightly before letting her go, getting to his feet to finish the task they'd started. He picked up the angel and passed it to Jac. 'You'd better wrap her back up to keep her safe for me. Maybe this year we should start a new tree topper tradition.'

'Are you sure?' Jac hesitated to take the Angel from him.

'I'm sure' Jonny smiled as she took the ornament safely into her hands. 'I think we need to mark the start of this new chapter in our lives.' He fetched the pretty gold wire star and positioned it on top of the tree. 'Well now, what do you think of that Mrs Naylor-Maconie?'

'I think I'm very lucky to have married you Mr Naylor-Macoine' Jac smiled innocently at him. 'And I knew you'd see sense about that garish angel in the end.'


	11. chapter 11

Ava woke up to the sound of Amanda bustling about in the kitchen downstairs. It was Christmas day morning and Ava knew Amanda would soon be yelling for them all to wake up for breakfast. In the Holsen-Self household you had breakfast before any presents were opened. She thought it would be strange not being at her own home on Christmas day morning but it had easily become part of her Christmas day tradition; they spent the morning at Markus's house and then the afternoon at Ava's. Sometimes their families would merge causing good hearted chaos. Since Markus and Ava's relationship had developed into a sexual one they had rarely spent one night apart. Even if they weren't making love the couple simply couldn't stand to sleep with the other side of the bed empty.

She remembered once telling Auntie Jac that sex seemed like a disgusting thing. Her aunt had laughed as she told her that she probably wouldn't always feel that way and actually if you're with a person you love it was a beautiful thing. Ava now knew what she meant. Markus had been hesitant at first with exploring sex, being older than Ava he hadn't wanted to take things to the next level until Ava was legally able to consent. She loved that about him; how caring he was towards her. At the time though it had frustrated her, her body constantly feeling things as he touched and kissed her that were so wonderful and unexpected. She remembered the first time they'd had sex a few days after her sixteenth birthday. They'd both been nervous but after having waited so long it had felt so amazing and right, their bodies finally connecting for that first time.

They would go through phases her where they couldn't keep their hands off each other, wanting to feel the startling surges of emotion they could give each other. Last night had been no exception and her naked body was still entwined with Markus's. 'Markus' she whispered his name softly before kissing his lips gently. She watched as his eyes slowly opened.

'Merry Christmas my beautiful Ava' he spoke sleepily to her.

'Merry Christmas' she smiled back at him before kissing him. 'Don't you just love Christmas?!.'

...

'I love you Ava Naylor-Maconie' Markus whispered in her ear as they waited for his mother to finish talking to the Reverend. The Christmas day service was important to Ava and therefore it was important to Markus. 'Do you remember our first kiss on that pew over there?'

'Of course I do' Ava looked up at him and smiled. 'Look us now, in a committed relationship, ready to get married.'

'It was during our first kiss that I'd made up my mind that I was going to marry you' Markus smiled back.

'We're lucky aren't we?' Ava grinned at him 'I can't imagine my life without you in it.'

'Ava, Mo wants to know if you're eating at our house or Amanda's this year?' Julia spoke as she walked up to them.

'Amanda's' Ava answered before laughing 'Oh look Ollie is making Auntie Jac hold the baby!'

They watched as Jac was forced to cradle the child, Oliver Valentine clearly wasn't going to take no for answer. 'Do you think he's asked her to be godparent yet?' Markus chuckled.

'I hope we're around when he does' Ava answered mischievously 'we all know Auntie Jac is a staunch atheist and only comes to these services because of us. Speaking of which how did Hattie like her first Christmas service?' she asked her sister. 'She kept looking over at you the whole time you were playing piano.'

'I think she enjoyed it.' Julia grinned 'Reverend Alice seems to like her too, hopefully she'll want to come to a few more of these sorts of things.'

'Kids, are you ready to go?' Amanda called out to her clan.

'We'll see you later' Ava gave her sister a quick hug. 'Can't wait to beat you all at Pictionary!'

'I still say you should be banned from playing that' Julia laughed 'being a genius artist gives you more than an unfair advantage over the rest of us.'

As Ava ran over to say goodbye to her Auntie and Uncle she felt a rush of gratitude, not just for her luck to have Markus, but also for being part of her family all of whom loved each other unconditionally.

'We'll see you later Pumpkin' Jac breathed as she hugged her tightly. 'Have fun at Amanda's.'

'I love you Auntie Jac, see you after lunch' Avs grinned happily before rushing back to join Markus.

'Well she is certainly full of the joys of Christmas this morning' Jonny chuckled as he watched his daughter take hold of Markus's out stretched hand 'To be young and in love hey?'

'Its good to see her happy' Jac agreed, taking hold of her husbands hand. 'That's all Jasmine ever wanted for her, just for her to be safe and happy.'

...

'So you've discovered my hiding place' Jac spoke to Hattie as she found her sat on the stairs.

'I was just having a breather for a couple of minutes' Hattie smiled as Jac sat down a few steps below her 'are your Christmases always like this?'

'What hectic, noisy, no end to food and random guests appearing out of nowhere?' Jac rolled her eyes 'unfortunately yes. Every year Jonny promises me that we'll have a quiet one next year and then every December 25th it's like a grotto has exploded inside my house.'

'I kind of like it' Hattie grinned.

'I like seeing the girls enjoying it' Jac admitted 'but I'm not great at dealing with a whole load of people all in the same space.'

'Julia said you're not a huge fan of Christmas.'

'I like it more than I used to. When I was a kid there wasn't much to celebrate. It's different now' Jac shrugged. 'So you're not missing Christmas at home then?'

'A little, I mean a drunk Uncle Richard giving inappropriate answers to the quiz is always good value and my Auntie Samantha's Christmas pudding is pretty amazing.' Hattie looked down at her hands 'I'm not missing my mother's fussing and organising. Or having to dodge questions about when am I going to find a nice young man to settle down with.'

'Your Dad seemed pretty nice to me' Jac spoke of the afternoon three days ago when Hattie's father turned up on their doorstep with Christmas gifts for his daughter. 'He was awfully polite to Julia.'

'That was just nerves' Hattie laughed 'he's actually pretty funny when he's relaxed. I also think it was a bit strange for him to be meeting my girlfriend for the first time. I think he had imagined the whole 'meeting the partner' scenario a little differently.'

'I bet deep down he's always known you've been attracted to women, we did with Julia' Jac spoke gently. 'Its hard for any parent meeting the person who is bumping uglies with their child. I think it doesn't really matter to him whether you're straight or gay or bi or whatever. All that matters is you're happy.'

'Do you really think so?' Hattie looked up, needing reassurance.

'I know so' Jac nodded 'your Dad wants to still be in your life. Why else would he have driven all that way just to see you for a couple of hours? I think you should just give him a chance.'

'I just wish my parents were more like you and Jonny' Hattie admitted. 'I would have been so much happier growing up knowing there was very little I could have done to made you disown me.'

'Well trust me, we've had many fallings out with the girls over the years' Jac shook her head 'we're not perfect parents but we've both experienced life enough to know a person cannot be moulded into something they are not.' Jac looked at Hattie seriously 'Jonny snd I didn't have it easy as kids, we want to be sure our daughters never feel unloved like we did. My mother was a serial abandoner, I never knew where I stood with her. She'd play games with my emotions telling me she loved me one minute and then hated me the next.'

'That must have been awful' Hattie spoke softly.

'Those mind games wasn't the worse thing she ever did' Jac shrugged. 'My point is, I never knew my Dad but I used to imagine him being this super hero who come along to take me away to live with him in a nice house where I'd be warm and fed all time. He'd buy me presents and tell me he was proud of me and I never feel like I was worthless ever again.' Jac reached out and touched Hattie's arm. 'I've not met your mother so I can't judge her but you have a Dad who still wants you in his life, who still wants to get to know you, the real you. Don't push him away because you're angry at your mum.'

'Okay' Hattie nodded.

'So then hadn't you'd better go and call him? Wish him a merry Christmas and all that?' Jac arched her eyebrow sternly.

'I guess so' Hattie nodded before getting to her feet. She carefully turned on the stairs and walked up a couple before looking over her shoulder. 'Thanks Jac, you're really good at advice.'

'Anytime' Jac made herself more comfortable on the stairs now she was finally alone in her hiding place. She closed her eyes briefly, enjoying the few seconds of peace.

'There you are!' Sacha's voice intruded on her solitude.

Jac opened her eyes to see him leaning against the hallway wall, grinning at her.

'What do you want?' she sighed wearily 'I'm not playing charades if that's what you've been sent to find me for.'

'Nope' Sacha laughed 'but I could do with you being on my team for the quiz later, lord knows what will be on it if Markus and Ava have written it.'

'Do I have to?' Jac whined.

'Well no one is going to force you but we all know how unbearable Jonny will be if his team wins' Sacha pointed out.

'Who's on his team?' Jac asked sharply.

'So far he's recruited Mo, Evelyn and Serena. He already thinks you don't want to play so there's no way he'll ask you.'

'Okay, then is the plan. Don't tell him I'm playing and keep topping up Serena's shiraz. Is Bernie playing?' Jac grinned at her friend, she loved nothing more than defeating her husband at stupid games and quizzes.

'I don't know, she's only just got here from her shift, Mo is still feeding her up' Sacha answered.

'Why are still stood here then you idiot? Go and ask her before Mo does!'

'Right I'm on it' Sacha nodded importantly. 'You're ok though?'

'I am genuinely fine and perfectly happy' Jac reassured her friend .

'Good' Sacha stooped down to kiss her forehead. 'because no one deserves happiness more than you Jac Naylor. Merry Christmas.'


	12. chapter 12

**Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)**

Ava smiled contentedly as Markus gently stroked her hair, planting occasional lazy kisses across her prominent cheek bones to her lips. It was boxing day morning and the young couple had made the most of having an empty house for a few hours whilst Ava's parents were working. Their naked bodies were perfectly entwined together post cortical, neither of them wanting to break the moment. 'Have I told you in the last five minutes how much I love you?' Markus whispered teasingly in her ear.

'Disappointingly its been at least ten minutes' Ava teased him back.

'Oh well in that case then I'd better make it up to you hadn't I?' Markus laughed softly before kissing Ava's lips. He moved his kisses lower, paying attention to areas he knew aroused Ava most.

'Markus, Julia and Hattie will be back from their walk at any moment' Ava giggled as his soft lips reached her navel.

'So? The bedroom door is closed' Markus reassured her with a laugh 'besides after you caught them in the shower last week, why should we care if they hear us?

'Urgh don't, I'd just started to be able to block that image out of my mind' Ava groaned 'no one needs to see their sister doing that sort of thing even if they do approve of the person they were doing it with.'

Markus moved back up to Ava's head and kissed her forehead. 'It'll be different when we can finally move into our own house. We won't know ourselves for the privacy.' He kissed Ava's lips, savouring in it. 'I can't wait to marry you Ava' he pressed his forehead gently against hers as their lips parted. 'I can't wait to proudly call you my wife and start a family with you.'

'Me too' Ava looked into his serious brown eyes. 'What if we can't have children?' Ava let her unspoken fear tumble out of her mouth 'I mean we've made all of these plans but my endometriosis...'

'Shh' Markus cut her off by gently kissing her cheek. 'We'll figure it out. You are more than enough for me Ava but I know much you want a family. I'm not stupid, I've seen how much pain you can be in and been to enough hospital appointments with you to know our route to becoming parents might not be easy, but I promise you we'll work it out. Somehow I'll give you the children you want so much. Whether we have them naturally or with IVF or go down the adoption route, it doesn't matter to me so long as you are happy.'

'I love you' Ava whispered.

'Ditto' Markus answered softly.

'You know if we did have a girl first I really like the name Chloe.' Ava smiled.

'Yeah?' Markus broke out into a grin. It was the first time Ava had mentioned baby names, before it had only been him making suggestions. They had spent hours playing make believe about how great their lives we're going to be together but this was the first time Ava had spoken as though a family was a real possibility. Before she would act like they were daydreaming about winning the lottery. Markus had longed for her to talk to him about her infertility fears but hadn't wanted to upset her by discussing her medical condition before she was ready. 'I like that, I like it a lot.'

'Chloe Jasmine Holsen-Naylor' Ava grinned back. 'Or Francis George Holsen-Naylor if we have a boy.'

'Both are perfect. You're perfect.' Markus kissed her lips again. 'Do you fancy maybe eloping and getting married tomorrow instead?' he joked.

'Huh, well I don't think that would make the builders work any quicker on building our dream home' Ava laughed. 'Besides could you imagine the look on your mum's face?'

'Hmm I think right now I'd rather not think about any of our parents' Markus mumbled as he began kissing Ava's neck.

Ava closed her eyes and decided to just enjoy the attention her fiancé gave her. After all she knew how lucky she was to have fallen in love with her best friend. Markus understood her better than anyone. Ava trusted him explicitly, no matter what their future may hold he would always love her.

...

'I'm home' Jac yelled up the hallway as she closed the front door. She kicked off her shoes and hung her coat up on the hook. She observed Jonny's coat was still missing and guessed the ED must still be hellishly busy. It had been a good day on Darwin. Jac had successfully defied the hospital CEO to get a patient into surgery for what was technically a non urgent procedure – something which always managed to put her in a good mood. She could hear the piano being played in the living room and the sound of Ava and Markus laughing together in the kitchen. She was really going to miss coming home to this she thought sadly to herself as she pushed the living room door open. She watched Julia and Hattie playing a duet together for a few seconds before Hattie registered they were being watched and stopped playing, nudging Julia to alert her to her mother's presence.

'That was very pretty, what was it?' Jac asked smiling softly as her daughter turned to look at her.

'Chopin' Julia answered 'You can hear the whole piece later, if a certain someone can get over her nerves at playing in front of other people.'

'Hey, if you'd cried on stage during a piano rectal your mother forced you play in with kids ten times better than you, you'd be nervous about other people listening to you play too' Hattie huffed.

'But other people have heard you play' Jac's eyes twinkled mischievously 'we hear you all the time in this house when you two play together.'

'You're not looking though, that's the important difference' Hattie laughed. 'Besides Julia plays so beautifully it hides all of my mistakes.'

'Honestly I wouldn't play with you if you weren't good' Julia shook her head 'ask Dad, I've not played a piece with him for years.'

' Oh how I do not miss those arguments' Jac laughed softly. 'I'm going to get cleaned up and then hopefully we can have some dinner.'

'Long day?' Hattie asked.

'One of my favourite patients turned up so that kind of made up for having to work today' Jac shrugged 'but yes it felt long because I then ended up trying to cagoule a theatre team together. Hanson was most disapproving that I wasn't prepared to make a patient wait until new year for something that wasn't strictly urgent but if a theatre is empty and the patient needed to be able to fly to visit family on new years eve then why the hell not?' She shrugged at the girls before heading out of the room and down the hall towards the kitchen.

She paused at the doorway to watch Ava and Markus laughing at Markus's predicament at his hands being stuck together by dumpling dough. They reminded Jac so much of herself and Jonny at times. Nineteen might seem young to some people for getting married but when Markus had asked Jac to grant him permission to marry Ava Jac could see no reason to object. Why make them wait when they were so perfectly made for each other? Of course she hadn't told Markus that at the time. Instead she'd made him squirm for a whole hour, questioning him about his intentions for Ava.

'I'm guessing it'll be left over turkey stew without the dumplings for dinner tonight then?' Jac smirked.

'No, I think this may be salvageable' Ava giggled as she tipped a little flour into the bowl. 'Good day?'

'I got theatre time on boxing day' Jac shrugged 'that makes it a pretty good day. What time are we eating?'

'Uncle Jonny just messaged to say he's on his way so about twenty minutes after we've managed to unglue Markus' Ava answered.

'Ok' Jac nodded leaving them to carry on with the dumpling rescue.

'Does that mean she's actually hungry for once?' Markus joked as he worked the flour into the sticky mixture.

'Meh, its not unheard of' Ava shrugged. 'Lets just hope your stew is up to standard to keep her in this good mood' she lightly kissed Markus's cheek. 'So no pressure chef.'

...

As Jac stood under the spray of the shower rinsing through her hair she heard the door the bedroom open and close. A minute later and Jonny had joined her in the ejoining shower room. She could tell instantly he'd had a tough day. 'Hi' she spoke softly as he moved closer to her, into the spray of the shower. She gently kissed his lips before asking 'do you want to talk about it?'

'Couple of teenagers scored some ecstasy tablets of the extremely dodgy verity' Jonny explained as he allowed his wife to envelope him in her arms. He rested his head against Jac's as he spoke 'two nineteen year old girls, one now on HDU and the other in the morgue. What on earth possessed them to do that at Christmas? They had nice families, of the loving, would do anything for them category.'

'Everyone does something stupid at least once in their lives Jonny' Jac spoke softly 'they'd probably taken it before and seen no problem. No harm, no fowl. Didn't think that two different suppliers might not be selling the same drug.'

'I know' Jonny sighed. He held his wife tightly 'I just kept thinking how easily it could have been Ava or Julia. How we've probably thought over and over again the same sentence that the mother of the dead girl said to me 'my kid would never do that.' Except her kid had done it, just for kicks.'

Jac lightly kissed his shoulder 'we've educated our girls well about the dangers of reactional drugs, we just have to hope they follow our advice.'

'Its just so easy for kids these days to get their hands on dodgy stuff though.' Jonny sighed 'there needs to be better education at schools, colleges and especially uni. At that age you think you're invincible – even I smoked weed at 19 and lord knows where that came from. I bet it was as dodgy as hell'

'You did?' Jac spoke with surprise.

'Christ, you really are so vanilla' Jonny chuckled.

'Just because I don't like putting harmful things in my body doesn't make me vanilla' Jac pinched him 'it makes me sensible.'

'Well I still love you, you sensible freak of nature' Jonny kissed the top of her wet hair.

'And I love you' Jac answered him as she continued to hold him. 'I know how lucky we are Jonny, we both know how quickly things can unravel. I love our life with our girls and I trust them to be able to take care of themselves so we never have to face what that family are going through today. I am so proud of both of them. They make me prouder than anything I could have ever achieved on my own.'

'I know you are' Jonny nodded 'you don't need to say it, I just know and so do the girls.' He gently rubbed her back 'You Jac Naylor are my whole world. So you keep on being sensible so you don't leave it ok?'

'Ok' Jac smiled softly before adding 'so long as you promise that too, because you've given me more than a few scares over the years Jonny Maconie.'

'Always, I have no intention of being anywhere but with you.' Jonny kissed the top of her head again. 'What I really want to know is, what did you do to make Hanson so cross?' Jonny asked changing the subject.

'Oh it doesn't matter' Jac loosened her hold on her husband so they could finish showering.

'Well at least one of us had a good day' Jonny rolled his eyes at his wife. 'Never miss a chance to show off your genius do you?'

'My genius has enabled Mr Hewitt to visit his family in time for new year' Jac playfully flicked water in her husbands face. 'Any way I thought my genius was what you loved most about me?'

'Och I love everything about you' Jonny laughed 'especially your stubborn will.'

'Shut up Maconie' Jac laughingly kissed her husband. How she'd ever ended up married to such a good man still eluded Jac because she couldn't think of reason why she deserved him. Yet he'd stayed, even after everything she had put him through he was still here and life was finally more than a little bit good.


	13. chapter 13

_The main plot of the story starts from this point in._ _Thank you for reading. Please review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

As the last few words of Auld Lang Syne were sung Jonny Maconie tapped his glass with a spoon to get everyone's attention. 'I not great at speeches' he began as everyone turned to look at him 'but as everyone knows this year is going to be a rather busy one for this family and its going to be amazing! We've got a house being brought and renovated, another house is in process of being built and of course there is the wedding to look forward too. Now maybe I've just had too much whisky but I just wanted to firstly say how proud of our wee girls Jac and I are.'

'Here, here' Guy called out in agreement, raising his glass to the two girls who were sat cringing on the sofa.

'Thanks Guy' Jonny chuckled. 'Secondly, how pleased we are to have alls of you lot, our slightly crazy adoptive family, to share all of this with. And finally our oldest wee miss turns 20 today! Officially no longer a teenager!' Julia groaned with embarrassment as Hattie grinned at her discomfort, putting a supportive arm around her girlfriends shoulders. 'Our family was only complete once she'd joined it. Nothing makes this old man prouder than hearing her calling me Dad and knowing that this magnificent young woman is truly my daughter. So please raise your glasses to wish us all a happy new year and Julia a very happy birthday!'

As the toast died down Jac gently kissed her husbands cheek and slipped out of the room into the kitchen. She busied herself with stacking the dishwasher wondering how much longer the guests would stay.

'I think I've definitely well and truly embarrassed our daughters.' Jonny chuckled as he brought in some empty glasses.

'As well you might, it is our privilege to embarrass our children' Jac laughed softly as she continued with her task.

'I promise this is the last party we'll hold here for while' he took hold of her hands to stop her from her task. She looked up at him and Jonny could see how weary she truly was. 'Thank you, for letting us host both Christmas and new year this year, I know its really not your thing. It'll be different next year; Mo and Sacha's kitchen won't be being remodelled for a start.'

'Next year will be different because both our children will have moved out' Jac spoke softly. 'You're saying thank you but really I've wanted to keep the girls here for as long as possible, to enjoy what will probably be our last family Christmas all together.'

'Och Jac' Jonny gathered his wife into his arms and held her closely 'as if they're not going to want to come over and spend Christmas with us! You're letting empty nest syndrome rule your head again woman' he kissed the top of her head affectionately.

'Its not just that' Jac mumbled her next confession against his chest 'I've really been missing Jasmine, all this wedding planning makes me remember her. I'm going over and over every conversation we ever had. She died 16 years ago today, and the one conversion I keep going back to, keep turning it over and over in my head is the one when she accused me of stealing Ava away from her.'

'She never meant those words Jac, you know she didn't, she told you as much' Jonny spoke gently.

'I know but I still feel guilty that you and I get to enjoy all the good stuff with Ava when by rights it should have been her.'

'I think you need is a little holiday, just you and me, away from everything. We could hire a wee cottage on the coast somewhere' Jonny spoke soothingly 'get some real rr. What do you say?'

'Maybe. I'll think about it.' Jac closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of being held safely in her husbands arms for a few seconds before she moved out of his embrace. She never was comfortable with affection, especially when they had a house full of people. She gave Jonny a small smile of gratitude, even though she knew he knew.

The guests cheered and applauded as Julia blew out her birthday candles.

'So do you have birthday cake every year at one AM or this a particularly special occasion?' Bernie Wolf asked as Julia handed her a plate with large slice of iced lemon cake upon it.

'Maybe not every year' Julia chuckled 'but there has to be some perks to being born on new years right?'

'Oh absolutely.' Bernie nodded, 'don't you agree Serena?' she looked to her right to find her partner had fallen asleep beside her. 'Honestly I can't take her anywhere' Bernie chuckled before nudging her awake. 'You're missing out on lemon birthday cake at the most unsuitable hour' she informed the brunette as she awoke with a start.

'Goodness, well that does look good.' Serena sat herself up straight as she accepted the plate from Julia. 'Markus better get here swiftly or there'll be none left' she joked.

'He's on his way' Amanda informed the room with a smile 'apparently the meteor shower was amazing and we should all be sorry we missed it.'

'Huh well not after the last time he conned me into standing in cold wet field with his nerdy friends.' Ava commented. 'It went cloudy about ten minutes after he'd set his telescope up and we didn't see a thing. He'd had a great night out though. Wouldn't shut up about it for weeks' Ava rolled her eyes.

'And yet you're still marrying him' Amanda laughed as she put her arm around Ava and gave her a quick hug. 'You can't say you're not fully forewarned of my son's various hobbies and interests.'

'It is a good job I fell in love with him before he became such a big physics freak really' Ava joked back 'I think you can forgive almost anything when you love someone.'

'True enough' Sacha spoke as he sat down next to them. 'Jac come and squeeze in here next to me' he called over to his best friend as she was instructing Mo to cut her the tiniest silver of cake. 'I want to hear all of your latest developments on the Amelia device.'

'Och get her started on that and you'll never get her to shut up' Jonny joked as he finished cramming the wrapping paper from Julia's birthday presents into a bin bag.

'Maybe its boring to those with limited intelligence' Jac retorted as she squeezed onto the end of the sofa 'but to medical geniuses like myself and Sacha it just doesn't get any more interesting.'

' I think that's the first compliment you've given me for over six months' Sacha chuckled. 'We must make a note of the time and date.'

'I would have thought Markus would be here by now' Amanda spoke anxiously as she checked her watch. Most of the guests had left and it was just Amanda and Guy remaining.

'He's probably just got caught up chatting to his friends' Jac spoke reassuringly from where she sat on on the sofa gently smoothing Avas auburn hair. The holiday season had clearly caught up the young redhead as she lay sleeping resting against her aunt. The doorbell rang just as Jac finished her sentence and she chuckled as Amanda's face relaxed.

'See that'll be him now' Jonny got to his feet to answer the door. 'Someone better get the kettle on for him, bet he's frozen.'

As Hattie went into the kitchen to put the kettle on they could hear muffled voices in the hall.

'That's not Markus' Amanda frowned. She was already on her feet before Jonny had calmly called out her name. As she stepped out into the hall she saw two uniformed police officers. She'd never know just how she knew in that moment but the words came out of her own mouth so matter of fact; 'my son is dead isn't he?'


	14. chapter 14

_Thank you for the amazingly supportive reviews. I apologise for what's about to unfold - I promise I do have a plan for this story so the ending won't be as harrowing!! Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts because they really do help to keep me motivated :-)_

Jac watched over her niece as she lay sleeping. The scene that had unfolded in her living room just five hours earlier had been the most heart-breaking thing she had ever witnessed.

At first Ava had refused to believe the news, convinced the police officers had got it wrong. It couldn't be Markus involved in the crash, it just simply couldn't. One of the officers had handed Ava Markus's wallet and she riffled through it, looking for evidence that it didn't belong to him. When she'd pulled out a strip of photo booth photographs of the pair of them goofing around she had stopped still, frozen to the spot just starring at them. 'I need to see him, I need to see him now!' she had demanded. Their reassurances that she could see him later, once he was in the morgue, did nothing to calm her. She became unreasonable, sobbing and yelling that if they let her see him this instant she could tell them that they'd made a dreadful mistake. His wallet must have been stolen, that's what's happened, it wasn't him. She could tell them that, if only they would take her to see the body. When Jonny had gently told her that Markus's body was evidence and hadn't yet been removed from the scene, Ava had dropped to the floor, angry guttural cries now filling her. In end it had been Amanda who had calmed her, gathering her into her own arms. Amanda had spoken softly over and over again that they had to accept it, as much as they didn't want to, they needed to accept that Markus was gone. After Ava had quietened they had sat on the floor sobbing together for over quarter of an hour before Amanda had broken the embrace softly speaking that she had to return home now, the twins needed to be told. She had wiped Ava's tears with her fingers, making promises that they would go and see Markus together just as soon as they could.

Jac taken Amanda's place as she left with Guy and the police officers. She had held Ava in her own arms, kissing her forehead as the silent tears flowed down the young woman's cheeks. Jac knew there were no words that could make Ava feel better in this situation but she said them over and over again anyway; 'its okay, I'm not letting you go Pumpkin, I'll always love you and I'm never leaving you.'

Eventually Jonny had suggested that perhaps Ava might be more comfortable if she had a lie down on her bed. The young girl had briefly nodded and it had taken both Jonny and Jac to help her to her feet and up the stairs. Jac stayed with her, lying next to her and stroking her soft auburn hair until exhaustion had finally claimed Ava forcing her to sleep. Jac hadn't dared to close her own eyes in case Ava woke up and needed her.

How on earth a nineteen year old was meant to process this loss Jac had no idea. Ava and Markus had known they wanted to be together right from when Ava was 12 and he was a gawky 15 year old. They had bonded over their extraordinarily high IQ's, understanding each other completely and always at ease in each others company. When Ava was 15 Jac had allowed them to date properly, preferring to know what was happening in Ava's life rather than banning them from seeing each other. Even then Jac knew they loved each other in such a way that was unexplainable and they had been lucky to find it so young. Now though of course Ava was experiencing the price of that love; the grief of profound loss. It angered Jac that her little girl had to experience it so soon, that Ava would now only have the bitter taste of what should have been instead of the memories of a lifetime spent together.

Markus had spent a lot of time in this house; he had all but officially moved in. Jac had become used to his presence, his calmness during family rows was one thing she particularly liked about him. He had an ability to see everyone's point of view and understand their differences. Jac had lost count of the number of times he had pacified Ava and broken through her stubborn will. Markus had also been a excellent chess player, there was always a game on going game between him and Jac on the chess board set up in Jac's study. Their longest game had taken them over three months, every move painstakingly thought over. Jac would also miss talking to him about physics, seeing the way he'd get excited about some new discovery or development. He always told Jac first, knowing she'd understand everything he spoke about and not just fain interest like his own mother would do. Ava would listen in on these conversations and occasionally get a little jealous - why didn't he talk to her about his work like that? They would tease her together then, Jac saying Markus was like the son she'd never had, he made her so proud and Markus pointing out perhaps if Ava didn't look so obviously bored then maybe he would do.

Jac knew however much she felt a pang at the loss of Markus from her life it was nothing compared to what Amanda was going through. Markus adored his Mother and would do anything for her and his sisters. He had become the man of the house the day his dad left and developed into such a strong and caring young man as a result Jac could see why Amanda always shone with pride whenever she talked about her son. He was, or had been, a true gentleman and Jac had never had any reason to not trust him with Ava's heart.

Jac was struggling to understand how this sudden loss of life had happened. Markus had been a such good driver, always sensible and safe. Jac knew he would never touch one single drop of alcohol before getting behind the wheel, he was well aware of the dangers. There were a million and one questions in her mind and she knew she wouldn't rest until she understood the full story that led to Markus's death. She wouldn't be able to rest until there was justice for him and his grieving family. As she watched Ava sleeping Jac silently vowed to her that whoever had caused her this unbearable pain would pay dearly for it, Jac would make sure of it.


	15. chapter 15

_Thank you again for the supportive reviews. Please keep letting me know your thoughts and thank you for reading :-)_

Julia could hear her parents having a heated discussion in her mother's study about whether or not Ava should go and view Markus's body today. Jonny seemed to think it would do her some good, start the healing process. In contrast Jac couldn't see what possible benefit it would have to Ava to see her fiancé's battered corpse.

Julia walked up the stairs, pausing on the landing outside Ava's partiality open bedroom door to see if her parents voices could be heard from there. They couldn't but if her mother started throwing things then Ava would definitely know something was up.

'Julia?' Ava spoke croakily from inside the room. Julia pushed the door fully open to see her sister laid on her side, her eyes swollen and puffy.

'Hi' she spoke softly. She paused awkwardly before saying 'I don't really know what to say.'

'Its ok I don't either' Ava wiped at another tear as it leaked out of her eye. 'I just can't believe this is real.'

'Is there anything I can do?' Julia asked as she walked into the room and sat on the end on the bed.

'Just sit with me' Ava closed her eyes before speaking. 'Amanda phoned to say they went to identify the body. Apparently Markus is pretty smashed up, he had a severe head injury. Guy reckons it would have been quick, he wouldn't have suffered.' Julia shuffled up the bed to lay down next to her sister, gently stroking her long auburn hair. Ava continued to talk with her eyes closed 'Amanda said I may not want to see him like that, that it might be better for me to only have memories of him as he was. But she also said if I wanted to go then she would come with me, and hold my hand.'

'So what do you want to do?' Julia asked softly.

'I feel guilty for saying it but I don't want to see him dead and injured' Ava let her voice break with a sob.

'You don't need to feel guilty about it' Julia soothed 'just because you don't go and view the body of a loved one doesn't make it wrong or heartless. Everyone is different in times of grief, you need to do what is right for you.'

'Uncle Jonny thinks I should go, that'll make it sink in and I'll start to feel better somehow' Ava sniffed.

'I doubt there is anything on this earth that will make how you feel right now any better' Julia kissed Ava's forehead. 'Do you think there will ever be a time when you'll regret seeing Markus like that?'

Ava opened her eyes and looked into her sisters pale blue ones. She thought for a moment before answering 'I don't think Markus would want me to see him like that but a part of me feels like I should say goodbye.'

They laid cuddled up together for sometime before Julia finally spoke. 'I know it wouldn't help with the grieving process but would a long soak in a bubble bath maybe help you to relax?'

'Are you trying to tell me I smell?' Ava managed a small watery smile.

'Well there's never any excuse for poor personal hygiene' Julia chuckled.

'Maybe a bath wouldn't be such a terrible idea' Ava sniffed. 'Although you'll have to promise me that you'll let Hattie take you out to celebrate your birthday properly.'

'I couldn't' Julia shook her head seriously 'It would be too weird to sit in a crowded restaurant full of happy people when one of the nicest people I will ever know lost his life today. Besides I don't want to leave you here on your own.'

'I won't be on my own' Ava protested the 'Mum and Dad are here. I think you should still celebrate your birthday. Think how bad Markus would feel if he thought he'd ruined your special day.' She frowned as Julia shook her head 'look Hattie loves you, you idiot, and she had so much planned to celebrate your birthday. So you go and find your girlfriend and tell her you want to do something together, just you and her. You two are made for each other, don't let what has happened today spoil your birthday, make the most of every second you have together.'

'Okay then' Julia lightly kissed Ava's forehead. She got up and went over to Ava's dresser to fetch her make-up remover wipes and a hair brush. 'Firstly, I think we need to remove those panda eyes.' She gently took hold of Ava's hands and helped her to slowly sit up. 'I don't know what brand of mascara you used last night but this is quite the advertisement for it, I can't believe its still on your face' Julia joked before gently wiping at Ava's face, removing the black smudges from around her sisters eyes.

'Thank you' Ava spoke gratefully, already starting to feel a little better from just that one simple act of kindness.

'I know its not really my place to say it but I loved Markus like a brother.' Julia spoke as she gently brushed through the knots that had formed in Ava's long auburn hair.

'No, you can say that. He saw you like another sister so its not weird at all. We've all lost him, not just me and his mum' Ava sniffed.

'I guess Markus got to know us all pretty well and we him huh?' As Ava didn't answer Julia guess she was fighting against her tears. 'I might be wrong but the Markus I knew wouldn't want you to wallow. He'd want you to have a good life, to achieve anything you want and make him proud.'

'I know' Ava spoke through a sob. 'Its just that I can't do any of it without him. I was going to finish my masters as Mrs Holsen-Naylor, we were building that house together and my business was his idea. How can I possibly live that same life without him telling me everything is going to be ok or celebrating with me?'

'I'm not saying its going to be easy' Julia spoke softly as she continued to brush Ava's now smooth hair 'how could it be? But you've still got us to be your cheerleaders and we'll support you with whatever you want to do. So you just remember, even when things feel impossibly tough, Markus wouldn't want his death to be the end of the Ava he knew, or to define you.' Julia wrapped her arms around her sister 'I guess I'm just trying to say, please just don't give up on living because we all love you.'

...

'Uncle Jonny?' Ava was sat next to her uncle on the sofa, her head resting against his shoulder.

'Yes princess?' Jonny muted the TV. Neither of them were really watching it anyway, it was merely something to look at.

'If I did visit Markus would I have to look at his body?' Ava spoke quietly.

'Of course not, we can ask for him to be covered over' Jonny answered gently. Having spoken with Guy Jonny knew Markus was in a bit of a state and none of them wanted that to be Ava's last memory of him. Whilst he was supportive of Ava's decision not go to the morgue , Jonny still thought it would be good for Ava to say a few last words to Markus in private before the funeral.

'Could we go tomorrow?'

'Of course we can, I'll call them first thing.' He gently kissed the top of Ava's head.

'Uncle Jonny?'

'Yes princess?'

'I can stay here forever with you and Auntie Jac can't I?'

'Of course you can Ava, forever and ever.'


	16. chapter 16

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

Hattie held Julia's hand lightly in hers as they sat in the concert hall together . They had decided to cancel the pre concert dinner reservation but still attend the new years day performance. Her girlfriend looked stunning in a long dark green dress, her blond hair loose and slightly wavy. They both felt sad at the loss of Markus, neither of them really have properly digested the news. Sat in the warm hall at St George, listening to the Bristol Concert Orchestra playing Wagner was a welcome relief to the sad reality at home. As the piece ended Hattie let go of Julia's hand so they could applaud along with the rest of the audience. Hattie looked at her girlfriend, pleased to see a soft smile on her face. Julia's love of classical music had surprised Hattie, it hardly seemed to fit with Julia's biker girl image. Yet the music soothed Julia, and it had been the one constant thing throughout her life that was solely hers and not defined by her horrific childhood.

'What?' Julia laughed softly as she caught Hattie looking at her.

'Nothing' Hattie smiled 'I was just watching you and thinking about how much I love you.'

'That's cute' Julia blushed a little. 'I love you too, thanks for bringing me here, I know its not really your sort of thing.'

'Actually I'm quite enjoying it' Hattie laughed 'who knew classical music could actually feel emotional when its not being rammed down your throat by an overbearing mother?' she reached out a tucked some lose strands of Julia's hair behind her ear for her. 'Sitting here with you just makes me realise how much I want to spend my whole life with you Julia Naylor-Maconie.'

'I want that too' Julia smiled.

'I think we should get married' Hattie blurted out.

'You what?' Julia stuttered, just as the conductor picked up her baton ready to start the next piece.

'I want to marry you' Hattie repeated .

As the music started Julia sat in silence, pulling her hand away from Hattie's when she tried to hold it. She wanted to leave the room but knew it would be rude to do so whilst the orchestra were still playing. She waited, seething slightly, until the piece ended. She joined in with the applause and then scooped up possessions as she got to her feet. Before Hattie knew what was happening, she was walking down the aisle, apologising to people as she squeezed past them on her way to the exit.

'Julia, wait!' she could hear Hattie anxiously calling after her as she marched through the lobby. The long skirt of her dress and her heels where hampering her from making a quick escape and she knew that Hattie dressed in sensible trousers and flats would soon gain on her. She stopped at the door and turned to glare at her girlfriend.

'I'm sorry I've upset you but I've got no idea what I've done' Hattie explained, slightly out of breath.

'You only want us to get married as a reaction to Markus's death' Julia spat out. 'To ask me just like that was all wrong and disrespectful to Ava and Markus.'

'Okay yes' Hattie spoke calmly 'maybe my asking you, on a complete spur of the moment, to marry me is a reaction to the news we had today. But its because its made me realise how ridiculously fragile life is. I don't want to wait, I don't see the point.'

'We've barely known each other for a year.' Julia wiped angrily at the tear which rolled down her cheek.

'And yet you know me better than the people I've spent my whole life with' Hattie ran her fingers through her cropped hair, frustrated by this sudden mood swing. They had been happy just mere moments ago. ' You say that you love me, that you want to spend your whole life with me. For christ sake we're moving in together in a couple of months! Why does the idea of marriage spook you so much?'

'Because its all wrong, your timing is all wrong' Julia's voice broke with a sob. 'How would it be fair to feel happy and plan for the future when Ava and Markus can't anymore?'

Hattie gathered Julia into her arms making soothing noises 'I know this morning was a huge shock, and its so unfair. All I can keep thinking is why Markus?'

'Ava is so lost and distraught, I can bear it' Julia sniffed, resting her head on Hattie's shoulder. 'To see her in that much pain and to not be able to fix it is awful.'

'Hey, you did great with her this afternoon' Hattie spoke reassuringly. 'She looked ten times better when we left this evening. Even managed to eat the beans on toast I'd made her.'

'I told her not to stop living' Julia spoke through her tears. 'Mum and I have more in common with our childhoods than you think. She has this habit of withdrawing when things are bad and she'll refuse to eat. Just before they adopted me, mum was even hospitalised because of it. I won't let Ava do that, I just won't.'

'We'll support her together, I promise. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to have your whole life ripped away from you. But I promise you your sister will be okay.' Hattie squeezed Julia tightly 'from what I've seen of you and your mum, your family is tough and you lot can make it through anything.'

'About the whole marriage thing' Julia managed to compose herself. 'I'm not saying no, its just...'

'Pick a better moment?' Hattie chuckled

'Yes' Julia agreed with a soft laugh.

'I'm sorry I should have thought. Hardly being sensitive was I? We really can't be organising a wedding when poor Ava...' Hattie let her voice trail off.

'Exactly' Julia was pleased Hattie appeared to understand. 'I'm sorry for over reacting.'

'No it was my fault. Do you just want to go home?'

'No, could we just maybe go for a drive or something?' Julia lifted her head to look deep into Hattie's eyes 'I just want to be alone with you for a bit longer.'

'Sure' Hattie smiled softly.

'I do love you, you know.'

'I know you do' Hattie kissed Julia's forehead 'what if we pick up some kind of fattening dessert from Marks and Spencer and the drive up to look out point to eat it under the stars?'

'Sounds perfect' Julia sighed as she put her hand in Hattie's. 'The next time you propose I promise I'll say yes.'

'Oh so its down to me is it?' Hattie teased as she pushed open the door to the cold night air 'just because I'm slightly older and wiser than you, there's no reason why you can't pop the question when you're ready.'

'You actually make a very valid point' Julia laughed. They walked hand in hand down the street together, trying not to mind the cold. They were lucky, and Julia knew this. They just had to hope that it would always be this way and nothing would ever part them.


	17. Chapter 17

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'You'll stay with me won't you?' Ava spoke urgently to her uncle whilst they waited to be called into the Chapel of rest.

'Of course I will, I'll be with you the whole time.' Jonny took hold of Ava's hand and squeezed it lightly 'this won't be as scary as you think, I promise.'

'I just feel bad for Amanda, having to identify him' Ava's stomach was tied up in knots but deep down she knew if she didn't at least visit Markus, just to say goodbye she would regret it.

'Markus is all ready for you now Ava' the kind receptionist who had greeted her reappeared.

'Come on then princess' Jonny gently squeezed Ava's hand.

She nodded, fearing if she spoke she really would be sick. They walked into a room with cream walls and a beige carpet. Ava looked determinedly down at her feet. She heard the door click close behind them and she took a deep breath before looking up. As promised the lid to the wooden casket was closed. 'Its cold in here' Ava mumbled.

'It has to be' Jonny spoke quietly. 'Do you want to go a bit closer?'

Ava shook her head. 'I don't really know what to say.'

'You just say what's in your heart' Jonny suggested. He watched as Ava looked back down at her feet. His heart was breaking for her, he had no idea what this must really feel like. He had come close to losing Jac once. It had been seconds of pure agony until the surgeon got the bleed under control and the monitors had returned back to there rhythmic beeping. Those seconds had felt like a life time with Jonny praying to every God he think of. When Jac had come around she told him to stop being so melodramatic and simply rolled her eyes at his description of his fear. He let go of Ava's hand and moved closer to the coffin. 'Hi Markus' he spoke softly. 'We've come for a visit.' He reached into his pocket and pulled out the chess piece Jac had pressed into his hand just before they had left the house. He set it on top of the lid, observing it to be the white queen. He let out a soft laugh. 'Jac told me to tell you checkmate. She would have come herself but you know what she's like; can't stand emotional goodbyes.'

'Do you really think he's listening?' Ava spoke quietly as she moved to stand next to her uncle.

'I guess no one will ever really know but I like to think so. His spirit has to hang around somewhere doesn't it? I mean before it goes off to a better place...' Jonny let his voice trail off feeling slightly foolish.

'That's a nice thought' Ava nodded.

'Maybe, but don't tell your Auntie Jac, she already thinks I'm nuts as it is.' Jonny joked.

'So then why did she give you that chess piece?' Ava spoke softly. She stood in silence for a couple of minutes before speaking 'I keep remembering the last conversation I had with him that afternoon. I asked him if he was wearing his thermals. He was in a rush because he was running late, it had taken him ages to find some chart he'd wanted. It had been at our house but he'd spent a whole hour looking for it at his. He'd laughed and said his mum had asked him exactly the same question. He kissed me then, just a quick kiss on the lips and then rushed back out the door calling out that I'd better save him some cake. He didn't even give me time to say I would. So I messaged him. I messaged that I wouldn't make any promises about the cake and that I loved him. He'd answered about an hour later to say he'd made it safely to the pub, that he loved me too and that he was sorry he hadn't said it before he had left. He told me to have a good time at the dinner party, and called me his beautiful Ava. I'll see you in the new year my beautiful Ava. Our year.' Ava put her hands in the pockets of the grey wool coat she was wearing. Her fingers found a hard lump of sea glass they had picked up off the beach during their last visit there in the autumn. She felt along is smooth edges with her fingers, tracing its wonky heart shape. Markus had presented it to her on a bended knee. 'I give you my heart' he had joked. 'Good' Ava had replied. 'Because you already have mine.'

'I didn't reply to that last message. I meant to but then Mo turned up and I joined her in the kitchen helping her to cook dinner for everyone. If I'd had known I would have found just two measly minutes to tell him just how much I loved him. How he was my entire world.' She withdrew the hand that held the sea glass from her pocket and placed the cloudy white heart shape next to the chess piece on top of the coffin. 'How on earth am I meant to go forward without you Markus?' She let her tears roll down her cheeks 'you promised you would never leave me. I want to ask you what I should do about the house or the business or the masters course. But you're gone and I'm alone. I don't even know how to be alone. You've always been there as my partner in crime, supporting me constantly. I don't understand why this happened but I know without a seconds doubt that it wasn't your fault because you would never had meant to leave me. There's awful part of me that hopes the driver of the other car, the drunk idiot who did this, is really suffering. I hope he suffers everyday of his pathetic life for what he's done to you. Because he hasn't just taken away your life, he's taken mine too.'

...

'Hi' Jonny greeted his wife as she walked into the kitchen. Jac set her bike helmet down on one of the breakfast bar stalls before walking over to where he was chopping vegetables to kiss him.

'Where's Ava?' she asked as their lips parted.

'Sleeping' Jonny answered. 'How was it at Amanda's house?'

'Tense' Jac sighed 'Amanda is trying to hold it together for the girls whilst simultaneously organising a funeral and cancelling a wedding.'

'Really? She's bothering with all the wedding stuff now?' Jonny frowned.

'I know' Jac shook her head. 'I told her that it could wait, that you and I could deal with it but she's insistent that she wants to keep busy. I think she's worried that if she stops and lets the grief hit her and she'll never get up again. Meanwhile Amy is moving her stuff back in, doesn't want her mum to be childless.'

'That's kind of sweet' Jonny nodded approvingly.

'Then Isobel announces that she's quitting uni. She can't face going back after losing her big brother.'

'Okay, so then what happened?'

'A massive row, Amanda telling her she's ungrateful, doesn't she realise how much money has been spent on her education?'

'Och, that's not like Amanda, guilt tripping her kids' Jonny looked up at Jac.

'But its not rational Amanda, its grieving Amanda.' Jac explained as though she were talking to a five year old. 'Anyway fortunately Guy arrived home, calmed Amanda right down before consoling Issy. Considering how absent he was in Zosia's life he's remarkably good with those girls.'

'That is quite the afternoon' Jonny shook his head.

'I know. Imagine the drama there will be when biological Dad Jack arrives on the scene. I made my escape as Ollie and Zosh arrived with the baby. I went for a long drive to clear my head a bit.' Jac pinched a piece of raw carrot off the chopping board. 'How did you and Ava get on?'

'I think it did her some good. She was hesitant at first but once she started offloading, she couldn't stop until she wore herself out.' Jonny began slicing mushrooms as he spoke. 'She's grieving and hurting so badly and all I want to do is shelter her from it. Knowing that I can't has got to be the worse experience I've had as a parent so far.'

'I'm glad you went with her. I might not agree with visiting dead bodies but I think you might have been right. In Ava's case anyway' Jac conceded.

'So you wouldn't visit me if I were deceased?'

'Would you know if I did or didn't?' Jac raised an eyebrow.

'Maybe, no one can say for sure' Jonny shrugged.

'Well if there is a sprit afterlife then you have my permission to haunt me' Jac rolled her eyes.

'I know you talk to Amelia' Jonny retorted 'so don't say you don't believe in something.'

'That's different, she was part of me, I grew her' Jac defend herself. 'Anyway, it doesn't feel like I'm talking to her, more like I'm talking about her.'

'Hmmm, yeah you so don't believe' Jonny spoke sarcastically. 'Even Ava saw through your chess piece.'

'I couldn't think what else to do.' Jac shrugged.

'I know, I'm sorry I shouldn't tease.' Jonny softened his voice. 'It was a nice gesture. Ava was touched.'

'Good' Jac nodded. 'I hadn't noticed he'd played his final move until this morning. It wasn't his finest, it took me less than two minutes to figure out how to finish it.'

'You're really going to miss him huh?' Jonny spoke affectionately before confessing 'Ava kept saying that she doesn't know how to live without him. It scares me that she might just shut herself away and give up on life.'

'We won't let her' Jac spoke determinedly. 'We owe it to Markus to make sure that she keeps going, to realise her own potential. Markus loved how talented she is, how could she possibly abandon everything they worked towards as a couple getting her business started?'

'Its not going to be easy Jac, Ava's heart has been savagely broken' Jonny gently reminded her.

'Hearts do mend though Jonny' Jac reminded him 'it might not ever be the same as before, it may be scarred and not as whole as it once was but given time it will heal. Ava will find a way to live through this. She just has to.'


	18. chapter 18

_Thank you for reading. I've had really supportive reviews which is really appreciated. Please keep leaving reviews to let me know your thoughts on this story :-)_

Jac looked through the glass panel on the door to ICU at the middle aged man laid in the bed. It was this man who had killed Markus. Here he was receiving the very best the NHS could offer to keep him alive whilst Markus was no more. Jac noted he was alone, no cards or signs that anyone particularly cared for him. It did little to abate her anger.

'I don't feel that it is appropriate for you to be here Ms Naylor' Mr Hanson spoke firmly from behind her.

'Doesn't it make you angry?' Jac continued look through the glass.

'He is still a patient' Henrick replied matter of fact.

'I loved taking the Hippocratic oath. I loved every word of it. Today I loath it. I feel injustice in the words which once spoke such equality to me.' Jac broke her gaze away from the window and turned to look at Henrik. 'You understand don't you?'

'I think there is something unique about being a parent that makes irrational rational and rational irrational. Your heart is right Ms Naylor but so is your mind. We cannot play God, deciding the fate of others based on our views of them as good or evil.'

'Will he live?' Jac asked.

'It seems likely' Henrick nodded. 'Although if he can live with himself remains to be seen.' He considered Jac for a moment before adding 'it will be far easier to get the justice you seek if you let the CPS do their job Ms Naylor.'

'I know.' Jac nodded.

'Then perhaps you should refocus your attentions in your lab.' He watched Jac nod again. 'Please don't let me find you loitering up here again then.'

She walked away, feeling better that at least someone understood her frustration at being unable to do nothing and the apprehension at relying on others to get it right for you.

...

Ava had snuck out of the house not long after she heard Auntie Jac leaving, having left a scribbled note on the kitchen counter so Uncle Jonny wouldn't worry. She drove herself into St Marys, noticing the only other car in the car park was the old blue ford ka belonging to Reverend Alice. At least that meant the church would be open. Ava walked away from her car and up the gravel pathway to the door. It seemed like a life time ago she had walked hand in hand with Markus down this path, joyous about Christmas and looking forward to roast goose.

She pushed open the heavy door and slipped into the church, trying carefully to close the door quietly behind her. Her foot steps echoed on the flag stones as she walked down the aisle. She knelt down before the large wooden cross, looking up at the wooden effigy of Jesus sacrificing his life for mankind. 'You have a real thing for new years don't you?' Ava spoke aloud. 'I don't know if its me you have a grudge with or not but to take away both my biological mother and my future husband from me on the same day albeit 16 years apart is slightly cruel God.' She stood herself back up 'I no longer know if you are real. People say things like its God's will or He has a plan for us all. But what possible good will it do this earth to have removed Markus from it? Did you know that was going to happen? Did you plan it? I feel abandoned by you God' she swallowed down a sob. She turned and walked to the nearest pew, sinking down onto it. 'If you're real then just give me a sign. Just let me know that everything is going to be okay, that you've welcomed Markus to you.'

She stopped talking and waited. The minuets ticked past but Ava didn't move. Instead she closed her eyes, taking in the sounds of the empty church surrounding her and the feel of the hard wooden pew she sat on. She began to feel an odd sense of calm as she focused on her breathing, listening to each intake of breath and then slowly exhaling. The tight knot in her stomach that had been there for the past two days felt less ridged. She slowly opened her eyes. As she refocused to the dim light she spotted a small white feather floating down towards her. She held her breath as she outstretched her hand and the soft feather landed neatly on her palm. 'Thank you' she breathed out softly. She didn't believe anyone's death was part of a plan anymore. Life was a big jumble of a mess and maybe all God could do was try to guide you through it. She closed her fingers, cradling the feather.

'Having a good chat with God there Ava?' Reverend Alice's voice broke Ava from her moment.

'I'm sorry I know its early.'

'Don't be sorry. Being God is a 24/7 type of gig. I doubt he minds.' Alice took a seat next to Ava on the pew. 'I'm sorry about Markus.'

'Its okay' Ava shrugged 'I mean – its not your fault.'

'Strange phase huh?' Alice spoke empathically.

'I just don't know how to answer it' Ava shrugged again.

'His loss will be widely felt, Markus was just one of those people' Alive spoke kindly. 'I have so much to say about him, about what a good person he was, I'm frightened the service may go on forever.'

'Has Amanda chosen a date?' Ava spoke softly.

'She wants you to be involved with the planning Ava. Amanda isn't going to make a final decision without your input.'

'I just can't' Ava looked down at her feet.

'Its unfair. You're too young' Alice sighed heavily. 'Sometimes I don't even think He has the answers.'

'Has God ever communicated directly to you?' Ava asked cautiously. 'Like when you've asked Him for help or something?'

'I wouldn't be sat here if He hadn't' Alice answered with a nod.

'Am I being crazy if I said I think He sent me this?' Ava unfurled her fingers to show Alice the white feather.

'No, you're not being crazy at all' Alice lightly touched Ava's arm. 'How about I put the kettle on? We can at least chat about Him and his ways in the warmth of the electric heater in my office.'

...

Ava took a deep breath before pressing the doorbell to the Holsen-Self house.

'Ava' Amanda smiled as she opened the door. 'I'm so pleased its you. I thought it might be another neighbour armed with a tupperware box.'

'I went to St Marys. Reverend Alice said you didn't want to make the final plans without me' Ava spoke awkwardly.

'Of course not. You were the biggest and best part of his life.' She watched as Ava looked down at her feet. 'I know how unbearably hard this is but we will get through this if we stick together' she held out her hand to Ava and was pleased when Ava took it. 'Why don't you come in for some tea and toast? We don't have to talk about the funeral.'

Ava nodded and allowed Amanda to lead her into the house, the house which was now devoid of Markus. Never again would he race down the stairs to get to Ava before his mother embarrassed him. No more would Ava hear his dodgy music choices being played in the kitchen as he prepared a meal for his family. There would be no more kisses on the doorstep or love notes slipped into her coat pocket for Ava to find later as she searched for her keys. Already this home was suffering from the lack of Markus's presence and there was nothing any of them could do but try to accept it.


	19. Chapter 19

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jac looked wildly around the bar for Ava. She had lost track of her niece around half an hour ago and Jac was becoming increasingly concerned. The funeral service had been emotional. Reverend Alice had been wonderful and Markus's friends and colleagues had such lovely words to say. Ava had clung to both Jac and Jonny's hands throughout it all, hardly breathing, scarcely looking up. Jac knew Ava wanted to be away from everyone but the thought of what Ava might do once alone terrified Jac in a way only a mother could understand.

'If you're looking for your younger doppelganger, she's out in the carpark in our car with Zosh.' Oliver Valentine informed her.

Jac let out a breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding. 'Thank you' she nodded gratefully.

'She'll be fine' Oliver spoke softly. 'I know right now you're terrified that she'll do something stupid in response to her grief but Ava's far to sensible for that.'

'She's just too silent for Ava at the moment' Jac shook her head. 'I'm waiting for the blowout.'

'Ava needs time, that's all' Ollie shrugged. 'She knows she has no choice but to live with this gaping hole where her heart should be but she can't quite figure out how yet.'

'I have never wanted to take away someone's pain as much as I do for Ava right now' Jac confessed.

'If it helps you she said just now that the funeral wasn't as unbearable as she had been expecting.' Oliver ordered two neat whiskeys. 'She reckons if she focuses on her masters course it will help' he held out one of tumblers to Jac and watched as she took a large sip. 'What Ava wishes for the most though is that you'd stop treating her like she's made of glass.' As Jac choked on her drink as Oliver continued 'I know, I was surprised by this too – Jac Naylor being tactful for once. But I guess what Ava really wants is for her dependable guardian to tell her to get a grip when she needs it.'

'I just...well...you know' Jac struggled to voice her feelings before shrugging.

'Yeah I know' Oliver nodded before taking a sip of his drink.

'I want her to talk to me about it, about how she's feeling.'

'But it hurts you to see her hurting' Oliver finished up. 'Like I said I get it.'

'I feel like an inept mother' Jac took another big sip of her drink.

'Doesn't every mother? I must spend most of my day reassuring Zosh she's doing great, Gabriel is fine and no I don't think she looks fat.'

'Still loving that name huh?' Jac smirked.

'Zosh loves it. Plus it does kind of suit him.' Oliver gave a wry smile 'My little Gabe.'

'I do hope you reassure Zosh about her mum tum with a little more conviction than that' Jac rolled her eyes. 'The thing is Amanda can get Ava to talk about Markus so easily. They have a real bond because of him.'

'So you're jealous?' Oliver asked.

'No' Jac tisked 'of course I'm not jealous. Its obvious Ava would want to talk to Markus's mother and Amanda should want to spend time with Ava. Its just I want to help. I want to make things better for my little girl and I can't figure out how.'

'I was watching you with her in the church today. That girl loves and trusts you more than anyone in this world. The reason you can't figure out how to fix this is because this pain Ava is going through cannot be fixed. Even Jac Naylor isn't able to mend this type heartbreak.' Oliver smiled softly at Jac, trying to convey his understanding to her. 'Just hold your little girl close and tell her that you love her. Tell her that she needs to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and she's doing great. Tell her to keep going and you do not let her give up. Whatever you do Jac, do not let Ava hide away from the world.'

...

'Well I'm glad that's that over with' Jac muttered under her breath to Jonny as he helped her on with her coat.

'At least it went as smoothly as possible' Jonny answered in an undertone. 'I managed to keep Markus's Dad away from Ava anyway, I don't want that git anywhere near our wee miss.'

'Certainly not. He made sure to comment loudly that his wedding invite must have got lost in the post when I passed him to go to the loo earlier. I stared him out.'

'Ouch, must have been some death stare if he didn't retaliate' Jonny smirked.

'He knows full well why Markus didn't want him at the wedding.' Jac angrily buttoned her coat 'I still think he should have been banned from today too.'

'He's lost his son Jac' Jonny spoke softly. 'He still deserved the right to say goodbye.'

'Yeah I know' Jac shook her head 'it doesn't make him a better person though.'

'Lets just get Ava home hey? Its been a long day.' Jonny looked over to where Ava was sat with Mo, Sacha and Julia. She was leaning against her godmother, her tiredness evident by her pale face. 'Poor kid. Markus's uni friends were trying so hard to tell her how great he was, I don't even think she registered what they were saying.'

'Do you think she's okay though? I mean you don't think we should be concerned she's getting sick?' Jac looked in the same direction as her husband taking in Ava's pale complexion.

'Its just time she needs' Jonny took hold of one of Jac's hands and squeezed it. 'Considering what she's lost she's doing great.'

'Then why won't she talk to me about him?' Jac sighed.

'Its only been three weeks Jac, she's still processing.'

'She's bottling, Ava never normally bottles. She's like Jasmine was, wearing her emotions on her sleeve, divulging everything.' Jac leaned her head to rest against her husbands shoulder. She watched the way Mo put her arm around Ava, comforting her with a light cuddle as they talked with people leaving the wake.

Jonny kissed the top of Jac's head 'she'll be fine Jac, just let her be.'

...

Jac knocked lightly on Ava's bedroom door before pushing it open. Ava had changed out of her black dress and into a comfortable pair of pyjamas. She was curled up in the rocking chair lazy drawing on a small sketch pad. 'Hey Pumpkin.'

'Hi' Ava lowered her pencil off the sketch pad.

'Uncle Jonny is reheating some of Mo's stew for dinner' Jac informed her niece 'there's sour dough to go with it if you want some.'

'Okay' Ava nodded.

'What you working on?'

'Just doodling' Ava shrugged.

'Okay' Jac nodded. She hesitated for a moment before turning to leave.

'Auntie Jac?'

'Yes Pumpkin?' Jac turned back into the room.

'I know you'll think I'm crazy but I know Markus is going to be okay now.'

'Of course he is' Jac nodded 'and I would never think you're crazy.'

'I had a conversation with God' Ava looked her aunt dead in the eye.

'As do lots of people. That doesn't make you crazy Ava' Jac spoke reassuringly.

'He kind of answered me' Ava fiddled with her pencil.

'In what way?' Jac raised an eyebrow.

'With a feather. I asked him to tell me Markus was with him and he sent me a feather.' Ava studied her Aunts face for any sign of disapproval. 'Reverend Alice said something similar had once happened to her to so I don't think it was just a coincidence.'

'Did it help?' Jac asked.

'Yes' Ava nodded. 'I feel less angry anyway.'

'That's good then' Jac nodded.

'I was worried you'd think I'd cracked up or something' Ava let out a soft laugh.

'Nope' Jac shook her head. 'You have every right to believe what you want to believe.'

'You really are the coolest parent you know that right?'

'It doesn't always feel like it' Jac smiled wryly. 'I've been thinking, I've got a load of photos of you and Markus saved on my cloud. Maybe we could go through them and pick out a few to go in an album? Just so you'll have something you can look at sometimes.'

'I'd like that' Ava nodded, unfurling her body to get to her feet.

Jac held out her hand to Ava and smiled when her niece took it. 'You know I'm proud of you?'

'Yeah I know' Ava kissed Jac's cheek 'and I know you're worried about me.'

'I'll never stop worrying about you' Jac sighed as they walked down the stairs together 'it comes alongside loving you.'

'Thanks for holding my hand today. I almost couldn't bare it.'

'Today I wouldn't have been anywhere else but with you' Jac looked seriously at her niece. 'You can talk to me about anything, at anytime okay?'

'Okay' Ava nodded. 'But can you all just be normal with me? I don't need this family to tip toe around me.'

'Of course' Jac kissed Ava's forehead. 'I promise, we'll do whatever you need.'


	20. Chapter 20

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jonny cheered as Hattie successfully popped the cork on the champagne bottle in the wreck of the kitchen of the officially purchased new home of Julia Naylor-Maconie.

'Well now girls' Jonny held out two champagne flutes so Hattie could fill them 'welcome to your new home.'

'Thanks Dad, without you and Mum this wouldn't have been possible.' Julia beamed 'I can't believe its finally really happened!' It was February and conveyancing had taken far longer than expected. In the end it had taken Jac threatening to pull out of the sale to get things moving.

'Och we're pleased to help you out, you girls are our entire world' Jonny handed a glass to his wife.

'Of course there's still a long way to go before you can actually move in' Jac reminded them gently 'this whole kitchen needs replacing for a start.'

'You're not going to make the builders take an age are you, just so you can keep me at home longer?' Julia joked.

'As if' Jac rolled her eyes ' I'm eyeing up your room as a bigger office.' As Jonny started helping the girls to visualise their idea for an open plan kitchen dinner Jac watched Ava. The young red head had taken a tiny sip of champagne and then visibly paled.

Ava set her glass down in the counter top before declaring quickly 'I'm just going to take another look at the garden.'

Jac followed her niece outside, observing as she did so Ava's body shape had changed a little. She closed the wooden backdoor behind them before speaking 'Ava, when was your last period?'

Ava leaned against one of the redbrick walls, taking a few deep breaths before answering. 'November. I'm guessing it's just the stress of everything.'

'And these moments of feeling sick, do they happen often?' Jac asked softly.

'Not often' Ava frowned. 'Do you think there's something wrong with me?'

'I think we should probably get you checked over' Jac kept her voice calm 'run a few tests.'

'I can't be pregnant if that's what you're thinking' Ava scoffed defensively.

Jac bit back a retort as she pulled her phone out of her pocket 'lets just give Mr T a call, see if he can fit you in today.'

...

'This may feel a little cold' Mr T spoke softly as he squirted some gel on Ava's exposed, slightly distended, abdomen.

'This can't be happening' Ava looked at her aunt. Jac simply squeezed her hand in response, not saying anything, watching Mr T intently as he moved the probe across Avas tummy. 'Please just tell me this isn't real, the tests have to be wrong' Avas voice broke with a sob.

Jac snapped her attention back to her niece. 'Shh, Pumpkin it'll be okay I promise you, we'll do whatever you want' she soothed her, tightening her gip on Ava's hand and brushing her tears away with the other.

'I can't have a baby all on my own, I just can't' Ava wept.

'You're not on your own Pumpkin, I'm right here' Jac stopped speaking as the sound of a heartbeat fill the room. She watched Ava's face as her tears suddenly stopped at the sound of the life growing inside her.

'Well it would seem miracle surprise pregnancies really do run in the Naylor family line' Mr T joked, trying to lighten the mood.

'I really am having a baby?' Ava sniffed as she turned to look at the gynaecologist.

'Yes' Mr T spoke professionally once more, having clocked a seething glare from Jac. 'Going by this scan you are 16 weeks pregnant and the baby looks to be perfectly healthy. Would you like to see?' As Ava nodded he turned the screen around so she could see it.

'How did this even happen? I mean, I'm taking the pill' Ava spoke in wonder as she looked at the grainy image on the screen.

'Well no contraception is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy' Mr T explained 'just ask your aunt.'

'Amelia wasn't planned?' Ava turned to look at her aunt in shock.

'There's no need to look at me quite like that Ava' Jac tisked.

'Its just you're always so control of every little thing' Ava looked back towards the screen.

'Well clearly my body must have wanted to get pregnant or something.' Jac squeezed Ava's hand 'how do you feel about it now?'

'Don't know, it feels weird. I'm going to be a mum.' Ava looked at Mr T 'are you sure the baby is healthy? I haven't done half of things you're meant to do when you're pregnant. I even drank champagne earlier!'

'It was barely a sip Ava' Jac rolled her eyes.

'Everything looks good to me' Mr T chuckled 'don't worry, I'll give you all the information you need so you can do it all by the book from now on.'

'Huh Markus was right' Ava suddenly mused.

'About what Pumpkin?' Jac asked softly.

'Well I was freaking out about whether or not I could have children and he promised that whether we had our own babies or adopted he'd give me the family I wanted' Ava's eyes filled with tears once more. 'I wish he was here, he deserves to be here. I need him! I don't know what I'm doing, I can barely look after myself, let alone a baby.'

'You're going to have so much support Ava, I promise' Jac kissed Ava's forehead. 'That little human growing inside you is yours and Markus's legacy.'

'I know I only met Markus a handful of times but he struck me as a very dependable young man' Mr T spoke kindly as he wiped the gel off Ava's abdomen whilst she had a little cry. 'He would have been an outstanding Dad. But you Ava, you can absolutely bring his baby into this world and give it all the love and care it will need in abundance. Markus would be so proud to know his child will have the most amazing life with you.'

'Do you really think so?' Ava sniffed.

'Of course' Mr T handed Ava a print out of the images of her baby. 'Now we'll book you in for your 20 week scan and if you want you can have a chat with our very best midwife about everything you need to know about pregnancy.'

'Yes, thank you I'd like that' Ava nodded as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. 'Are you this nice to all your patients?'

'Only my favourite ones' Mr T grinned goofily. Before moving over to his desk to consult his diary.

'I still can't believe this is real' Ava looked down at the black and white ultrasound images she held in her hand. 'Are you disappointed with me?' Ava looked up at Jac.

'Why would I be disappointed?'

'Because I'm kind of young' Ava shrugged 'and because this wasn't planned.'

'Well as you now know I'm in no position to judge anyone. Plus when I fell pregnant Uncle Jonny and I weren't even properly together, we were fighting all the time' Jac helped Ava down off the examination table and took the scan pictures into her own hands as Ava buttoned her jeans and straightened her clothes. 'Okay so you're not yet twenty and expecting your first baby but you're hardly a child Ava. Your mother was younger than you don't forget and she pretty much aced motherhood. You're going to be okay.'

'I didn't know that about you and Uncle Jonny' Ava looked her aunt, watching the way she looked lovingly down at the pictures in her hand.

'Yeah well we never did do picture perfect' Jac let out soft laugh. 'I kept the pregnancy from him at first and then I tried to keep him at arms length. I didn't need anyone, I was Jac Naylor, capable of facing anything alone. And your Uncle Jonny, well he tired of my attitude pretty quickly and allowed me to push him away.' Jac shook her head sadly. 'We were both idiots back then. But by the time Amelia was born I realised he and her were my entire universe. More importantly I didn't want to be without him, I need that man like I need oxygen.' Jac smiled sadly as she handed Ava back the pictures. 'This baby was conceived within a loving relationship, and given the circumstances, he or she is a real miracle. I'm sorry you don't have Markus here to enjoy this news with you, and I know I'm a poor substitute, but you're not going to be facing motherhood alone Ava. This baby will born into an entire family just waiting to love it. In that respect you're both very lucky.'


	21. Chapter 21

_Thank you for reading. Please review :-)_

'I still can't believe you didn't tell me you were taking Ava to the hospital' Jonny shook his head as he rinsed off his tooth brush.

'Will you let it go!' Jac answered him with a huff from inside the bedroom 'I was respecting Ava's wishes.'

'I always thought you told me everything' Jonny continued as he walked into the bedroom.

'You know now don't you?!' Jac rolled her eyes as she tied her long hair into a messy bun. On the way back from the hospital Jac had called Jonny and asked him to meet her at Guy and Amanda's house. There they had broken the news so all the grandparents now knew. Ava was still digesting the news so she didn't want anyone else to know but Jac had persuaded her that Amanda deserved to know her son had conceived a child before he died. It was after all a little miracle that gave them all some hope for the future.

'Do you think Guy has got Amanda to stop crying yet?' Jonny asked as he pulled back the covers on their bed.

'It was just the shock that's all. It'll be fine once she's fully digested the news.' Jac sat down on her side of the bed. 'It upset Ava though, she thought Amanda didn't want her to have the baby. Hopefully they can chat tomorrow.'

'I can't believe how calm you're being' Jonny mused as he lay down next to his wife.

'I wasn't calm, I was freaking out when I first put two and two together.' Jac rolled onto her side to look at her husband 'I was keeping it together for Ava's sake but my mind was raging – how could they have been so stupid to get pregnant so young? But then Mr T played the heartbeat and the look on Ava's face was so beautiful. This baby could be exactly what she needs.'

'Every baby is a gift huh?' Jonny smiled at his wife before gently kissing her forehead.

'My grandfather talked a lot of sense' Jac chuckled. 'Okay so she's young but she's got us to help her.'

'You are going to be the most amazing grandmother' Jonny smiled.

'That term makes me feel old' Jac sighed as she moved closer to her husband so he could hold her.

'You Jac Naylor are timeless ' Jonny chuckled as he wrapped his arms around his wife. 'My beautiful wife could never be old.' He kissed the top of her head.

'I hope Julia is okay' Jac spoke worriedly. Determined to spend her first night as a home owner in her property Julia and Hattie had armed themselves with sleeping bags, blankets and Chinese takeout to camp in their new home.

'Och she'll be fine, she's with Hattie' Jonny soothed.

'I know but its a strange house with no heating or hot water' Jac nuzzled her head against Jonny's neck.

'I don't think they care about any of that, they're just excited' Jonny chuckled. 'You remember what it was like, starting out a life together in our first home.'

'Yeah I remember' Jac closed her eyes. 'We were giddy when we got the keys to our first house together. It was going to be our family home.'

'Sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad' Jonny gently rubbed Jac's back. 'Shall I tell you something happy?'

'Sure'

'Today Julia told me that Hattie asked her to marry her on her birthday.'

'What the hell?!' Jac lifted her head up to look at her husband. 'Has our daughter been engaged this entire time and not told us?'

'That is so not what I thought you were going to say' Jonny laughed. 'And no she has not. She said not now. Truly your daughter.'

'Well it is a bit soon' Jac spoke with relief.

'That's more what I thought you'd say' Jonny smiled. 'You like Hattie don't you?'

'She is very hard to object to' Jac rolled her eyes. 'Plus I like seeing Julia happy and confident, Hattie gives her that.'

'Julia thinks that maybe she made a mistake saying no. Maybe there's no need to be cautious. After all if Markus's death has taught us anything its how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away.'

'Well she would make a very beautiful bride' Jac smiled before kissing her husband. 'We should probably set some money aside then huh?'

'Probably wouldn't be a terrible idea' Jonny agreed as Jac lay her head back down next to his, sharing the same pillow.

A quick knock on their bedroom door was followed by Ava tearing into the room.

'Auntie Jac is it true that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage?' Ava waved her ipad in Jac's face.

'What are you reading this stuff for?' Jac frowned as she rolled away from her husband. She took the ipad out of Ava's hand and closed down pages Ava had been reading.

'Ava, sweetheart, you're already 16 weeks, you're past the most risky stage' Jonny spoke gently as Ava sat down on the end of their bed.

'Uncle Jonny is right your risk of miscarriage is now less than 1%' Jac frowned at her niece 'plus Mr T already told you your baby is perfectly healthy.'

'But what about what happened to you?' Ava wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks. ' I bet you thought your pregnancy was perfectly normal until you found out about Amelia's heart.'

'Listen to me' Jac spoke firmly 'that was rare. Ridiculously rare, and yes it was a horrible shock and completely unfair. But today your baby is healthy, and if anything does show on the 20 week scan we'll deal with it together as a family. Torturing yourself with statistics of what ifs isn't going to do you or the baby any good.'

'Okay' Ava nodded as she swallowed down a sob.

'We understand what this baby means Ava' Jonny spoke softly. 'It is a wonderful lasting connection to Markus and this whole journey through pregnancy and childbirth is big and scary. But I promise you've got the most amazing medical team looking after you. Not to mention a medical genius for a mother. You're going to be just fine kiddo, as will that little nugget you've got growing inside you.'

'Do you really think so?' Ava gave a watery smile as she put her hand on her abdomen.

'I know so' Jonny nodded confidentiality.

'Why don't I have a proper bump yet?' Ava asked. 'I don't understand how I can be so far along on not have known, I just thought my belly was a bit bloated from stress.'

'Every pregnancy is different Ava' Jac answered seriously as Jonny laughed. She glared at her husband.

'I'm sorry but I just remember you being so smug that you hardly had any bump at all and then you hit 18 weeks and boom!! There it was, a beautiful round belly full with our baby' Jonny chuckled.

'Unfortunately I carried as though I'd swallowed a beach ball' Jac confessed to Ava. 'Your bump will soon grow trust me. You should probably start shopping for maternity clothes sooner rather than later.'

'Can we go shopping tomorrow maybe?' Ava asked. 'I mean, I know you're busy...'

'No, I'd like that' Jac interrupted quickly 'we can go early, avoid the crowds.'

'I also think that maybe we should we call the builders to start the work again on that project at the end of the garden' Jonny decided to broach the subject for the first time since Ava had refused to have any more to do with the house the day after Markus's funeral. 'You and your baby will always be welcome here and you know you can stay with us as long as you like.'

'But eventually I'll want my own home' Ava added.

'Of course, it would be natural for you want your own space' Jonny nodded. 'I think you should finish the project you and Markus started together for your baby.'

'I was thinking about it too' Ava agreed. 'Even if we don't live in it for ages, I should get it ready.'

'Don't think you'll never be welcome to live here with us though Pumpkin. We're here to help you with whatever you need' Jac added.

'I know' Ava nodded. 'I'm glad the house is at the bottom of the garden. I don't think I would be able to consider it at all if it wasn't so close to you guys. But I think its right I make a home for this baby. Markus would have wanted that.'

'You're going to make him so proud' Jonny smiled. 'So what else has been playing on your mind since the news?'

As Ava talked through her worries and thoughts with her parents Jac's mind wondered to the parenting manual Jasmine had written for her all those years ago. I bet she wasn't expecting any of this Jac mused. Whilst Ava's pregnancy had been unexpected now she had got used to the idea it was wonderful, just like it had been when she'd found out about her own pregnancy many years ago. Somehow a tiny little miracle had occurred, bringing with it more love than Jac had ever hoped to experience.


	22. chapter 22

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

Julia knelt down at the edge of the blow up mattress next to the mound of sleeping bags and blankets that hid Hattie. She gently pulled back one of blankets to reveal her girlfriend's sleeping face. Their first night together in their first home had been intense, their love making being the most intimate it had ever been. How it was possible to love another human being this much as this Julia had no idea and yet she did. She loved Hattie to the point it almost hurt and she had told her this over and over again, sometimes crying, sometimes laughing as she heard Hattie say the same in return. Neither of them were in any doubt that they wanted to grow old together, to live a long full life together.

'It's cold beau' Hattie mumbled. She had started calling Julia the French word for beautiful, preferring this term of endearment over any word in the English language.

'I know its freezing' Julia laughed before kissing her forehead. ' There were about twenty messages from mum on my phone. We need to be back home for eight, they have some sort of announcement to make at breakfast.'

'But its the weekend' Hattie complained with a whine.

'I know but I've said we would now so you'd better get up and dressed. I recommend doing it quickly so you don't freeze to death. Who knew central heating was so essential?'

'I do love you' Hattie laughed opening her eyes. 'Hi' she smiled as she looked into Julia's baby blue ones.

'You were right you know' Julia smiled back.

'I'm right about a lot of things, you're going to have to be a bit more specific' Hattie yawned.

'We should get married.'

'You what?'

Julia laughed at the shocked look on Hattie's face. 'I realised I want every day of my life to be like this, to feel whole and happy. I want to be with the person who last night told me their heart aches for me when I'm not with them, that all they can think about is me and how they can make my life happy. I should spend my whole life with the person who gives me butterflies, makes me feel beautiful and who I can trust to know all my secrets. That person is you. Will you marry me Hattie?'

'Yes' Hattie's face broke out into a huge grin as she sat up. She gathered Julia into her arms and kissed her passionately. 'I promise I'll make your whole life happy Julia Naylor-Maconie, I love you so much' she rested her forehead against Julia's as she let the tears of happiness fall freely down her cheeks.

'I know you will' Julia's own voice cracked with emotion ' I had no idea it was possible to feel like this, but I want to keep it, I want my whole life to be with you.' They held each other for a long time, not wanting to break the moment. Eventually Hattie confessed she was too cold and laughing they broke apart.

...

'So what's this big announcement then?' Julia demanded as she walked into the kitchen of the Naylor-Maconie home with Hattie. Her Dad was preparing breakfast on the stove and her mum and sister were sat at the breakfast bar. The perfect scene of family bliss.

'And good morning to you too' Jac rolled her eyes as she set down her coffee cup.

'Are you going away again?' Julia questioned as she kissed her mothers cheek. 'Or is it the Amelia device? You've won that award haven't you!'

'Give your mum chance to breathe' Hattie laughed as she sat down on one of breakfast bar stools next to Ava 'I've never met anyone so impatient for surprises as you.'

'Its actually not my news' Jac spoke calmly.

'Its mine' Ava smiled as she slid a picture of the ultrasound scan across the table towards her sister.

'Is that a baby?' Julia let her mouth hang open in shock.

'Well that nursing degree is clearly worth every penny' Jac rolled her eyes.

'Congratulations' Hattie beamed at Ava.

'But how...?' Julia looked back down at the picture.

'I'm sixteen weeks' Ava laughed at her sisters disbelief 'how'd you think it happened?'

'You're okay though?' Julia looked back up at her sister.

'Yeah' Ava nodded. 'I was a bit shocked at first but now it feels right. Its like I have the most amazing gift growing inside me.'

'I'm going to be an auntie' Julia's face broke into a grin.

'And I'm going to be a Poppy' Jonny grinned back.

'What are you going to be?' Julia excitedly asked her mum.

'Bad question' Jonny laughed.

'I think we'll let the baby decide what it wants to call me' Jac answered with dignity. She returned the soft smile Ava gave her. 'So how was the first night?'

'Freezing' Hattie laughed.

'We've actually got some news ourselves' Julia started to say .

'We decided which counter top we want in the kitchen' Hattie interrupted loudly.

'Well that is good news' Jac looked at the girls quizzically, getting the idea that wasn't all Julia wanted to announce.

'Yes, I thought it would take me ages to make a decision but I knew as soon I saw the one' Julia replied weakly, having gotten the message via Hattie's hand putting pressure on her thigh that they weren't to ruin Ava's thunder today.

'I'm so excited for you both' Ava smiled 'I can't wait to see how you're going change that place.' She reached towards the bowl of scrambled eggs Jonny put down on the table, intending to help herself to a big spoon full when she was stopped by her uncle's hand.

'You can't have those princess' he reminded her gently.

'Risk of salmonella' Jac nodded 'have some bacon and tomatoes instead.'

'See, I'm hopeless at this' Ava suddenly burst into tears 'I don't even know what food might hurt the baby.'

'You're not hopeless' Jonny got to his feet and wrapped his arms around Ava. 'Its been less than 24 hours since you found out your pregnant, there's loads to learn, no one is expected to just know this stuff.'

'I bet Julia and Hattie know you can't have runny eggs' Ava sobbed against her uncles chest

'You're being ridiculous, they're both studying medicine' Jac shook her head.

'I actually didn't know that about the eggs' Julia lied, hoping to make Ava feel better.

'I know you're lying' Ava sniffed.

'Ava honestly loads of first time mums go through this' Hattie buttered a slice of toast 'at least you have a house full of medical boffins so you can ask all the questions you want.'

'See, we're all here to help' Jonny kissed the top on Ava's head. He released his hold from Ava as she nodded. 'Now, you're meant to be excited for today, shopping with Auntie Jac huh?!' Ava laughed softly as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

'We'll pick up some pregnancy books. Much better way of getting the facts than Google' Jac dished herself up some bacon and eggs. 'We'd better eat quickly if we want to get there for when the shops open.'

'Hey Mum, what did you want?' Julia spoke brightly as she stepped into Jac's study having been summoned there via text.

'Shut the door and sit down' Jac crossed her arms.

'Am I in trouble?' Julia frowned as she did as she was told.

'What were you really going to announce at breakfast?' Jac asked.

'Oh' Julia suddenly blushed and looked down at her hands.

'Well?'

'Hattie and I are engaged.'

'Congratulations.' Jac smiled as Julia looked up.

'You're not mad?'

'Nope.'

'You're not going to say we're too young or its too soon?'

'No' Jac shook her head. 'I have never seen you blossom this much since you met Hattie. Hold on to her, don't let her get away.'

'Well I'm glad you approve' Julia laughed.

'Did you get her a ring?'

'No, it was kind of a spontaneous thing.'

'Has she got one for you?'

'No' Julia shrugged 'all our money is going into buying stuff for the house.'

'I thought as much' Jac slid her bank card across the desk towards Julia. 'You remember my pin number?'

'Yeah but...'

'You've got a budget of £2000 to buy rings' Jac bit back a laugh at the look of surprise on Julia's face. 'Consider it our engagement present.'

'That's so generous but you've done so much helping me buy the house and paying for the kitchen' Julia looked down at the card.

'You're my daughter of course I'd help you to have somewhere nice to live' Jac shrugged. 'Besides how much do you think I'm now going to spend spoiling Ava and the baby? Take the card and go and have fun ring shopping with Hattie. We'll talk about the wedding budget over dinner tonight.'

'You'd help us pay for the wedding too?' Julia stuttered.

'Did you really think we'd pay for Ava's dream day and not yours?' Jac rolled her eyes.

'I dunno, I guess I just thought because Ava's a blood relative...' Hattie muttered.

'Sometimes you can be so dim it shocks me that you aren't actually biologically related to your Dad' Jac sighed. 'When have we ever treated you any differently to Ava? Yes Ava is biologically my niece but I love you just as much. I fear for you just as much. I feel you in here' Jac tapped her hand over her heart 'just as much. I earn a ridiculous amount of money. I had nothing growing up, I don't know how to spend money on myself. I enjoy spending it on you girls.'

'Sorry, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful' Julia sniffed, wiping at a single tear as it rolled down her cheek .

'You didn't sound ungrateful' Jac softened her tone. 'Just take the card Angel.' She smiled as Julia picked up the piece of plastic. 'I'm proud of you, its not always easy I know but you've kept going and you're making a good life for yourself.'

'Well I've had a pretty great role model'

Julia smiled at her mother. 'Thank you for this' Julia motioned the card in her hand 'and for everything else.'

'Your Dad and I would do anything for you' Jac nodded her head once in acknowledgement. 'By the way don't worry about stealing Ava's thunder. I think right now she'd appreciate some of the attention being focused away from her pregnancy. She needs time to find her feet, wedding talk could be the just the distraction she needs.'

...

'No way!' Ava squealed excitedly as she examined the matching single stone diamond rings on both Hattie and Julia's left hands.

'You're really okay with this?' Julia asked softly. They had told Ava alone, all three girls sat crossed legged on Ava's bed.

"Why wouldn't I be?'

'Because of Markus and now the baby...'

Ava shook her head 'this is your life not mine, this moment is for you and Hattie to enjoy. You shouldn't go worrying about other people.'

'Dad was talking about a celebration dinner, would you be up for that? It might give you chance to tell people your baby news altogether, rather than having to keep telling people individually.'

'To be honest I don't really want people to know yet.' Ava placed a protective hand on her stomach 'I guess I'm just worried about people's reactions. I don't want to be judged as a single mother or seen as the grieving widow.'

'I think you should at least tell Mo, she practically helped raise you' Julia put a sympathetic hand on Ava's arm. 'And imagine how hurt Michael will be if the goddaughter he spoils rotten doesn't tell him this important news?'

'Maybe' Ava chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. 'I asked Auntie Jac to tell Elliot next time she Skypes him.'

'Okay then just ask her to do the same with Michael if you feel too awkward to do it yourself' Julia suggested 'but I think you need to tell Mo to her face. She'll be so thrilled for you, you knows how much you wanted a family with Markus.'

'It just feels all a bit wrong, celebrating without Markus' Ava blinked back her tears.

'Technically we're celebrating the baby because of Markus' Hattie spoke gently. 'Because you and he miraculously conceived a child before his death his genes will now live on. That child you are growing is half him, a lasting legacy. So celebrate that fact, celebrate the life of Markus and your baby.'

Ava nodded but Hattie could see she wasn't convinced. 'Its just all people will see young girl with a kid, no dad around...' Ava took a deep breath and let it put slowly, trying not to break down in tears. 'Maybe they'd be right to judge, maybe I'm not ready to be a single mum. My whole life was meant to be with Markus, I was never meant to be on my own. Before yesterday I was scared about just being me without him. Now I have to figure our how to raise a child on my own without sponging too much off Auntie Jac and Uncle Jonny.'

'Its good that you clearly want to be independent but don't be too proud to ask for help' Julia squeezed Ava's arm lightly. 'Mum had to practically force me to take money from her as a gift, she got so cross with me telling me that all she wants is to help us, her girls. Besides there's so much more to life than money. That kid in your tummy is going to be so loved! Its got an amazing mum, four excited grandparents and three aunts just waiting to cuddle it for starters!'

'Four aunts' Ava gave a watery smile. 'You forgot about Hattie.'

'Really?' Hattie smiled

'Sure. You're marrying into this family. There's no escaping us now.'

'I'm touched I really am' Hattie put her hand on Ava's knee and squeezed it lightly. 'I get why you're anxious, having a kid is a big responsibility. If anyone dares to judge you for bringing this child into the world as single woman then you just come and tell me and I'll give them a piece of my mind. You are a strong independent woman. I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment because you've just lost the love of your life but you are more than capable of coping with the task of becoming a single parent. Look at what you achieved so far in your life. You're studying for a masters degree at 19 years of age! 19! And don't get me started on your illustrations business. How many 19 year olds can say they have enough talent in their pinky finger to carve out a living for themselves? You'll have the best of both worlds financially supporting yourself whilst picking and choosing what projects you work on, when you work and where. Such flexibility is the stuff of dreams for working mothers. Honestly Ava, I don't feel sorry for you, I admire you.'


	23. Chapter 23

_Thank you for reading, please leave a review :-)_ Jonny awoke to the sound of Jac muttering in her sleep. He could feel her jerk in the bed next to him, fighting against whatever was in her nightmare. 'Hey Jac, you're dreaming' he spoke softly to her. He gently laid a hand on her arm 'you're here with me, you're safe.' He watched as she opened her eyes, her body trembling. 'Hey, its okay, you're okay' he muttered in her ear as he gathered her into his arms and held her closely. 'I love you Naylor.'

'Don't let me go' she pleaded.

'You know I won't' he kissed the top of her head. What he wouldn't give to banish the nightmares her horrific childhood had left her with. The permanent scars of trauma she hid so well from the rest of world could only ever be witnessed by him. 'You are a magnificently strong woman Jac Naylor' him reminded her now her shaking had ceased 'a born survivor. The girls and I are lucky to have you.'

'I think the luck is all mine' Jac mumbled against his neck. 'Why do you put up with this?'

'Hush now' Jonny soothed her 'just rest. I would wall across broken glass bare foot for you woman, dealing with few nightmares is small price to pay for being loved by you.'

...

'I can't believe how quickly the girls have grown up' Sacha Levy shook his head at Jac as he pined up 'Congratulations on your engagement!' banner in his dinning room. Mo had been quick to invite everyone over for a celebratory Sunday lunch upon hearing the happy news, although Sacha suspected this act of generosity was mainly so she could show of the capabilities of her new range cooker. 'When you think how far Julia has come from being that scared kid who jumped at every noise and couldn't stand to be touched. Now she's setting up home and getting married! She's an absolute credit to you Jac.'

'She's a credit to herself' Jac rolled her eyes at her best friend as she held onto the other end of the banner 'this is all Julia, nothing to do with me.'

'Except it is' Sacha laughed 'what would have become of her if you hadn't welcomed her into your home?'

'So how many people has Mo invited to this thing?' Jac changed the subject.

'I think its 15. She had me roaming all the supermarkets in holby looking for a joint of meat at 4:30 yesterday. I started to get a bit panicky but then I remembered butcher Pete, after saving his life I figured he owed me a favour and he came up trumps. At a cost mind you, but happy wife, happy life.'

'Sacha if I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone else?' Jac asked.

'Of course' Sacha nodded

'And you also have to promise when Ava tells you herself to look surprised.'

'I can probably do that' Sacha reasoned.

'Okay. You might want to step off that ladder first.'

'You've got me worried now' Sacha frowned as he stepped down the ladder.

'Ava is 16 weeks pregnant.' Jac studied her best friends face waiting for his reaction.

'16 weeks?' Sacha stuttered.

'Yep' Jac nodded.

'She's happy?'

'Shocked but yes.'

'You're happy?'

'Shocked but yes' Jac repeated with a wry smile.

'Congratulations grandma' Sacha beamed. As Jac frowned at him he quickly added 'not that grandma suits you obviously, you look nothing like a grandmother in the traditional sense.'

'Technically I'm the great aunt but I'm not sure I like that term any better' Jac pondered.

'Oh no' Sacha pulled a disgusted face as shook his head 'you're far to glamorous for that.'

'I was thinking young, but thanks all the same.'

'What about Nanny? Or Nana?' Sacha moved the ladder to the other side of Jac.

'They all just sound so old' Jac shook her head.

'What's Jonny's chosen term of endearment?'

'Poppy' Jac rolled her eyes 'he's full on excited about it.' She handed Sacha the other end of the banner.

'What about Nana Jac? Or Granny J?' Sacha suggested.

'I'm already regretting telling you' Jac groaned.

...

'You're sure Hattie likes vanilla butter cream?' Mo double checked with Ava as she sieved icing sugar into a bowl.

'I'm pretty sure she does. I saw her eat about four cupcakes decorated with it on the trot a few weeks ago' Ava answered.

'Then I think we've made the right choice' Mo laughed as she began mixing.

'Mo if I tell you something will you keep it to yourself for now?' Ava asked shyly.

'Well that depends on whether I think Jac should know or not' Mo frowned. 'You're not in trouble are you?'

'Its okay, she already knows' Ava laughed softly before becoming serious once more. 'I'm not in trouble but I'm pregnant.'

The bowl Mo was mixing in suddenly fell to the floor and shattered. 'Shoot!' Mo exclaimed loudly.

'Everything alright Mo?' Sacha called up the hall.

'Everything's fine!' Mo called back as she carefully tried to pick up the pieces of her bowl off the tiled floor.

'Oh no your favourite bowl!' Sacha exclaimed as he came into the room.

'It doesn't matter' Mo spoke airily 'why don't you go and see if Evelyn actually did tidy her bedroom whilst Ava and I sort this out.'

'Actually Sacha should probably know too' Ava made an impromptu decision.

'Know what?' Sacha willed his face to look innocent.

'I'm pregnant' Ava repeated her news. 'With Markus's baby' she added for clarity.

'Well I had assumed that' Mo rolled her eyes as Sacha did a melodramatic mouth falling open in shock expression.

'Congratulations' Sacha beamed.

'You already knew didn't you?' Ava suddenly laughed.

'Yes' Sacha laughed lowering his voice 'but I promised your aunt I wouldn't let on so please don't say anything or be cross with her.'

Ava shook her head 'I figured she would probably tell you. So what do you think Mo?'

'Are you happy?' Mo asked as she got to het feet. Ava nodded. Mo studied her goddaughter for a moment, taking in the subtleties she had grown to recognise over the years. 'Of course you're not 100 per cent happy' Mo shook her head sadly 'you've just lost the love of your life. But this child is giving you hope, a focus for the future. Which is a very precious gift.'

'How'd you know?' Ava looked relieved that she didn't have to pretend to be overly excited.

'Because I know you' Mo pulled Ava into a hug. 'This baby is wonderful news, of course it is, but its okay to feel confused and sad too you know.'

'I already love this baby because its a part of Markus but I'm sad because he's not here and I'm scared' Ava confessed.

'Its okay Ava, no one is going to judge you.' Mo released Ava from her embrace and kissed her forehead. 'Every first time mum is scared but not every first time mum has to deal with the grief of losing the baby's father. Its still amazing news though.'

'Its a bit of a miracle' Ava laughed softly, putting her hand on her stomach. 'I just wish the circumstances were a little different.'

'We all do' Jac spoke up from the kitchen doorway 'we all wish Markus was still here. Things are how they are, however, and it doesn't mean that this baby is a regretful mistake. You want to bring it into the world for all the right reasons.'

Ava nodded 'I just don't want to tell people because they'll be thinking poor me and wondering how a kid will raise a baby.'

'You'll be twenty soon enough, no longer a kid' Mo gently tucked Avas hair behind her ear for her. 'You let people think what they want, we all know the truth.'

'That truth is you're going to be an incredible mum' Sacha added firmly.

'I keep thinking about what you said' Ava looked over at her aunt 'about how mum was younger than me. She had me when she'd just turned 19 but she did everything she could to be the best mum. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to find out all alone at 18 she was pregnant.'

'Well your mum was a force of nature. Wasn't she Jac?' Sacha looked over to his best friend who nodded her confirmation. 'you have that in you too, I can already see it in you.'

'Really?' Ava asked disbelievingly

'Of course' Mo nodded 'I could see it on your face when you said the word pregnant your determination to have this baby. Its the same look your aunt over there had' Mo grinned 'as shocked as she was at the time.'

'Can people please stop discussing the circumstances of the conception of my child?' Jac moaned as Ava laughed.

'Be proud of this news Ava' Sacha advised wisely 'you're growing a new life, its a wonderful thing!'

'Mo and Sacha are right Ava. It doesn't matter if people are saying things behind your back' Jac looked knowingly at her niece 'this is real life; its messy and its rarely picture perfect. But this baby is wanted and loved and in the grand scheme of things that's all that matters.'

...

'Wine Ava?' Bernie Wolf asked as she moved around the table filling glasses.

Ava shook her head 'No thank you.'

'Really?' Serena raised an eyebrow in surprise as she held up her glass to be filled 'you normally love small glass with dinner.'

'She doesn't have to drink Serena' Bernie laughed 'its not compulsory.'

'But we're celebrating' Serena took a sip from her glass 'you can't take part in a good toast without a wine glass in hand.'

'Well actually' Ava spoke softly, hoping the entire table wouldn't over hear her 'I'm pregnant.'

'Really?' Serena's eyebrow arched even higher but she was smiling.

'What wonderful news' Bernie spoke softly back 'congratulations Ava.' She gently squeezed Ava's shoulder in support before moving down the table.

'Don't worry, we won't make a big announcement' Serena whispered. 'I get it, you wouldn't want to steal Julia's thunder tonight. But what thrilling news!' Serena squeezed Ava's hand. 'How many weeks are you?'

'16' Ava smiled. 'I have scan pictures if you'd like to see them later.'

'I absolutely would' Serena nodded, her eye's shinning . She squeezed Ava's hand again before turning to Ric Griffin to talk about the trauma unit, discreetly ensuring Ava's little secret was kept private.

Avs gently rubbed her stomach smiling to herself that Auntie Jac, Mo and Sacha were right. The people who loved her could see the good in this news, they didn't pity her at all. If others wanted to judge she would let them. All that mattered was bringing a healthy baby into this world and making it's life happy. She could do it and she would do it for Markus.


	24. Chapter 24

_The next few chapters are so fluffy its almost sickening in places, but I don't think I care! Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jac slipped into Jonny's office and lay the card on his desk. She smiled as she spotted the photographs on his desk. There was a portrait Ava had taken of Jac several years ago, a group shot of Jac with their two girls laughing as the wind whipped around them as they walked along a clifftop and the final frame held a image of Amelia taken on her christening day.

Tomorrow would mark 16 years since her death. Jac remembered how Jonny would tenderly hold their baby girl like she was the most precious thing he had ever held. He'd talk nonsense to her, telling her stories and occasionally Jac would over hear him telling Amelia how much he loved her mummy, how one day he would marry her and give her life she deserved. He had kept his word, marrying Jac the December following Amelia's death and their life together, on the whole, had been good and happy.

Jac straightened the picture frames and once satisfied left the room, nodding her thanks to Duffy for distracting Jonny for long enough to allow her to slip onto his office unseen. Duffy winked at her in response, letting her know her secret plan was safe. Jac was about to head back upstairs when she spotted the blond head of her daughter, shadowing one of the other nurses. Curious she followed them, stopping hidden by a rack of blankets to watch her daughter at work.

'You know Julia's biggest fear is being accused of nepotism.' Charlie sniggered as Jac jumped, startled by his voice.

'I'm not down here to interfere' Jac defend herself.

'No, I'm sure you're not' Charlie grinned knowingly.'Proud or worried?'

'Both' Jac confessed. 'She told you she suffers from anxiety and PTSD?'

'She did' Charlie nodded 'but you'd never know. One the most mature and capable students I've ever met. I remember her you know, the day she was here as a patient ' seeing the look on Jac's face he sought to reassure her 'don't worry I'm not going to remind her of it. But it was one of those cases that just stays with you, you know.' He watched as Jac nodded 'you have every reason to be proud, she's a great kid.'

'I think I knew that day that she'd always be part of my life' Jac smiled sadly. 'I couldn't just walk away and not know she'd was okay.'

'Well from what I've seen she's more than just okay. However I think you'd better escape upstairs before she spots you spying on her' Charlie's eyes twinkled.

'Can you promise me one thing first? Can you make sure my husband ends his shift on time today. Just for once.'

'I'll see what I can do' Charlie chuckled 'have you got a valentines surprise planned?'

'Something like that' Jac nodded before taking one last look at her daughter and walking away. Proud hardly seemed like a good enough word to describe what she was feeling.

...

'Your shift finished 15 minutes ago' Charlie reminded Jonny.

'Yeah I know but...'

'Goats butt' Duffy cut in 'its valentines day! Go home to your wife!'

'Jac isn't in to all that mushy stuff' Jonny laughed 'if I give her flowers her first response is to ask what I've done and a card would be looked at with such disdain even cupid would back off.'

'Still I'm sure she'd appreciate seeing your ugly mug turn up at home on time for once' Charlie persisted.

'Is there something going on?' Jonny frowned at the couple.

'No' Duffy replied a bit too quickly.

'We're just worried you're working too hard. Its not easy keeping this place running smoothly but let us take the strain for you. You've got a long weekend off – go and enjoy it.' Charlie clapped Jonny on your shoulder 'even your missus is worried about you, asking me to make sure you leave on time today.'

'That doesn't sound like my tin hearted Jac' Jonny arched his eyebrow suspiciously 'she would be more concerned if I wasn't career focused.'

'Well that's what she said when she was down here earlier today. Made me promise to get you to leave on time for a change' Charlie shrugged.

'She actually came down here?' Jonny looked from Charlie to Duffy.

'Why are you men so awkward?' Duffy groaned. 'Just go and look in your office Jonny and then go and find your wife. She's got a lovely surprise organised for you and you're going to ruin it by refusing to leave here on time!'

'She has?' Jonny's surprise was evident in his voice. As Duffy glowered at him he turned around and headed back to his office. There in the centre of his desk he found the card with his name written in Jac's handwriting. He smiled and sat down in his chair to open it. A neatly folded square of paper fell out as he unfolded the card. In Jac's untidy scrawl he read 'only you can turn my nightmares into happiness Jonny Maconie. I don't say it often enough but I love you. Meet me at the destination on the piece of paper at 6:30pm.' Jonny read her words twice, a grin forming on his face and butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Jac wasn't often romantic but every once in a while she really could surprise him. He picked up the piece of paper and unfolded it to find a printout from Google maps.

He looked down at his watch. 5:48. He stood up quickly and ran towards the locker room where he changed out of his scrubs at lightening speed. He ran back out, his bag slung over his shoulder, heading straight towards the door.

'What on earth...?' Dylan looked up from the reception desk.

'He's on a promise' Charlie chuckled.

'Well I think the less said about that the better' Dylan shook his head before calling the next patient.

...

Jonny grinned as he pulled up the gravel drive and spotted his wife's car already neatly parked up outside the character cottage. He checked his watch as he cut the engine. 6:34. Not bad he mused to himself as he exited the vehicle. He knocked loudly on the door and waited for Jac to open it.

'You never fail to surprise me Jac Naylor' he laughed as she opened the door. She was dressed casually in a soft wool dress, her hair loose and wavy.

'You like?' she grinned at him.

'Yes, I like very much' he stepped over the threshold and kissed his wife.

'Its ours for the whole weekend. I packed you some clothes and stocked up the kitchen' Jac smiled, a note of pride evident in her voice.

'Very domesticated' Jonny laughed as he removed his coat and shoes. 'You haven't cooked?' he asked worriedly.

'Of course not' Jac rolled her eyes 'I thought we could maybe sample the delights of the local takeaway.' She allowed her husband to pull her back into his arms and kissed him again. 'You're cold' she commented. She took hold of one his hands and led him into the lounge where a fire crackled invitingly in the grate.

Jonny pulled her back towards him, grinning before kissing her again. 'I love you too by the way' he whispered in her ear. He kissed her, pulling her down with him onto the sofa. They landed onto the sagging cushions in a heap, laughing as the kiss broke apart.

'Smooth Maconie' Jac laughed, not bothering to untangle her limbs from his. She brushed her lips against his. 'I know I take you for granted but I really do love you.'

'I know you do' Jonny grinned goofily at her as her ran his fingers through her hair. 'I know you don't believe me but you're perfect for me, without you my life would be empty.' He accepted the kiss Jac pressed against his lips. 'You have no idea how proud I am you're my wife' he spoke breathlessly as they broke apart. The kiss had been passionate, full of intent as Jac's nimble fingers undid the buttons of his shirt. 'I'll support you, always love you, take care of you' he whispered in her ear as she kissed his neck and fumbled to help him remove his shirt 'my whole life is for you Jac Naylor...'

'Jonny?' Jac suddenly lifted her head away from him, softly laughing.

'Yes?' his eyes widened as she sat up and pulled her dress over her head , revealing she had nothing on underneath.

'Can you just shut up and concentrate on what we're doing here, in this moment?'

'No talking is duly noted' Jonny laughed before kissing his wife, pulling her body close to his, allowing his hands to feel all of the wonderful smoothness if her skin. If his main roll in life was to love this woman then he would do all he could to show her just how much.

...

'Are you sure you're going to be okay with these monkeys?' Mo asked Ava laughingly as her seven year old twins danced around the living room with their dad.

'Quite sure' Ava laughed 'I've brought over some movies and popcorn and we're going have a proper little sleep over.' The twins had been jealous their older sister was having a sleepover at her best friends house and so Ava had proposed they had a slumber party of their very own. Valentine's day without Markus would have been much harder if Mo hadn't taken her up on her offer to babysit. You could never feel sad for long in amongst the chaos created by Oscar and Olivia. The twins had declared they were going stay up until way past midnight but both Mo and Ava suspected they will have crashed and burned by eleven.

'Evelyn would be cringing right about now' Mo laughed as Sacha did some particularly awful Dad dancing.

'So where is Sacha taking you tonight?' Ava asked .

'Where else but that cheesy Italian on Bovington street?' Mo rolled her eyes. 'I can't believe Jac still lets him take her there for their monthly catch ups.'

'I think his consistency is one of the things she loves about him' Ava chuckled. 'You look beautiful by the way, is that a new dress?'

'No actually I was having a sort out and found a load dresses pre twins that I can finally get back into' Mo looked pleased at Ava's words. 'Talking about beautiful, that bump is coming on nicely' Mo gently rubbed the neat little rounding of Ava's stomach.

'Yeah I guess its kind of obvious now' Ava smiled.

'You're carrying just like Jac did, all in the front. Bet you're having a girl.'

' I thought that was all wives tales and nonsense' Ava shook her head.

'Trust me I have untold powers when it comes to pregnancy predictions. That bump says girl to me' Mo teased.

'I'm going to find out next week on my twenty week scan so we shall soon see just how good you are' Ava laughed.

'If Mo says its a girl its a girl' Sacha pan

ted as the music stopped.

'Again Daddy! Again!' the twins chorused.

'Daddy has to get ready to leave in less than twenty minutes' Mo shook her head. 'Besides you two should be in your pyjamas.'

'I'll race you up the stairs' Sacha yelled as he quickly walked out of the room, his children following him, squealing with delight.

'Be careful on those stairs!' Mo yelled as she hurried over to the door to watch the mad scramble. 'Honestly, he is worse than they are.' Mo shook her head as she sat back down next to Ava on the sofa. 'You just wait until that little one starts walking and talking, you'll wonder how you ever thought your life was busy before.'

'I'm kind of excited about it, to see what he or she will be like. I wonder if they'll look like me or Markus, if they'll have his personality or mine.'

'You should be excited. Sure raising kids is hard work but it is the best thing in the world. I don't think I've ever laughed so much since the twins came along. And the first time I held Evelyn it was just like I'd found my place in this world. I knew her and she knew me, that was all that mattered.'

'I keep wondering about my mum and me as baby. Like, what did she look like when she was pregnant? How did she cope when I was a new born? Was I an easy baby, did she breastfeed?' Ava shrugged 'I don't even know if she had a natural birth or a c section.'

'Ask Auntie Jac, she might not be able to tell you all the answers but I bet there will be photographs somewhere. There's no way Granddad George wouldn't have taken any.' Mo suggested. 'Ask her when they get back on Monday afternoon.'

'I feel guilty' Ava shook her head 'I can't ask her at this time of year. She only got to spend three months with her baby and I know she couldn't even hold Amelia at first.'

'Well yes, what happened to your Aunt and Uncle was enormously sad. That's why they hide away at this time every year. But I also know Jac and I know she'll be expecting loads of questions from you. She's excited about this baby, I caught her researching prams last week.'

'Really?' Ava smiled.

'Yes' Mo nodded 'so don't deprive her of joining in on everything to do with your pregnancy, birth and baby care just because you're worried about upsetting her. She's itching to be part of all of it.'

...

'Huh' Jonny looked at the slice of toast he was browning on the fire. 'Does that look like the face of Henrick Hanson to you?' He held the toasting fork out towards Jac.

'Err if you're seeing effigies of our CEO I think I should be worried. It looks like a piece of toast to me.' Jac rolled her eyes.

Jonny inspected it again. 'You can eat this slice just in case' he carefully removed it from the fork and put it on Jac's plate. 'You've already got no soul, it can't do you any damage.' The takeaway plan had been long abandoned in favour of toast after time had runaway with them. Neither of them were particularly hungry anyway, both them caught up in their desire and love for each other.

'Of course your chivalry is why I married you' Jac shook her head but Jonny caught her amused smile. She had put on his discarded soft checked shirt, rolling the sleeves to her elbows and leaving a few of buttons undone so every so often Jonny got a tantalising glimpse of the curve of her breasts.

'You look so beautiful in firelight' Jonny leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. 'I'm not entirely sure how I ended up with a wife as gorgeous as you. When Mo first saw you she told me I was punching way above my weight.'

'Well she was wrong wasn't she?' Jac smiled as Jonny ran his fingers through her hair.

'Och, no on many levels she was right' Jonny laughed. 'What she didn't count on was my skill in the sack. Once I'd got you pregnant you had to spend time with me and that's when I made you fall deeply in love with me.'

'Actually I was in love with you a long time before that' Jac corrected him with a brief kiss 'it just scared me, that's all.'

'Why?' Jonny chuckled ' that's the one thing I could never understand, every time you pushed me away.'

'Because you'd see me for who I really am and you'd leave me.' Jac shrugged 'it sounds pathetic now but back then I was so convinced you wouldn't want me once you knew all about me.'

'Never pathetic' Jonny kissed her reassuringly. 'Wrong sometimes though.'

'I got it right in the end though. Saying yes to your trembling proposal was the best decision I've ever made.' Jac allowed Jonny to envelope her into his arms and she laid her head on his chest.

He leaned back against the side of the armchair, cradling his wife as they watched the wood in the fire crackle. 'If you hadn't said yes then I was going to keep on proposing everyday until you did. By that point I'd learned not to let you get away. I'd never leave you, Jac not ever, I need you too dam much.'


	25. Chapter 25

_Thank you for reading. Please review :-)_

Jonny looked across the pillows at his wife's sleeping face. She hated this day. He knew from experience it was best to let her do as she pleased. There would probably be no mention of the baby they'd lost. Any attempt to do so would be met with a waspish remark followed by a stony silence. Jac only ever wished to talk about Amelia being alive, the memory of moment her daughter took her last breath was not one she ever wanted to remember. Today Jonny's main focus was ensuring nothing would upset his wife. Whilst it had gotten easier as the years passed, it was still always a challenging day for both of them.

'Jonny don't stare at me' Jac mumbled.

'Well then maybe you should try not looking quite so beautiful' Jonny pressed his lips against her forehead.

'I packed your running gear, why don't you go for a run?' Jac suggested whilst keeping her eye's firmly shut.

'Nah its too cold for that' Jonny spoke casually. There was no way he was leaving her alone today. 'Maybe we could go for a walk together later?'

'Hmm maybe' Jac rolled away from him, pointedly lying on her other side.

'I want that shirt back by the way, you're not stealing it as nightwear' Jonny spoke to the back of her head.

'It smells like you' Jac mumbled.

'Cute' Jonny moved closer to his wife and snaked an arm around her waist, waiting to see what her reaction would be. He almost sighed with relief when she entwined her fingers with his. 'You're still not keeping it though Naylor.' He listened as her breathing deepened having fallen back into sleep. Jonny closed his eyes. Maybe today wouldn't be such an awful one this year.

...

Jac awoke an hour later and could tell from Jonny's breathing he had fallen back into a deep sleep. She let his hand go and tried to get out of the bed without waking him, a task proving impossible with his arm still wrapped around her.

'Where you going?' Jonny mumbled sleepily.

'To the bathroom' Jac answered 'go back to sleep.' She didn't take long in the bathroom due to the coldness that had seeped into the house over night and was soon climbing back under duvet next to her husband.

'Jonny?' she had made a decision whilst in the bathroom and she knew if she waited the conversation wouldn't happen.

'Hmm?' he mumbled.

'I need to tell you something.'

At those words Jonny opened his eyes 'is everything okay?'

Jac nodded. 'The Amelia device is ready. Both MHRA and FDA have approved its use.'

'That's fantastic news Jac!' Jonny's face broke out into a grin 'Why didn't you say earlier?'

'This device could have saved our baby.'

'I figured that Jac, even I'm not that thick' Jonny spoke softly.

'If she could have been operated on sooner we could have brought her home within that first month. She might never have got that infection but if she had her heart would have been stronger' Jac let her tears fall down her cheeks, the words she had been longing to speak for over two years finally having been voiced.

'Och Jac' Jonny pulled her into his arms, letting her burry her head against his chest so she could have good cry. 'How long have you been bottling this up eh?' He kissed the top of her head as he rubbed her lower back. 'You know you were a force of nature during that time. I mean you always are, but when Amelia got sick you were something else, you left no stone unturned in case there was something that might help our baby. There was nothing more that anyone could have done back then Jac. It was no one's fault, it just wasn't Amelia's time. I'm so proud of you though, turning our own tragedy into something so good. Amelia still lives Jac, she's alive in your research and every baby that is saved by your invention is now Amelia's legacy.'

...

Jonny watched as Jac played with her porridge. She had had eaten a few spoonful's and was now lost in thought, stirring it idly with her spoon.

'Do you want some more coffee?' Jonny decided to break into her silence, worried her mind was taking her back to some dark places.

'No' she shook her head. 'Maybe a walk later would be nice' she softly smiled at him, letting him know she was fine despite her emotional melt down.

'Sure, we might was well make the most of this mini break. You're probably going to be pretty busy teaching the Amelia device to those who want to learn from the best in the world.' Jonny smiled back at her.

'I booked this cottage because I didn't want the girls to think I wanted a different life to the one I have with them' Jac spoke honestly. 'I knew I had to say it aloud, that I achieved what I wanted, invented something that would have kept my baby alive but I couldn't when they were at risk of overhearing it. Does that make sense?'

'Not really no' Jonny shook his head 'of course the girls know Amelia was everything to us but they also know we love them just as much.'

'It was just something that Julia said.' Jac shook her head 'just forget I said it. Besides it wasn't the only reason, I also wanted to spend a bit of time alone with you. I've been so busy lately and everything's been so hectic I've hardly seen you.'

'Its fine Jac, I've never begrudged you working. Your passion for medicine is part of you that I love' Jonny placed his hand on top of hers. 'But anytime you want to organise a little surprise like this you go right ahead.'

'I've missed you' Jac shrugged 'I didn't know how else to show it.'

'Careful Naylor your tiny tin heart might just explode' Jonny teased her before leaning in for a kiss. 'You don't need to tell me things I already know' he whispered before brushing his lips against hers.

'I don't know where I'd be without you Jonny Maconie and your annoying ways' Jac kissed him back.

'Don't think you can distract me from your earlier words by being affectionate' Jonny sat back in his chair. 'What did Julia say?'

'I was being stupid' Jac picked up her bowl and stood up from the table.

'No you weren't, she clearly said something' Jonny frowned.

'She thought that we would spend more money on Ava than her because Ava is a blood relative' Jac answered with a sigh, sensing Jonny wasn't about to let it go. 'I set her straight, told her not to be ridiculous. I guess I just don't want to her think we only adopted her because we couldn't have kids of our own.'

'Huh' Jonny leaned back in his chair, thinking. 'I guess its natural she should think like that. I mean we fostered her at 12 and then adoption papers were signed at 14, unlike Ava who we had full guardianship of at age three. There's always going to be a feeling of her trying to fit into an pre made family.'

'I guess' Jac shrugged. 'Even Ava had a little adoption wobble when she thought you didn't love her. Rescuing her from the clutches of my evil mother sorted that one out though.'

'Whilst that may have been my finest parenting hour I have no desire to repeat it. At the time I was so frightened I'm surprised my heart didn't stop.' Jonny sighed 'the thing is I always suspected Julia thought one day we'd give up on her. She believed that we'd figure there were other cuter younger kids out there with less problems than hers who we could adopt in a trice. We've done everything to prove her wrong but still that self doubt is always going to be there. We're probably just going to have to accept it and try not to let us affect us. I think as parents we've done pretty okay at raising two smart and level headed girls.'

'You know what we really need to get Julia to accept though' Jac arched her eyebrow at Jonny.

'The trust fund' Jonny finished her sentence with a nod. 'I tried speaking to her about it, pointing out she could be mortgage free at the age of 21.'

'What did she say?'

'Nothing and then Hattie came into the room and I didn't like to press because I don't think she knows about it.' Jonny shook his head 'surely Hattie must think its odd Julia doesn't have a student loan?'

'Perhaps she thinks we give Julia an allowance like her Dad does for her?' Jac shrugged.

'We must look like very generous people' Jonny laughed sardonically as he remembered the huge battle they'd had to get Julia to even consider using some of compensation money she had been awarded to pay her way through university. 'Paying for tuition fees and giving her an allowance on top of gifting her a deposit for a house and paying for a wedding. I doubt Hattie is that naive.'

'We've got just over ten months to figure out how to get Julia to accept the full trust fund when she turns twenty one' Jac decided finally. 'Hopefully she'll start to see what good that money can do for her instead if seeing it as a reminder of what she went through.'

'I admire your optimism' Jonny chuckled. 'Our girl is just as stubborn as you are.'

'I prefer to think more of it being a strong independency' Jac kissed Jonnys forehead before walking away to start sorting out the dishes.

Jonny chuckled. 'Oh by the way Naylor I saw you'd snuck my shirt into your overnight bag.'

'You mean you don't want me to have it because you don't think I look good in your clothes?' Jac grinned mischievously at him.

'Och I like you best naked and you know it' Jonny jokingly winked. 'But seriously you've stolen enough of my t shirts to sleep in. Don't take my favourite checked shirt.'

'You seem awfully attached to this piece of clothing.' Jac shut the dishwasher on the dirty breakfast dishes. 'Why'd you like this shirt so much over all the other checked shirts you own?'

'Cos its really soft' Jonny answered pathetically 'it feels nice against my skin.'

'Really?' Jac rolled her eyes as Jonny nodded. 'Honestly Maconie, sometimes even I wonder how you ever did convince me to marry you.'

...

'What about G-ma?' Jonny suggested as he researched terms for grandmother on his phone. He scrolled down the page with his thumb whilst he gently smoothed Jac's hair with the other hand 'Or Gamma?' Jonny was sat with his feet up on the coffee table whilst Jac laid out on the sofa, her head resting in his lap. They were cosy and content in front of fire, relaxing after a long walk in the woods.

Jac lowered the book she was reading 'seriously?'

'Granna? Ne-ma?' Jonny continued. He laughed as Jac pulled a pained face. 'Maybe I'll just go back to playing words with friends. You know I'm actually beating Hattie?!'

'Congratulations' Jac rolled her eyes. 'You do know she has designs on being a GP?'

'Sensible plan' Jonny nodded 'much in demand are good GP's. Plus decent working hours, family friendly.'

'Its far too sensible' Jac sighed 'where's the excitement in general practice? She's young, she should have ambition.'

'Awh you're disappointed you can't have a prodigy aren't you?' Jonny teased 'you were hoping young Hattie would take a shine to cardiovascular surgery and then she'd be looking up to you in awe.'

'They all look up to me in awe, I don't need additional adoration' Jac pinched her husband's leg. ' I just thought I could have shared my experiences with someone who's actually interested.'

'I'm interested' Jonny laughed.

'That's not the same thing. You've never held a human heart in your hand.'

'Ah well maybe our developing grandchild will have inherited your grim obsession with holding people's vital organs in your hand' Jonny mused. 'What about Granna? Or Mimsy?'

'I thought you'd given up on that list?' Jac sighed.

'I'm just trying to be helpful' Jonny laughed 'that bubba has to call you something.'

'Its strange, I once thought I wouldn't have children and now I've got a grandchild on the way' Jac smiled softly.

'Its a nice thought right?' Jonny smiled. 'You deserve all of this Jac, every little bit of happiness. Our family just keeps getting more amazing and I love that I'm sharing it all with you.'


	26. Chapter 26

_Thank you for reading. This is the last sickly sweet chapter for a while. Please review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

'I can't believe we have to leave here tomorrow' Jonny sulked as he gently smoothed Jac's hair as she laid snuggled against his chest on the sofa. 'Can't we just stay here for the rest of the week?'

'What would we do about work ?' Jac questioned

'Call in sick' Jonny answered as he kissed the top of Jac's head.

'What about the girls?' Jac asked sleepily.

'You're really missing them huh?' Jonny chuckled. 'Its only been two days.'

'You wouldn't understand, you're just a man' Jac closed her eyes.

'Fair enough' Jonny laughed. 'I guess we really will just have to pack up and head home tomorrow.' He gently stroked Jac's cheek 'thank you for organising a great little hideaway for us this weekend.'

'You don't need to thank me, I organised it for myself just as much for you' Jac mumbled. 'This time if year is hard for both of us, being around well meaning people saying pointless words just for the sake of trying to be comforting doesn't help.'

'Yeah I know' Jonny kissed Jac's head again. 'I'll always be grateful I got to keep you though. I almost lost everything the day Amelia was born. When Mr T looked at me to ask for my permission to remove your womb...'

'It was the right decision Jonny' Jac's eyes snapped open 'I was never angry about what had to be done.'

'In that moment in the operating theatre I didn't hesitate to say yes' Jonny continued 'you were dying right in front of my eyes and I would have done anything to keep you with me. So I was selfish I said yes, I didn't even ask if there was another option. It hit me like a brick how much I love you, the thought of loosing you was unbearable.'

'There wouldn't have been any other way, I read my file when you were asleep in the chair next to my hospital bed' Jac looked up at her husband 'I would have bled to death. By saying yes you gave Mr T the confidence to take away my fertility in order to save my life. I think he was more cut up about it than we ever were. Strangely by doing it he kind of gave me a aspect of my life back; no more pain and heavy bleeding every month. It was a sort of freedom to just be able to make through a full shift at work without doubling over in pain.'

'I knew what you were thinking, the day Amelia died, when you asked me to never leave you' Jonny spoke softly. 'You thought I was only with you for the baby, that I wouldn't want you now you couldn't give me the family I wanted. I have never wanted to shake you and yell you were wrong so much than in that moment. Instead all I could do was hold you and try to reassure you with my clumsy words.'

'You were my rock Jonny Maconie' Jac reached up and kissed his mouth 'you still are. Your words might have been clumsy but in what was the worst moment of my life they were all I needed to hear.'

...

Jac watched her husband sleeping. They were sharing the same pillow, their bodies entwined. This weekend had been good, she had never expected them to be able air all the things left unsaid for the last 16 years. She had always known he felt guilty that her caesarean had turned into a hysterectomy. In in a sad way knowing he felt wretched at time had helped her to come to terms with it. Not that she had a lot of time to feel sorry for herself – Amelia had needed her. As soon she had heard the news her baby was alive and fighting all of Jac's focus went on being able to get out of bed to see her. Once that was achieved it was holding her and then helping to care for her. Every time Mr T had insisted she rested her mind was working overtime, researching every possible procedure or drug that might help her little girl. Everyone had marvelled at how quickly Jac had seemingly recovered from the traumatic surgery. The truth was at times the pain and the side effects of the sudden onset of menopause were almost unbearable but she wouldn't have stopped trying to care for her daughter no matter how ill she felt. But Jonny knew, he always had done.

She had never imagined they would still be together after all this time or even dared hope they would have had a family. Perhaps serendipity had been at work the day Ava had come tearing into their lives, filling Jac's heart and arms with a child to love and care for, only a few months after the loss of their baby. When Jac had first met Julia, a frightened and abused 12 year old, she had seen something of herself in the girl. At the time she had been unsure of how to help but as the friendship between Ava and Julia blossomed it became obvious. 6 months into fostering Julia and Jac knew she loved this girl as though she truly was her daughter. The feeling was indescribable, that knowledge that you would kill for this child if they were ever under threat. That worried feeling in pit if your stomach, coupled with an intense pride every time you looked at them mixed with knowledge that only you truly knew them. The day Julia had shyly asked if she could call her Mum Jac's heart had sored – how she'd longed to hear that word. And now here they all were, a patched together family that worked. Jonny was everything to his girls and he let them all know how much he treasured them in return. Jac gently kissed his forehead, feeling guilty the second he opened his eyes.

'You okay?' he mumbled

'Yes sorry, go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you, I just couldn't help myself.'

'Huh' Jonny closed his eyes. 'You just get more weird with age.'

'I love you ' Jac whispered with a laugh in his ear 'you just remember that because no one else would put up with you.'

'And I love you, my little freak of nature' Jonny snuggled even closer to Jac 'lucky we found each other really.'

...

'Bye cottage' Jonny spoke glumly as Jac locked the door and posted the key through the letter box.

'Honestly Jonny you're acting like you don't like our life at home' Jac shook her head.

'Of course I like our life' Jonny sighed 'but you must admit it was nice to just be me and you for a few days. No work, no kids, no unnecessary distractions. Just us.' Jonny kissed his wife. 'That's ok isn't it?'

'I guess so' a soft smile played at the corners of Jac's mouth. 'I'm going to stop off at the hospital on the way home, there are a couple of files I want to look over before tomorrow.'

'Sure' Jonny nodded 'I'll head straight home. Hopefully the house will be in the same condition we left it in.' He opened Jac's car door for her.

'I wonder how many rows the girls have had over chores this weekend?' Jac laughed as she made herself comfortable in the drivers seat.

'Make sure you drive safe, I'll see you later' Jonny leaned into the car to kiss his wife goodbye. He stood back as she closed the door and he watched her carefully reverse off the drive. She give him a quick wave which he returned as she turned onto the road and drove away towards their home. He opened the door to his own car and was about to get in when his phone rang

'Hey Charlie, whats up?' he answered it, his voice relaxed.

'Jonny there's been an incident' Charlie's voice started to explain. As Jonny listened a stone dropped into his stomach and his heart beat wildly in his chest. He fumbled with the car door, rushing in his haste to get back to hospital to try to somehow make everything okay.


	27. Chapter 27

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

Jac was silent as they sat outside theatre waiting for news. Her head was in her hands as she tried to control her anger that her best friend had thrown her out of the viewing gallery. 'Tell me what happened again' She raised her head to look at Charlie who was guarding the theatre doors.

'What difference does it make, to hear it all again Jac?' Jonny spoke bitterly 'some lunatic stabbed our wee girl several times with a scalpel in her back.'

'It happened so fast Jac, we did everything we could' Charlie defended the actions of the ED department.

'It wasn't enough, you failed to keep her safe!' Jac glowered 'she shouldn't even have been working with such a dangerous patient in the first place, she's a student for gods sake!'

'Lay off will you Jac' Jonny huffed 'appointing blame isn't doing anyone any good, least of all Julia.'

'She's losing so much blood Jonny, you didn't see it in there just now!' Jac yelled at her husband gesturing towards the doors. 'She could die, you need to realise that!'

'Alright lets calm things down' Charlie spoke calmly seeing Jonny opening his mouth to retaliate. 'Julia's injuries are bad but she is in the best possible hands.'

'We need to have a little hope Jac' Jonny took hold of Jac's hand and squeezed it. 'She's a fighter, always has been.'

'No one should have to fight this much' Jac spoke bitterly. 'Every little thing is a fight for her. Julia has even had to battle just to get a place at uni, why did this have to happen now? She was feeling so positive, like she really could have any future she wanted despite what happened in her past.'

'She still will Jac, Julia will have everything she wants out of life.' Jonny spoke firmly

'She'll make it, I just know she will.'

'I can't loose another child Jonny, I just can't.' Jac lapsed back into her silence, staring determinedly at the operating theatre door.

...

'She's already closing down from me' Jonny gestured towards his wife through the glass panel in the door of ITU. Jac was sat holding Julia's hand as she watched over her, constantly checking the monitors for any sign of change. 'She won't talk to me.'

'No I don't think that's what she's doing' Mo commented as she stood next to her best friend. 'Right now all her energy and focus is going into Julia. You fussing around her is an annoying distraction.'

'I'm just trying to look after her' Jonny rubbed his eyes tiredly. 'You know what she gets like, she'll end up being admitted herself for exhaustion.'

'Jonny her little girl is fighting for her life on a ventilator of course she doesn't want to drink, eat or rest' Mo shook her head.

'She's being a mum, the only way Jac knows how and that is to go into protective lioness mode. Don't take it personally.' She squeezed Jonny's shoulder supportively. 'How was your weekend away?'

'It was good, we talked about a lot of stuff. A lot of it was things we'd left unsaid when Amelia died.' Jonny took a moment to get his emotions under control. He wished Mo wouldn't put her hand on his shoulder like she was currently doing. Her attempts to comfort him were making it worse. 'I'm going to try calling Hattie again, she has to know.' Jonny started to walk away from the door.

'Did you get hold of Ava?' Mo followed him.

'Yeah just now. She's packing a bag for Julia and then she'll be right in.' They both turned at the sound of running footsteps.

'Jonny! I got all your messages, where is she, is she okay?' Hattie spoke breathlessly, her face pale.

'Whoa, calm down!' Jonny walked back down the corridor towards her. 'She's currently stable. Her injuries were extensive, damage was done to her liver and one of her kidneys. They've tried to repair everything but she's lost a lot of blood. They say its a wait and see game, hopefully she won't need any more surgery, she just needs to rest.'

'Is she awake, can I see her?' Hattie's voice trembled and a tear ran down her cheek.

'She's on a ventilator but you can sit with her if you'd like. I'm sure the sound of your voice will be much more welcome than ours.' Jonny placed a comforting hand on Hattie's arm. 'She's over the worse, we need to focus on that.' He watched as Hattie nodded, taking a few deep breaths to steady her emotions. 'Apparently she asked for you, jut before they put her under.'

'And then it took me hours to get here' Hattie let out a sob 'why didn't I just look at my phone?'

'Hey this isn't your fault' Jonny pulled Hattie into his arms, letting her cry against his chest, just like he would have done for his own daughters. 'We knew it would be hard to reach you until lectures were over, there's nothing you could have done anyway. She was already in surgery when Jac and I got here, we haven't had a chance to speak to her either. But she asked for you and her mum, so you know, that puts you on a pretty high pedestal. Now all we can do is hold her hand and help her recover.'

'She must have felt so scared and alone' Julia sobbed.

'She wasn't alone' Mo spoke comfortingly 'my husband was with her, she had a face she knew. He's a amazing surgeon so with him and Ms Wolfe taking care of her, she's in the very best hands.'

'That isn't just martial pride talking either' Jonny added. 'I'd trust Sacha Levy with my life. Julia is fighter, she'll be back with us as good as new in no time at all.'

'I just can't believe this has happened' Hattie lifted her head from Jonny's chest, gratefully taking the tissue Mo handed her.

'Its been a shock for all of us' Mo smiled kindly. 'Why don't you go in and talk to her? Let her know we're all here, willing her to get better.'

'Okay' Hattie nodded, taking a few breaths to steady herself. She walked through the door to ICU with Jonny, trying not to be shocked at the sight of Julia looking so pale and vulnerable underneath all the tubes and equipment keeping her stable. 'Hi' she smiled shyly at Jac.

'She's only like this so her body can rest' Jac looked up at Hattie. 'Hopefully they'll wake her up tomorrow. Sacha and Bernie just wanted to be sure...' she let her voice trail off as Hattie nodded. 'Of course you already know all this.'

'Its nice to hear it, just the same' Hattie spoke softly.

'Her vitals are good' Jac spoke as she watched Hattie take hold of Julia's other hand.

'That's good' Hattie smiled at Jac, trying to reassure them both.

'Why don't we leave Hattie and Julia alone for a few minutes?' Jonny placed his hand on Jac's shoulder 'we could get a cup of tea and Ava's on her way in.' He sighed as Jac shook her head.

'Please Jac, can't I have just five minutes?' There was something in Hattie's voice; just a note a desperation mixed with a lot of determination.

Jac looked across the bed, observing Hattie. All the fear, worry and, most of all, love evident on the young woman's face. To have found such devotion at their age was a rare gift. It had taken Jac years to find Jonny and then an absolute age to fully trust him. She thought back to when he had been stabbed, how terrified she had been. How she would have hated it if someone had stood in her way, preventing her from caring for him. 'Okay' Jac nodded suddenly. 'If anything changes you get them to page me immediately.'

'Absolutely' Hattie nodded 'I promise I won't leave her side until you come back. You can trust me.'

'I know I can' Jac nodded again, standing for the first time in over an hour. She slipped her hand into Jonny's and let him lead her to the door. She looked over her shoulder as Jonny opened the door, watching as Hattie gently kissed Julia's cheek before talking softly to her. She tried to swallow down the lump of emotion that built in the throat as the walked out of the room and into the corridor. Within seconds she knew she'd lost the battle to keep her emotions in check and as she let the first tears fall Jonny was there to catch her, whispering how it was all okay now. It would be, Jac thought, but it would never be the same. She just hoped Hattie would prove to be strong, because the road forward would undoubtedly be rocky.


	28. chapter 28

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

The first thing Julia Naylor-Maconie could remember after being extubated was her mother's face. It swam in and out of focus as she tried to make sense of her surroundings, listening to her mothers voice telling her everything was going to be okay.

'Come on now Jac, let us do our job.' Her mother's face was replaced by Bernie Wolf's. 'Hello Julia, do you remember where you are?'

'Holby city hospital' Julia spoke croakily. 'Where's mum gone?'

'I've made her go outside, she's a little cross with me' Bernie smiled 'but she broke her promise not to get in the way. How are you feeling?'

'Terrible' Julia answered honestly. 'Is Dad here too?'

'Of course' Bernie nodded.

'And Hattie?'

'She's barely left your side. Now lets just concentrate on you for a minute. Are you in any pain?'

'A little, its not too bad' Julia answered.

'Okay' Bernie nodded 'we can up your morphine if you need it, just say the word. Do you remember what happened?'

'I was stabbed' Julia looked away.

'I'm not going to make you relive it' Bernie took hold of Julia's hand and gently squeezed it. 'You were in surgery for a long time. Your injuries gave myself and Mr Levy a hard time but we managed to save your kidney and your liver should heal nicely. The one thing we absolutely need you to do is keep calm and rest. No moving, you understand?'

'Yes' Julia turned back to look at Bernie.

'Did I nearly die?'

'Its best not to focus on that' Bernie spoke firmly 'but you are a very lucky girl, something out there is looking out for you.'

'I doubt that very much' Julia spoke sincerely before closing her eyes.

Bernie gently squeezed Julia's hand again before letting it go. 'You just rest, there is all the time in the world for explanations.'

...

When Julia opened her eyes again she thought she was alone with only the beeping of the monitors keeping her company. A sense of panic washed over her, the sudden increase in her heart rate detected instantly by a series of alarms.

'Hey Angel its okay.' Her mum was back. 'I'm right here, everything is fine.'

'I thought I was alone' Julia breathed quickly.

'You're in ITU, you're never alone' Jac reminded her gently. 'Besides at least one of us has been right here with you, holding your hand.' Her mum looked up, presumably checking the monitors. 'That's better, your body needs to recover so you need to stay nice and calm.'

'Where you worried?' Julia asked.

'Terrified' Jac kissed her daughters forehead.

'I'm sorry' a tear trickled down Julia's cheek.

'What have you got to be sorry for? This wasn't your fault' Jac spoke firmly .

'I panicked' Julia continued her breathing heavy 'maybe if I had of been stronger I would have been able to get away.' The monitors were beeping again as her heart beat wildly in her chest.

'Shh stop it, you need to save your strength.' Jac was trying to speak calmly but Julia could sense the urgency in her voice. 'None of this was your fault Angel, it never has been.'

'Right, I'm not beyond sedating you, young lady' Bernie's face appeared above Julia, looking stern.

'Do it then' Julia panted . 'It'll be easier if you do. It hurts in my chest too much.'

'Its a panic attack that's all, you have these all the time' Jac spoke firmly. 'You just need to concentrate on your breathing'

'Please' Julia looked wildly at Berine. 'I can't.' Bernie nodded her head in recognition.

'No, she doesn't need it' Jac voice spoke with such authority it almost scared Julia. To the side of her she could hear Bernie asking for the necessary drug. 'You're going to keep calm, aren't you Julia?' When she didn't answer Jac squeezed her hand hard. 'Won't you?'

'Just do it Bernie, I don't want to feel like this' Julia closed her eyes. As she let herself succumb to the blissful nothingness of sleep she could hear Bernie's soft words telling her not to worry, they would take very good care of her.

...

'She has anxiety and PTSD!' Jac argued in Mr Hanson's office 'of course she's going to get panic attacks she's just been through something traumatic! She doesn't need sedating, it was completely unnecessary!'

'So what would you have us do?' Bernie crossed her arms 'at this point keeping her stable is critical. I'm not sure she would survive another surgery.'

'Ms Naylor I think you should listen to Ms Wolf as a professional and not as a parent' Henrick Hanson spoke calmly from behind his desk.

'Would you have sedated her?' Jac rounded on Sacha who had so far remained silent.

'I wasn't there Jac' Sacha shook his head 'but I trust Bernie's judgement.'

'So does Julia evidently as she asked me to do it, she knows herself Jac. She's an adult don't forget, I didn't do anything against her wishes!' Bernie was starting to lose her composure.

'Julia may be an adult but she's vulnerable. All she wanted was a way out of feeling the panic and you gave her an easy option. If you had let me just talk to her she would have calmed down!' Jac glowered.

'I stand by my decision. We'll take her off sedation when her stats have improved. I'm not willing to take a risk here.' Bernie glowered stubbornly at Jac.

'You have no idea at all do you!' Jac retorted angrily before storming out of the room, letting the door slam behind her.

'Jac wait!' Sacha lumbered down the hall after her.

'What for?! More of your spineless silence? ' Jac yelled as she continued her angry strides down the hall.

'Enough!' Sacha yelled as he caught hold her wrist, making her stop in her tracks. 'I don't know why I put up with your petulance, your complete lack of respect towards me!'

'Don't be an ass!' Jac hissed snatching her wrist from his hand as she turned to look at him 'Of course I have respect for you! But I needed your support in there!'

'You have it, you always will have my support but I'm not going to agree with you when I think you're wrong' Sacha softened his voice. 'Did Julia ask Bernie to sedate her?'

'She was scared' Jac sniffed 'she just wanted the pain in her chest to be gone.'

'Then it was the right decision for now' Sacha grasped Jac's shoulders, squeezing them supportively 'lets get her fixed physically and then we'll work on the consequences this has had on her mental health.'

'She's disengaged, she won't want to try to get back to where she was before' Jac swallowed down a sob. 'It'll be too hard for her. It doesn't matter to her how hard it is for us to watch her decline back into depression, she's already given in.'

'Oy oy oy' Sacha breathed as he gathered Jac into his arms. 'I love you Jac Naylor, that is why I always put up with your outbursts. We'll get her through this. I don't know how yet but what I do know is that girl is a fighter. She won't be beaten by this.'

'I can't loose her Sacha, not now, not like this' Jac spoke through her tears.

'You won't, I promise you won't.'


	29. Chapter 29

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

'Hey Princess' Jonny smiled as he saw his daughter's eyes had opened.

'What day is it?' Julia croaked. Her head felt fuzzy and mouth was like she'd been eating cotton wool.

'Wednesday, it is quarter past five on Wednesday morning' Jonny fetched the plastic cup of water off the bedside table. 'Here, have a wee sip of this' he helped her to drink from the straw, flooding her mouth with much needed moisture. 'You're doing so well, Ms Wolfe isn't looking anywhere near as worried as she was yesterday.'

'Where's mum?' Julia asked.

'At home with Ava. I managed to convince her to go home and get some proper rest. Hattie however is asleep on the plastic chairs outside. The nurses rook pity on her and covered her over with a blanket but I can imagine she'll be sore all over when she wakes up' Jonny tried to keep his voice light.

'Mum is cross with me isn't she?' Julia looked intently at her father.

'No she's not cross' Jonny shook his head firmly. 'She's trying to understand but she wants you to try. Just see if you can make it through till breakfast huh? Talk a bit with your old man.' He took hold of Julia's hand. 'I've missed you whilst you've been sleeping.'

'Hattie hasn't been home has she?'

'Nope, she's proving to be stubborn.' Jonny chuckled 'she's a real keeper that one.'

'She shouldn't be wasting her time with someone like me.' Julia closed her eyes.

'I don't think Hattie thinks she's wasting her time princess. All I can see is how much she loves you.'

'Will Mum be here later?'

'Of course she will, you can talk to mum as much as you like when she gets here .'

'Dad?'

'Yes princess?'

'I don't want to talk to the police about what happened.'

'You don't have to yet, I promise. But you will have to eventually. I'll try to delay them for as long as possible' Jonny kissed her hand. 'Is that why you wanted sedating?'

Julia nodded. 'I knew I couldn't stop that panic attack and if I was awake then there'd be questions all the time. Like last time, when I was a kid.' Julia let her voice trail off.

'It won't be like that princess, I promise. Besides I can be right there with you. I know one thing though, that man will never hurt you or anyone else again.'

'I thought he was sent to hurt me' Julia opened her eyes and looked at her father 'I thought he was meant to kill me.'

'Julia what are you saying? Did you recognise him?' Jonny moved closer to his daughter.

'I'm not sure' Julia could feel the panic building up 'I thought I did. I thought he was part of the gang. Now I don't know, everything is so confused inside my head. I barely remember anything but I just keep seeing his face.'

'Okay, its okay' Jonny spoke soothingly. 'We're here to protect you, nothing can happen to you here I promise.' He waited for Julia to gain control of her breathing. 'This is too important to just keep to ourselves, you understand right?'

Julia nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks 'what if I'm just paranoid? My mind plays tricks, you know it does. I don't want everyone looking at me like I'm crazy.'

'If it is just your mind then we'll know there's nothing to worry about won't we?' Jonny kissed her forehead. 'To be frank with you Princess, I'd rather you were being paranoid but we need to find out.'

...

'So it isn't what Julia thought it was? It wasn't a revenge attack?' Jac questioned Jonny as they sat in the uncomfortable chairs outside ICU.

'Thankfully no' Jonny leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes. 'That's why she was so frightened, she had herself convinced the past was coming back to haunt her. And then she was worried she was going to be judged as crazy. As soon as the police showed her his photograph she knew it wasn't who she thought it was. The inspector was so nice explaining that the guy was extremely ill with schizophrenia, it was a completely random attack, and that she shouldn't feel scared because he's now locked away getting treatment. Julia's been a lot calmer ever since.'

'Maybe we should have moved away' Jac sighed 'after the court case. Maybe that would have helped with the PTSD.'

'Julia was adamant she didn't want that' Jonny opened his eyes 'don't you remember? She wanted some stability. Besides all those vile people where moved to different prisons around the country, we wouldn't know where they were.'

'What if they didn't get them all?' Jac worried.

'They did Jac, they were confident at the time.' He sat up straight as Hattie came out of ICU. She looked visibly upset. 'Everything okay?'

'Not really' Hattie sniffed, trying not to cry. 'Julia told me she wants to quit nursing. I said not to be ridiculous and she asked me to leave.'

Jac made a tutting sound as she got to her feet and strode towards to door to ITU.

'Great, so now Jac is mad with me too' Hattie sighed as she sat down in the seat Jac had just vacated.

'I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, I've said plenty of stupid stuff to Jac over the years whilst thinking I was being helpful' Jonny spoke comfortingly. 'She always forgives me eventually.'

'I didn't think when she woke up it would be like this' Hattie shook her head. 'I feel like an idiot.'

'When I first met Jac she was like this puzzle I couldn't solve. Wanting me, pushing me away, being affectionate, saying she hated me. It was one huge roller coaster. Then one day she told me what she'd been through. I was horrified, how could this have been allowed to happen to young girl? A child, who was meant to be protected by these people? So then I thought I could help fix Jac. I would be the superhero to take away all that pain from her childhood. Except I realised I couldn't. You cannot erase memories just by loving someone. All you can do is let them know they are no longer alone, that they no longer have to hide and pretend. I've seen Jac at absolute breaking point and I still love her more than anything on this earth. So each time she tried to push me away I dug my heals in. She'd say why do you stay, leave me, you could have a much easier life without me. I stayed because this dark side of Jac, only present because of what happened to her as a kid, is just one tiny little part of her. I get all the good stuff too, some of it only me and girls ever get to see. That's the magic that keeps me loving her.'

'Julia showed me the press articles covering the court case. I thought the same as you, that we could heal together. Its not going to be like that is it? ' Hattie looked at Jonny.

'You always have the choice to walk away' Jonny spoke bluntly.

'Not an option. I love her too much' Hattie shook her head.

'Then the only option you've got is to just go with it' Jonny shrugged. 'You can't change any of what's happened but what you can do is start to build new happy memories together. There'll be stumbling blocks, moments which will feel like hell on earth. But you'll know there'll always be better days. Brilliant days. Days so full of love you'll wonder what you ever did to deserve it. Jac and I, well I guess you can see it for yourself.' Jonny smiled 'I wouldn't trade my life with that woman for the universe. You and Julia can have that too, I know you can.'


	30. chapter 30

_Thank you for reading - I can't belive I'm at chapter 30!! Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

'Welcome to Keller Ward' Dominic Copeland smiled warmly at Julia as her bed was positioned in the side room. 'Bet you're glad to be out of ITU?'

Julia just looked at her father and Jonny could tell she was trying not to freak out in this new environment. 'Och we all are' Jonny answered for her. He took hold of her hand a squeezed it supportively.

'Well its hardly party central down there but up here we've got it all going on' Dom looked through Julia's file.

'Where's mum?' Julia asked.

'She'll be in in a bit, she's just catching up with Sacha.' Jonny reassured his daughter.

'They didn't have much in the way reading material that wasn't celebrity based but I thought maybe we could look through these and get some ideas for colour schemes' Hattie spoke brightly as she held up several interior design magazine.

'I'm tired' Julia closed her eyes.

'Maybe later then' Hattie put the magazines down on the bed tray, trying not to let her disappointment show.

'I'll leave you to settle in and rest' Dom smiled sympathetically at Hattie. 'This has been quite a trying time for all of you.' He walked out of room feeling extremely sorry for Hattie. He could already tell Julia was directing a lot of her frustrations at her fiancée. He walked into Sacha's office to be greeted with a menacing glare from Jac Naylor.

'Don't you know how to knock?' she glowered.

'I operate on a open door policy Jac' Sacha explained with a sigh. 'The only time they knock is if the do not disturb sign is on the door. Besides Dom will be treating Julia, she's his patient.'

'I wanted you to treat her' Jac flashed her eyes angrily at her friend.

'I can't Jac, I'm too close' Sacha shook his head 'you and those girls are family to me. It wouldn't be ethical.'

'And what happens when Julia refuses to let a strange male, someone she doesn't know examine her? You know what she's like, she's back to freaking out over every little thing.'

'I'm going to build trust with your daughter Ms Naylor' Dom spoke up. He remembered Zosia's advice not show weakness or ineptitude around the fiery redhead. 'Everything will be done on Julia's terms.'

'I've briefed everyone who will be treating Julia, they all know about hr PTSD. I've consulted with psych, we've got a good plan in place. More importantly Julia agreed with the plan when I talked it over with her this morning.'

'Why wasn't I called?' Jac huffed 'I could have been here for that, I should have been here.'

'Your daughter is an adult now Jac' Sacha reminded her gently 'she is remarkably like you in her capability to make sensible and level headed decisions.'

'I want to see the plan' Jac hissed. She snatched the folder from Sacha's hand as he held it out to her. Her heart sank a little as she saw the dosage of the antidepressants had been increased to almost the same amount as it had been five years ago. She said nothing however, Julia had been in control of her own medication since she was sixteen and Jac had long ago learned to respect her wishes. She read through the rest of the file quickly before handing it back to Sacha. 'If anything happens to my daughter in your care' Jac glowered at Dom 'your whole career will be on the line.' She strode out of the room letting the door slam behind her.

'Welcome to Jac Naylor in full lioness mode' Sacha smiled apologetically at Dom. 'That actually went more smoothly than I thought.'

'With Jac maybe' Dom shook his head 'I think Julia is going to be harder to manage than we've realised. She clung to Jonny's hand the entire time I was in the room. Her poor fiancée got rebuked when she was being perfectly sweet and lovely. Honestly Sacha I'm not sure Keller is going to be right ward for her.'

'We have to make it right for her' Sacha spoke firmly 'because the psych ward simply isn't equipped to deal with her injuries. I also don't want her to become part of a system. We keep her here and we try to engage her to cooperate with us. Its the only choice Julia's got and she knows it.'

...

'Julia Naylor-Maconie I would like to introduce you to your niece' Ava beamed a she held out a new scan picture of her unborn child to her sister.

'Its a girl?' Julia smiled softly as she looked at the grainy image.

'Yes, Mo was right' Ava laughed 'and she's perfectly healthy. I swear Auntie Jac teared up during the scan. Amanda full on cried but then I was expecting that.'

'Mum just wants everything to be okay for you. Don't be heartless' Julia shook her head. 'Did you want to see?' Julia passed the picture to Hattie.

'Awh she's beautiful Ava' Hattie smiled. She felt Julia squeeze her hand and it lifted her heart slightly, a little display of affection. 'Our niece' she smiled at Julia.

'I'm going to go and find Uncle Jonny but I'll be back in a bit. Do you want anything?' Ava watched as Julia shook her head.

'You look all tired again, maybe you should get some more sleep' she suggested brightly as she skipped put of the room, clutching two more copies of the scan picture in her hand.

'It must be amazing, to grow a new life inside you' Hattie mused as she propped up the picture on bedside table.

'I was pregnant when I was twelve. Its how everyone found out about...' Julia swallowed, she wasn't sure why she was telling Hattie this but now she'd begun she knew she need to say it. 'It felt like I had this piece of evil inside me, a cancer. I wanted it gone. So I asked Ava to help me because I knew her guardians worked here. I never meant to tell her everything but I did. I told her that my dad had given me to his friends and they had done stuff to me, stuff I hadn't liked. That it had been happening for years but it was getting worse, there were so many different men...' Tears poured down her cheeks and she could feel Hattie squeezing her hand tightly. 'I used to just let them do it to me, it was easier. But then I missed a period and then my next one didn't come. So I stole a pregnancy test and when it was positive I threw up. The first person I saw was Ava and even though back then she hated me she helped. She got me to the hospital and people actually helped me, they cared about me. After the abortion I felt free. And then a few months later I felt guilty.'

'You've got nothing to be guilty about' Hattie softly. 'What happened to you was indescribably evil and I don't know how you managed to survive it. I'm proud you found the courage to tell someone, to get yourself out of the horrible situation.'

'Maybe what happened on Monday my punishment' Julia sniffed.

'Don't talk like that' Hattie shook her head.

'Like what? Like a crazy person? ' Julia spoke bitterly.

'Just stop this, you're not crazy' Hattie spoke firmly.

'Except that is exactly what I am. I thought the guy who stabbed me was someone I once knew. When they showed me his photograph he looked nothing like him and add the fact that I know full well that the person I thought it was is still in prison then yes my mind is crazy. It had me convinced that my past was catching up with me and it's always going to be like that.'

'I know but its okay' Hattie soothed

'NO YOU DON'T KNOW!' Julia yelled snatching her hand out of Hattie's. 'HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK THINGS WILL BE OKAY? THIS IS HOW MY LIFE WILL ALWSYS BE, YOU WOULDN'T BE MY WIFE, YOU'D END UP BEING MY CARER!' She slid her engagement ring off her finger and threw it across the room. It caused her pain but she didn't care, gaining a sense of satisfaction as it hit the glass window. 'YOU WANT A PERFECT LIFE COMPLETE WITH KIDS. YOU'RE DELUDED HATTIE, COMPLETELY DELUDED TO THINK WE CAN HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT!' Hattie was already leaving the room as she yelled her last words.

Sacha calmly walked into the room and saying nothing he picked up the ring he'd spotted glinting on the floor. He set down on the bed tray and waited for Julia's breathing to calm. 'You know for years your mum did exactly the same thing you're doing now. She'd try to build relationships with people and then push them away. So terrified of being hurt, rejected because of who she thought she was. She couldn't see the brave, intelligent, witty, beautiful person that I could. I could tell your Dad was different. At first he struggled, he'd let her push him away. But he never gave up and eventually your mum realised that here was a good man who loved her no matter what. Her biggest regret is she wasted so much time fighting against him when she could have been happy all along.'

'This is different' Julia spoke bitterly.

'Is it? Because from what I could see Hattie makes you happy. You love her.'

'Don't you see? Because I love her, I have to let her go. She shouldn't be trapped with me, wasting her time looking after me.' Julia wiped angrily at the tear that ran down her face.

'Huh.' Sacha pondered looking at Julia.

'What?' Julia glowered.

'I just didn't realise you hadn't noticed the way you took care of Hattie. When her mum cut off her allowance you were right there, making sure she was safe and looked after.'

'So? I couldn't leave her living in that hell hole with no food.'

'No you couldn't' Sacha agreed 'no more than Hattie could just leave you because you were stabbed or because you have PTSD. No one has a perfect life Julia and whole point of being in a relationship is sharing everything, all of it. Do you really think Hattie doesn't love you enough to support you? She's been disowned by her family just to be with you.' Sacha took out Julia's file, pretending to check her stats, giving her a moment to process his words. 'Of course if you really want to be alone all your life you're going the right way about it. Poor Hattie' he closed the folder 'I'm sure there were possibly less public ways you could have broken her heart.'

'What if she doesn't come back?' Julia suddenly spoke up.

'She'll come back' Sacha smiled reassuringly 'she doesn't look like someone who'd give up easily to me. Just remember though everyone has their breaking points. Don't live a life of regret.' Sacha walked out of the room, giving Julia some space to think. He loved Julia like she was his niece and it pained him to see her in pain and distress. All Sacha could hope was he could guide her making the right decisions for herself.


	31. Chapter 31

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

'She really is such a miracle' Amanda repeated as she looked again the ultrasound image of her granddaughter. She had stayed to have a coffee with Jac in the small hospital coffee shop. This was the first time she'd been out to do anything social since Markus's death and she was surprised by how easy it was proving to be.

'You're going to wear that picture out' Jac rolled her eyes.

Amanda laughed as she tucked the picture inside her bag. 'Don't pretend you're not in awe as much as I am, I saw you in there trying not to cry' she teased.

'It was more relief every is okay' Jac looked down at her coffee cup. 'It was Amelia's anniversary last Saturday, things tend to play on your mind.'

Amanda placed a comforting hand on Jac's arm. 'All of this must be so hard for you.'

'Its hard for all of us' Jac looked up and gave Amanda a sad smile.

'How's Julia? Is she up for visitors yet?' Amanda removed her hand, knowing her sympathy wouldn't be welcome for long.

'She's out of real danger which is good. She's been moved from ITU. Mentally she's not so great. She had a flash back during the stabbing and her mind got all confused.' Jac took a sip of her coffee. 'I just don't know what to do. I feel useless' she shrugged. 'Julia now wants to quit nursing, she says it wouldn't be safe for her or the patients if she's freaking out every time someone so much as brushes past her.'

'It must have been so terrifying for her. I can't even to begin to imagine.' Amanda shook her head. 'Maybe she's right, I mean how could this have been allowed to happen to a student? Maybe it just isn't safe enough for her.'

'This type of incident is so rare its a never event' Jac explained 'but as Jonny pointed out people are always unpredictable and they touch you to express all manor of emotions. Usually in gratitude or sometimes fear. Its rarely in anger, to inflict violence.'

'We both know though precisely what goes on in Julia's head every time someone unfamiliar touches her. A career in nursing is going to be extremely stressful for her because of that.' Amada spoke wisely.

'But nursing gave her a focus, without it I'm scared she'll disappear from us' Jac smiled sadly.

'We'll think of something' Amanda offered 'we just need to keep her busy.'

'Hi Amanda' Mo slid into the empty seat at their table 'how did the scan go?'

'Good, I'm surprised Ava hasn't been up to see you yet with the pictures' Jac answered.

'So what's she having, pink or blue?' Mo smiled.

Amanda chuckled 'I won't spoil Ava's fun in showing you the pictures but we are expecting a healthy baby granddaughter.'

'See I am never wrong' Mo gloated before putting a very fat looking file down in front if Jac . 'A present for you.'

Jac looked at the name on the front. Jasmine Burrows. 'My dead sister's medical records. I don't know what to say' she responded sarcastically.

'Ava's got questions about her Mum and her birth' Mo explained 'So I contacted archives and they managed to find Jasmine's file. All the maternity records are in there, I checked.'

'Why hasn't she spoken to me about this?' Jac sulked.

'Calm down, she was going to' Mo rolled her eyes 'but then Julia was stabbed and you had different priorities. I thought I'd give you a head start with the notes.'

'Thanks' Jac nodded 'that was actually a nice thought.'

'How old was Ava when Jasmine...?' Amanda asked.

'Three' Jac answered. 'She was only six months when Jasmine got the diagnosis.'

'So young' Amanda shook her head sadly. 'No wonder Ava doesn't remember her.'

'She has a couple of memories, not many but...' Jac started to say before becoming distracted by Hattie storming past the coffee shop on her way to the exit. 'Now what's happened?' she sighed.

'You'd better go and find out' Mo frowned.

'I be right back ' Jac sighed as she got to her feet. 'Don't drink my coffee' she added with a glare at Mo before jogging after Hattie. She caught up with her outside the entrance, calling her name to force her to stop.

'I just need a hour alone' Hattie spoke furiously.

'Okay' Jac nodded. 'What's she done?'

'She took her ring off and threw it' Hattie shook her head 'she was yelling, telling me we can't have a life together.'

'She doesn't mean it' Jac spoke quickly.

'Doesn't she?!' Hattie scoffed angrily.

'No' Jac shook her head. 'She's just frightened that you'll leave her.'

'Well she's doing a bloody good job of making me want to leave her' Hattie laughed bitterly. 'I've told her how I feel about her, my heart is hers. Why can't that be enough for her to trust me?'

'Its complicated' Jac shrugged 'you just need to keep trying. Eventually she'll get it.'

'You didn't hear what she said' Hattie shook her head.

'She once told me that she hated me, called me a controlling narcissistic bitch' Jac sighed at the memory. 'It didn't feel great at the time but I knew she didn't mean it. She was just angry because I'd searched her room and removed anything sharp she could cut herself with. As you've seen we've now got a very close relationship because she trusts me but that trust took a lot of time. You've only known each other a year. If you're not prepared to work at the relationship then maybe its better if you don't come back. It'll be easier and fairer for both of you that way.' Jac turned away and started walking back towards the hospital.

'I'm not leaving her' Hattie called after her. 'I'm not walking away.'

'Good' Jac called back as she kept walking. She let the relief wash over her as she sat back down with Mo and Amanda. She wasn't sure just how much more heartache her little family could take.

...

'I can't believe you threw your ring at Hattie' Ava shook her head as she reclined back in the chair and rubbed her growing bump.

'Yes , we've established I'm an idiot. Now can you just help me come with an idea to fix this?' Julia spoke crossly.

'Duh you just need to call her and tell her you're sorry' Ava rolled her eyes.

'I can't, my phone is still down in the ED locker room' Julia shook her head. 'Besides I feel like I need to make some kind of gesture.'

'Hmm well considering you were stabbed and nearly died I'm not exactly sure what can be done.' Ava tried to keep the sarcasm in her voice to a minimum as she held out her own iPhone 'just use my phone and tell her you're sorry and you're past being an idiot now.'

'Or you could just tell me to my face' Hattie smiled as she leaned against the door frame.

'You came back' Julia felt relief wash over her as a tear ran down her cheek.

'Of course I did' Hattie shrugged. 'You think a bit of melodramatic ring flinging is going to make me love you any less?'

'I'd better give you guys some space' Ava got to her feet. 'I'll see if I can get into the ED locker room and get your stuff back.' She quickly squeezed Hattie's hand reassuringly as she passed her on the way out of the room.

'Come on then beau where's my grovelling apology?' Hattie teased as Julia wiped at her eyes and blew her nose.

'I'm not great with words but I am sorry, I'm such an idiot' Julia cried.

'Yeah you are' Hattie walked to her side and kissed her. 'But you'll always be my idiot. Just promise you'll never tell me to leave you again okay?'

'Absolutely' Julia sniffed.

'By the way I'm now pretty convinced your mum actually really does like me' Hattie chuckled.

'Why wouldn't she? You're taking me off her hands.'

'Well there is that' Hattie sunk down into the chair by the bed and yawned.

'You're not staying here tonight by the way, you're going home to get some proper sleep' Julia spoke firmly.

'Hmm we'll see' Hattie closed her eyes.

'And you need to go back to uni. You've missed three days. That's going to be hell to catch up on.' Julia continued. 'Also what have you eaten since Monday that didn't come out of a vending machine?'

Hattie opened her eyes and laughed. 'Why were you so concerned about me looking after you when its you looking after me?'

'We're a team aren't we?' Julia smiled. 'I look after you and you look after me.'

'Sounds good to me. Sign me right up.'

...

Julia watched her mother working late into the evening, typing away on her laptop as she sat in chair next to her hospital bed.

'Mum?'

'Hmm?' Jac looked up from her laptop.

'Do you think I'll have to sell the house?' Julia asked nervously.

'Why?' Jac frowned 'Do you want to sell it?'

Julia shook her head. 'Its just the trustees based my allowance on me studying at uni. I won't be doing that anymore so I guess that money will stop.'

Jac sighed before speaking 'that money is there to support you through your whole life. Yes we will need to contact the trustees but you'll still get an allowance to live off if you want it. When you turn 21 you can control all of it for yourself.'

'I don't want all of it' Julia spoke stubbornly.

'I know' Jac spoke softly 'but when the compensation money was awarded to you it was never expected that you would be able to get a job and support yourself. Its there to allow you to live a good quality of life with out worrying about money, provided its managed carefully.' She watched as Julia opened her mouth, ready to argue back. 'I know you're going to say the fact that money came from your biological parents assets, the assets they gained from prostituting you, makes you feel sick. I feel it too. But it makes so much sense to accept the money to help you have whatever life you want. They stole your childhood, don't let them take away your future too.' Jac watched as her daughter thought about her words.

'Can we talk about it some more later?' Julia asked.

'Of course we can' Jac smiled reassuringly . 'This is something you can take all the time in the world to think about. You just get some rest, your body needs a lot of time to recover.' She watched as Julia closed her eyes. It would never be possible to express how much she loved her daughter but Jac knew she would fight for her until her last breath. She gently smoothed Julia's blonde hair 'You just sleep now, I promise I'm going to stay right here, I'll always be here.'


	32. Chapter 32

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

'This is nice' Jonny commented as he lay on his own sofa with his wife snuggled up on his chest. He gently ran his fingers through her hair. 'What a week huh?'

Julia had taken a stand, informing them they were all spending far too long at the hospital. She was gaining strength every single day and had taken her first tentative steps this afternoon. When Jac had last seen her she'd had a shower and was sat up in a chair looking much brighter.'Its one I never want to repeat' Jac muttered sleepily.

'To think you thought the girls no longer needed you' Jonny teased. 'They've both just proved they'll always need you.'

'Hmm except is not the same. They don't always need us like they used too. They're independent now, forming their own relationships. Everything is still changing.'

'Well they couldn't stay children forever Jac' Jonny chuckled.

'I'm not saying its a bad thing, its just different that's all' Jac mumbled sleepily. 'Did you get all the paperwork in ED done?'

'Yep. Every last box ticked and report signed. It was weird writing an incident report about an never event that nearly killed my own daughter.'

'I'm sorry' Jac gently squeezed his arm.

'At least its given me some clarity about how it happened. If psych had sent someone down to the ED sooner...'

'Or if a student nurse hadn't been left alone with someone stating they were having violent thoughts' Jac interrupted.

'Julia wasn't alone' Jonny couldn't believe he hadn't told Jac this yet. 'I found out yesterday she was with Robin. The man lunged at Robin, Julia got in between them, she was protecting Robin.'

Jac suddenly lifted her head so she could look at her husband . 'Why doesn't Julia remember this? She hasn't mentioned Robin at all, not even to the police.'

'I don't know' Jonny shrugged. 'I guess she's blocking most of the attack out. We need to tread carefully Jac, don't go confronting her, forcing her to remember.'

'I could skin her alive' Jacs eyes flashed angrily 'why did she do that? Put herself in harms way?'

Jonny kissed Jac's forehead 'I don't know but she's still with us. She did a brave thing, a really brave thing.'

'That she apparently can't remember doing at all' Jac sighed before lying her head back down on het husbands chest. 'She's picked up this heroism from you, you do realise. Wading in first without testing the depth. Twice you've nearly gotten yourself killed.'

'Alright no need to go dredging up the past' Jonny gently smoothed Jac's hair. 'I'm sure Julia will remember. I think she remembers a lot more than she's letting onto the police anyway. She kept looking down when she was saying she couldn't remember anything at all about the attack, I could tell she was lying. I've asked Robin not to visit her, at least not yet. Let's just see what happens over the next few days.'

'At least Hattie is staying with her tonight' Jac spoke gratefully. 'If she has a panic attack overnight Hattie knows how to calm her. The night staff wouldn't have a clue.'

'Julia is a fighter Jac, she'll be alright' Jonny soothed. They lay together in silence, both enjoy the calm away from the hospital until the peace was shattered by the shrill ring of the doorbell. As Jac lifted her head Jonny spoke 'Ignore it, I saw a group of Jehovah witnesses wondering around earlier.' As Jac lay her head back down the bell rang again.

They could hear Ava thundering down the stairs muttering angrily 'I'll get it shall I? Its not like I'm studying for my masters or anything!'

Jonny chuckled as he saw Jac grin evilly expecting Ava to now be even more annoyed. Her grin soon faded as they heard an unmistakable American accent.

'No way' Jac hurried to move off her husband to sit herself upright 'that can't be...?'

'He's staying in an hotel' Jonny whispered quickly 'the last thing we need is you two having a bust up because he's being irritating.'

'Shut up' Jac whispered with a roll of her eyes as she got to her feet. She moved quickly to the living room door and leaned against the door frame, smiling as she watched Michael Spence hugging Ava tightly. Ava was sobbing gently, the surprise of her godfather having reduced her to tears.

'Hey now' he drawled, as he let Ava go 'I didn't fly all this way to make you cry.'

'So why did you fly all this way then Spence?' Jac spoke up, smiling as her friend looked up and realised she was there.

'Dam it Naylor, you weren't answering my calls' Michael frowned.

'I've been busy' Jac shrugged.

'Yeah you've been busy, I had to find out from Sacha.' Michael handed Ava a packet of tissues from his coat pocket 'Here Honey. Now I don't want you to worry about a thing, I'm here now to make things easier for you.'

'Every is fine Spence' Jac rolled her eyes. 'We don't need anyone to help.'

'Yeah, how many times have I heard 'everything is fine' coming from your lips.' Michael shook his head. 'Clearly you're not fine, you've had a hell of a couple of months.'

'I guess you'd better come in then' Jsc started walking down the hall towards the kitchen.

'Hey Jonny' Michael smiled .

'Hi' Jonny nodded, smiling briefly.

'How long are you staying for?' Ava asked as Michael kicked off his shoes whilst unwinding a thick scarf from his neck.

'However long your aunt will put up with me' Michael grinned.

'So did you book into a hotel or...?' Jonny spoke nonchalantly.

'I kind of didn't have time to look into hotels yet. I had some leave owing so I jumped on a plane. I just needed to see my favourite girls.'

'Well I'm sure your daughter will be extremely happy to see you' Jonny hinted .

'Jas is in London this weekend' Ava informed her uncle 'Michael can stay with us.'

'Just for the weekend I promise' Michael held out his car keys to Jonny 'my case is in the trunk. Thanks buddy.'

As Michael and Ava walked down the hall chattering merrily Jonny looked dumbfounded at the keys he'd somehow accepted into his own hand. This was going to be a long weekend.

...

'So have you thought about names yet?' Michael asked Ava whilst they waited for Jonny to return with their takeaway curry from the one Indian restaurant Jac approved of for their ability to cook an actual curry rather than, what she described as, disgusting food dyed slop.

'Actually I already have a name picked out but I'm not telling anyone yet' Ava answered shyly, her hand protectively going to her bump.

'Huh, you're bot even going to tell your favourite godparent?' Michael teased.

'Nope' Ava shook her head 'Mo doesn't get to know yet either' she teased back. 'The first one who gets to hear her name is the baby herself. And Auntie Jac of course because she'll be at the birth with me.'

'Huh. Bold choice. You do know she'll be yelling at you to stop making such a fuss and get on with it?' Michael joked.

'As if' Jac playfully hit Michael on the arm as she set a freshly brewed mug of tea down in front of him.

'You know this is the one thing I really miss about England. The tea.' Michael smiled happily as he warmed his hands around the mug. 'So how's the house coming along, are they still expected to finish in March?'

'Yeah, looks like it' Ava stood up from the tablet. 'Excuse me.'

'She is carrying exactly like you did' Michael chuckled as he watched Ava waddling slightly out of the room.

Jac waited until she'd heard the toilet door close before speaking softly 'don't mention the house.'

'What? Why?' Michael frowned.

'Its almost finished, it is in fact a fully functioning house. But Ava cannot choose the final details like carpet, paint and bathroom tiles without Markus.' Jac explained quickly 'She wants to finish the house for the baby but she just cannot bring herself to do it. Derek, that's the ceo of the building company, is being so kind and patient. They've moved onto working on Julia's house but to be honest I still can't see Ava being ready even after that is all finished.' Jac stopped talking as she heard the flush. 'Its just better for her and the baby if she's not upset' she finished quickly.

Michael nodded to show he understood but privately he thought wrapping Ava in cotton wool was only going to make things harder in the long run. 'So now tell me about Julia. Who is this Hattie and do you approve?'

...

'He is only staying for the weekend' Jonny whispered firmly to his wife as they made up the bed in the spare room. 'He goes directly to his daughter's on Monday.'

Jac tried hard to hide her amusement from her face. Michael had this way of getting right on Jonny's nerves and it never failed to amuse her. 'We can't exactly throw him out Jonny. He saved my life once. And he's Ava's godfather.'

'Don't you think its odd that he's just turned up here unannounced?' Jonny glowered. 'I bet he's been suspended or sacked or something.'

'He just had a lot of leave' Jac shook her head 'stop assuming the worse. He's been wracked with guilt he couldn't make it to Markus's funeral and then when he heard about Julia he just wanted to be here in person.'

'Why did he miss Markus's funeral? I was expecting him to show up on our doorstep then' Jonny fluffed a pillow with excessive force.

'Doctors without borders. He was in Romania helping kids with clef palettes.'

'Of course he was' Jonny muttered. 'If he tries to interfere whilst he's here...'

'Its Michael Spence we're talking about. Interfering is what he does best' Jac rolled her eyes. 'Just be civil okay? He's one of my oldest friends, he's a brother to me just as much as Sacha.'

'I am being civil' Jonny quickly kissed Jac's cheek. 'Just don't expect me to love him like you do.'

...

'Hmm' Michael frowned as he looked through Julia's medical file. It was 8am and he'd left early with Jac to head straight to the hospital to check on Julia. There he had demanded to see Julia's notes and sat himself at the nurse's station to read them.

'Hmm what?' Jac asked worriedly.

'Its nothing' Michael closed the file and smiled at his friend. 'That kid sure is a fighter. Who is Ms Wolfe?'

'Trauma surgeon, works on AAU.' Jac snatched the file from Michael's hand. She read the notes from overnight quickly, feeling a sense of relief that everything was as it should be.

'I must introduce myself to her, some amazing stuff she did on Julia' Michael smiled again.

'Don't interfere' Jac frowned.

'I wasn't going to' Michael laughed nonchalantly. 'But do you really think...'

'Nope, don't want to hear it' Jac stood up abruptly. 'Everything they have done so far I agree with, the care Julia has received has been exemplary.' she walked away to check if her daughter was awake, aware Michael was following her.

'Don't get upset. I was just surprised you'd allowed her to be sedated that's all' Michael stood beside Jac as they looked through the window of the side room at Hattie and Julia laughing together as they looked through a magazine.

'I didn't allow it. Julia did.' Jac answered, smiling as Julia spotted them and waved. 'She nearly died Spence. I'm just grateful I still have her.'

'She looks happy' Michael commented.

'She is. Hattie makes her happy.' Jac opened the door. 'Morning Angel, we had a surprise visitor last night' she spoke brightly as she walked into the room.

'I'm here purely to spoil you rotten until you're back on your feet' Michael announced as he walked in after Jac, making Julia laugh and then wince in pain.

'It still hurts to laugh' she winced and chuckled. 'You came all this way just to see me?'

'Well all my girls obviously' Michael smiled. ' You must be Hattie, pleased to finally meet you' he held out his hand to the confused brunette 'I'm Michael Spence, surrogate Uncle to your beautiful fiancée.'

'Nice to meet you' Hattie politely shook his hand.

'Clearly you haven't heard a lot about me. How about you let me buy you breakfast and we can get to know each other?' Michael laughed. 'Then I want to hear everything about your house' Michael beamed at Julia.

'Sure' Julia nodded. 'Just don't tell me what you had for breakfast. The food in here isn't exactly top end cuisine.'

'I'll try and sneak you in a little something' Michael winked.

As Jac watched the girls chatting away with Michael she felt a wave of gratitude. Interfering he may be but you couldn't deny the positive affect Michael Spence had on her girls. Maybe he would be the tonic they needed to help them all to move forward from the tragedy that had consumed their lives.


	33. Chapter 33

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jac put down her paperwork as she heard Julia mumble in her sleep. She watched her daughters face for a moment, determining this was a nightmare before waking her. 'Hey, you're here with me' Jac spoke softly, reaching out the smooth her daughters blond hair. She smiled as Julia opened her eyes. 'Nightmare?'

'No, I don't think it was a nightmare' Julia answered groggily. 'I think I remembered something.'

'Remembered what?' Jac asked calmly.

'I think I was stabbed because I got in the way. Robin Miller was with me , the guy lunged at her, so I pushed her out of the way. He stabbed me instead.'

'That's good, that you're remembering' Jac kissed Julia's forehead.

'Its kind of my fault that I'm here' a tear ran down Julia's cheek.

'No not yours' Jac spoke firmly. 'It was all his. You probably saved Robin's life.'

'Maybe but I feel kind of stupid, I could have avoided all of this. Maybe if I'd been quicker I could have got us both out of the way.'

'There are a million what ifs in this world' Jac wiped away Julia's tears. 'What happened, happened. What I do know is, you are so brave. I am so proud of you my courageous girl.' Jac kissed her forehead again before folding her into her arms, holding her close and never wanting to let her go.

'So Hattie showed me the house. Pretty good gig you've got going on over there.' Michael Spence enthused as he put his feet up on the edge of Julia's hospital bed.

'It will be once its finished' Julia nodded. 'Of course I have no idea what the kitchen currently looks like because I'm stuck in here.'

'It looks great' Michael reassured her 'and you're doing great, you'll be home before you know it. And I wasn't just talking about the house. Hattie is one in million. She wants to make you happy, treasure that.'

'I'm lying to her though' Julia confessed. 'I lied to her about the trust fund. I told her there wasn't a huge amount of money.'

'Well that's easily solved, just tell her the truth' Michael shrugged.

'The truth is I'm still not sure if I want to use the stupid money' Julia shook her head.

'Look kid, its only money. I know where it came from, I get your anger towards it, but it is just figures on a bank balance. You can either use it to give yourself some financial stability or ignore it and leave it sitting in the bank. Its not worth sweating over.'

'When you first met me did you think I could have a normal life, like with a job, a relationship and stuff?' Julia asked.

'Because mum said people didn't really have great expectations for me back then.'

'I remember thinking that if anyone could bring out the best in you then Jac Naylor could.' Michael smiled sympathetically at her. 'You were this terrified girl, too nervous to even leave the house. Yet you never gave up. I knew you'd achieve anything you set your mind to.'

'Really?'

'Of course' Michael nodded. 'Although I was a little confused when you told me you were going to study nursing at uni. I always thought you'd do something with music.'

'I thought nursing would be more stable' Julia laughed 'You can see its turned out well.'

'Hell, you do not even want to know how many wrong choices and bad decisions I've made in my life' Michael laughed with her. 'So you've tried nursing and its not worked out for you, its not the end of the world. You're an extremely talented young woman, another opportunity will come up. You're going to be just fine honey, I have no doubts about that.'

'What are you doing Naylor?' Michael asked as he popped his head through the loft hatch.

'Looking for something' Jac rolled eyes as she continued to look through a box

'And it couldn't have waited for Jonny to come home?' Michael panted as he manoeuvred himself into the loft.

'Seriously, you could break your neck up here.' He looked around the loft space taking in numerous boxes marked with dates and destinations. 'Wow when you said you'd kept all of George's photographs you weren't kidding.'

'Yes, well, its his entire life's work, there's no way I could just throw it all out' Jac muttered. 'Ah ha! I knew I would be able to find some!' she grinned triumphantly as she unpacked a shoe box marked 'Jasmine and baby Ava'.

'Very impressive' Michael nodded 'now will you come down please?'

'Why are you so nervous?' Jac laughed as she carefully picked her way over the loft hatch 'is it because you think a girl can't handle being amongst the dusty cobwebs?'

'No its because I know what a klutz you are' Michael held out his hands for the shoe box. 'Let me go down first, I'll hold the ladder for you.'

As Michael descended down the ladder with the box Jac looked around her at the contents stored in the loft. She wasn't much of a hoarder, apart from her grandfather's photographs the loft only contained the Christmas decorations and a box each of Julia's and Ava's childhood memories. Ava's box was significantly bigger and Jac felt a pang that Julia wasn't with them through her early years – how different her life would have been. In the far corner covered by old sheets and blankets stood Ava's first bike and her dolls house. Jac smiled as she thought soon she'd have ask Jonny to bring them down for their granddaughter. She remembered from Ava how quickly the years went by, the little girl would be running around the house before they knew it.

'Come on then Naylor, I'm only here for the weekend you know' Michael yelled.

She swung her legs down through the loft hatch, placing her feet carefully on the top of the step ladder. She rook one last look around before turning out the light. Dusty and full of cobwebs it may be but really the loft was quite a happy place.

Jac knocked lightly on Ava's open bedroom door. The young read head was sat in the rocking chair reading one of the pregnancy books, her hand gently rubbing her growing bump. Ava look up and smiled at her aunt 'what's in the box?'

'Photographs' Jac answered as she walked into the room and sat herself on Ava's bed. 'They're of your mum and you. Mo said you had questions.'

'Yeah but I'm not sure you'll be able to answer them' Ava got out of the chair and joined Jac on the bed.

'Well I've read your mum's medical records, so I know a little. Why don't I just tell you what I know?' she smiled as Ava nodded. 'She had a textbook pregnancy with you, very little to report. Her labour was pretty fast, she only had gas and air. You were both back home by the evening of the same day. I'm guessing your mum wouldn't have wanted to stay in hospital any longer than she needed to be.'

'Was she on her own?' Ava asked.

'Of course not' Jac reached out and smoothed Ava's hair 'Granddad was on the birth plan as her birth coach.' She held out the box to Ava. 'I haven't opened it yet. I thought you should be the first one to look.'

Ava took hold of the box and set it down in between them on the bed. She hesitated before opening the lid. What if the photographs upset Auntie Jac? She remembered Mo's words, about how she shouldn't try to shield her aunt, it would only upset her more. Ava lifted the cardboard lid and smiled. There on the top was a photograph of her mother breastfeeding her as an infant. 'I was wondering if she breastfed' Ava looked up at her aunt.

'It seems silly but I'd almost forgotten what she looked like when she looked at you' Jac smiled as she reached out to take the photo of the top. 'She loved you more than anything in the world.'

'She looks like you in this one, same dimples' Ava held out another picture, this time of Jasmine bathing Ava as a toddler. 'Oh my word she's huge!' Ava exclaimed as she unearthed a photograph of her mother grinning broadly as she showed off her full term figure. 'How big was I when I was born?!'

'You were tiny' Jac laughed 'six pounds and two ounces. You should have seen me in my final trimester. Huge was an understatement.'

'Do you have any photos of you?' Ava asked.

'No way' Jac shook her head.

'I have some.'

Jac turned her head at the sound of her husband's voice. 'I didn't hear you come home.'

'Michael is in our lounge watching baseball ' Jonny spoke accusingly. 'I didn't even know our sports channels got baseball .'

'I told him make himself at home' Jac shrugged 'what's the big deal? '

'He asked me what's for dinner whilst putting his feet up on the coffee table.'

'Well you do the majority of the cooking. That wasn't an entirely unreasonable question.'

'He's drinking your scotch.' Jonny smirked as he could see annoyance flicker across his wife's face.

'I'm busy here with Ava, at least Michael has the decency not to interrupt us' Jac frowned.

'I don't mind' Ava spoke brightly, having been entrained by her uncle's annoyance at Michael's unannounced visit as much as her aunt was.

'No, your Auntie Jac is right, I'm spoiling a moment.' Jonny smiled 'I'll see if I can find the photos of your aunt in full pregnant bloom whilst you finish up here.'

'You'd better be lying about those photos Maconie!' Jac yelled after her husband.

Ava laughed as she rummaged through the box. 'Oh' she suddenly gasped as she found a photograph of her mum without any hair, cradling a six month old sleeping Ava in her thin arms.

'Your mum had pretty aggressive chemo at the beginning' Jac explained gently.

'She looks so frail' Ava couldn't take her eyes off the picture.

'She did everything she could to stay with you' Jac lightly touched Ava's hand. 'She would have done anything to be here right now.'

'I wish I could remember her more' Ava spoke sadly. 'Do you know what else I wish for?'

'Go on, tell me' Jac spoke softly.

'That Markus was here so he could take photos of me that I would hate and argue with him that I looked fat and ugly' Ava sniffed.

'He would tell you just how beautiful you look' Jac kissed Ava's forehead. 'Because you do. You look so very much like your beautiful, courageous mum.'

...

'I think I upset Ava with those photographs' Jac spoke softly to Jonny as they rinsed the dishes and stacked the dishwasher together. Ava and her godfather had gone into the lounge to find a movie to watch giving Jac a chance to talk to her husband alone for a few minutes.

'Her emotions are all over the place' Jonny spoke reassuringly. 'You did the right thing showing them to her.'

'I think I just reminded her that she's a single mum' Jac spoke glumly 'and I've probably scared her half to death about her mum's cancer. I should have checked the box first.'

'Don't be daft she's always known her mum had bowel cancer. She also knows it's not hereditary. There's no need to shelter her from the facts.' Jonny dried his hands as Jac set the dishwasher. 'The single mum bit is a be tougher. After all if Markus hadn't been...' he let his voice trail off sadly.

'Exactly. Ava's father was an adulterating ass. Markus on the other hand was good and kind. He would have been so supportive, getting excited over every little detail about their baby.' Jac smiled at her husband 'just like you were. Constantly telling me I was beautiful even though I looked grotesque.'

'Really you didn't' Jonny laughed. 'Look' he took his phone out of his pocket and found the photographs he had downloaded earlier . 'I've had these stored on my cloud for over sixteen years woman' he showed Jac the screen. She was stood with her hands on her bump, side on to the camera, unaware the picture was being taken. She looked content and happy as she felt her baby moving inside her. 'See, beautiful.' Jonny kissed Jac's cheek as he could see she was trying not to cry. 'I won't show Ava these pictures if you don't want me too. She might not have Markus but she has all of us. We'll make dam sure both her and the baby feel as loved as you were in that moment when I took that picture.'


	34. Chapter 34

_Thank you for reading. I've had so many wonderful reviews on this story - thank you for being so supportive. Reviews are always appreciated so please keep letting me know your thoughts on my writing :-)_

'So today is Monday' Jonny commented as he buttoned his shirt. 'And tomorrow it'll be Tuesday.'

'Yes, I am aware of how the days of the week work' Jac quipped.

'So then you are aware that it is no longer the weekend' Jonny looked firmly at his wife.

'Would you chill out?' Jsc rolled her eyes. 'I am not chucking Spence out of our home, you have to at least give him chance to talk to his daughter.'

'He's had all weekend to make a phone call' Jonny kissed his wife's cheek. 'I'm just saying.'

...

'So have you caught up with Jasmine?' Jac asked casually as Michael helped himself to a second cup of her expensive coffee.

'I sent her a message. She tends to turn her phone off over the weekend, otherwise she'll still be fielding problems from work. She'll call when she's read it' Michael responded casually. 'So what time are you going to hospital today?'

'Around 9' Jsc shrugged 'my schedule is kind of my own at the moment. I'll go and see Julia and then see what the theatre schedule is like. Maybe assist Mo if there's anything interesting. Otherwise it'll be answering more queries about the Amelia device .'

'Ah a day in the life of the gifted world renowned surgeon' Michael teased her. 'I'm proud of you, you know that right?'

'I'm getting the gist, a lot of people are making a fuss' Jac shrugged.

'Wait a minute, you're not proud about this achievement?' Michael frowned. 'You don't want all this attention and glory?'

'It feels odd that's all' Jac shrugged 'if it hadn't been for Amelia... I guess it just doesn't feel right to celebrate it.'

'You should be proud Naylor' Michael spoke seriously. 'There has been such a buzz about the device for months now. Heck I even heard about it before you told me it was ready for approval! ' He reached out and place a comforting hand on her arm 'I get why you don't want to celebrate it but it really is okay to be proud.'

Jac moved her arm away from Michael's hand as Ava came into the kitchen carrying a portfolio folder. 'Is that your sketches for your dissertation project?' she asked.

'Yep' Ava nodded 'I've got a tutor meeting this morning. I'm so behind everyone else but I thought I'd check my idea was good before doing more work on it.'

'You're the most talented kid in that place, you're got nothing to worry about' Michael smiled. 'You want me to drive you in?'

'No I'll be okay, I can drive myself' Ava kissed her aunt's forehead 'I'm meeting James for breakfast before our first lecture.'

'See you later Pumpkin' Jac smiled as Ava picked up her keys and walked out the door to the garage .

'Who's James?' Michael questioned.

'A kid on her course' Jac finished eating her toast. 'They met when Ava was doing the undergrad, he kind of looked out for her. Its not often a 16 year old studies at uni, James made sure she could find her way round campus without any trouble. He's also gay' Jac added seeing the look on Michael's face. 'It is possible for a girl to be friends with a boy without any sexual intentions' she rolled her eyes. 'We've been friends for years and you've never tried to get into my pants anymore than I've tried to get into yours.'

'Yeah well that's different' Michael crossed his arms. 'You're like my baby sister. Ava's quite naive, I'm not sure she'd know if a man was making advances or not.'

'Shut up now Spence' Jac got up from the table to start clearing away the breakfast things. 'She's pregnant, so clearly not that naive.'

'Pregnant by her childhood sweetheart. Ava's never even been to a bar with out Markus right by her side. He offered her a lot of protection from the worthless douchebags in this world' Michael nodded. 'That's all I'm saying.'

'Yeah well Markus offered her a lot of things. He was one in million. Everything is hard for Ava without him. ' Jac turned away towards the sink so Michael wouldn't see her trying not to cry. Sometimes he could be so insensitive with his forthright ways.

...

'You're doing great' Michael spoke encouragingly to Julia as they walked slowly down the corridors of the the hospital.

'I don't remember walking being this hard' Julia laughed as she leaned against Michael, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of her stitches.

'Well you've been laid up for a week, your body just needs to get used to moving again' he pointed to a wide window sill. 'Why don't we rest here a moment?' He helped her to sit down on the ledge, chuckling at her cautiousness. 'Those stitches will hold out against movement you know.'

'I know, I just didn't realise they felt this horrible and sore.' Julia rolled her eyes.

'You're so much like your mum' Michael chuckled. 'She's the worst patient I've ever met; trying to be stoic but an absolute wuss underneath it all. Never met anyone else more determined though – apart from you.'

'You know everyone keeps saying that but I'm not' Julia shook her head. 'I feel like everyone has this expectation that I should be strong and resilient just like her. But I can't be strong all the time. Its not fair to constantly expect us to be the same just because we've had similar crimes committed against us.'

'Feeling a bit pigeonholed huh?' Michael spoke empathically.

'Its just everyone has expectations of what I should be like. My experiences aren't the same as anyone else's.' Julia sighed 'the only person on the ward who doesn't treat me with kid gloves is Sacha.'

'You're right, no two people are ever the same' Michael nodded. 'Honey, what you need to is to find your voice and use it. Tell those doctors and nurses exactly how they should treat you. As for being compared to your magnificent mum, you know she has her bad days too right?'

'I've never seen one' Julia spoke glumly.

'Well trust me she does. She still has nightmares, doesn't like unexpected psychical contact. No one is expecting you to be infallible. In fact sometimes I look at your mum and think her life would be easier if she was just honest with people. It's okay to not be fine once in a while. But that fighting spirt she has, you have it too. In spades.' He looked sternly at Julia. 'You are going to make the best of what life has to throw at you, I just know you will.'

'What was mum like when you first met her?' Julia asked.

'Bolshie' Michael laughed. 'She was this beautiful confident woman. It didn't make her popular, especially with other women. But my god she had the talent to go with those abrasive parts of her personality.'

'Could you tell, I mean, was it obvious what she'd been through?'

'Not at all' Michael shook his head. 'When her mom turned up I was so shocked to hear Jac had been abandoned. Then when Sacha found out about the abuse she'd received in care, it took me ages to digest it. Jac Naylor is an extraordinary woman.'

'Once you knew did it change how you treated her?' Julia asked she carefully stood back up.

Michael thought for a bit 'I like to think it didn't. I mean I gave her a few extra breaks every now and then – it made me understand her temper tantrums. Your mother is a genius though, a lot of people dismissed her hot headedness as part of that .'

'Do you think Mum expects more of me?' Julia asked as she took a few tentative steps.

'Your mum just wants you to be happy' Michael spoke firmly. 'When you first came to live with them she said to me that every day you surprised her. She had no expectations, she already loved you. My god you pushed her buttons but she knew if she just hung on in there you could feel safe enough to become your own woman. Your mum didn't let her past define her. She just wants the same for you. We all do.'

'Okay then.' Julia nodded, her voice full of determination.

'Okay then' Michael nodded back. 'Glad we've got that straightened out.'

'You know you're really easy to talk to' Julia spoke as they continued their slow walk back to ward.

'I'm not sure my ex wife would agree with you' Michael laughed.

'Did she leave you or did you leave her?'

'I had affairs and so did she. It was kind of mutual' Michael answered. 'Now less talking, more walking. I've only got two weeks of leave you know.'

...

'I think Michael is in love with mum' Julia announced to Ava as they sat on her hospital bed together flicking through magazines.

'Don't be gross' Ava grimaced.

'Seriously think about it. He always turns up in a crisis, he always brings her little gifts of the coffee she likes or that extremely bitter dark chocolate that no on else can stand. He calls her all the time.'

'Yes because they're friends and he's a nice person' Ava rolled her eyes.

'Face it our Mum is hot and I bet she was even hotter as a young registrar.' She laughed as Ava pulled a disgusted face. 'Michael said he'd had affairs when he was married. Its likely mum could have been one of them.'

'I very much doubt that' Ava shook her head.

'Well then how come Dad hates him?' Julia questioned.

'I actually don't know' Ava mused 'they had some kind of row when Auntie Jac was in hospital once.'

'I bet its because mum and Michael bumped uglies in the past and dad found out about it making him feel all territorial.'

'Please stop talking, you're making me feel sick' Ava shook her head.

'It is possible though, don't you think?' Julia persisted 'that Michael could be in love with Mum?'

'Maybe' Ava shrugged 'I don't know.' She thought about the way Michael behaved with her aunt. The little in jokes they had and they way she always comfortable in his presence, at ease to fool around. They could argue and make up again within minutes they were that sure of each other. 'He was touching her arm when I walked into the kitchen this morning' she slowed her speech as she thought. 'Auntie Jac snatched it away as I came into the room, like she didn't want me to see. What if they're having an affair right now?!' Ava arched her eyebrow in alarm.

'No' Julia shook her head. 'Mum wouldn't do that to Dad. She loves him.'

'What if she's in love with both of them?' Ava questioned 'she could be having her cake and eating it too!'

'I very much doubt that. It hardly seems like something mum would do' Julia laughed, hoping Ava was joking.

'Well how would we know? People do surprising things all the time. The version we see of Jac Naylor is the motherly homemaker but I know she had a past, I've heard rumours.'

'Ava, I don't think she would cheat on Dad' Julia spoke firmly this time.

'Well if she is I'm going to find out before Uncle Jonny does and put a stop to it' Ava huffed.

...

'Hey Pumpkin' Jac smiled as Ava knocked on the open door to the Darwin office. 'Are you bored of Julia already?'

'She's taking a shower' Ava sat herself down in the chair opposite her aunt's desk.

'If I ask you something do you promise to tell me the truth?'

'Of course' Jac lay down her pen and took off her reading glasses, giving Ava her full attention.

'Are you and Michael having an affair?'

Jac's mouth dropped open and she sat in silence for an extremely long time. Ava could actually feel her aunt trying to control both her shock and her anger.

'Good news Naylor, I'm officially off your hands' Michael strutted into the office 'just got off the phone to Jasmine, I'm meeting her at her flat in an hour.'

Jac swallowed before commanding 'shut the door Spence.'

'Whats up?' Michael frowned as he did as he was asked, feeling the tension in the room.

'Ava would like to know if you and I are having an affair' Jac spoke matter factually, not once taking her eyes off Ava.

'You what?' Michael laughed in shock.

'Clearly I've got it wrong' Ava squirmed uncomfortably, looking down at her hands, wishing her aunt would stop looking at her like that.

'Of course you have' Jac struggled to keep her voice level. 'What even made you think that it was a possibility?'

Ava shrugged uncomfortably before muttering 'Julia said she thought Michael was in love with you.'

'Jezz, honey, of course I love your aunt but not in that way' Michael knelt down beside Ava and placed his hands on top of hers. 'She's like the baby sister I never had. So I'm going to look out for her and you girls because you're family. Plus I like seeing your Aunt trying not to smile whenever I'm nice to her' he added with a soft laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

'So you've never...?' Ava looked into her godfathers eyes.

'It would be like incest' Michael reassured her.

'For the record I'm not having an affair with anybody' Jac spoke with a note of anger in her voice 'and nor would I. I'm still very much in love with Jonny.'

'See, you've got nothing to worry about. Those pregnancy hormones can do strange things to your mind huh?' Michael spoke kindly.

'I'm sorry' Ava looked at her aunt.

Jac simply nodded in acknowledgement of Ava's apology. 'What would you have done if we were having an affair?'

'I don't know' Ava shrugged as a tear trickled down her cheek. ' I was just worried my world was going to fall apart even more.'

Jac simply held out her tissue box to Ava. 'Uncle Jonny and I are as solid as a rock. Neither of us are going anywhere okay?'

'Okay' Ava nodded. She knew she was still in trouble with her aunt, it would take her a while to cool off from this. The facts were always better than the rumours and Ava knew she should have known better. In this moment of strange grief mixed with the joy of the new life growing inside her everything felt so fragile to Ava. What she wanted more than anything was some stable ground, just so she could find her feet.


	35. chapter 35

_Merry Christmas!! This not a seasonal chapter at all ha ha! Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts. Hope you all have a safe and happy festive season however you're celebrating :-)_

Jac walked into the side room of Keller ward and closed the door behind her. She stood at the end of her daughter's bed and pointedly crossed her arms.

'I didn't say to Ava you were having an affair' Julia spoke quickly.

'Do you have any idea how quickly rumours get started in this place?' Jac glowered.

'With Ava hanging around I'd say within a nanosecond' Julia attempted to divert her mother's anger with humour.

'What if Ava had gone running to your Dad?!' Jac hissed, unamused.

'Why am I getting the blame for this?' Julia frowned. 'I only said I thought Michael was in love with you. Ava's own imagination came up with you and him having a secret liaison behind Dad's back!'

'You're right I'm sorry' Jac sighed. 'However what is abundantly clear is we need to get you hobby to occupy your over active imagination.'

'Duly noted' Julia masked a grin.

'You're okay?' Jac unfolded her arms and reached for Julia's file at the end of the bed.

'Bored' Julia shrugged. 'I've almost made it through an entire day without a panic attack though.'

'Progress then' Jac gave a soft smile. 'You need me to sit with you for a bit?'

'I'm okay if you have stuff to do' Julia answered. 'I've got some books to read.'

'I'll be back before I leave' Jac slotted the file back into the holder. 'Try not to bring down the entire hospital with rumour and speculation before then.'

...

'You really aren't repulsed by my scars are you?' Julia mused as Hattie massaged vitamin e oil into her arms, taking extra care on the worst of the straight line scaring Julia had cut into her skin over the years.

'Why would I be?' Hattie gently kissed Julia. 'These are your battle scars, they show me how brave you really are.'

'That's not how I see them' Julia spoke sadly.

'No, I know' Hattie put the bottle of oil back onto the cupboard by the bed. 'Maybe one day I'll change your mind.' She pulled the chair as close to the hospital bed as she could get it and sat down in it, holding Julia's hand. 'You look tired ' she commented.

'I've been walking the halls of holby city hospital' Julia smiled. 'I'm trying to get fit enough so they will discharge me.'

'Don't push yourself too hard beau' Hattie warned her.

'I won't' Julia promised 'but I'm sick of this place. I want to be back home with you.'

'I know, but I want you home well' Hattie kissed her hand.

'How would you feel about us getting married this year?' Julia asked.

'I don't mind when we get married' Hattie chuckled 'but wouldn't that mean we'd be planning it all in a rush?'

'Well what would be waiting for if we took our time?' Julia shrugged. 'I want us to be together properly, I don't care what anyone else thinks.'

'Okay then ' Hattie grinned.

'By the way Mum and Ava have fallen out, expect a bit of tension when you go home' Julia spoke airily.

'You sound guilty' Hattie narrowed her eyes. 'What did you do?'

'It wasn't entirely my fault' Julia sniggered before telling Hattie the full story. As they laughed together Julia knew Sacha's advice had been right – what would be the point of pushing Hattie away just in case she broke her heart? Instead Julia was going to let her into her life whole heartedly because it was moments like this that made the risk completely worth it.

...

'Oh the joys to come home to a house devoid of Michael Spence!' Jonny exclaimed cheerfully as he found his wife sat in her study. He leaned over the desk and kissed her forehead. 'By the way you and me need to have a wee chat about that affair you're not having. '

'Ava told you then?' Jac scowled. 'Its not funny Jonny!'

'It is' Jonny chuckled.

'Oh yeah its really great that our daughters think I'm some kind of trollop' Jac sulked.

'Jac they don't think that' Jonny tried to control his laughter.

'Why else would they think I was capable of cheating on you?' Jac sighed as she leaned back in her chair.

'Look I get why you're upset.' Jonny moved around the desk and began to massage his wife's neck and shoulders. He could tell she clearly wasn't about to find humour in this situation. Instead she needed his empathy and a little indulging. 'Honestly there's no need for you to get this tense' Jonny kissed the top of her head. 'Ava's imagination ran away with her that's all. She's full of hormones at the moment and considering everything she's going through I think we need to cut her a little bit of slack. She's mortified with herself if that helps.'

'If she'd gone to you first would you have believed her?' Jac closed her eyes as she enjoyed her husband's attention.

'Not in a million years' Jonny reassured her. 'I know you never would.'

Jac's phone vibrated against the desk and her eyes snapped open.

'Leave it' Jonny urged her 'you need to unwind a bit'

'What if its Julia?' Jac snatched up the handset, quickly answering it when she saw Sacha's name on the screen. She had barely said hello before Sacha started speaking.

Jonny watched as his wife frowned before speaking briskly 'she can't have got far, stay with Mo we'll look for her.' She hung up before turning to her husband. 'Evelyn has run away from home .'


	36. Chapter 36

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and suggestions :-)_

'Okay we need to think logically. All she has with her is her school bus pass, coat and phone' Jonny spoke as he spread a tattered ordnance survey map out on Mo and Sacha's kitchen table. An hour of searching had proved fruitless. The police had now been called and Jonny had rounded up as many of their friends that he could contact to help with the search.

'Which buses can she catch around here?' Bernie Wolf asked as looked at the long list of bus routes and timetables on her phone.

'Theres not many' Sacha answered. He looked pale and more worried than Jac had ever seen him. Mo was currently giving as many details about their fifteen year old daughter as she possibly could to the police. He could barely think straight, he had no idea how Mo could remember the details of the clothes Evelyn was wearing, right down to colour of her socks. 'The 40 and 42 but they drop to once every hour after 7pm.' The twins were being kept entertained by Mo's mother in their bedroom upstairs. Oscar had repeatedly asked when Evelyn would be home, Sacha hadn't known what to say.

'Okay Serena and I will drive the route of 42 and Ric can take the 40' Bernie looked up at Ric who nodded in acknowledgement.

'I will look around this section here' Jonny drew a rectangle around his proposed search area. 'Spence is already searching the leisure complex on foot in case Evelyn had enough cash to watch a movie or get food or something' Jonny ringed around the site with his pencil. 'Jac and Ava can search this area' he marked a another square on the map.

'Ava is staying here' Jac spoke firmly.

'No I'm not' Ava huffed crossing her arms 'I came to help, I'm not stopping until we find Evelyn.'

'You need to rest, you'll be better off here in the warm' Jac shook her head.

'I'm pregnant not sick!' Ava glowered.

'We haven't got time for this' Jonny snapped. 'Just let Ava go with you Jac.' It was a testament to how worried Jac was that she didn't argue back. 'Guy can you and Amanda drive to the shopping centre? Most of the shops will be closed but is where she hangs out with her friends so it'll be familiar to her.'

'Not a problem' Guy nodded. 'I keep trying to remember all the places the twins used to go when they were Evelyn's age.'

'We will find her Sacha' Ric spoke positively.

As Sacha simply nodded Jac reached out and gently squeezed his arm. She knew words weren't necessary. 'Thank you' his voice was choked with emotion 'thank you everyone.'

...

'What did Mo and Evelyn argue about before Evelyn stormed out?' Ava asked as she looked out of the window car window, trying desperately to spot a surly fifteen year old girl dressed in a pale blue waterproof coat and grey scarf in the dark gloom around them.

'Is it relevant?' Jac sighed. 'You know I think we're going round in circles, we've already been down this street.'

'It could be relevant. What if Evelyn picked where ever she's hiding on the basis of the context of the row?'

'You should have studied psychology not art' Jac muttered as she pulled over to study the map Jonny had given her.

'Far too boring' Ava rolled her eyes. 'We should look around Southsea Terrace. There's a play park there, Mo used to take us to it.'

'That's as good as plan as any' Jac put the map in her lap and pulled back into the road.

'Are you still cross with me?' Ava asked tentatively.

Jac considered lying before answering truthfully 'a little.'

'I am genuinely sorry, I don't know what I was thinking' Ava spoke gloomily.

'That your guardian is a tart' Jac answered for her. They sat in an awkward silence for a long time before Jac spoke again. 'Not all the rumours you hear about me at the hospital are true you know.'

'I know' Ava spoke quickly.

'I've always said I'd never lie to you. I haven't exactly been an angel, I've done some things I most definitely regret. But that was all when I was young and naive. I would never risk loosing Jonny or upsetting our family for anything. Most certainly not for the likes of Michael Spence.'

'In fairness I think you could do a lot worse than Michael. I mean if you were in the market for a new husband for any reason at least you know he'd treat you nice' Ava shrugged.

'Perhaps you could suggest to Spence he uses that on his online dating profile' Jac smirked. 'He's arrogant and annoying and seriously not my type. But he has taken very good care of me over the years. I literally owe him my life. So yes there is there is lot of love between us, but never in the way you were thinking.'

'STOP THE CAR!' Ava suddenly yelled.

Jac slowed the car down to halt 'what did you see?' she spoke briskly

'Back up a little bit' Ava urged her. 'Keep going' the car inched slowly backwards. 'Stop! Look there – I think that's her!'

Jac leaned over the console to look through the passenger window to where Ava was pointing. Sat on top of climbing frame in a park was a lonely figure in a blue coat with the hood pulled up against the cold. 'Stay here' Jac commanded as she opened the car door.

'But...' Ava started to protest.

'You're to stay in the car where it is safe and warm' Jac spoke firmly 'am I making myself clear?!'

'Fine' Ava huffed.

'If it is Evelyn I'll wave and you can call Mo' Jac instructed as she got out of the car. She walked towards the little metal gate to the play park, pushing it open to gain entry. She let it slam shut behind her before walking towards the climbing frame calling out 'Evelyn?'. The girl didn't react but Jac recognised her as she got closer. She turned and waved at the car, knowing Ava would do as she had been asked and call Evelyn's mother. 'Can you come down please Evelyn?' Evelyn didn't answer, instead she just hunched further inside her coat. Jac sighed. Melodramatic teenagers were not exactly her forte. Tantrums were far easier to deal with than sulky silences. 'You know I've just had an extremely long day at work and now I've spent most of my evening looking for you. The least you could do is have the courtesy to get down off that health and safety nightmare.'

'Everyone hates me' Evelyn spoke with a sob.

Jac tutted. Evelyn sounded so pathetic she didn't have the heart to yell at her. 'No one hates you Evelyn.'

'Sophie and Lauren both said the reason why Finlay wouldn't ask me out was because I was fat and then they wouldn't let me join their team during PE' Evelyn sniffed.

'So that's what you're upset about?' Jac arched her eyebrow disbelievingly. The Evelyn Jac knew was fairly confident and had little time for playground bullying.

'No, I'm upset I told my mum I hated her' Evelyn sobbed. 'Because I was angry from school.'

Jac sighed as she resigned herself to having to climb up next to Evelyn in order to comfort her. The climb was easy enough, although the metal was extremely cold against her bare hands. She carefully positioned herself to sit next to Evelyn.

'Your mum knows you don't hate her' Jac spoke softly.

'I told her she didn't love me' Evelyn sniffed.

'Again she knows that's not true' Jac answered.

'I said the reason why she doesn't love me is because she still blames me for Isaac.' Evelyn coughed. 'She got mad at me because my math grades are slipping, and because I was already upset from school I said all of that. People should hate me.'

'You think you're first person to ever lash out in anger?' Jac reasoned. 'Okay, you said some pretty hurtful stuff but its not unforgiveable.'

'I used Isaac's death to hurt her. I hate myself for that' Evelyn cried.

Jac hesitantly released one hand from the bar she was gripping to carefully put an arm around Evelyn. 'I don't hate you for it. It wasn't great what you said but I can understand it. I remember how your mum was back then.'

'She was sick' Evelyn shook with sobs.

'Yes she was very ill for quite some time' Jac agreed. 'But I know how much her behaviour back then hurt you and your mum knows that too.' They sat in silence for a few minutes, waiting for Evelyn to gain control of her tears. 'Your mum has always loved you Evelyn and she always will love you. Its an unconditional thing, you'll understand it one day.'

'Even after what I said?' Evelyn spoke softly.

'Yes' Jac reassured her. 'You know my girls have said some pretty horrible and stupid things to me too. Just today Ava accused me having an affair.'

'With who?' Evelyn giggled as she wiped away her tears with her hand.

'That doesn't matter. The point is, whilst I'm mad at her for embarrassing me, I don't hate her and I most certainly don't love her any less.'

'Was it my Dad? Mum once accused Dad of being in love with you during a row. He told her he had never once found you even mildly attractive - too many bony edges.'

'I'm just going to pretend you didn't tell me that' Jac sighed. 'The thing is by running away and hiding out you're actually making things worse. Your mum and dad are beside themselves, I never seen your dad look so worried. And as for your mum, well her heart is pretty much breaking.'

'So what should I do?' Evelyn asked.

'Go home and hug your mum and tell her you're sorry.' Jac squeezed Evelyn lightly. 'Life doesn't need to be complicated Evelyn. Just tell your mum you love her and it'll be okay.'

'Really?'

'Yes really.' Jac thought for a moment before adding 'I'd also consider making some different friends. You don't need to be hanging around with those idiots. Your friends should be building you up not knocking you down. You're a beautiful girl Evelyn Levy, both inside and out.'

...

'Thank you so so much' Sacha Levy enthused as he hugged Jac tightly.

'Okay that's enough gratitude' Jac groaned. 'Don't be too hard on Evelyn, she's being tough on herself as it is' Jac warned her friend as he released her from his bear like embrace.

'No, I know' Sacha looked through the doorway to the living room where his wife and daughter were cuddled up on the sofa, tearfully talking to the police officers. 'I think maybe its time to look at some family counselling. You were right, that period of grief affected Evelyn even though I tried to protect her from it.'

'You did everything you could, you're a great dad.' Jac gently squeezed his arm 'no one is to blame for this.'

'You're my best friend Jac Naylor' Sacha nodded. 'I'm lucky to have you.'

'Alright I'm going to leave before you start blubbing' Jac rolled her eyes.

Sacha chuckled before asking 'can you pass on my thanks to Ava, and to everyone really, who helped look for Evelyn?'

'Of course' Jac nodded before opening the front door and stepping over the threshold 'just concentrate on Evelyn for now.'

'I will' Sacha smiled. 'Jac?' She turned back to face him. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She quickly closed the front door before he could see her tears. She sniffed and composed herself before walking to the car to where Ava was waiting. It would be okay now Jac thought to herself . It will all be perfectly fine.


	37. Chapter 37

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'I cannot believe you're well enough to come home in just seventeen days' Hattie chattered happily as she packed a bag with the toiletries and clothes Julia had accumulated during her hospital stay. 'I officially have a superhuman fiancée.'

'I think it's more the fact my mother is Jac Naylor' Julia chuckled as she platted her long hair.

'Your mother, by the way, is not very happy about the welcome home party your father and Mo is throwing' Hattie mused. 'I mean she hasn't stopped it but she's being quite disparaging.'

'When isn't she disparaging?' Julia sat down on the edge of bed and passed Hattie her hairbrush to be packed away in the bag. 'She just hates having people in her house, it's normally her sanctuary from the rest of the world.'

'Soon we'll be moving into our own sanctuary from the rest of world' Hattie laughed before gently kissing Julia. 'I can't wait' she smiled.

'Nor can I' Julia smiled back. 'I need to tell you something though.'

'Tell me what?' Hattie frowned.

'It's about money. My money' Julia began.

'Let's not worry about financial matters now' Hattie shook her head 'let's just celebrate getting you home. We'll figure out how we're going to pay the bills later.'

'That's just it, we don't need to worry about how to pay the bills if we don't want to. There's a trust fund with a lot of money in it.' Julia looked down at her hands.

'But I thought...'

'I lied' Julia confessed. 'I hate where that money came from. I hate the idea that I earned it from what happened. But the fact is it's there and when I turn 21 I can access all of it.'

'So how much is there?' Hattie asked awkwardly.

'Enough to live off if it's carefully managed' Julia sniffed.

'Beau look at me' Hattie spoke softly. She waited for Julia to look up. ' Don't be ashamed of this money. Never be ashamed, it was never your fault. Your anxiety and mental health are not your fault. But it is present, it is in our lives. Don't make things harder for yourself.' Julia nodded to show she understood. 'I love you Julia Naylor-Maconie. I want you to have a good life. I don't care how we live it so long as you are happy.'

'You make me happy' Julia smiled. 'I'd already decided to accept the money a couple of days ago because I want to live with you in our house. Just you and me, together. I didn't want you to be mad at me.'

'Why would I be mad?' Hattie pulled Julia into her arms and held her tightly . 'It's your choice about the money, it has nothing to do with how I feel about it. But personally I think the best revenge you can have against those evil people is to use that money to have the best life possible. Stick it to them with your happy freedom.'

...

'Thanks for doing all of this Mo' Julia spoke softly 'the cake was amazing.'

'Anytime' Mo smiled as she finished the washing up. 'You know we're all so pleased to see you home.' She watched as Julia nodded. 'Bit over whelmed?'

Julia fiddled with a tea towel 'everything feels different somehow. I don't know.'

'You've just been through a very traumatic event, it changes things, it changes how you view the world.' Mo reached out and gently squeezed Julia's arm 'overtime things will start to feel more normal again, you'll see.'

'Mum is watching me like a hawk' Julia shrugged.

'You'd rather she didn't care?' Mo joked. Julia shrugged again. 'She loves you, she might not be great with showing it sometimes but you and Ava are everything to her. So if you think she's being a bit narcissistic, suck it up. She almost lost you, she isn't going to let you make anything less than a full recovery.'

'I overheard people talking about her when I was on the ward, it wasn't all nice' Julia confessed.

'Your mum is amazing that's all you need to know' Mo frowned 'how she treats you is all you need to worry about. You know she'll support you no matter what – not many people can say that about their parents.'

'I guess' Julia smiled guiltily. 'I just worry that I'll disappoint her.'

'Impossible' Mo laughed before hugging Julia lightly. 'You should hear her in our office Julia this, Julia that – none of it is bad. Just take your time to find your feet; no one is in any rush to see you miraculously recover from this, least of all your mum.'

...

Julia shuffled her way down to her mother's office. It was late but she knew her mum would still be awake.

'Hi Angel' Jac smiled as she saw her daughter leaning against the door frame. 'Can't sleep?' she watched as Julia nodded. 'Is it the pain?' this time Julia shook her head.

'I've been thinking about what should have been Ava's and Markus's wedding day' Julia shuffled in the room and sat herself down in the armchair opposite her mothers desk. ' Its six weeks away. We need to do something to distract her on the day otherwise it's going to be unbearable.'

'I've been thinking the same thing. How would you feel if I took Ava to London. Just me and her?'

'I'm not a kid I wouldn't be jealous' Julia frowned.

'I didn't think you would be' Jac rolled her eyes. 'How would you cope with your anxiety if I went away for a few days?' Jac rephrased the question.

'I'd be okay' Julia shrugged 'I have Hattie now don't forget.'

'I know' Jac let out a soft laugh as she smiled. 'It always surprises me how grown up you've become. No longer my lanky teenager, you've turned into a beautiful young woman.'

'How can it surprise you?' Julia laughed. 'You were there for all of it.'

'Sometimes it feels like I blinked and missed it' Jac sighed. 'Can you keep a secret for me?'

'Sure' Julia nodded.

'I've had a letter from Buckingham Palace. They're giving me a MBE' Jac watched as Julia's mouth fell open in shock. 'Well say something then.'

'You cannot expect me to keep that a secret' Julia stuttered. 'That's huge! Its amazing! Why aren't you excited about it?'

'Because I feel fraudulent' Jac shrugged. 'Surprise – your mother is as messed up as they come' she joked feebly to cover over her embarrassment.

'You need to tell Dad at least. I mean you'll want him to be your plus one when you go for the ceremony' Julia persisted.

'It's called an investiture' Jac corrected her daughter. 'I'm not even sure I'm going to accept it.'

'You can't say no to the queen' Julia narrowed her eyes at her mother. 'I'm giving you an ultimatum. Either you tell Dad by breakfast tomorrow or I'm going to tell Michael' Julia crossed her arms determinedly. 'And before you say I wouldn't dare, you should know I absolutely would.'


	38. Chapter 38

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

Jonny rested his forehead against Jac's as they both panted, waiting for her breathing to slow back to normal before whispering 'I love you'. She responded with a smile and a brief kiss on his lips causing him grin goofily as he rolled off her. She followed his movement, pressing herself against him as they lay side by side. He wrapped one arm around her waist and then gently traced the features of her face with his other hand. 'How'd end up with someone as beautiful as you?' She ignored him, closing her eyes. 'I know it was good when you lose the power to rebuke me.' Jonny chuckled, kissing her forehead.

'Shut up Maconie' Jac smiled against his neck.

'My beautiful wonderful wife' Jonny chuckled teasingly.

'You wouldn't be free for a trip to London in April would you?' Jac asked.

'I can make myself free' Jonny kissed her before asking 'what did you have in mind?'

'A trip to Buckingham Palace to pick up my MBE' Jac spoke bluntly .

'To pick up your what?' Jonny spoke in surprise. He sat up and snapped on the bedside light.

'Urgh Jonny! That's too bright!' Jac complained shutting her eyes tightly against the offending light.

'You cannot just sneak into bed with me, demand sex and then just casually remark that you're getting an MBE' Jonny laughed incredulously.

Jac opened her eyes to glower at her husband. 'Firstly I didn't sneak, I was trying not to wake you and secondly I didn't demand, you gave willingly.'

'Well when a woman who looks like you do makes advances it would be impolite to say no' Jonny teased. 'An MBE huh? Pretty impressive stuff Jacqueline Naylor.' He grinned at his wife 'I'm so proud of you.'

'Thanks' Jac gave him a genuine smile.

'Can I wear a kilt to the investiture?' he asked hopefully as he turned off the light.

'No you cannot' Jac rolled over onto her other side and closed her eyes.

'Spoilsport' Jonny laughingly spoke into her ear before wrapping his arms around her.

'Jonny?'

'Hmmm'

'You really are proud aren't you?'

'Of course I am. Always have been, always will be. You're simply amazing and I wouldn't have it any other way.'

...

'Mo would you be available to keep an eye on the girls over the first weekend in April?' Jac asked as she looked at rail fares to London on her PC in the office she shared with Mo.

'Sure' Mo nodded as she looked up from her paperwork. She had been itching all day to say something about the MBE but knew she had to wait for Jac to mention it first. 'So where are you heading? Dirty weekend in Paris?' she teased.

'I'd rather it was Paris' Jac smiled wryly 'but its actually London.'

'London huh? Got any specific plans?' Mo tried to act casual.

'You know don't you?' Jac sighed.

'Know what?' Mo feigned innocence.

'You know what' Jac huffed. 'Jonny never can keep a secret.'

'He's just proud that's all' Mo spoke softly.

'I just don't want any fuss' Jac grumbled.

'Well he's only told me' Mo shrugged.

'And you've probably only told Sacha who'll probably only tell Spence' Jac glowered.

'Starting to see your point' Mo leaned back in her chair, considering Jac for a moment. 'What's the big deal with keeping it secret anyway? Surely you must want to celebrate such a huge achievement?'

'It feels odd' Jac shrugged before getting to her feet.

'Its only odd if you let it be odd' Mo gave Jac an understanding smile.

'Well thank you for that sage advice' Jac rolled her eyes before picking up her stethoscope.

'I do get it you know' Mo looked back down at her paperwork. 'This could be a memorial to her rather than a painful reminder.'

'Every child I treat is like a painful reminder' Jac confessed softly before walking out of the room. She closed the door behind her rather than letting it slam, something which Mo took to be a mark of respect for both of them being grieving mothers.

...

'Come in' Mo called out in answer to the soft knock on the office door.

'Mrs Levy' Henrick nodded in greeting. 'We need to talk about Ms Naylor.'

'What's she done now?' Mo frowned.

'Nothing bad' Henrick failed to hide his amused smile. 'I'm assuming you've heard her achievements are to be honoured with an MBE?'

'Jonny told me' Mo nodded.

'The board think this could be a good publicity opportunity' Henrick spoke matter of factually.

'They nominated her didn't they?' Mo suddenly scowled 'Trying to cash in!'

'Not at all' Henrick spoke quickly 'it was I who nominated Jac. I thought she deserved some recognition, I didn't intend for it to be some sort of PR stunt.'

'She's tying herself up in knots over the Amelia device. Not that she would ever admit it' Mo looked at Henrik, willing him to understand. 'I'm not going to ask her to play nice with the board and pose for the press. I know how it feels to lose a child, how your grief can be stirred up by the smallest thing. I don't know how she does what she does; operating on those tiny babies. Giving them the chance Amelia never got to have. I think what Jac deserves more is to accept recognition of how extraordinary she is in her own way, in privacy, with just the people she chooses to congratulate her.'

'I understand' Henrick nodded.

'It was a nice thing you did, to nominate her' Mo added with a soft smile.

'Please don't tell her it was me' Henrick smiled ruefully back. 'Sometimes I get the impression it is only her fear of me that keeps her in check.'

'Its her love of the nhs that does that' Mo chuckled.

'Yes.' Henrick thought for a moment. 'Yes its true. Jac Naylor would do anything for the trust. Thank you Mrs Levy' he turned to leave. 'I hope Jac realises what a true friend she has in you.'

Mo watched him walk out of the room and sighed. She knew Hanson wouldn't ask her to persuade Jac to show off for the press but she very much doubted the MBE would be allowed to go by without being mentioned. It was the good publicity story the hospital board had been longing for. Mo wished with all her heart that she would be able to protect Jac from the worst of it.


	39. Chapter 39

_Thank for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jac opened the case containing her MBE medal and smiled as she looked at it. She swung her legs up onto the sofa and reclined against the cushions, making the most of the silence at this early hour to reflect. Yesterday had been a strange sort of day. The only thing she could compare it to was her wedding day. The investiture had held a lot less drama making it slightly more preferable in Jac's eyes. She looked across the hotel room to where Jonny was still asleep in the bed. They had smiled a lot yesterday. Jonny kept teasing her if the wind changed her face would get stuck like that, and then what would she do?

Yesterday had been for both of them. However proud Jonny was of Jac's achievements she knew the only reason she was able to achieve any of it was because she had Jonny in her corner. He was her constant cheerleader. She should probably tell him that Jac mused to herself as she gently touched the red ribbon attached to the metal medal with her pale finger tips. The Queen herself had pinned it to Jac's black dress. 'It is quite remarkable, to have turned such grief into something to bring families a miracle in their bleakest moments' her majesty had spoken softly. Star struck, Jac had only managed to politely stutter 'Thank you Mam.' She sprung the box shut, silently cursing its loud clap as the lid met the base.

'Just checking its still there huh?' Jonny spoke groggily from the bed.

Jac laughed softly before getting up off the sofa and leaping onto the bed. 'I love you Jonny Maconie' she gently kissed his lips.

'I love you too' Jonny smiled as he gently ran his fingers through Jac's long auburn hair. 'So what do you want to do today? We have a whole Saturday footloose and fancy free in London to celebrate in any way you want.'

'I don't know' Jac shrugged.

'Come on, this weekend is all about you' Jonny kissed her forehead. 'What ever your little cold tin heart desires most in the world I will make it happen, just for you.'

'You know what I really want right now?'

'What?'

'Our girls. I want to share this moment with them' Jac confessed what was in her heart. 'And I also really really want your roast lamb for dinner.'

Jonny chuckled before replying 'then let's just go home.'

'Really? You don't mind not spending the whole weekend here?'

'Jac I hate London. And I mean really hate it. Give me fresh air and green fields over skyscrapers and fancy five star restaurants and I'm a happy man' Jonny kissed his wife. 'We'll order room service, have breakfast in bed then pack up and head home to our beautiful girls.'

'What about the roast lamb?' Jac smiled hopefully at her husband.

'I'll call ahead to the butcher' Jonny laughed as Jac kissed his forehead. 'I shall never fail to be surprised by you Jac Naylor.'

...

'So what was the queen like up close? Could you tell she used to be pretty?' Ava asked as she passed the box containing her aunt's MBE to Julia.

'She still is pretty' Jac shook her head at Ava's rudeness 'and her skin is amazing. Her voice is also very quiet but not a weak way. Its like she's making sure her words that are only for you are only heard by you.'

'I bet it was amazing' Ava sighed as she leaned back against the sofa, placing a hand on her bump.

'You look tired' Jac frowned at her. 'You girls didn't stay up all night watching movies did you?'

'Oh no' Julia shook her head. 'I was tucked up in bed like a good little lamb at 10pm. Hattie discovered Ava still drawing at 2am when she got up to pee.'

'It was for my dissertation' Ava huffed.

'Lucky Hattie saw the light on' Julia frowned at her sister.

'Ava I know I don't need to remind you how important sleep is for both you and the baby' Jac started her lecture but quickly stopped after seeing the look of fury on Ava's face. 'We're not telling you what to do or criticising...'

'Yes you are, you all are. Constantly pointing out what I'm doing wrong!' Ava got to her feet 'its just so unfair! I didn't ask for any if this! ' she stormed out of the living room.

'Happy home coming' Julia smiled guiltily as she handed the box back to her mother.

'Its just the hormones' Jac shrugged, trying not to be disappointed. When they had arrived home the girls had been excited, eager to see the medal and hear about the day. Jac hadn't wanted that happiness to end. She supposed she hadn't any right to expect Ava to share in her joy when she was still suffering the heartache of grief.

'Yeah' Julia nodded in agreement. 'But the number of sketches she drew of Markus last night is a little concerning.' She leaned against her mother. 'I promise we'll make sure your roast is the best its ever been. And Hattie will be so excited to see the MBE when she gets home from the library.' Julia took hold of her mothers hand and held it tightly. 'I'm glad you're home.'

Jac kissed the top of her daughter's blonde head, gently rubbing the back of her hand with her fingers. She knew Julia was suffering badly from her anxiety but would refuse to admit it if asked. 'Its okay you know' Jac spoke softly. She felt Julia nod against her shoulder, an acknowledgement that she understood the meaning behind her mothers words. They sat together for a long time, gaining strength from understanding one survivor to another.

...

Jac walked past Ava's bedroom and saw the door was open. She hesitated for a moment before looking into the room. Her niece was asleep on the bed, curled up on her side, her body protecting her bump. Jac recognised the hoodie Ava was wearing to be one of Markus's, the hood pulled up as though Ava were cocooning herself from the world. Jac looked over to the desk which was littered with sketch pads and graphite pencils. She crept as silently as she could into the room and opened the sketch book on the top of the mess. There were several sketches of Markus on the top page. They were rough but still realistic of the young man Jac had known. She turned over the page to find another image of him. Turning over yet more pages confirmed to Jac the whole book was a dedication to Markus and she had reason to believe the other six pads on the desk would be full of the same.

'Do you think I'm going crazy?' Ava spoke from the bed.

Jac turned to look at her niece and shook her head. 'When Amelia died I used to go to play parks to watch mothers playing with their healthy children. Sacha made me stop it but at the time I was obsessed with what I should have had.'

'That's really sad' Ava spoke softly.

'I wasn't in a very good place' Jac sat herself down on the edge of Ava's bed. 'Did you know Uncle Jonny and I owned a house together before you came to live with us?' She watched as Ava shook her head. 'It was going to be our family home.' Jac smiled at the memory. 'I'd spent hours making sure the nursery was just right. Afterwards I refused to go back to it. I made Jonny pack everything up, give away the nursery stuff and sell the house. I was a monster for making him do that alone but I couldn't bear to look at it. Instead I laid on Sacha's spare bed shutting out the world, hurting so much I thought I would die from it.'

'What made it better?' Ava asked, interested in this part of her aunt's life she never once saw.

'Uncle Jonny did' Jac smiled apologetically at Ava. 'I looked at him whilst he was sleeping, and I mean really looked at him. He was hurting just as much as I was and yet he was bearing it, coping to do that day to day stuff and I realised he was doing it for me. So I knew I had do it for him too because I loved him, I still love him, like nothing else on this earth. I got up that morning and I washed my hair, did my make up and called Elliot to tell him about my solution to his hertzig problem. Working with Elliot gave me a new focus but the grief was still like a raw open wound. Jonny and I were moving forward, making new plans together. We brought a flat, discussed maybe getting married or taking a holiday but the pain was still there. Then suddenly one day there was you. A sweet little girl filling up every hour of my day so I no longer had the time to focus on my own pain. The first time I held you I knew that I loved you. I loved you no more or no less than I loved Amelia but it felt so good to feel it again – that instinctive love that only a mother can feel. When you hold your baby girl in your arms you'll know what I mean. It won't take away that pain you feel for Markus, but it will show you life moves forward and you cannot let yourself be left behind, because their are other people in this world that need you.'

'I was hoping you were going to say the pain goes away over time' Ava sighed.

'You'll learn to live with it' Jac shrugged. 'Sacha once told me its the price we pay for love.'

'I'm scared I'm going to forget him. How he looked, the sound of his laugh, his smell...' Ava let her voice trail off.

'You won't' Jac reached out and took hold of Ava's hand.

'I'm terrified I'm not going to be a good mother without him' Ava confessed.

'You think I wasn't scared when I saw the pregnancy test turn positive or when your mother asked me to raise you?' Jac squeezed Ava's hand. 'I questioned everything about becoming a mother the minute I found out I was pregnant. But I knew from that moment on being a mother was all I wanted, and even if I was awful at it, I'd make sure my girls knew they were loved. You can do this Ava, I just know you can.'

'I've certainly always known you love me.' Ava gave her aunt a watery smile. 'I need you now more than ever. There's no one else I can depend on to get me through this.'

'Even if I am criticising and judging?' Jac mocked her niece.

'I'm just tired and grumpy' Ava laughed apologetically.

'I promise you and that baby are going to be just fine' Jac let go of Ava's and hand and placed it on top of her niece's expanded abdomen. They both laughed softly as the baby kicked against the pressure of her hand . 'You'll both always have me and I know she'll grow up knowing exactly who her dad was because you've got so many wonderful stories you can tell her. We'll all make sure Markus is remembered, you don't need to worry that he'll slip away from you.'

...

Jac sat back in her chair and rubbed her stomach 'I don't think I've ever eaten so much.'

'I'm impressed, five roast potatoes!' Jonny teased his wife as he started to clear away the now empty plates. He frowned as Julia got up to help him. 'I don't think so' he shook his head. 'I saw you wincing earlier, you need to rest.'

'I'm fine' Julia laughed as she picked up a large serving dish.

'Listen to your Dad' Hattie spoke firmly taking the dish out of Julia's hands. 'You're pushing your recovery too much.'

'Sacha said I was doing great' Julia sulked as she sat back down.

'You're doing better than expected' Jac rolled her eyes 'I think great is pushing things a little. You need to remember you nearly died, its going to take more than a few weeks for you to recover from this.'

'Its been 7 weeks' Julia pouted 'That's more than a few.'

'Auntie Jac, why is Michael asking me to film your speech at the dinner tomorrow?' Ava asked as she looked at her phone. 'I thought you didn't have any plans to celebrate the MBE?'

'I don't' Jac frowned. 'He must have got confused.'

'No he says Hansen invited him but he can't get any more time off work but apparently Elliot will be there...' Ava stopped talking as her aunt left the table and stomped out of the room.

'I bet the outcome of this isn't going to be good' Julia commented as she took a sip of her drink. Sure enough they could hear Jac's raised voice sounding extremely annoyed in her office.

'Jonny!' they heard her yell, impatiently calling her husband. There was more shouting after that and then silence.

'What's going on?' Hattie whispered as she crept into the dining room.

'Well we're not exactly sure but I'm going to hazard a guess that the board have organised some sort of donor event where Auntie Jac is to be paraded around like the prize pet but somebody obviously forgot to tell Auntie Jac' Ava summarised.

Jonny walked into the room with a bemused expression on his face 'what ever plans you've got for tomorrow evening please cancel them' he spoke with a laugh. 'Your presence is required to support your darling mother through an extremely tiresome ordeal of having people congratulate her.'


	40. Chapter 40

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Julia laughed as she walked into Ava's bedroom to find the floor littered with discarded clothing.

'I'm so fat nothing fits' Ava spoke pathetically from where she lay on her bed, still in her pyjamas at 10:00am.

'Just as well Amanda's downstairs to take you shopping then isn't it?' Julia held out her hand to help Ava sit up. 'You're not fat you're pregnant, we all guessed you wouldn't be able to find anything to wear.'

'How is Auntie Jac bearing up?' Ava asked.

Following the phone call to the hospital CEO Jac had taken to sulking in the bath tub. Eventually Jonny had coaxed her out by pointing out becoming a shrivelled up prune wasn't going to change the situation. This morning had seen her trying on various dresses, trying to find the most inappropriate outfit she could to anger the board. At that point Jonny had decided they needed reinforcements. If Ava were honest she didn't think Mo was the most insightful choice, given her penchant for sarcastic humour. However with in an hour of turning up at the house Mo had managed to calm Jac down into making an appropriate smart and demure dress choice and they were currently sat in Jac's study together writing a speech. Mo had made it clear she disagreed with Hasnson's decision to hold a dinner in Jac's honour, that she had advised him against it. However if it raised more funding for the hospital both women were in agreement they'd fight like no force ever seen before to get that money invested into Darwin.

'I think she's feeling better now Amanda is here. It's the first event Amanda has managed since Markus so…'

'Oh' Ava looked down at her hands.

Julia sat down on the bed next to her sister. 'Apparently the whole thing was meant to have been kept as a surprise until today. Can you imagine mum's face if she had just been told an hour before the dinner?' She nudged Ava with her shoulder. 'We have to go. We can't get out of it.'

'I know.'

'This will be the first time I've faced a crowd of people since the stabbing. I'm not exactly looking forward to it either.'

Ava took hold of Julia's hand 'its ok to be scared.'

'I know. Hattie has promised she absolutely will not leave my side for the whole evening. ' Julia squeezed her sister's hand.

'Then you'll have me on the other side of you' Ava smiled. 'We'll be like the three musketeers, on a mission to support Jac Naylor through a tiresome dinner with the board.'

'She said the board all think she's crazy. That's not true is it?' Julia asked curiously.

'Yes it is absolutely true' Ava chuckled. 'But she is a genius so they've never been able to get rid of her.'

'Well lord knows what they'll make of it when the entire family turns up' Julia laughed.

….

'You can do this' Jonny whispered into his wife's ear as they watched Elliot Hope making his way up to the little podium to introduce Jac.

Jac didn't say anything as she looked down at the notes in her hand, making sure the little cards were in the correct order. She didn't dare to listen to Elliot's words. She knew they would be kind and heartfelt and she would not let her emotions get the better of her in front of a room of full people she barely even knew. She waited until she heard her name and then got to her feet and walked the short distance to the podium. Amongst the polite applause she heard Sacha let out a massive whoop and she chuckled, letting that gesture from her best friend fill her with confidence. She started speech by thanking Elliot and thanking everyone for attending. She read out the memorised carefully written words, words which had full Henrik Hanson approval. This was a speech which praised the hospital, the board and the investors of her research. A speech thanking them all in the part they played in her own genius invention. It was true, her research simply would not happen without money but she very much doubted many of the investors really knew the true value and meaning of the research. She stopped speaking and lay down the cards.

'Oh no' Sacha heard Mo groan beside him.

'What? Why has she stopped? Was that the end of the speech?' Sacha whispered hurriedly.

'No it was not' Mo sighed 'she's about to go off-piste'. She felt Sacha take hold of her hand supportively but it didn't help to allay Mo's concern that they were about to witness a car crash.

'This dinner isn't really about me or my achievements' Jac spoke clearly. 'What its really about is money and trying to convince you to give more it.' There was an uncomfortable silence broken by the sound of a chair squeaking as someone fidgeted in their seat. 'I was angry when Mr Hanson first told me I had to give this speech. I have had my life's work recognised with an MBE. Every hour and minute I have spent studying, working hard since the very first moment I walked into St Bart's university was being recognised. Having to face this dinner with all of you somewhat cheapened that.' Jac looked over to Jonny and saw him wince. 'My husband is cringing, so I'm sorry if I've offended any of you, I have a habit of speaking as I find.' She smiled as laughter briefly tittered around the room. 'The truth is you should invest in the NHS, you should continue to support people like me who give their whole lives to it. The NHS is the envy of the world. It is innovative, compassionate and quite simply the very best health care you'll find anywhere. This health care is offered to all those who need it, regardless of their financial status, and without judgement. The NHS has saved my life on more than one occasion and it has looked after members of my own family. Just seven weeks ago my eldest daughter was operated on in this very hospital and soon my first grandchild will be born here.' Jac paused, taking a moment to let her words sink in, letting the members of her audience consider the times the NHS had featured in their own lives. She looked at her daughters who both smiled encouragingly at her. Jac felt a surge of pride for them, knowing that neither had been particularly keen to attend such a public gathering after the traumas they had been through. Yet here they were to support her. 'In this hospital we witness births, deaths and real life. It is the tax payers and people willing to invest that keep it going, that keep such a marvel of all the world increasing the life expectancy of its nation.' Jac could feel Henrik Hansons eyes boring into her but she didn't dare to look at him. 'The Amelia Device is named after my biological daughter. She lived just three months. The device I invented, the device your money help to fund during its development, could have potentially saved her. I cannot eloquently express to you how it feels to know that I can now save other parents from the devastating loss that myself and my husband have gone though. The word proud does not adequately acknowledge the fact that because of the hard work of my team there are little boys and girls who will now have the chance to grow up into adulthood. Before the invention of the Amelia device there was little or no hope for these families – with your money I have been able to fix that. I am just one person out of millions working for the National Health Service who have the potential to make a person's worse day into one of optimism, courage and brilliance. So please keep investing in us, keeping investing in the service that has the ability to save and positively change real lives.' She stepped back from the podium as applause took over the room. She glanced across the room at Mo and smiled as she saw her nodding approvingly and Sacha giving her a enthusiastic thumbs up.

'Well done Ms Naylor' Henrik spoke quietly in her ear as she stepped down from the podium. She didn't dare to look him the eye but she knew he was smiling.

Elliot took her arm and carefully led her back to their table. 'Well I'm even more proud now. It is always very impressive to speak from the heart Jac.'

'What did you say about me to introduce me?' Jac asked as she sat down next to her husband. She smiled as Jonny took hold of her hand. He lent over and kissed her lips.

'Wasn't she marvellous Elliot?!' Jonny enthused.

'Very' Elliot nodded in agreement, smiling at the affection the couple had for each other.

'I need a drink' Jac laughed 'I can't lie and say I wasn't nervous.'

'I'll go and get you a scotch' Hattie offered.

Jac nodded gratefully. 'So the introduction?' she asked Elliot again.

'I knew you'd be too nervous to hear it so I said exactly what I wanted to say' Elliot chuckled.

'Which was?' Jac frowned at him.

'That there is simply no one prouder than I in you and everything you have achieved both personally and professionally.' Elliot kissed Jac's cheek affectionately as she blushed. 'You are the one thing I am, without doubt, honoured to have come out of my many years of teaching Jacqueline Naylor.'

….

'I hope I have skin as good as yours when I'm your age' Ava spoke as she watched her aunt removing her make up in the vanity mirror. Ava had followed her aunt upstairs and lay down on her bed whilst her sister and Hattie were raiding the fridge with Uncle Jonny.

'Huh well I think it could possibly be even better without the crows feet and dark circles under the eyes' Jac spoke critically as she inspected her own reflection. 'Its all the years of lack of sleep and stress.'

'You've given a lot to the NHS. I hadn't really properly realised before' Ava commented.

Jac nodded and turned to face her niece. 'I've made a lot a sacrifices to have this career. But because I wanted it Uncle Jonny, you and Julia have had to make sacrifices with me.'

'How'd do you mean?' Ava questioned, confused by her aunts words.

'I haven't always been the best mum' Jac confessed.

'You're a good mum Auntie Jac' Ava shook her head to show she disagreed with her aunt. 'you're more than good, you're amazing.'

Jac chuckled softly. 'Its okay Ava, I know you girls haven't always had all of me when you wanted it. I compromised. I still wanted to achieve things with my career so I wasn't always there like I should have been.'

'You never missed the important stuff' Ava argued. 'Okay so I had tell Mo the day I got my first period because you were tied up in surgery and Uncle Jonny took me prom dress shopping and Sacha taught me how tie my shoe laces. But I knew for the stuff that really mattered you'd always be there and even more importantly I could, and I still can, tell you anything. How many mothers and daughters have that sort of relationship?'

'I almost forgot your birthday once' Jac admitted guiltily. 'It was your eighth birthday. Uncle Jonny brought your gifts and organised the party because I was so wrapped up in a clinical trial. He reminded me three times to be home by four. I got in at six. Most of your guests were leaving. You were hyped up on cake and excitement telling me everything about your day. I'd lost a patient on the table, I was exhausted. Yet there you were telling me you loved me.'

'I remember' Ava nodded. 'I remember I hugged you like that because Uncle Jonny was mad at you and I didn't want you to be sad. The thing is, you didn't forget, you made it home way before bedtime. Do you really think that Julia and I don't realise how important your job is? You save lives. That's what I was told all the time when I was little, whenever you weren't home and I was asking for you. "She's at work saving people's lives so they can go home to be with their families." How could I possibly begrudge that? You are needed by so many other people, you have been significant in so many lives. I am proud, so unbelievably proud, to say this is the woman who raised me. Be proud of it too.' Ava watched as her aunt brushed away tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks. 'You said the other day that all that mattered was that your girls knew they were loved and we do. Both us know that you love us more than anything on this earth and we love you just as much back.'

Jac nodded not daring to speak. Ava tutted at her aunt's inability to express herself with words and got up off the bed to sit next to her guardian. She put her arms around her aunt and held her tightly.

'You know, your mum would be proud of you' Jac eventually managed to speak. 'You're so much like her.'

'Then she'd be over the moon proud of you' Ava sat back and studied her aunt's face. 'You are proud of what you've achieved aren't you?'

Jac nodded and smiled. 'I've not done too badly for a care home kid.' She grinned as Ava laughed. If only Jac could have known at age 12 just how sweet life would become. It was worth it, every last fight had been worth it.


	41. Chapter 41

_Thank you for continuing to read this story. I've had so many amazing reviews, I appreciate every single one! Its really difficult to write a long multi chapter story without reviews because sometimes its hard to gauge which direction to take the story in. So please keep letting me know your opinions and suggestions :-)_

'Jonny?' Jac spoke into the darkness 'are you asleep?'

'Hmmm' Jonny mumbled.

'Don't worry about it if you are asleep' Jac spoke again 'but you did make sure you had the measurements right when you took Julia to order the corner sofa?'

'I'm asleep so I won't worry about it.' Jonny mumbled.

'Its just the last thing we need is for it not to be able to fit through the door' Jac continued.

'We took the measurements, it will fit' Jonny mumbled. 'Can I go back to sleep now?'

'Yes, sorry' Jac rolled over onto her other side hoping sleep would be more forthcoming facing the wall rather than her husband.

'I get why you're stressing' she felt Jonny loop his arm over her waist as he snuggled up against her back. 'She's going to be just fine.'

'Its a big step, moving out of home. I just want it to go smoothly that's all.'Jac closed her eyes.

'Julia wants this Jac, you need to let go.'

'I have been' Jac protested.

'Sure, just not completely' Jonny chuckled. 'This was always going to be hard, we knew that when we adopted.'

'Actually when we first adopted Julia I thought she'd live with us forever' Jac confessed. 'It took three months for her to leave the house after the court case. I thought she was too vulnerable to ever face the big wide world. She's proving me wrong.'

'It scares you doesn't it?' Jonny spoke affectionately.

'Yes. But it also makes me enormously proud.' Jac bit on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying. She felt Jonny tighten his hold on her.

'It'll be all right Naylor. You just wait and see' he promised her.

...

'Its so amazing how you've managed to completely change this place!' Ava enthused as she looked around the kitchen.

'Its all down to Julia's planning and organising' Hattie grinned as she unpacked a box of crockery Mo had donated to them. 'Interior design is not exactly my thing.'

'I think you'll be happy here' Ava nodded as she started to help unwrapping plates from bubble wrap. 'Julia deserves to be happy.'

'I'll make sure she is, I promise.'

'I know. If Auntie Jac trusts you then I trust you' Ava nodded. 'Just remember to be patient with her. Sometimes she needs a bit of time to find her own way.'

'You're going to miss her not being at home aren't you?' Hattie guessed.

'You're only living a five minute drive away, I know I'm being ridiculous.' Ava shook her head. 'Its funny because when Julia first came to live with us I was so patient. Then when she was officially adopted I was mad with jealously. I don't even know why because I so wanted her to be my sister. After a stupid argument I ran away to Michael's house. He called Auntie Jac and they agreed I could stay with him for a bit. Michael reckoned all I needed was breathing space. He was right - all it took was one night.' Ava chuckled 'I missed her like crazy in that first night. I texted her at 2am and she answered straight away. She's my best friend.'

'I hope you know you're welcome here anytime' Hattie reached out and gently touched Ava's arm. 'And I also hope you consider me to be a friend too.'

Ava nodded, waiting for the lump of emotion in her throat to pass before speaking 'Markus liked you a lot. He stood up for you that first time you met our family when Auntie Jac was less than welcoming. He was a good judge of character.'

'That's nice to know' Hattie smiled kindly.

'I don't see Julia moving out as losing my sister' Ava spoke bravely 'I see it as gaining another one so now I have two.'

'Of course' Hattie nodded. 'We'll always be the three musketeers. We'll get each other through anything.'

'Ava come up and see your room!' They heard Julia yell from the top of the stairs.

Ava and Hattie laughed together. 'See, there'll never be any separating of you sisters ' Hattie chuckled.

...

'I'm exhausted. I never realised how much stuff you had' Jac complained as she flopped down onto the new pale duck egg corner sofa.

'You brought most if it' Julia laughed from where she sat, squashed into an arm chair with Hattie.

'You may not have noticed Hattie but my dear wife is a bit of a spoiler' Jonny joked as he sat next to his wife and put his arm around her.

'Its my money I'll do what I like with it' Jac huffed.

Hattie sat up slightly as she spotted a delivery van pull up outside.

'That can't be for us, we've had everything delivered now' Julia spoke casually.

'No you haven't' Ava grinned as she struggled to get to her feet off the sofa. 'You've not had my house warming present yet.'

Sure enough the doorbell rang and Ava hurried , as much as her waddling gate would allow her, to answer it.

Julia frowned at her dad questioningly. 'Why don't you go see?' he chuckled.

Both Julia and Hattie scrabbled out of the chair and upon reaching the doorway Julia let out a yelp. 'You've brought me a piano?!'

'Its a second hand one' Ava answered her sister. 'I know you were looking , I just finished off the search for you whilst your mind was occupied with paint charts and curtains.'

'Its beautiful' Julia touched the polished wood 'its also way too much.'

'No the piano was free to a good home' Ava shook her head reassuringly 'I only had to pay to have it moved here. Its what you need. Your music is everything to you, it gives you strength. Besides its my money I'll do what I want with it' her eyes glittered mischievously as she quoted their guardian.

'I'm guessing you won't want it blocking your hallway forever' the delivery driver chuckled 'direct us to where you want it and then we'll give a quick tune for you.'

...

'So did you tell your Dad you've moved in?' Jonny spoke softly to Hattie as he helped her to stack dishwasher. They had ordered in to celebrate the girls first day in their new home.

'I sent a text. He replied asking if he could visit. I don't really want him here yet' Hattie shrugged.

'He's making an effort you should probably meet him halfway' Jonny gently pushed.

'Just not yet. Everything is happy and good. I don't want to risk spoiling that.' Hattie opened the freezer to find the tub of ice cream she had brought for desert.

'Well I think you should give him a chance that's all.' Jonny fetched some bowls. They could hear Julia, Ava and Jac laughing in the dining room. 'You know there is no sound I love more in the world than those three laughing together' he spoke with a smile.

'You're lucky, you have such a caring family. When Julia invited me to live with you I realised pretty quickly your house is full of love.' Hattie commented.

'Well just like any family we have our moments' Jonny chuckled. 'But I know how lucky we are. You're part of it too now.'

Hattie nodded. She concentrated on the ice cream before finally asking. 'Julia and I can do this can't we? I mean, she's going to be okay with just me taking care of her?'

'Yes. You can both do this' Jonny reassured her. 'Just always be honest with her, let her know when your scared or hurting too. Jac I learnt that the hard way; communication is key.' He watched as Hattie nodded. 'I have moments of self doubt too you know. Jac has a habit of shutting me out and I've been scared so many times I'm going to lose her to the demons in her own head. But we've made it this far. From what I've seen of you and Julia you're a team, just like me and Jac.' He reached out lightly touched Hattie's arm 'the advantage you and Julia have is a great big gang of us always ready to help. If you're ever worried, if Julia's behaviour concerns you, just call us. But I'm pretty much convinced the pair of you have got this.'

'Yeah' Hattie smiled 'You're right we are a team. I just want this to work so badly – I can't imagine my life without her.'

'Then it'll work just fine' Jonny nodded. 'Don't put too much of that in Jac's bowl' he advised her 'she'll literally just have a taste and call it too sweet.'

'You guys really know each other don't you' Hattie chuckled.

'We're at the point of no mystery or secrets' Jonny confirmed 'that's when you know its pure love keeping you together.'

...

Jac turned on the light in Julia's bedroom. She smoothed out the throw on the end of bed and spotted the wardrobe door that Julia had left open in her hurry to leave this morning. It depressed her to see only empty hangers hanging inside the cabinet so she shut the door quickly. She looked glumly around at the rest of the empty furniture. The room now seemed far too big without Julia's personality filling it.

'She'll be visiting us on Sunday' Jonny chuckled watching his wife from the doorway. 'Dad's roast will always draw her home.'

'Just shut up and hold me Maconie' Jac whispered, the tears she had been holding in all evening finally spilling down her cheeks.

Jonny walked over to his wife and pulled her into his arms. 'I love you, you one kidney'd, tin hearted freak.' He kissed the top of her head. 'You should see our first kid flying the nest as a mark of what an amazing mum you are. Its a badge of honour. She looked happy today Jac, so so happy. We did that, we've enabled her to find such a happy life for herself.'


	42. Chapter 42

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

Jac Naylor pulled up onto her drive and sat in her car for a moment. She pulled out her phone and text Jonny a question mark. It only took a few seconds for Jonny to answer with a sad face. Sighing Jac got out of the car and walked back down the drive and around the corner to the front door of Ava's house. It was finished but it was never going to be the fairy tale ending it should have been. Jac pushed open the front door and kicked off her shoes. The house smelt of new carpet and fresh paint.

Jonny had taken a stand with Ava, insisting the house was finished. They had all spent too much time and money to halt the project any longer. Despite Ava's tears Jonny had suggested the place was just painted the same colour for every room, neutral carpets and wood flooring to match the kitchen work tops. A simple design that could then be easily accessorised, whenever Ava was ready to move in. It didn't matter if the house remained empty for ten months or ten years, the work on house itself had to be finished. Jac had hidden in her study throughout this conversation, unable to bear the grief written all over Ava's face as Jonny gently yet firmly lay down the truth to their daughter. Markus was gone but the baby was coming and the team of builders needed to move onto other work. Eventually Ava had picked out a classic jasmine white for the walls and a soft biscuit taupe for the carpets. The relief in the whole house was palpable.

Jac walked down the hallway in her socks, being careful not to touch any of the walls in case the paint was still wet. She pushed open the door to the kitchen dinner and ran her hand along the oak worktop. It was beautiful, designed by both Ava and Markus just before he'd died. The soft sage green cabinets were perfectly complimented by the wooden work surfaces and while tile splash backs. Jac could have imagined the young couple sat at a wooden table in the middle of the room laughing and joking as they attempted to feed their baby girl solid foods. Jac closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She mustn't think that like, she chastised herself. Things were different now. She opened them and instead tried to imagine Ava cooking for her daughter on the stainless steal stove but the images just wouldn't come.

'Oh hello' Derek smiled warmly as he opened the door to Ava's studio space. 'I take it you're here to do the final sign off.'

'Ava is finding it a bit hard' Jac explained weakly.

'No need to explain' Derek shook his head kindly. 'Your husband tried earlier to get Ava to come and take a look. She got as far as halfway down the garden path.'

'Well that's progress at least' Jac smiled apologetically.

'You really must see the studio' Derek decided it was best to just get on with things, it would be less hard that way. 'Its honestly one of the best rooms I've ever completed.' He held open the door and Jac followed him through.

The space was light and airy with a wooden work surface running under the large window. Jac walked over to the large Belfast sink, perfect for Ava to wash out her palettes and brushes whilst looking out into the garden. You could see the kitchen window of Jac's own house from here and she smiled as she thought herself and Jonny would be able to see Ava working. There was a door leading into the back garden and Jac could imagine Ava and the little girl yet to born and running out of it and up the path to visit everyday, if not two or three times a day. It was far easier to see what would be in this room.

'You like?' Derek chuckled, seeing the smile on the Jac's face.

Jac nodded 'very much.' She turned to look around the rest of the room. It was spacious, enough room for Ava to have a couple of easels set up if she wanted. There was a bespoke handmade desk in the centre and Jac could imagine a large pin board covering the far wall, covered with sketches and ideas for Ava's latest projects. 'Could you help me with something?'Jac suddenly asked Derek. 'I think I have an idea to get Ava to come into house. Or at least into this room anyway.'

'Then how could I possibly refuse.' Derek took a pen out of his pocket and opened his clip board, ready to take notes. 'What did you have in mind?'

…..

'Do you really think this will work?' Jonny spoke quietly as he moved an easel out of the garage.

'Its worth a try' Jac shrugged. 'Derek has gone off to find us a large cork pin board, apparently he knows a guy who knows a guy.'

'Who knew they were such a specialist item' Jonny laughed. 'Let me lift that down' he spoke sharply as he spotted Jac attempting to lift down heavy box full of art supplies off a shelf. 'I have to say I'll be glad to get some of my garage space back.'

'For what?' Jac arched an eyebrow at her husband.

'For stuff' Jonny shrugged as he moved around some more boxes to find palettes and brushes 'for man stuff.'

'The most manly thing I've seen you do since moving in here was de-icing my car and even then you made a mountain out of a mole hill' Jac rolled her eyes.

'There's a reason why I only did that romantic gesture the once' Jonny scowled 'you can be a right ungrateful cow at times.'

'Yet you still married me' Jac kissed his cheek. 'Lets just get this stuff into the studio before Ava hears us.'

'She's absolutely zonked out on the sofa' Jonny chuckled 'I doubt a rock concert would wake her.'

'Did Julia visit today?' Jac asked.

'No, was she meant to?' Jonny looked up at his wife.

'She missed a check up, Sacha told me.'

'Well she might have forgotten, what with the excitement of being in her own house.' Jonny spoke calmly.

'That's just it though, I don't think she's been out of the house on her own since moving in' Jac looked worriedly at her husband. 'I sent her message telling her Ava's house was being finished today hoping she'd visit. I'm worried she's shutting herself away from the world.'

'Let me speak to her, you two will only have a argument otherwise' Jonny smiled reassuringly. 'I'll get her to rebook in with Sacha too while I'm at it.'

Jac nodded at her husband before asking 'we're doing okay aren't we? At this parenting thing, I mean.'

'We're doing great' Jonny smiled. 'I mean I don't know of many parents who have got one child suffering a bereavement whilst pregnant and another child recovering from a stabbing but I'm pretty sure if there were more families like us we'd be the text book example of brilliant parenting.'

'Oh ha ha' Jac rolled her eyes as she picked up a box but Jonny didn't fail to spot the brief flicker of amusement on her face. 'Did I tell you I was so proud of Julia introducing Hattie as her lesbian life partner to a stuffy old board member and his equally toffy nosed wife at the MBE dinner? The best bit was when they enquired after the father of Ava's baby. I heard Hattie discreetly tell them we weren't sure who the father was but we were all extremely happy about the news.'

'Oh they didn't' Jonny groaned as Jac chuckled. 'But they must have met Markus at some point and surely they must have heard…'

'Who cares? They shouldn't be such judgemental stuck up gossips' Jac shrugged 'it pretty much made my evening and it also made Ava laugh and we both know that means the world at the moment.'

'You're all as bad as each other' Jonny shook his head and chuckled as he followed his wife out of the garage.

…….

Ava padded her way into the kitchen for a glass of water. She had woken to an oddly silent house. She'd called out to both her aunt and uncle but having had no answer she assumed they must have gone out and there would undoubtedly be a note on the kitchen table. As she moved toward the sink she could see a light on in her house. What should have been the house she and Markus would have started their married life in. They had been so excited to build their own home, pouring over the plans together. That had all been taken from her. She moved closer to the window and she could make out her aunt and uncle in her studio. They were unpacking boxes. Boxes which held her art supplies. She felt a surge of anger and at that moment the baby kicked out hard at her ribs. 'Ouch, little one, you need to remember that hurts!' she spoke crossly. The baby kicked her again. Sighing Ava put her hand over the place the baby had prodded her. 'You're trying to tell me not to be cross aren't you?' She felt a further movement, less jabbing this time, more of a flutter. 'You are going to be just like him, I can already tell. All of his calmness against my fiery temper.' She watched as her uncle wrestled with an easel, struggling to get it to stand. She stifled a giggle. 'I know they're only trying to do what's best. But Auntie Jac knows it herself, that house was meant to be for me and your Dad. Well, and you of course, but you weren't meant to be here yet.' She rubbed her stomach tenderly. 'What are we going to do?' she asked sadly. The baby kicked out again, a volley of them this time. 'Oh you think I should go and take a look do you missy?' Ava laughed. 'You do know I fully intend on both of us living here in this house with Auntie Jac so don't you go getting any ideas, you hear me?' Ava waited but the baby remained still. 'Okay then.'

She slipped her feet into a pair of Uncle Jonny's trainers that were by the kitchen door and stepped out into the garden. She walked carefully up the path, feeling childlike in the oversized shoes. It reminded her of when she used to play dress up in Auntie Jac's wardrobe, tottering around the bedroom in her high heels. She took a deep breath as she reached the door to her studio, she counted to three and then as she let it out she pushed open the door.

'Hi Pumpkin' Auntie Jac greeted her causally, as though it were everyday she gate crashed into Ava's studio.

Ava stood in silence just staring at the room, trying to take it all in at once. Eventually she found her voice. 'I think the palettes would be better in the cupboard under sink' Ava spoke softly. 'If you put them in the cupboard furthest away I won't be bothered to put them away.'

Jac stopped what she was doing and held out the palettes she had in her hand to her niece. Ava walked over and took them, she nodded at her aunts smile.

'After dinner I'll help you bring down the stuff you've got piled in your bedroom. It'll be good to finally have all your art stuff in one place where you can really see it all.' Jonny spoke up.

Ava turned to look at him and as she did so she notice a large cork notice board covering the far wall 'Where did that come from?' she asked pointing.

'If you don't like it…' Jac started to say quickly but stopped as Ava shook her head.

'Its perfect.' She looked around the room again, more slowly this time.

'You know Derek thinks this may be the best room he has ever created' Jonny smiled at Ava. 'So much natural light. I think you can create some beautiful work in here princess, I really do.'

Ava nodded. 'You can see in from the kitchen.'

'We'll close the blinds if it bothers you' Jonny chuckled.

'No, I like it' Ava declared as she squatted down awkwardly to put the palettes into the cupboard under the sink. Her aunt handed her more palettes and Ava arranged them neatly on the shelves. 'I don't want to see the rest of the house' Ava suddenly spoke firmly.

'No that's okay' Jac placed her hand on Ava's shoulder 'I've been around and checked everything, signed off all the paperwork. You don't need to look at the rest of the house but it makes sense to use the studio, it's what you need.' She helped Ava to stand back up.

'Thank you' Ava nodded.

'There's no need to thank us Pumpkin' Jac smiled. 'We're just happy our house will be extremely tidy from now on. No more finding sketch pads and pencils everywhere!'

'Och, no more paint on the kitchen table' Jonny joined in 'or palettes and brushes left dying on the draining board.'

'Whatever' Ava rolled her eyes as she pulled some brushes out of a box and put them inside a jam jar. She realised she was smiling, properly smiling for the first time since Markus died. It felt odd, but not terrible. 'I will have to send out a card to Derek and the team to thank them' she spoke as she placed the jar on the window sill. 'I think baby and I will be quite happy sketching and painting in here.'


	43. Chapter 43

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

Jac looked across the bed to where Ava lay seeping. Tomorrow should have been the happiest day of the young woman's life. Instead she was six months pregnant and staying in a hotel room with her aunt, trying to pretend everything was fine. Jac had taken Ava to London in attempt to distract her from any memories that tomorrow she should have married Markus. Jonny had been doubtful that Ava would want to go but upon hearing the suggestion Ava had readily agreed. She was sick of sympathy and people trying to be kind. She wanted a normal day, to be around strangers who had no idea that the father of her child, the man she planned to marry, had been tragically killed in a car crash. Jac had held her close and promised her they would do anything she wanted, just them two, no one else. Jonny had scorned Jac's plans, telling her she couldn't hide Ava away from everyone forever. Ava had to face reality at some point. It was just one day Jac had argued back. She wanted to protect her from it for just one day. If being away from reality gave Ava a little peace then Jac would do it.

They had travelled by train, late Friday morning. Jac had booked first class tickets wanting Ava to travel as comfortably as possible. The journey had still tried her forcing Ava to take a nap as soon as they had reached the hotel. Jac sat on the bed beside her, a tattered paperback copy of Cranford in her lap. It remained unopened as she instead stroked Ava's soft auburn hair until she had fallen asleep. Jac remembered doing this when Ava had been three. She had missed it when Ava started pre school and had declared day time naps were for babies. Jac smiled at the memory of Ava's tiny facial features determinedly scowling. 'Och she looks just like you' Jonny used to laughingly whisper. Everyone had assumed Ava was her daughter, it had to be explained over and over again to teachers and other parents. 'My mummy is in heaven but Auntie Jac is my guardian which means she gets to look after me' was Ava's well rehearsed line. At a ballet class Jac had once overheard a little girl asking Ava if she missed her real mum. 'Auntie Jac is my real mum' a seven year old Ava had shrugged. It was then that Jac realised Ava didn't really remember Jasmine. That evening Jac had fetched a photo album and tried to reconnect Ava with her mother. 'Remember this?' she had asked over and over. Ava had become cross pushing the photos away. 'Enough Jac' Jonny had spoken firmly before lifting Ava into his arms to change the mood. 'Who wants to fly to the moon? Shall we go, just me and you!' he had sung as he spun Ava around making her giggle. Later as Jonny climbed into bed next to Jac he had spoke matter of fact. 'She might call you Auntie Jac but you're the only mother she knows.' Jac had shaken her head 'she must remember her.' Jonny had kissed her before running his thumb across her cheek bone. 'But she doesn't. You need to let Jasmine go, at least for now. You were confusing her earlier. She loves you, in her head you're her mum, not some other lady in the pictures. Wait until she's older, she'll want to know then.' So Jac had waited and curiosity had come but only fleetingly.

'Do you ever mind me not calling you mum?' Ava had asked her once. 'No' Jac had answered honestly. It had never mattered to Jac what Ava had called her. She was here, that was all that had ever mattered. Ava had no idea how intoxicating it was to love as a mother. How it filled your every thought and feeling. Soon she would and Jac knew she wasn't ready for it. Jac hadn't been and Sacha had laughed at her. 'No one ever is ready Jac. You thought you knew what love is and then you brought a tiny little human into this world. Its fear and joy all wrapped into each other. Nothing else like it on earth.' It made it harder for Jac to understand why her own mother had abandoned her so easily. Even when Ava and Julia were seriously trying her patience Jac could not imagine not loving them, pushing them out of her life. All girls needed a mother. It was a statement Jac stuck by. She felt guilty about the hours her work demanded of her but she was always contactable. If Julia or Ava needed her she would be there. Her girls knew they had a home for life with Jac. It was the stability Jac had craved and longed for, that sense of belonging. Jonny and her girls had finally given it to her.

Jonny could tell her everything would be okay and Jac would believe him. It had taken her so long to trust him but the love that she felt for him at times almost overwhelmed her. Maybe it was different for men, Jac didn't know. What she did know was the grief Ava was experiencing must be excruciating. Well meaning people had said to Jac that Ava was young, she would heal and move on. But they didn't know, they hadn't seen Markus and Ava grow up together. Jac very much doubted Ava would ever move on from Markus. The baby was everything now. It was a focus, hope for the future. Happiness would always be found in a child's laugh, a baby's first smile or first word. Jac thought about the time Ava had first told her she loved her. It had been momentous for Jac but at the time a three year old Ava had no idea. 'I love you so much' Jac whispered aloud to the now 19 year old woman Ava had grown into. Ava didn't stir from her sleep, even when Jac pressed her lips to her forehead.

...

'Julia! Thank goodness you're home!' Amanda exclaimed as Julia opened the door to the terrace house. 'I am in the most dreadful pickle and only you can help me.'

'Me?' Julia asked with surprise as she stepped back to allow Amanda to enter the house.

'Yes most certainly you' Amanda chuckled 'I need a pianist, urgently. Today.' She look at her watch. 'In fact in two hours and three minutes.'

'That's quite short notice' Julia stuttered.

'I know' Amanda looked pleadingly at her 'Its the first wedding I've planned since… well anyway, the pianist I had booked has come down with the most awful gastric flu, completely terrible, not all what you want during a romantic ceremony.'

'Oh I see' Julia spoke quietly.

'But you can help me can't you?' Amanda insisted 'the pieces are simple, I'm sure I've heard you play them dozens of times before, and even if you don't know them I'm sure the couple wouldn't mind you changing up the music a little. It's just for the ceremony I promise, I'll have you back here before you know it.'

'But I haven't played in public for months' Julia protested.

'I know you haven't' Amanda smiled softly 'but I really do need you help me out.'

'Isn't late Friday afternoon an odd time for a wedding?' Julia frowned.

'The bride is recovering from anorexia and didn't want a sit down wedding breakfast, so its just a ceremony and party. Also the bride didn't want to be obsessing over the details for months on end so we've planned the whole day within a month, Friday was the only day available at short notice. Such a sweet couple' Amanda sighed 'its so sad that Sophie, that's the bride, has suffered so much. I wanted this day to go without a hitch for them.'

'Okay, fine' Julia sighed, feeling guilt tripped. 'I'll go and get changed.'

'Brilliant' Amanda beamed as she started scrolling through her phone 'I'll just find the set list.'

'You will stay with me for the whole thing won't you?' Julia asked nervously as she paused on the stairs.

'Absolutely' Amanda smiled reassuringly. She waited until Julia was out of her sight before messaging Jonny 'Operation get Julia out of the house, phase one complete.'

Within seconds Jonny had answered 'Well done. I still wouldn't tell Jac until its over.'

Amanda chuckled before typing 'Sometimes Jac needs to let go a little.'

….

Jac woke up with a start. She hadn't meant to fall asleep. Her heart jolted as she realised Ava wasn't beside her. She called out her name and rushed over to the bathroom. It was empty. Ava had clearly gone on a wonder alone. Jac sighed as she fetched her phone and tapped on the tracking app for Ava's phone. It showed Ava's phone to be here in the hotel. A quick search of the room found it still charging on the nightstand. 'Brilliant' Jac muttered darkly. She stood still for a minute, focusing her thoughts to think of the best way to find Ava within a vast city neither of them knew partially well. She picked up her bag and headed down to the reception.

'Ms Naylor I hope everything is to your satisfaction' the young girl stood behind the desk asked politely in her Polish accent. 'Your daughter has gone exploring already, she said she was too excited to wait for you' she smiled brightly.

'Did she say where she was going?' Jac asked as she handed over her room key. 'She left without her phone, I don't like to think of her wondering around alone in her current condition.'

'Don't worry' the girl smiled 'she wanted to go to the museum of natural history. I ordered her a cab to take her right there, I told her it was too far for her to manage walking and public transport can be confusing when you don't know where you're going. I can order a car for you too now, if you wish? '

'Thank you' Jac nodded, feeling a sense of relief. At least Ava was somewhere safe.

...

It hadn't taken Jac long to find Ava within the museum, she had known exactly where the young red head would be. 'You left your phone in the hotel' Jac spoke crossly as she walked up to her.

'They still haven't changed it, look' Ava laughed softly as she touched a plaque 'its still grammatically incorrect.'

'I know, you say the same thing every time we come to London' Jac crossed her arms. 'Do you have any idea how worried I was just then?'

'I just needed to be here' Ava shook her head. 'This is where we had our first date.'

'Yes I remember' Jac spoke softly.

'I don't think you knew it was date though did you?' Ava smiled shyly at her aunt.

'I had my suspicions' Jac returned the smile. 'I did like Marcus, you know.'

'I know' Ava nodded as she wiped away a tear 'so did he. You were right to be cautious, you were just being a good parent.'

'I thought I was taking you away from sad memories, not bringing you directly to them' Jac sighed. 'I'm sorry, I should have remembered.'

'Its not a sad memory though' Ava smiled 'it's a happy one.'

'Jonny told me I was wrong to take you away from Holby because I can't shield you away from every little bit of pain forever. Don't tell him he was right.'

'Both of you are right' Ava chuckled 'I need to remember him, I want to. But tomorrow isn't about memories, its about what should have been. I can't have Markus as my husband so we need to make tomorrow about something else instead.'

'Sure' Jac nodded. 'I said we'll do whatever you want and I meant it.'

'I haven't got anything for this little one' Ava rubbed her growing bump 'not even one tiny little vest or baby grow because I couldn't face it. Tomorrow can we go shopping for her? I want the day to be about planning for my baby girl.'

'Of course we can' Jac smiled. 'I've been waiting for ages for you to say that.'

'Really?' Ava laughed. 'Why didn't you say?'

'I've been waiting for you to be ready' Jac shrugged. 'It took me until I was seven months pregnant to start buying things for my baby. Jonny's persistent nagging about it was excruciating. But the moment had to be right for me. So I've patiently waited for the moment to be right for you too.'

'I love you Auntie Jac' Ava wiped away her last few tears 'You just always seem to know the right thing to say.'

...

'Here you go' Amanda handed Julia a cheque as they sat in her parked car outside Julia's house.

'For playing just four pieces?' Julia stuttered as she looked at the amount.

'You're good' Amanda nodded 'you've earned every penny. You could really make a living out of this if you wanted.'

'I'm only amateur' Julia shook her head.

'Honey, its all about building reputation' Amanda laughed. 'When I first started out in event planning I was amateur too. But I learned fast and built up a client list who told their friends about me so that list of potential clients soon grew. Now I run my own business that employs five other event planners. Sometimes in life you just need to take a leap of faith.'

Julia nodded as she thought about Amanda's words.

'So should I keep you in mind for other events?' Amanda's eye twinkled mischievously.

'Sure why not' Julia smiled.

'You know for me the best part of owning my own business is being in control. I liked that about it, even when it was hard and I had hardly any money to make ends meet.' Amanda spoke softly 'I decide who I work with, if I'm not comfortable I just walk away. I promise I'll always help you, if you need it, so don't be afraid to say you're finding things tough or scary. You have so many people who want to help make things better for you.'

'Mum told you I haven't really left the house that much didn't she?' Julia looked down at her hands.

'Yes, us mothers talk I'm afraid' Amanda placed a comforting hand on Julia's shoulder. 'Just take baby steps, they don't need to be giant leaps. '

Julia looked up and smiled at Amanda 'Thank you.'

'Oh no, thank you. That was one tight spot you got me out of today' Amanda smiled. 'Now go in and tell your fiancée all about your triumph.'

Julia laughed as she opened the car door. 'You know what, it was actually pretty fun today.'

'Good' Amanda smiled 'life should always be about fun.'

'Tomorrow Dad and I were going to go Daphne's dinner for lunch, you can always join us, you know if you're…'

'Oh no, I still hate that place' Amanda interrupted with a laugh. 'Don't you worry about me, Guy and I have got plans. Just make sure you order one of those disgusting blue milkshakes Markus used to like so much okay?'

'Sure' Julia nodded.

'He really cared about you' Amanda spoke sadly. 'He really cared about everyone. So we all just have to keep going for him really don't we?'

As Julia nodded to show she understood exactly what Amanda ment. It would be dishonourable to Markus to give up on life when his had been cut so short. It would take courage, Julia knew that, but maybe life could move forward after all.


	44. Chapter 44

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review :-)_

'Sometimes I think Markus is watching over me' Ava confessed to her sister as they lay side by side on a picnic blanket on the sand. She felt Julia take hold of her hand. They both loved the beach, it helped to calm them. When either of them was worked up or anxious they'd find themselves in the car being driven to the beach. The girls had upheld the tradition over the years. The beach had become their safe place, a space in which they could talk freely without being judged. 'I have moments of feeling desperately alone and then I'll get this feeling like everything is going to be okay and I think, that's Markus telling me to keep going.'

'You don't need to be alone' Julia squeezed her sister's hand.

'No I know. Its just sometimes I can feel lonely even if I'm in a room full of people. Does that make sense?' Ava tried to explain.

'Kind of' Julia lapsed into silence for a bit, listening to the roar of the sea as it churned up the pebbles caught in its waves. 'There were moments when I was kid, during the bad stuff, when I'd hope I wouldn't wake up, that I'd just slip away in the night. I was so bitter and angry that everyone else around me at school had these wonderful ordinary innocent lives with parents who protected them. I loathed walking up the steps to the school, watching all of you happily talking about movie stars and boy bands. But at the same time I dreaded the school holidays because then there would be no reprieve from the abuse. I felt trapped in anger and pain and that was lonely too.'

'You've never spoken about that to me before' Ava squeezed her sisters hand.

'You helped to rescue me from it.' Julia turned her head to smile at her sister. 'You taught me that even when you feel so isolated and alone there will always be a light to guide the way out.'

'What was it like when you first went into foster care?' Ava had been forbidden from asking Julia questions when she'd first come to live with them. She remembered Julia being a terrified thirteen year old with uneven cropped hair. She would hear her screaming in the night and then the sounds of Auntie Jac trying to comfort her. The moments of self harming had been the worse. Ava could remember one time so clearly when Uncle Jonny had had to hold Julia down to restrain her from hurting herself whilst Auntie Jac frantically dialled 999 for an ambulance. Afterwards Ava had found her uncle crying in the kitchen. 'You're not going to give up on her are you?' Ava had asked him timidly. He'd shook his head and quickly wiped his eyes. 'We're worried about both of you. Can you bear with us through this?' Ava had nodded and hugged him. 'We won't let social services take her away Princess. We'll fight like hell, I promise.' Fighting like hell they had, as a family, the four of them together.

'The first few weeks were odd. I was free but at the same time I felt like I was the property of the police. Their star witness.' Julia spoke bitterly. 'When they let you visit I felt normal, like how I was supposed to be. I'd never had a friend before you. Not real ones anyway.'

'I think you were meant to be my sister' Ava spoke softly. 'I longed for one and then I found you.'

'You weren't afraid of me, even when I told you what happened?' Julia asked.

'I was scared for you, I was never afraid of you' Ava answered. 'I remember thinking you were so brave, I will never be as brave as you are.'

'That wasn't bravery' Julia tisked. 'I was scared stupid, I just wanted a way out. You were the brave one, following me even though you knew I'd get you into trouble.'

'Auntie Jac couldn't look me at me for days afterwards' Ava sighed at the memory of the day she'd ended up following Julia as she ran away from school. 'I'd scared her. She was so afraid of losing another child.'

'I can't imagine what it must be like, to love another human being like that. Its like its more than the love you or I have for Markus and Hattie.' Julia spoke candidly 'the idea of it terrifies me.'

'I guess I'll soon find out' Ava mused as she rubbed her bump.

'Is it weird feeling her moving around inside you?' Julia asked.

'A bit. I kind of like it though, she reminds me to keep going sometimes. Its odd but its almost like I already know her.'

'She is part of Markus, maybe that's why you still feel him close to you.'

'Maybe.' Ava thought for a moment. 'I like to think he's met up with Granddad George and my biological mum somewhere. Maybe he's even got to meet our little sister.'

'Do you think if Amelia had lived we would have still been adopted?' Julia had hated herself for asking it, but it had been playing on her mind.

'Yes' Ava spoke confidently 'we all still would have found each other and you'd still be loved just as much as you are now.'

'How are so you so sure of that ? Julia asked curiously.

'I once heard Auntie Jac telling a social worker she was a mother to three girls. Giving birth has very little to do with anything.'

Julia laughed. 'I can imagine mum saying that.'

'She meant it too' Ava smiled 'she was about ready to rip the poor woman to shreds. Full on lioness mode.'

'Good' Julia laughed 'I hated that woman. Judgemental and interfering.'

'We all hated her. Uncle Jonny especially .' Ava squeezed Julia's hand tightly . 'There was no way we were letting her take you away from us.'

'We'll have to go home soon. They'll be waiting with a cake' Julia reminded her sister.

'I didn't really want to have a celebration this year' Ava confessed.

'No, I know. But its only us and Mo and Sacha. No one to judge you if you eat two pieces of cake and take a nap on the sofa.'

'It might even be three pieces of cake' Ava laughed. 'I can't believe I'm actually 20.'

...

Jac opened the front door to find Amanda on her doorstep. 'Hello' she smiled 'I thought you had an event planed today.'

'I did' Amanda smiled guiltily 'I passed it over to my assistant. This is not one of my good days. I was looking through some of Markus's things and I found this' Amanda spoke softly as she held up a small box. 'I'm assuming he meant it to be gift for Ava because if not there was a side to him I knew nothing about.'

Jac let out a single laugh and stepped back to let her friend in. 'Ava has just cut the cake so you've timed your visit perfectly.'

'I'm not intruding?' Amanda slipped off her shoes.

'Don't be silly you're family' Jac led Amanda through the house towards the kitchen .

'Amanda!' Ava greeted her cheerfully as she walked out into the hall to see who had come to visit. 'You were free for cake after all!'

'Happy birthday' Amanda excepted the hug Ava gave her. 'You look beautiful.' She lightly touched the bump containing her growing grandchild with her hand. 'Have you had a good day?'

'Julia and I went to the beach' Ava nodded. 'I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate.'

'The sea air has obviously done you some good' Amanda smiled before holding out the small box to Ava. 'I found this on the top shelf of Markus's wardrobe, pushed right to the back. I don't know when it was brought but I think he may have intended it to be a gift for you on your wedding day.'

'Oh' Ava stood looking at the box sat on Amanda's outstretched hand.

'You don't have to open it now Pumpkin, if you don't want to' Jac spoke softly, putting her arm around Ava's shoulders.

'Of course you don't. I should have thought and waited' Amanda shook her head apologetically before putting the vox down on the console table next to the bowl of keys.

'No, I mean, thank you' Ava smiled sadly. 'There never seems to be the right moment for any of this type of thing does there?'

'You're such a sweet girl' Amanda smiled, quickly squeezing Ava's hand.

'Come in and have some cake' Ava squeezed her hand back.

'Yes, please do Jonny has made one that is big enough to feed about 50 people' Jac rolled her eyes. 'We need to ban him from watching the great British bake off.'

Amanda laughed which cheered Ava a little. 'Also we need your opinion on something; new born photo shoot yay or nay?

'Oh most definitely yay' Amanda chuckled as she followed Ava and Jac into the kitchen.

...

Ava gently opened the lid of the small box Amanda had left. She was sat alone in her bedroom, having snuck away from her own dinner party. She looked at the pearl earrings sat in a tiny black velvet cushion and smiled sadly at the memory they produced. They had been choosing their wedding rings when she'd spotted them. 'Oh look those would match Auntie Jac's necklace!' she had exclaimed excitedly.

'Yes and you'd need Auntie Jac's salary to afford them' Markus had joked pointing out the price tag.

'Oh well' Ava had sighed wistfully 'I'm going to wear Grandma Naylor's earrings anyway.'

'I promise one day, when we're not saving for a wedding or building a house I'll buy you your very own real pearl earrings' Markus had chuckled before kissing her cheek.

How he had found the money Ava didn't know. But he had clearly found a way to afford the earrings just for her. 'Your Dad was one in a million' Ava spoke softly as she rubbed her bump. 'I'll never find anyone else who'll love me like he did.' She let her tears stream down her face, not bothering to wipe them away. The baby kicked out softly. 'I know. I know we will' Ava spoke softly. 'We'll live a good life for him.'


	45. Chapter 45

Ava sat back and looked critically at the Christmas card she was designing. It was August but she was hoping to get a head start on a few designs before the baby arrived. She was waiting for her results to the Masters degree and getting increasingly nervous about the impending birth. She was irritable and the smallest indiscretion could send her fiery temper roaring. Working alone in her studio space was calming for her. Even today when back pain kept washing over her she found herself focused on her drawing. The pain moved round to the front of her stomach and Ava dropped her pencil with surprise at its sudden force. 'What are you doing in there?' she questioned crossly as she rubbed her bump. Another pain took her breath away and fear suddenly grip Ava. 'You know you're not due for another two weeks right?' she spoke shakily as she got to her feet. Auntie Jac had been nagging her to pack her hospital bag for the last few days and Ava had airily spoken it was too soon. As her waters splashed over her feet Ava half laughed 'oh your grandmother is going to love this.' She moved carefully over to the door and paused as she reached it, allowing another pain to pass before opening it to make her way up the path to the house. Another pain gripped her as she opened the door to the kitchen. 'Auntie Jac!' she yelled out. She panted as the pain reached its pitch.

'Whoa, its okay I've got you' Jonny spoke calmly as he rushed over to her.

'My waters have broken' Ava panted as her uncle rubbed her back, 'Where's Auntie Jac?' she whined.

'Jac!' Jonny bellowed through the house. 'Its okay Ava, you're going to be fine. This is an exciting thing! Your baby is about to come earth side!'

'It hurts like hell' Ava glowered as she stood herself upright now the pain was over.

'What's going on?' Jac asked as she walked into the kitchen.

'Ava's in labour' Jonny announced happily. He frowned as Ava doubled over in pain once more. 'She literally just had a contraction' he spoke as he rubbed her back again. He shared a knowing look with Jac.

'Ava how long have you been having pains?' Jac asked as she took in niece's pale complexion.

'I've had pains in my back since last night. I didn't think that it was anything' Ava panted.

'Okay' Jac thought quickly. 'I think we need to call the midwife and I think I should probably examine you, just to see what's going on.'

'No way!' Ava yelled. 'We're going to a hospital were there's drugs and proper qualified midwives!'

'Ava I don't think we're going to make it to the hospital' Jac spoke bluntly.

'I'll go and call Laura' Jonny spoke as he took his phone out of his pocket and walked out of the kitchen.

'I was being serious about needing to examine you Pumpkin' Jac spoke more gently this time.

'This wasn't part of the plan' Ava shook her head.

'Look just sit on the floor and rest against the cupboard' Jac tried to guide Ava over to the corner of the kitchen.

'I'm not giving birth on the dirty kitchen floor!' Ava cried.

'Fine, try and make it up the stairs' Jac narrowed her eyes as another contraction ripped through Ava. 'Besides Uncle Jonny dropped a yogurt this morning and had to clean it up. That floor is as clean as one my operating theatres.' She supported Ava's weight and reminded her to breathe until the pain passed.

'No one said it would hurt this much' Ava whimpered as the pain ended.

'Ava…' Jac started to softly speak.

'I'm letting you examine me' Ava snapped as she pulled down her shorts and removed her underwear 'this is so mortifying!'

'I know' Jac tired to sound sympathetic as she helped Ava to lower herself to the floor. 'I'll be quick I promise. Just bend you knees and let your legs fall open' as Ava did what she instructed, one quick glance told Jac all she needed to know. 'Ava, you need to be brave.'

'What's wrong?' Ava panicked.

'Nothing is wrong. In fact you've done marvellously all on your own , because you're fully dilated and the baby's head is almost crowning' Jac spoke calmly.

'I know I refused to attend the NTC classes but I'm pretty sure all the books I've read made labour seem a lot longer' Ava whimpered.

'I have no idea how you've gotten this far without realising you were in labour but you have' Jac continued to speak calmly. 'Jonny!' she called out for her husband.

'I can't do this, I need pain relief' Ava cried as another contraction ripped through her.

'Ava, you can do this' Jac spoke firmly 'you got this far already. I'm not going to lie, pushing a baby out is going to hurt like hell but it'll only be for a little while and then your baby will be in your arms.'

'I've got towels' Jonny spoke from the doorframe. 'Laura is on her way and wants to know how far apart the contractions are now.'

'The head is crowning' Jac yelled 'I need those towels right now!'

'No, don't come in!' Ava yelled out, sobbing. 'I don't want you to see!'

'I think we're past the point of caring about your dignity' Jac rolled her eyes as Jonny relayed details to the midwife.

'Its okay, I'm not looking' Jonny carefully walked into the room deliberately looking up he held out the towels to Jac. 'Laura is just minutes away.' He spoke reassuringly

'We don't have minutes' Jac snatched the towels out of her husbands extended hand.

'Right, I'm going to wait by the front door' Jonny spoke calmly. 'I promise I didn't see a thing!' he yelled as he exited the room.

'On the next contraction Ava, I need you to push, not too hard but a strong steady push' Jac looked her niece in the eye. 'You just concentrate on me, and you follow my instructions okay?'

'Okay' Ava nodded. She could feel the next pain building.

'Chin to chest!' Jac yelled as Ava's cries reached a certain pitch 'bare down and push. Good Ava, that's perfect!' she couldn't help but smile as she witnessed the head of her granddaughter entering the world. Ava yelled with the effort but Jac was relieved so far it was going textbook perfect.

Ava leaned back against the cupboard door and panted 'I feel like I'm splitting in two.'

'You're not, I promise' Jac smiled reassuringly as she looked up 'that's the worse part over, the head is out.'

'You've delivered babies before right?' Ava spoke exhaustedly.

'Of course' Jac nodded 'luckily for you I'm a proper fully qualified doctor.'

'What does she look like?' Ava asked, she could feel the next contraction building already.

'She has hair' Jac smiled. 'Chin to chest' she commanded as she saw Ava gritting her teeth. 'Another steady push like the one you gave me just now will be perfect.' She looked down, gently guiding the baby as she started to slide forward. 'Keep it going Ava, she's almost completely out' Jac commanded. Ava groaned as her baby fully exited her body. The baby let out a startled cry, disgruntled by her fast entry into the world.

'Is she okay?' Ava asked as she opened her eyes, trying to see what her aunt was doing.

'She's perfect' Jac laughed with relief as she wiped the worse of the blood from the baby's skin. She wrapped the little girl into a clean towel to keep her warm. 'Undo the buttons on your shirt' Jac commanded 'skin to skin is good for bonding.'

Ava fumbled to quickly undo the buttons before her aunt placed her little girl on her chest. A rush of emotion washed over Ava and she let out a sob. 'Hello, baby girl' she cried as she kissed her little girl's damp head. 'I know you, I know you my little Chloe.'

'Chloe?' Jac smiled as the baby's cries turned into little whimpers 'I like that a lot.'

'Me too' Ava smiled as she looked down at her fussing baby 'Chloe Jasmine Holsen-Naylor.'

'A beautiful name for a beautiful girl' Jac nodded. 'I'm so proud of you Pumpkin.'

'I had no idea it would feel like this' Ava looked up at her aunt with tears her in eyes 'I love her so much.'

'Oh well done!' Laura the midwife spoke as she walked into the kitchen. 'Healthy baby I'm guessing?' she smiled as Jac nodded. 'Let me take a look at mum first then. Would you like to cut the cord?' she asked as Jac moved out of the way.

'I think you've earned it Auntie Jac' Ava laughed 'I couldn't have done it without you.'

'And she helped you to deliver without tearing' Laura exclaimed as she quickly assessed Ava 'what a remarkably talented granny your little one has got' she joked as started to get out necessary equipment from her bag.

'Oh trust me it was luck' Jac laughed with relief as she rested her back against the cupboard next to Ava 'I haven't delivered a baby in over 15 years.'

'Its like riding a bike, as you've found out' the midwife chuckled. 'Let's cut the cord, deal with the placenta and get mum and baby fully checked over. Then we can let a rather anxious grandfather see his granddaughter.'

...

'You are just a tiny bit marvellous aren't you?' Jonny crooned to his granddaughter as he held her in his arms. With both mother and baby having been declared perfectly fit and healthy Laura had seen no reason for either of them to go to the hospital. Amanda had arrived ten minutes after Chloe had been born and was currently cleaning up the mess in the kitchen whilst Jac helped Ava to shower and change. 'We will be talking about your birth for years to come' Jonny smiled as the little girl yawned and opened and closed her eyes. 'Impatient to get here, weren't you little lady?' He rocked his arms as Chloe started to fall asleep, her tummy full with her first feed, warm and content in the arms of her grandfather. The doorbell rang out and Jonny walked carefully to the front door to answer it.

'Oh my' Mo gushed as she took in the sight of Jonny cradling the baby.

'I know right?' Jonny laughed. 'Born on our kitchen floor just two hours ago.'

'I bet Jac loved that' Mo laughed. 'I've brought over everything Jac asked for. I had to stop Sacha and Evelyn from wanting to rush over here' Mo gently pulled back the edge of the blanket so could see the baby's face. 'She looks like…' she stopped herself from saying it.

'Its okay' Jonny shook his head 'we've already all said it. She looks like Amelia, who looked like Jac, who Ava most definitely looks like. So this one is most definitely another little Naylor.'

'She's beautiful' Mo smiled at her friend. 'Congratulations Poppy.'

...

'I thought breastfeeding would be a lot more difficult than this' Ava commented as Chloe latched on perfectly for another feed.

'Well all babies are different' Mo commented as she watched over Ava's technique 'You're lucky, Chloe is clearly a natural. All of mine were too except for Oliva, she was a nightmare. Eventually we got there but I quickly learnt why some mothers give up.'

'It hurts a little, the book didn't really explain that' Ava smiled wryly. 'When Laura first put her on my breast I thought something was wrong.'

'The pain gets less the more you do it' Mo chuckled. 'Once your milk comes in it gets even easier.'

'Julia and Hattie have just arrived' Jac announced as she walked into Ava's bedroom. 'I've told them to wait downstairs for the moment.' She sat down on the end of Ava's bed and smiled at the way Ava's attention was fully absorbed in Chloe

'So then Granny J, Nana Jac, Nonna Naylor how much time would you like away from work?' Mo ginned mischievously. 'I know you've been hoarding your annual leave, HR have been getting on at me about it.'

'Nonna Naylor' Ava snorted. 'Even I say no to that one.'

Jac rolled her eyes. 'What do you think Ava, how much time should I take?'

'Oh you're never going back to work, we're now your full time job' Ava grinned at her aunt.

'I'll take two weeks, then we'll see' Jac squeezed Ava's foot. 'You won't want me around being bossy forever.'

'Take a month, I'll square it with Hansen' Mo advised. 'You've built up so much leave over the last two years, its time you took some of it. Enjoy this time.'

Jac smiled at her friend. 'Thanks.'

'You know as much as I wish was Markus were here I still feel lucky.' Ava commented as she watched her baby suckling. 'I have all of you and so does Chloe.'

'You're never alone Pumpkin' Jac squeezed Ava's foot again.

'I know' Ava nodded. 'I guess somewhere in the grief I forgot what a great support network I actually have.'

'We're all here for you Ava, anytime.' Mo reached out and smoothed Ava's hair. 'We're like team aren't we? Your aunt handled the birth, I've got years of breastfeeding experience I can share with you and we'll leave the worse of the nappies to your uncle. You've got everything you need all around you.'

Ava nodded as a tear rolled down her cheek. 'How ever did you cope?' she looked up at her aunt.

'I just had to' Jac understood Ava's question to refer to Amelia, to her illness and death. 'I also had many people to help when I needed it, only I had to learn to swallow my pride and ask. Then one day your mother turned up and there was you to give me back my strength again.'

'I've finally realised how hard it must have been for her, to know she was going to leave me' Ava let her tears fall. 'I don't even remember her, but her heart must have been breaking when she gave me to you and Uncle Jonny.'

'She did everything she could' Jac spoke softly. 'She was extraordinary, just like you. That's all you ever need to do, just love Chloe and put her first in everything.'

'She knew what she was doing when she found you didn't she?' Ava smiled through her tears.

'I guess she did' Jac smiled back.

...

'She looks like you' Julia commented as she peered at her niece for the first time. 'All pale and auburn. Very beautiful.'

'You can hold her if you'd like' Ava offered.

'Oh no, I'd probably drop her' Julia shook her head.

'I'll hold her' Hattie chuckled. 'Its not often you get to cuddle a new born.' As Ava transferred the baby into Hattie's arm Julia watched curiously. 'Hey now baby girl' Hattie crooned softly as Chloe started to fuss. The baby settled again and Hattie smiled. 'You see how easy it is?'

'I think she likes her Auntie Hattie' Ava smiled.

'Well that's good, because Auntie Hattie thinks you are the most beautiful thing she has ever seen' Hattie crooned.

'So what's going on downstairs?' Ava yawned 'has Auntie Jac lost her cool about the amount of visitors invading her house yet?'

'Actually no' Julia laughed. 'Amy has arrived now, she wants to facetime with Issy so she can see the baby too. Hopefully Issy's placement will let her take some time so she can visit Chloe herself.'

'I'll have to make sure the christening is when she's home' Ava mused. 'We can't have any of Chloe's aunties missing out on that can we?'

'Talking of celebrations' Julia spoke up 'we've been talking about wedding plans with Amanda. There's date available at Kitters House in November.'

'November this year?' Ava let her mouth fall open in shock.

Julia nodded 'we don't want to wait.'

'No' Ava smiled 'don't waste your life waiting. Did you want me to help with designing invites and stuff?'

'Only if you're up to it' Julia nodded and smiled.

'Right now I feel like I could take on the world' Ava grinned.

'I'm pretty sure after a few sleepless nights that euphoria will wear off' Hattie chuckled. 'We want you to be involved, we want all your family to celebrate with us.'

'Its good to have happy events to look forward to' Ava nodded. 'I don't think there is anyone I'd rather have Julia marry, you two are made for each other.'

'Well obviously I agree' Hattie grinned. 'Now I really think Auntie Julia needs to hold her little new born niece.'

'Go on, sit down on the edge of the bed if you're really that worried about dropping her' Ava laughed.

Julia sighed and did as she was asked. She made her cradle with her arms and allowed Hattie to place the baby into them. 'Hello, little Chloe' she spoke softly as the baby opened her eyes. She gently touched the child's delicate tiny hand with her finger and was surprise when the little fingers grabbed hold tightly. She smiled and lent forward to kiss Chloe's soft head. The emotions that swamped her were good and happy, not scary at all. 'I feel like I've always known you' she laughed 'welcome to the family my beautiful niece.'


	46. Chapter 46

_Thank you for continuing to read this story. This is just a little filler chapter. Please review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jonny laughed as he caught Hattie's father trying hide his cigarette. 'You're safe its only me' he teased as put the black rubbish sack into the bin.

'I know I should give up' Edward Greystoke looked at the little white stick in his hand guiltily 'but sometimes I just need one.'

'I've heard divorce is stressful' Jonny shrugged. 'You'll not be getting a lecture from me.'

'I could tell Hattie was trying not to smile when I told her news, it actually made me feel a little bit better.' George dragged on his cigarette and let out the smoke slowly. 'I thought I knew my wife. Turns out I was wrong. Work kept me from home but I still should have known what Hattie was going through and what her mother was telling her. I knew Hattie was probably gay but to me it just never felt like it would be an issue, its just how my little girl is.'

'Have you told Hattie this?' Jonny asked.

'Yes' Edward smiled wiry 'I think she forgives me. I should have been around more, I was the absent parent for most of her childhood.'

'There are always things that we think we could have done better' Jonny spoke wisely.

'I think Julia is just terrific but I have noticed the scarring on her arms and Hattie has told me a little of her story' Edward looked sympathetically at Jonny.

'Life hasn't been easy for her' Jonny nodded 'she'll tell you herself, I'm sure, in her own time.'

'I admire you and your wife. You've created a really solid family unit' Edward stubbed out his cigarette. 'I'm not sure many people would have had the guts to take on everything you pair have.'

'Well we're not saints and none of it was planned' Jonny laughed. 'Both Ava and Julia just sort of turned up in our lives and we've just gone with it.'

'That is very much my new mantra for life' Edward smiled 'just go with it. I'm even considering moving to Bristol. Fresh start and time to get to properly know my daughter.'

'That sounds like a plan' Jonny opened the kitchen door. He smiled as he heard piano music.

'Erik Satie' Edward chuckled as he stepped into the warmth of the kitchen 'its been a while since I heard Je te veux'

'Julia only ever plays it if she's in an exceptionally good mood' Jonny commented 'which probably means that she's taken a shine to you.'

'Good' Edward chuckled 'because I would hate to be the awkward presence at my own daughter's wedding.'

...

'Beau?' Hattie spoke into the darkness. 'Do you think I should maybe give my mother another chance?'

'Hmm it's up to you' Julia muttered sleepily. 'Do you want her to come to our wedding?' It had been fun having Julia's father over for the weekend, talking through the plans for the wedding which was set to go ahead in two months time. Edward was not all what Julia had been expecting. He was relaxed and pleasant. He had insisted on paying half for the wedding and had gone wedding dress shopping with Hattie. Julia now knew where all the tension in Hattie's family came from but didn't want to deny Hattie the chance to have her mother at their day if that was she really wanted.

'No' Hattie answered truthfully. 'There would only be a scene. Its best she doesn't know anything about it. Was more thinking about afterwards.'

'Maybe we could visit before Christmas?' Julia suggested 'didn't your auntie say we could stay with them anytime you wanted?'

'Maybe' Hattie felt Julia wrap her arms around her. 'I guess I just feel bad because mum is slowly being cut off from the family.'

'It's her choice' Julia kissed Hattie's shoulder. 'If she can't accept we've found love then it's her problem. I don't think you should give up completely though, let her know she's welcome in your life whenever she is ready to accept us.'

'Thank you' Hattie spoke gratefully. 'I'll let you sleep, you've got big day tomorrow.'

'There is nothing to say thank you for' Julia closed her eyes 'your family is my family now, we'll face it all together.'

...

Jac looked briefly across at Julia who was sat the passenger seat next her, observing the tell tale signs she was battling with her anxiety. Jac was driving her daughter to a meeting with a conductor who was hoping to start an orchestra for adults with mental health problems. It had been recommended by Julia's piano teacher as a project Julia should get involved with to build up her performance experience. Julia was also considering returning to university next year, although this time to study music. However it didn't mean that any of it was going to be easy for the young blonde . 'You okay?' Jac asked as she returned her eyes to the road.

'I think so' Julia answered quietly.

'We can always cancel and rebook the meeting' Jac suggested gently.

'No' Julia shook her head. 'I want to just get it over with.'

'Okay then' Jac kept a positive note in her voice. She drove in silence for a few minutes before deciding to ask a question that has been playing in her mind for some time. 'Did you decide to study nursing rather than music because of me?'

'What?' Julia suddenly laughed.

'Why are you laughing?' Jac tisked. 'That was a serious question.'

'Not everything is about you mother' Julia chuckled. 'I thought I could do it, after I saved Dad's life.' She shrugged 'I guess there was a also a small part of me thinking it was the more sensible choice, the choice you and dad would approve of.'

'Dad and I just want you to be happy. We're proud of you no matter what.' Jac pulled up outside a large detached house. 'Well they look like they've not done too badly for themselves with a music career' Jac arched her eyebrow at her daughter.

'Mum you have no idea who this woman is do you?' Julia shook her head. 'Lucille Mortimer is a world renowned conductor.'

'I googled, I know who she is' Jac smirked at her daughter. 'You know, nerves are a good thing. They focus you, show you what you really want.'

'What I really want is to not make total tit of myself in front of someone who actually knows what an musician with potential sounds like.' Julia looked worriedly at her mother 'what if she laughs at me and calls me a total amateur?'

'I can come in with you for moral support' Jac offered.

'Nope' Julia shook her head determinedly. 'I'm an adult I can do this.' She took a deep breath as she opened the car door. 'Of course I'm an adult that needs her mother to wait outside in the car' she smiled weakly before getting out of the vehicle and closing the door.

As Jac watched her daughter walking up the drive way she thought back to the time when Julia had wanted to end her life at the age of thirteen. Julia had no idea just how proud she made her parents every single day. Jac took her out a book from the glove compartment and settled down to read. There was no way that woman was going to think Julia Naylor-Maconie was too amateur. Jac was expecting this to be a long audition.

...

Jac was startled by a hand being smartly tapped on her window. She recovered her composure and opened the window to speak to the smiling grey hair lady wanting her attention.

'Would you like some tea? You have been sat out here for over half an hour .'

'Oh, I er...I'm waiting for my daughter' Jac spoke with surprise.

'Yes I know dear' the woman smiled 'she is currently playing beautifully for my daughter. Please do come into the house, they may be sometime I cannot bare the thought of you being out here cold and uncomfortable.'

'Okay then' Jac nodded as she gathered together her things.

'I'm Marian' the woman offered out her hand.

'Jac Naylor' Jac shook Marian's hand as she introduced herself She followed Marian up the driveway and into the warm house. She could hear the sound of the piano being played somewhere and she smiled.

'I'm sure you must get told all the time how talented she is' Marian smiled as she led Jac into the kitchen.

'She doesn't often play for other people' Jac started to explain. 'Obviously we know she's good, but it took us two years to find a piano tutor she could trust...'

'Its okay' Marian cut Jac off with a kind smile. 'PTSD and anxiety am I right?'

'How did you know?' Jac asked, a little surprised.

'Once a clinical psychologist always a clinical psychologist' Marian chuckled as she filled the tea pot with hot water. 'Well let me tell you your daughter is extremely talented and probably the lack of professional tutor has been a blessing for her. Julia plays with her own distinct style. She'll only grow under the supervision of my Lucille.'

'Was this mental health orchestra your idea?' Jac asked curiously.

'Its a joint venture' Marian set tea cups out on a tray. 'Lucy has witnessed so many musicians, friends and colleagues, come undone by crippling stress, nerves, anxiety or depression and there is such lack of sympathy or understanding. Music should be more fun and creative than that and what we're hoping to do is to bring that back to the players, in a safe none judgemental environment.' Marian gave Jac a reassuring look 'I promise Julia will be quite safe with us.'

'Thank you' Jac nodded, not realising she had needed that reassurance until she had it.

'Even as adult as our children are we never do stop worrying do we?' Marian chuckled kindly. 'Now come through to the conservatory. You'll be able to hear Julia perfectly from there and the view of the garden is quite peaceful.'

...

Julia had not stopped talking about orchestra all through dinner. Her face was aglow with the excitement of it. Jonny had smiled across the table at Jac and Jac knew that smile to be one of such pride.

'So what did you think of them then?' Jonny asked quietly as Ava and Julia headed upstairs to get Chloe bathed, changed and ready for bed.

'They seem like good people' Jac shrugged. 'Marian said to me that Julia's mental health problems are the worse they've seen so far but they are keen to help her. Lucille was just as excited as Julia was then. The way she talks about music and how it should be for everyone – she has a lot of passion.'

Jonny reached across the table and took hold of Jac's hand. 'I know we say all the time about how Julia constantly surprises us, facing new challenges and refusing to give up but this one really seems to be a good fit doesn't it? I mean, something about it just feels so right for her, it could totally change her life.'

Jac nodded and smiled softly. 'When I think back to that time when she was so desperate we had to have her sectioned, she's changed so much, she wants to keep moving forward.'

'It's because of you' Jonny smiled at his wife 'you given her your strength, your sprit. I know she'll achieve anything she wants because of you.'

'No' Jac shook her head. 'Its because of us. We're a pretty good team aren't we?'

Jonny grinned and lifted Jac's hand to his mouth so he could kiss the back of it. 'We've done okay, you and me.' He laughed as Jac let out a soft chuckle. Jac Naylor was his beautiful wife and the most wonderful mother. What he had done to deserved her he didn't know but he wouldn't change a thing. 'I'm a very happy man Mrs Naylor-Maconie. With you, my girls and my granddaughter I'm the richest person on earth.'

'Okay enough with the sentimentality' Jac gently pulled her hand out of Jonny's 'we've got dishes to do and then wedding favour boxes that need assembling' she spoke as she stood up.

'There's a sentence that I bet you never thought you'd say' Jonny teased as he stood up to help his wife with the dishes.

'Shut up Maconie. I hold you entirety responsible for the domesticated turn my life took' Jac quipped as she stacked the dirty plates on top of each other. 'I was doing just fine on my own until you came wondering into my life with your rugged Scottish tones.' She looked up from her task and smiled at her husband 'you turned my head Jonny Maconie, by making me fall in love with you.' Her stomach filled with butterflies as he smiled back at her, a look of such love in his eyes. She fought hard to keep her home life private from the persona she had on the hospital wards - she doubted many of the F1's could imagine her being a wife and mother. Yet this was the part of her life she was most proud of.


	47. Chapter 47

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

'Mummy loves you so much' Ava spoke softly to her baby girl as she dressed her in a white christening gown. She smiled as Chloe's pale blue eyes locked onto hers. At only two months old Ava was convinced her daughter was a genius as she appeared to interact far better than any of the other babies at the mother and baby group she attended. 'You're mummy's clever girl aren't you Chloe?' she kissed her soft head as she lifted her into her arms. 'Now we're going to go and see if Auntie Jac is ready to go because we can't have you christened without her can we?'

'You spend way too much time talking to yourself' Julia commented as she walked past her sister.

'I'm talking to Chloe' Ava laughed.

'She's two months old' Julia shook her head 'you're basically talking to yourself.'

'Well Auntie Julia just doesn't understand does she?' Ava spoke to Chloe again.

'Have you seen my shoes?' Julia asked as she hunted around her old bedroom. 'I could have sworn I left a pair of burgundy flats here.'

'Oh yeah, I borrowed them' Ava informed her 'they should be in my room.'

'They'd better be in your room' Julia glowered as she stomped out of her room towards Ava.

'If you girls are fighting stop it please!' Jac yelled from inside her bedroom.

'How does she do that?' Ava mouthed to her sister.

'Ava stole my shoes!' Julia glowered at her sister as she yelled back to her mother.

'For god's sakes you're both twenty!' Jac yelled back.

'I borrowed' Ava corrected her sister with a frown. 'I borrowed your stupid shoes.' She held out Chloe to her sister. 'Take her and I shall gladly fetch them for you.'

'Hey hey' Julia spoke softly to the baby as she cradled her against her shoulder 'no need to fuss, you're with your favourite auntie.'

'Please don't say that at all at the christening today' Jac advised as she leaned against her bedroom doorframe watching her daughter gently bouncing with Chloe against her shoulder. 'Amy and Izzy are both still a little sore that only you and Hattie are going to be godparents.'

'They need to grow up' Julia rolled her eyes.

'Says the stroppy blonde who is having a hissy fit over a pair of shoes' Jac shook her head.

'It's not about the shoes, it's about Ava taking liberties' Julia narrowed her eyes at her mother.

'Oh how I long for day when you two will finally learn how to share' Jac laughed softly as she walked toward her daughter and granddaughter. 'You look pretty by the way.'

'Thanks' Julia smiled. She had quickly picked out a soft burgundy red wool dress this morning. It was long sleeved so hid the scars on her arms. 'Has she gone to sleep?' she asked as her mother gently stroked Chloe's soft auburn hair.

'Of course, she always feels safe with you' Jac gently kissed Julia on the forehead. 'I'm proud of you.'

'What for?' Julia frowned.

'Just am.' Jac shrugged as she walked towards the stairs. 'I'm proud of all my girls.'

'Here you go' Ava walked out of her bedroom holding out a pair of suede burgundy shoes. 'No scuffs or marks either.'

'Is mum okay?' Julia whispered as she listened her mother's footsteps go down the stairs 'she's being all sentimental.'

'I think its Chloe' Ava shrugged 'she seems to bring it out in her.'

...

'Grandma, Nannie, Nana?' Amanda suggested as she poured Jac a cup of tea.

'Nope' Jac shook her head firmly.

'Come on Jac, its been two months' Amanda laughed 'Chloe has to call you something.'

'I'll know when its right' Jac spoke stubbornly as she accepted the teacup Amanda held out to her.

'We can both be Grannies if that's the name you wanted' Amanda offered.

'No' Jac shook her head 'Granny is all yours.'

'Is this an it makes me feel old thing?' Amanda narrowed her eyes at her friend 'because if it is, you just need to get over it and pick a goddam name.'

'Why does this bother you so much?' Jac laughed.

'Its not just me its bugging' Amanda advised. 'Guy spent an entire afternoon researching names for you.'

'Yes I know. I received the email' Jac took a sip of tea. 'Gigi – what was he thinking?'

'That you need to pick a name.' Amanda glared at Jac before turning to smile sweetly at one of the guests. 'Mrs Johnstone how are you? Wasn't it a lovely service?'

'Yes. Lovely. First christening I've seen with a lesbian couple being godparents, quite the modern day celebration.' the small grey haired lady took the tea Amanda offered her. 'I taught Markus GCSE physics' she introduced herself to Jac 'smartest eight year old I ever met.'

'Oh' Jac smiled politely.

'Of course he could be a cheeky little beggar, full of himself about how clever he was' Mrs Johnstone continued. 'I think meeting your Ava put him in his place alright. He had no reason to feel quite so special after a girl whipped his arse at scrabble.'

'He never could get over the fact Ava's IQ was higher than his. Did you see the cake? Ava's father and godmother spent all day yesterday icing it' Amanda cheerfully smiled, hoping Mrs Johnstone would leave before she offended Jac with anymore direct talking.

'Your daughter is very special' Mrs Johnstone looked Jac dead in the eye. 'Chloe is a wonderful blessing but don't let Ava put her talents to waste. She should still have a career, a mind like that shouldn't be let to rot on nursery rhymes and bedtime stories.'

'Thank you, I shall pass that advice along' Jac stuttered out politely.

'Guy!' Amanda suddenly called out to her husband 'won't you show Mrs Johnstone the vegetable garden?'

'Of course' Guy smoothly offered his arm the elderly lady 'I find gardening very good for the soul'

'Every man needs a hobby to keep him out of mischief' they could hear Mrs Johnstone mutter as she was led away from the kitchen.

'Well she was a delight' Jac chuckled.

Amanda burst into a fit of giggles 'Oh but Markus always loved her.' Her laughter suddenly turned into a sob. 'Oh gosh, that boy could see the good in everyone.'

Jac put her cup down on the worktop and place her hand on Amanda's arm 'you miss him, its okay to feel like this.'

Mo walked into the kitchen clutching several empty mugs. One look at Amanda and she pushed the door closed.

'No, I'm okay' Amanda took a deep breath. 'This is a happy day, I can't spoil it for the children.'

'Our children are adults' Jac spoke rationally 'they understand.'

'There are so many memories of Markus being shared in that room right now' Mo spoke softly at she ripped off a sheet of kitchen towel for Amanda to use as a tissue. 'They are all good and happy. Your girls and Ava are lapping them up, laughing. They need to remember and so do you.'

'I used to look at you two and wonder however do they cope after losing a child?' Amanda sniffed 'you just have to is the answer. The reason I have to is because the twins still have a future and they need me to be a capable mother to support them through it.'

Jac looked at Mo and they exchanged a look of understanding. 'After I lost Amelia I felt so sick with grief I couldn't eat. I ended up being hospitalised. I will never forget the look of desperation on Jonny's face as he willed me to eat. I'd lost all strength to go on living.'

'We can all remember what happened to me after Isaac' Mo added as she rubbed Amanda's back. 'None of us are superhuman. It is okay to be upset and it's okay to let other people to see it. Your girls need to see it, to know it's okay if they're upset too.'

'Family counselling is going well then?' Jac quipped.

'Yes thank you' Mo smiled. 'It makes sense to me anyway. Sacha and I thought removing Evelyn from my grief was the right thing to do. Instead it made things worse. You need to be open with Amy and Izzy. Let Ava see it too. You all lost Markus but you also all got to have him in your lives, even if was only for a short while.'

'The dead are not truly gone if they remain on the lips of living' Jac quoted reverend Alice.

'That's why you have the memorial every year isn't it?' Amanda smiled at her friend.

'I see Amelia constantly' Jac confessed 'I see her as she was and as she should have been. This morning Ava and Julia were arguing over a pair of shoes. I could also hear Amelia joining in, adding to the drama. She'll never be gone from me.'

'I thought I saw Markus in the supermarket the other day' Amada laughed as she wiped at her eyes. 'I think the poor young guy I accidently stalked was a bit freaked out. But he had the same hair. I loved his hair.'

'I've kept a draw full of Isaac's clothes and blankets' Mo added her own confession. 'I still look through it, I can still smell him on those things. I know it's not possible but to me his scent is still there.'

'Thank you' Amanda look gratefully at the two women. 'I don't know what it means to have your support.'

'Oh believe us, we do' Mo smiled. 'You only ever have to ask and we'll be here to listen. And to eat your scones because those ones out there on your table are lighter than air.'

Amanda laughed before becoming serious once more. 'A date has been set for the trial in the new year, to prosecute the drunk driver. I haven't told anyone else yet. I wanted to get today over with.'

'Okay' Jac nodded her head in understanding. 'We'll hold a family meeting after this reception is over, let them all hear it at the same time.'

'That would probably be best' Amanda took a deep breath. 'Okay ladies, game faces on. Everyone is going to be talking about my granddaughter's christening for all the right reasons. There will be tea and sandwiches and cake given out to all the guests. There will also be smiles and laughter and a group photograph containing all of her grandparents' Amanda looked pointedly at Jac.

'I think I preferred it when you were sad' Jac sighed as she picked up her tea cup.

...

'You know when she smiles like that she looks a little like Markus' Amy commented as she looked down her niece who was laying on a play mat on the floor looking around at the five faces of her mother and four aunties all looking down at her. All the guests had left and Chloe had been stripped of her christening down and dressed into a pale pink baby grow so she could move and stretch her limbs around more freely.

'She's smiling like that because she's filling her nappy' Ava laughed.

'Urgh gross!' Amy wrinkled her nose.

'I'm guessing Auntie Amy isn't volunteering to change it for you' Izzy crooned as she reached out to let Chloe hold take hold of her finger.

'We save all of those for Auntie Hattie don't we?' Julia joined in the teasing.

'Its only because Auntie Hattie likes you the best' Hattie added to the ribbing.

'Girls we have something we need to tell you' Amanda announced as she walked into the living room with Jac. 'The date has been set for the court case, 16th January.'

There was silence which was broken by Izzy's anger 'I still don't understand why its taken this long!'

'Its just the way it is' Amanda spoke calmly.

'Can we attend?' Amy asked.

'If you want to' Amanda nodded.

'Ava?' Jac spoke softly, noticing her niece hadn't even looked up from Chloe.

'I don't see what difference it makes' Ava shrugged. 'It's not going to bring him back.' She felt her sister's hand on her back but she didn't dare to break her gaze away from her daughter.

'Maybe the trial will help' Hattie tried to speak words of comfort. 'Maybe it'll provide answers or a conclusion of some kind.'

'I do not see what any good it would do me.' Ava did her best to keep her voice controlled and level. 'I do not wish to see the face of the man who took Markus away from me. I cannot hear his voice apologise for his actions, to plead for leniency. It will be far easier for me to control my anger and live with my hate if I do not know anything about the person who's reckless decision ended the life I should have had; the life we should have shared with Chloe. Do you all understand?'

Jac longed to pull Ava into her arms and rock her. But Ava was no longer three years old and Jac could no longer magic away her fear and pain. 'Perfectly' Jac answered. She felt Amanda briefly squeeze her hand.

'Now we still have plenty of cake left. Why don't I put the kettle on? We can all take a look at Chloe's presents' Amanda suggested.

As the twins got to their feet to help their mother, Julia continued to rub Ava's back comfortingly. Ava concentrated on her daughter as Hattie murmured she would fetch the changing bag. Ava would be brave for her little girl. She had to be, she had to raise Chloe to be self-assured and confident just like Auntie Jac had done for her. She leaned forward and kissed Chloe's head. 'I think you must be the most loved baby in the entire world, don't you think so little lady? We shall be writing thank you cards for most of next week.' If she just focused on Chloe Ava knew she could live life without Markus. It wasn't the life she'd planned but she owed it to him to live it well.


	48. Chapter 48

_Thank you for reading. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

Jac smiled as she watched Julia and Hattie cutting the three tier wedding cake. The girls both looked beautiful and happy as they posed for the photographer. They had both worn white dresses; Julia's a long and trialling A-line dress with lace overlay, Hattie's a simpler V-neck tea-length dress in tulle. The bridesmaids, Ava and Evelyn, had worn floor length dresses in a slivery sheen of blue grey. Both the proud fathers, dressed in grey morning suits with pale blue ties and waistcoats, had walked their daughters down the aisle. Dressed in a navy blue floor length gown with 1930's style round neckline, Jac gently held her granddaughter in her arms as she watched the festivities occurring around her. 'I know you have absolutely no idea what is going on here, and you're very grouchy from having to endure cuddles from various people you barely know, but one day Chloe you'll understand what a momentous day this is and just how amazing your Auntie Julia and Auntie Hattie are.' She spoke softly as she rocked a little, hoping to get the fussing baby to settle. 'And one day maybe you'll wear the same necklace your Auntie Julia is wearing now. Because I wore it on my wedding day and so did your great great grandma Naylor. We've both had fairly successful marriages so, whilst I hold absolutely no store in talismans or good luck charms, I'd say the odds are in favour of it being a good omen.' She looked down to see Chloe had fallen asleep and gently kissed the top of the baby's head.

'You haven't lost your touch as a baby whisper have you?' Mo joked as she walked past Jac. 'So have you settled on your grandma name yet?'

'No' Jac shook her head 'nothing feels right yet.'

'Chloe will be starting university by the time you find one that feels right' Mo rolled her eyes as she continued on her mission to track down her twins.

'We'll know when it's right, won't we Chloe?' Jac smiled as Chloe let out a little snore.

'Cake' Jonny set down a piece of fruit cake on the table in front of Jac. He placed a cup and saucer down next to it. 'Coffee.' He smiled at his wife 'now don't you say I never do anything for you.'

'Thanks' she smiled gratefully 'this has been quite a long day huh?'

'And we've still got the evening do to go' Jonny loosened his tie as he took a seat next to his wife. He gently kissed the top of Chloe's head as she lay perfectly content in the arms of her grandmother. 'At least I can relax a bit now.'

'Pleased the speech is over?' Jac chuckled.

'Very' Jonny laughed.

'It was nice, what you said about our family only ever feeling complete once Julia had joined it.'

'It's true' Jonny shrugged. 'The day she first called me Dad was one of the best days of my life. Up there with marrying you.'

'I used to worry that we wouldn't make it. That you and I would have gotten divorced, and the girls taken away from us.' She shrugged as though her confession wasn't a big deal. Its just sometimes I wonder how I haven't messed this this family up in in a way only I could do.'

'Shut up woman, as if you could make a mess out of this' Jonny leaned forward and kissed Jac's lips. 'You never needed to worry, you're perfect to me. I would never have had let you go and you're a brilliant mum to those girls, any fool can see that. Although the fact that you were worried about it shows me that you cared.'

'Of course I cared' Jac frowned 'I still do care.'

'I always knew you had a soft centre' Jonny chuckled letting Jac know he was teasing. 'Julia hasn't stopped smiling all day.'

'I asked her if she was nervous when we were getting ready this morning. She said why would she be nervous when this was the right thing to do.'

'Were you nervous on our wedding day?' Jonny asked.

'I had butterflies before we went in, but I wasn't nervous about marrying you' Jac shook her head. 'Were you?'

'A little, I hate speaking in front of people.' Jonny smiled at his wife looking deep into her eyes 'but then I saw you walking down that aisle towards me, you gave me the most beautiful smile and I just got this feeling that everything was right. It was perfect, everything about that day was exactly as it should be. I was marrying the woman that I loved, I was promising that my life would be devoted entirely to loving and supporting you and only you.'

'So no regrets then Maconie?' Jac teased with a wry smile.

'Not about marrying you' Jonny chuckled. 'You, Jac Naylor, are the only woman I could have made those promises to.'

'I like that' Jac smiled before breaking eye contact to look down at Chloe's sleeping face. 'Your old Poppy can be quite the charming romantic can't he, little lady?' Jac gently smoothed Chloe's soft auburn hair

'It will always be the moon and the stars and us Jac' Jonny softly spoke as he watched his wife becoming absorbed in watching their grandchild sleeping. 'I've never worried we wouldn't make it. I see how much you love me every time you look at me, and I like that. I like it very much.' As Jac looked up at him and smiled Jonny leaned forward and kissed his wife again. They both laughed as the kiss ended. 'It's almost sickening how happy we are isn't?' Jonny joked.

'Isn't it just' Jac softly laughed, because she was. She was truly very happy.

...

'Prouder than proud is how I'd describe the look on your face' Elliot Hope joked as he joined Jac at her table. She had been watching Julia and Ava cooing over Chloe.

'Who'd have thought I would have been capable of having a functional family of my own huh?' Jac joked.

'Me' Elliot smiled. 'I knew it was just a case of you meeting the right man.'

'You've always had so much faith in me' Jac chuckled. 'Even when I've pushed boundaries you've never given up.'

'Sometimes things are worth persistence and patience' Elliot spoke wisely.

'Yes they are' Jac mused as she watched her daughters again.

...

'I have a proposition for you' Jonny spoke to his wife as they slow danced together on the edge of the dancefloor. 'I think we should go away on our very long overdue honeymoon.'

'Really?' Jac frowned at her husband.

'Just think about it. We never got to do it - Jamsine was sick and we had Ava. And there was Julia and countless research trials meaning you couldn't get way. All that is done now. The girls are adults, your research is finished. We have an abundance of leave to take- lets go on honeymoon.'

'First of all; my research isn't finished, it will never be finished' Jac pulled away from her husband's embrace. 'Secondly, do you really think the girls don't need us anymore?' she walked away, a look of furry on her face.

'What did you do?' Michael Spence asked Jonny as Jac stormed past him.

'Oh just mind your own business would you Michael?' Jonny sighed as started to walk towards the bar.

'Jac is upset, that makes it my business' Michael caught up to Jonny.

'I just said we ought to go on honeymoon that's all' Jonny spoke perplexed. He ordered himself a drink from the bar tender. 'There's nothing stopping us now. We could just pack our bags and jet off tomorrow if we wanted.'

'Why'd she get upset over that?' Michael frowned, confused.

'Who knows' Jonny sighed. 'Women huh?'

'Well you're going to have to sort it out with her, can't have her sour face spoiling your daughter's wedding.' Michael sat himself on a bar stool. 'I have to say, I had doubts about you Maconie. I thought Jac would never be able to settle down with a nurse. But you've proved me wrong'

'Thanks' Jonny spoke sarcastically before taking swig of his drink.

'I'm just saying, that's all' Michael shrugged 'Jac's a firecracker, a loaded pistol. You're never too sure what will set her off and when but she does blow you better take cover. I never thought you would be able to handle that.'

'I love her, it's enough, it has always been enough for the both of us.' Jonny drained the last of his drink and set the glass down on the counter.

'Sure thing buddy' Michael clapped Jonny on the shoulder 'except now she's got to thinking will it continue to be enough once the kids have flown the coup.'

'You what?' Jonny frowned at his wife's friend 'has she spoken to you?'

'Meh, she's told me a little of this, a little of that' Michael spoke airily 'the gist of it is, her life is changing and she has no control over that and what if without the girls you pair suddenly run out of things in common?'

'Don't be absurd' Jonny scoffed 'Jac doesn't think like that.'

'She doesn't?' Michael raised an eyebrow 'well I guess you'd know being her husband and all but when I've skyped recently Jac Naylor isn't as sure footed as the woman I used to know.'

'Jac isn't worried about our marriage. She may have little bit of empty nest syndrome going on, but me and her are as solid as we've always been' Jonny spoke firmly. ' You know every time you come to visit you have to stir up some sort of drama' Jonny scowled.

'I just came for the wedding of my beautiful surrogate niece, your marriage is your business' Michael shrugged 'but if I were you I'd talk to Jac.'

'Fine' Jonny stalked off, irritated and unsure of exactly where Jac Naylor would hide herself at a wedding.

...

'Is Jac in there?' Jonny asked Amanda as she came out of ladies toilets.

'Yes she's just fixing her make up' Amanda frowned 'why the worried face?'

'Did she say anything to you? Did she seem upset?' Jonny questioned

'No, we had a whole conversation about Italy.' Amanda crossed her arms. 'What did you do?'

'I asked her to go away on honeymoon with me.' Jonny laughed, suddenly finding the whole thing ridiculous. 'I know, what was I thinking right?' he opened the door the ladies toilets 'I'm such an ass' he grinned before going into the bathroom.

'Jonny this is the ladies' Jac scowled at her husband 'if you need to pee the gents are on the other side of the dance floor.'

'I don't need to pee I need to talk to you' Jonny spoke quickly. 'I'm not even going to pretend I understand why you're upset because to be frank with you, I don't get it. However you are upset so I need to know how to fix it.'

'Stop acting like I'm so old I'm about to retire would be a good place to start' Jac crossed her arms.

'Okay' Jonny nodded.

'Also, I'm not done being a mother, I'll never be done being a mother' she looked at her husband menacingly. 'I'm not going to abandon my girls at the drop of a hat because you've got some whim to go traveling.'

'They're our girls Jac' Jonny reminded her gently 'both of our names are on the adoption certificates. Also I was not talking about traveling, I was talking about two weeks, a month tops. We deserve a little bit of time to just be a couple don't you think?'

'A lot can change in a month' Jac turned back towards the mirror, checking her reflection for any flaws in her make-up. She looked into her cosmetics bag and withdrew her eyeliner. Jonny was being silent. He was never silent. She turned to look at him. 'I'm not saying no to a honeymoon. In fact I've always wanted to experience Florence.'

'You want to go to Florence' Jonny stuttered with relief.

Jac nodded. 'You just made me feel old with all your 'the girls no longer need us' and 'you've finished with your career.'

'I never said those exact words' Jonny shook his head. 'Anyway what about you telling Spence that you think without the girls filling up so much of our lives you and I will no longer have anything to talk about?'

'I absolutely did not say that' Jac couldn't help it as a smirk appeared on her lips. 'When did he tell you that?'

'Just now, at the bar' Jonny suddenly laughed. 'He was making out you're all insecure and stuff.'

'Insecure?' Jac raised an eyebrow. 'Well if nothing else we'll always have the idiocies of Michael Spence as a conversational topic.'

'You know I reckon Julia wasn't far wrong when she said Michael was in love with you.' Jonny chuckled.

'Urgh don't you start' Jac turned back to mirror to apply the eyeliner 'he's like a brother, that's all.'

'Okay fine, but if it comes out one day that he's always had a crush on you I want it to be known that I was right' Jonny teased. 'So how long in Florence? A week?'

'A fortnight would be nice, maybe travel around Italy for a bit' Jac shrugged. 'I know what you mean about the girls not needing us like they used to, they are adults and probably need me to step back a bit. But longer than two weeks and I will go stir crazy from not being able to cuddle Chloe, listen to Julia play piano or have Ava giving me a running commentary on everything that happened during her day.'

'Two weeks sounds perfect to me' Jonny grinned.

The door to the bathroom opened to reveal Mo. 'Jonny this is the ladies' she frowned at her friend.

'You don't say' he stuck his tongue out at her as she pushed past him to walk to a cubicle.

'Stay if you want but you will have to listen to me peeing' Mo teased.

'Don't worrying I'm leaving' Jonny laughed, pulling open the door. 'Jac?'

'Yes darling husband of mine?' she answered, still concentrating on her appearance.

'You don't actually need any of that stuff, you're even more beautiful without it' Jonny stepped out into the party, letting the door swing closed behind him.

'You two are so cute' Mo commented as she caught the little smile in Jac's reflection.

'Mo? Do you ever worry once the kids have left you and Sacha will have nothing left to talk about?' Jac questioned as Mo closed the cubicle door.

'No.' Mo answered. 'Do you?'

'Nope. Just checking that was normal.' Jac zipped closed her cosmetics bag. 'Come and talk to me when you've got empty nest syndrome though.'

'Will do' Mo called out as she heard Jac leaving the bathroom.

...

'That felt like the longest day ever' Jac complained as she sat down on the hotel room bed and took off her high heeled shoes. 'I can't believe they're still partying down there.'

'Och they're young' Jonny chuckled as he took off his jacket . 'It was a good day though right?'

'One of the best' Jac agreed with a soft smile as she lay down, exhausted by all the celebrations.

'I reckon you have to of been the most beautiful mother of the bride that there has ever been' Jonny lay on the bed next his wife and gently smoothed her hair away from her face. 'We don't look like parents of twenty year olds right?'

'Meh, maybe we do' Jac teased 'but you know what? I don't think I care.'

'You don't?'

Jac shook her head. 'Remember when I was getting a freaked out over empty nest syndrome and you said to me that we have so much to look forward to?'

'Yep' Jonny kissed Jac's forehead.

'Well, I'm looking forward to it too. I can't wait to grow old with you Jonny Naylor-Maconie.' She gently brushed her lips against her husband's. 'Just don't ever expect me to ever fully retire.'

'I wouldn't dream of it' Jonny chuckled before kissing his wife. 'I love you' he whispered in her ear.

'I love you too' she whispered back.


	49. Chapter 49

_Thank you so much for sticking with this story. This is the penultimate chapter. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)_

'Auntie Jac you're fussing' Ava laughed as her aunt straightened out her ceremonial robes whilst they waited in line for the official graduation photographer.

'I just want to be sure you look perfect that's all' Jac rolled her eyes. It was early December and Jac and Jonny were doing all they could to ensure Ava had good graduation day. It was at happy occasions that she felt the loss of Markus the most and with the first anniversary of his death fast approaching the future was once again starting to feel impossible for Ava without him.

'Of course your mummy looks perfect doesn't she Chloe?' Jonny crooned to the almost five month old baby he held in his arms. 'We're all so proud of her aren't we? Yes we are, we're so so proud.' He ignored the way his wife rolled her eyes at him. 'After we've had this ceremony we're going have a nice dinner with Auntie Julia, Auntie Hattie and Grandma and Grandpa will be there' he smiled as Chloe gave him a big drooling grin. 'Lots of people want to show your mummy that they love her, don't they' he chuckled as he wiped Chloe's chin, not wanting her drool to get onto the expensive suit he was wearing for the occasion.

'Would you like your little girl to be in the photographs too?' the photographers assistant suggested helpfully as they reached the front of the queue.

'Yes, if that is allowed' Ava smiled.

'Of course, anything goes' the woman laughed. 'You can even have a group shot with your parents if you'd like.'

Ava looked pleadingly at her aunt. 'Okay fine' Jac sighed 'but if find a large blown up version of it anywhere in the house I will not be happy.'

'It'll just be in my studio, I promise' Ava grinned .

'And maybe my desk at work' Jonny grinned, pretending not to see Jac's scowl.

'Lets do couple of just the young lady, then a few with the child and then a couple of group shots. That way the whole family will be happy' the photographer grinned as he overheard the last part of the conversation.

'She is proud honest' Ava cheekily responded as she stood on the mark the photographer pointed to on the floor 'my aunt has just always hated having her photograph taken.'

'Well I shall make it as painless as possible' the man chuckled 'everyone deserves to have memento of such an important day.'

...

'Do you think I should stop breastfeeding at six months?' Ava asked Jac as they sat in a little side room just off from the main hall. Chloe had been as good as gold throughout the ceremony but the minute she had seen her mother again she had wanted a feed.

'Do you want to stop breastfeeding?' Jac asked

Ava shook her head 'I want to carry on until she's fully weaned but sometimes I just think it makes other people feel a bit awkward.'

'By other people you mean some of your friends?' Jac arch an eyebrow as Ava nodded. 'Pumpkin, if they can't be mature enough to know this is how your baby gets her nourishment then they're not worth your time.'

'I guess it was always going to be hard being the first one to have a kid, they don't really seem to get that Chloe comes first now' Ava mused.

'We're always here whenever you want a babysitter' Jac reminded her niece gently 'there's no reason why you can't go off and have some fun once in a while. '

'I'm not sure I can bear to leave her just yet' Ava chuckled softly. 'Its funny how your whole outlook on life just suddenly changes in an instance. When you put her in my arms it was like you'd flicked a switch. Nothing in my life matters more than her.' Chloe stopped feeding and turned to look at her mother. 'Oh, is that your tummy all full now is it little lady?' Ava smiled at her daughter as she one handed clipped her bra back together and straightened her top. 'You know you are without doubt the best thing to have ever happened to me' Ava gently kissed her daughters head. 'Even the master's degree fades into insignificance when I look at you.'

'Why don't you pass her here and I'll settle her whilst you go and say bye to your friends and find Uncle Jonny' Jac offered. 'We'll need to be making a move if we want to make the dinner reservation.'

'Sure' Ava smiled as she passed Chloe into her aunts arms. 'You know I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you?'

'I think you would have found a way' Jac smiled at Ava as she gently rubbed Chloe's back 'you're a Naylor after all.'

'True, but I'm glad I have you just same' Ava smiled before leaving the room.

'Well, just look at what your clever mummy has achieved huh Chloe?' Jac laid the baby down in her pram as she talked to her. 'Distinction and an award. I've always told her she can do anything and achieve anything she wants. You're a Naylor just like me and her so you'll be no exception I'm sure. So whether you want to be a butcher, a baker or a candle stick maker your mummy, Poppy, Auntie Julia and I will help you to achieve your dreams.' She smiled as Chloe gave her a big gummy grin. 'You're one of the best things to have happened to this whole family' Jac leaned into the pram and kissed Chloe's plump cheek. She gently smoothed the baby's soft ginger hair. 'I am probably the proudest grandmother on earth, trust me no other baby is as beautiful or as clever as you.' As Chloe's eyelids slowly closed Jac continued to speak softly, letting the words pour out from her heart. 'You'll never have to worry about a thing Chloe, I promise you. I love you and your mummy so much. I'll fight for you, make sure you're happy and have everything both you and your mother need. I'm your Nana Jac, and I'll be here forever and ever, no matter what.'


	50. Chapter 50

_This is the final chapter in the series. It broke my heart writing it - I hope you will forgive me. Thank you so much for reading the whole series - the supportive reviews I have received have meant so much. Please feel free to leave one last and final review to share your thoughts :-)_

Ten Years Later

Jac Naylor-Maconie sighed sadly as she removed the clean wine glasses from the dishwasher. Yesterday had been better than she had expected until the awkward incident. Maybe they shouldn't have had the wine she mused to herself as she put the glasses away in the cupboard. Then again she had needed the wine. Her whole being felt heavy without her husband around. Collecting his ashes had required a stiff scotch before she'd even left the house. The urn containing her husband's remains sat on the kitchen window sill, placed there by Jac so at least he could witness one last dinner party before they scattered him. The evening could have almost been described as fun with Mo, Sacha and Michael all sat around the large scrubbed wooden table sharing Indian takeaway and stories about some of the ridiculous things Jonny Maconie had gotten himself involved in during his sixty four years on earth. Then Mo and Sacha had left and Michael had stayed to help her clear away whilst waiting for his taxi. She'd confessed to him how lonely she was feeling and how, whilst she'd expected to feel hearbroken at Jonny's death, she hadn't expected to feel loneliness. She had always been so independent before Jonny and had assumed living alone wouldn't bother her. Yet it did. It was then that Michael had clumsily brushed his lips against hers. She'd pushed him away hard, her palms against his chest. 'What the hell are you doing?' she had hissed. 'I'm sorry' he had mumbled quickly 'its just you look so beautiful and sad.' He had the decency to look ashamed as she'd glowered at him. 'I'll wait outside for my cab' he'd broken the heavy silence. Today it would be even more awkward as all her friends and family gathered for one final farewell to Jonny and if Michael wasn't there questions would be asked.

'I can almost feel you smirking Maconie' Jac glowered looking over at the plastic urn. 'So you were right. Michael Spence apparently thinks it's okay to make a move on me now you're out of the picture. It's a testament to how much I miss you that I almost begrudge not hearing you say I told you so.' She finished emptying the dish washer in silence. 'I hate that you died you know that don't you?' hot tears of anger suddenly ran down her cheeks. 'I know you didn't exactly plan to get cancer but I'm angry with you just the same. Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why? Because if I hadn't have loved you so much I wouldn't have to go through this pain.' She sat down at the table, taking gulps of air as she waited for the angry sobbing to subside. She knew it would, she had been through many phases of this sudden rage during the past six months. She had told Jonny to his face, many times during the last few months of his life, that it angered her that he was leaving. Most of the time he bore her rants bravely, knowing she had every right to feel like this. Sometimes though he would cry with her, yelling at her that didn't want to leave her, that he couldn't face his own death bravely knowing he was breaking her heart. They would cry together until exhaustion took over, allowing silence to engulf them. The day before he'd passed he spoken aloud 'I think you'll okay without me Jac. You have our girls and our grandchildren. They'll distract when you're sad, inspire you when you're lost and annoy you when you're lonely.' He'd chuckled at his own joke. 'We created a pretty magic family didn't we, you and I?' Jac had known then that he was ready to go.

Jac sniffed and wiped her eyes. She'd never let anyone but Jonny see her cry from the moment he was diagnosed and given just two month to live. He'd fought hard, stretching out his death sentence to just over six months. He spent as much of that time as he could at home, lying on his own bed with Jac constantly beside him. Their girls had been daily visitors, ensuring the couple ate healthy meals and the grandchildren brought much needed laughter into the house. When he'd died Jac had been holding his hand, whispering to him, telling him she loved him and that everything was going to be okay now. Jac had maintained her stiff upper lip until two days before his funeral when she'd finally broken down in Sacha's arms. Her best friend had just held her until she stopped. 'I can't think of anything I can say that will comfort you' her friend had spoken as he kissed her forehead 'but I'm not worried about you Jac Naylor. What has happened is grossly unfair but you are strong and brave and you will find a way to live your life without Jonny. I've watched you make lemonade from the sourest of lemons so many times to know that you can do this. This grief thing just takes a lot of time, that's all.' He'd smiled encouragingly as she nodded. 'Life can be really shitty can't it?' he'd spoken the words so matter fact that she'd laughed.

Jac stood up from the table with a renewed determination. The caterers would be arriving in an hour and she would be showered, dressed and fully made up before they arrived.

….

'Nana Jac!' Jac could hear the concerned voice of her eldest granddaughter calling from downstairs. She checked her appearance one final time in the mirror. Her trademark red hair was straightened to perfection, falling down the back of her simple black dress. As she'd entered into her sixties a few more tell-tale lines had formed on her face but Jac had to admit Jonny's compliments that she had barely aged held some truth. Jac heard Chloe call again and she descended the stairs.

'What's wrong baby?' Jac asked as she reached the hallway where Chloe was anxiously waiting. She was a carbon copy of Ava; red hair, green eyes and an IQ big enough for entry into MENSA. Chloe would turn 11 this coming August and she was set to follow in her mothers footsteps by attending St Catherines in September. The only difference was Chloe had already set her heart on a career in medicine like her Grandmother.

'Mummy and Daniel are arguing again' Chloe informed her grandmother. Ava had started dating Daniel a year ago. Initially he had appeared charming but the more Jac saw of him the less she liked. He was trying to change Ava, to get her to abandon the memories she held of Markus and start a band new life solely with him. Jonny hadn't liked him either which made Jac even more determined to get rid of this man from their family.

Jac forced a reassuring smile as she spoke to her granddaughter 'why don't you stay here with Lucy whilst I go and sort it?' The child nodded and went over to pet Lucy, the golden retriever Jac and Jonny had adopted five years ago. Jac hurried through the kitchen and up the garden path to Ava's house. She entered without knocking and walked through the studio, into the kitchen and followed the sound shouting into the living room.

'I treat her like she's mine and yet all the pair of you go on about is how brilliant Markus was!' Daniel was yelling, his face red as he waved a framed picture of Markus at Ava. His normally pristine blonde quiff was dishevelled and it delighted Jac a little to see the bold spot that Daniel spent so much time trying to disguise was now on display. 'I'm sick of it!' Daniel continued 'you won't even consider moving in with me because you cannot bear to leave this poky little house that's a mausoleum to him!' he motioned as though he was going to throw the picture frame at Ava, who was sobbing.

'YOU DARE!' Jac roared making her presence known.

'You see Ava! Here's your aunt to stick her ore in again because you live at the end of her garden!' Daniel yelled as Jac yanked the picture frame out of his hand.

'Were you going to throw this at my daughter?' Jac asked as calmly as she could muster.

'Of course I wasn't' Daniel sputtered.

'Oh because it looked an awful lot like you were' Jac turned and set the frame carefully down on the mantelpiece. She turned back around and calmly faced Daniel. 'Get out' she commanded firmly.

'You don't have the right to speak to me like that' Daniel scoffed.

'Don't I?' Jac arched an eyebrow. 'You have five minutes to collect whatever belongings you have in this house and then you leave. This may be Ava's house but its my land and I'm saying you're no longer welcome.'

Daniel huffed 'this not over Ava' before picking up his laptop and leaving the room to stomp up the stairs to collect his belongings.

Jac gathered Ava into her arms and held her tightly. 'I thought Uncle Jonny and I had given you pretty good example of what a real strong, loving, respectful and supportive relationship is' she spoke softly into her daughters ear.

'I love him' Ava sobbed.

'Yes I'm sure you do' Jac sighed. 'Chloe is currently sat terrified in my kitchen because she cannot stand the rowing. The bruises you've been sporting recently haven't gone unnoticed. The fact you've slowly lost your self confidence in the last year since you've starting dating him is evident. You may love him, but is this the life you want, for you and for Chloe?'

'No' Ava spoke quietly.

'Then you know what you need to do' Jac spoke firmly as she released her daughter from her embrace.

Ava nodded and took a deep breath as she listened to Daniels footsteps descending the stairs. 'Can you wait in here?' Ava asked her aunt 'I need to do this myself'

'Of course' Jac nodded 'you just remember you're a Naylor, there's strength in that.'

Ava closed the living room door behind her and Jac moved closer to it so she could listen.

'I'll have your key back' Ava spoke with far more courage than she felt.

'Why?' It surprised her that Daniel looked visibly shocked.

'Because my daughter is currently hiding in her grandmother's house because she was scared you were going to hurt me' Ava informed him.

'I would never' Daniel started argue.

'But you have' Ava cut him off. 'You might not touch me with your fists but you've thrown books at me, your mobile phone the other day was launched at my head. You have a temper Daniel and you cannot accept the fact that I will always love Markus because I am widowed, not divorced.'

'You weren't even married' Daniel scoffed

'We were as good as' Ava shook her head. 'You know I really liked you but I don't like how you treat me, and nor did Uncle Jonny. He told me about week before he died. He said to me that whilst he had no right to tell me how to live my life that I should really consider what would be make me happy. I was cross with him, I didn't speak to him for a good twelve hours. But you know what Daniel? I've considered and I what I've found is you don't make me one hundred percent happy and deep down I'm always going to be worried that you'll fly off the handle. I deserve more than that.'

'Well I hope you find the perfection you're looking for' Daniel spoke as he slid the key to Ava's front door off his key ring. 'But you must realise that it doesn't exist.'

'Oh it exists' Ava laughed 'my aunt and uncle had it. I had it with Markus. We've been fooling ourselves here Daniel. Maybe there is someone out there that will be perfection for you too, but clearly I'm not her.'

Daniel nodded, defeated at last. He knew Ava's words to be right. He handed Ava back her key. 'Can you tell Chloe I'm sorry? I never meant to scare her.'

'I know you didn't' Ava conceded. 'This is for the best, for all of us.'

Daniel opened the door. 'I do love you Ava. I promise I'll stay away, I'm not going to turn into a stalker or anything but I just wanted you to know that I do genuinely love you.'

'I know' Ava nodded. 'For what it's worth Daniel I don't hate you, you're not a bad person. Just find a different out let for your temper and you'll make some girl out there very happy.'

'Thanks' Daniel gave a soft laugh 'By the way the thing that made me most fall in love with you was what a great mum you are to the kid. She's so lucky to have you. So you're right, this is the right decision. You should have a simple happy life purely focused on her.' He stepped outside and closed the door after himself. Ava spent a few seconds looking at the closed door as a feeling of relief washed over her.

'Well you handled that with far more dignity than I ever could' Jac spoke from behind her daughter.

Ava took a deep breath and let it out slowly before turning around to look at her aunt. 'The bravery was all you, the dignity was Uncle Jonny. He taught me that not everything is a fight and sometimes the art of persuasion is much better.' A single tear ran down her cheek 'I miss him.'

'Me too' Jac nodded. 'He'd have been so proud of you just then.'

'I feel like an idiot, I should have listened to Uncle Jonny a long time ago' Ava wiped away her tears.

'Meh, some things you just have to figure it out for yourself' Jac shrugged.

'Thanks for being here' Ava gave her aunt a watery smile.

'I'll always be here Pumpkin' Jac smiled back as she just about held onto her emotions. 'Now we'd better go and talk to Chloe don't you think?'

…..

'Dad would have been so proud of mum' Julia whispered to Hattie as they walked back to the car. 'It can't have been easy to let go of him like that but she has.' Jonny had requested for his ashes to be scattered from the beach cliff top. He hadn't wanted be confined in death and the beach held so many happy family memories.

'She's just so stoic' Hattie whispered back 'that's what worries me. At some point it's all going to come flooding out.'

'It already has' Julia squeezed her wife's hand 'Sacha told me, she broke down just before the funeral. She prefers to cry in private that's all.'

'Muma are we going home to have cake now?' Freddie their three year old son raced up to Julia and tugged on her other hand. He was brunette and blue eyed and whilst it wasn't biologically possible he reminded Julia so much of Jonny.

'Yes, Freddie there will be cake but only if you eat a sandwich first' Julia stooped to pick her son up. They had adopted Freddie when he was just six months old. He held no memories of the life he had before unlike his six year old sister Skylar, who at age two had been pulled away from her drug addicted mother. Eventually mediation broke down and Skyler had been joined by a baby brother into a foster family. Julia and Hattie had adopted both the children, keeping the siblings together, and they made a very happy family unit.

'Mummy can I have cake first and the sandwich after?' Freddie asked Hattie hopefully.

Hattie resisted the urge to laugh 'no young man, savoury first, sweet second. That's just how it goes.'

'Muma!' Skylar suddenly called 'I'm going in Nana Jac's car.'

'Okay baby' Julia smiled over at her mousey haired daughter. She watched the way her mother was carefully ensuring the child seat was correctly positioned in the front passenger seat of her car. Her parents had been so supportive throughout the adoption process. Jac had been extremely practical, ensuring they had everything the needed to pass the home visit, whilst Jonny had been the listening ear throughout the emotional rollercoaster that came with adopting. It broke Julia's heart every time she thought about her Dad not getting to witness his grandchildren growing up.

….

'Nana Jac are you sad?' Freddie asked his grandmother as he found her alone in her study. The gathering of all of Jonny's closets friends was starting to feel a bit much and so Jac had sought sanctuary in her home office.

'A little bit' Jac confessed as she pulled her grandson up onto her lap.

'Poppy told me that when he's not here he'll not be really gone' Freddie informed his grandmother. He placed his little hand on Jac's chest, over her heart. 'Poppy said he'll always be in here, in your heart.'

Jac laughed. 'Your Poppy was a very wise man' she cuddled her grandchild close to her.

'Muma said we're going to buy a new house' Freddie suddenly remembered the news he had been told this morning 'I'm going to have a big boys room!'

'Yes you are' Jac smiled, pleased that Julia had finally informed the children that they had brought a property just down the road from Jac's own house. At first Jac had felt patronised because clearly her girls felt that she needed to be kept an eye on. Sacha had pointed out to her that her girls needed her support just as much as she needed theirs. And besides Jac lived in a very nice area, it was a great place to raise two energetic children with top performing schools nearby. 'I can't wait, can you?'

'No! Mummy has marked on the calendar, its twenty days until we move which is forever!' Freddie exclaimed.

'Well not quite forever' Jac chuckled 'but the time will soon pass.'

Jac looked up at the sound of a knock on her door. 'I thought I'd find you in here' Michael Spence spoke as her eyes met his.

'Freddie why don't you go and find Skylar and Chloe and see if they'll help you do some drawing?' she spoke as she set the little boy down on his feet. She watched as he raced out of the room.

'He's a cute kid' Michael commented affectionately.

'Yeah he is' Jac nodded.

'Look about last night…'

'I don't want to discuss last night' Jac cut in.

'I was drunk, I shouldn't have. I just wanted to apologise that's all.' Micheal smiled hopefully at Jac.

'Apology not accepted. You can leave now' Jac looked at him sternly.

'Really Naylor, you're going to let one stupid mistake ruin years of friendship?' Micheal crossed his arms.

'You kissed me in front of the urn containing my dead husbands ashes' Jac stood up, her anger building. 'He's been dead barely two weeks and you thought what a great opportunity it would be to make a move on me.'

'I was drunk!' Michael spoke more loudly than he intended.

'Oh well that makes it alright then' Jac scowled. 'I've treated you like a brother for years' she hissed 'what does that tell you?'

'Okay fine' Michael started to walk out of the room. 'You can call me when you've calmed down and we can talk some more.'

'You've changed everything!' Jac suddenly yelled 'I thought you were a good man, so supportive with all those nights that you slept on the couch when Jonny was sick. I thought you were there supporting me. Instead you were eyeing me up like a piece of eye candy!'

'Okay fine, I did all of that because I'm in love with you. I have been for years!' Michael yelled back. 'Does that make you feel any better?!'

'No!' Jac yelled 'It absolutely doesn't! Mostly because it means that for one last time Jonny Maconie was right!'

Silence had filled the house as the shouting match coming from Jac's study filtered out to the guests. Sacha suddenly laughed as he looked at Mo's horrified face. 'At least this means the Jac Naylor we know and love is truly back' he shrugged as he defended his mirth. 'I'll go and get Spence to leave' he chuckled as he walked towards the study.

'I knew it' Julia smirked at her sister 'didn't I tell you all those years ago that Michael was in love with Mum?'

'Oh shut up' Ava shook her head disapprovingly . 'Help me distract everyone by playing the piano or something.'

'On the plus side at least we know the feeling isn't mutual' Hattie laughed in her wife's ear as Jac could be heard to be yelling that she wouldn't love Michael even if he were the last man on earth. 'I don't think I could bear it if Jac ended up shacking up with the yank.'

Julia snorted with laughter before moving towards the living room to play her fathers old piano. She could imagine just how amused her father would have been if he were here.

….

'Now I don't want to hear any giggling or arguing when I go downstairs is that clear?' Jac spoke firmly to her grandchildren as they lay side by side in the double bed in Ava's old bedroom. Her girls hadn't wanted her to be alone in the house tonight so they were all staying for a sleep over. Jac had been too exhausted to argue. 'That particularly means you Mr Wiggle Pants' Jac narrowed her eyes at Freddie who was currently rolling from side to side between his sister and his cousin 'you're to lie perfectly still!' She smiled as Freddie stopped moving.

'Nana Jac tell me the story of how Auntie Ava lived at the bottom of your garden' Skylar demanded.

'Well it's a story you all know very well' Jac began. 'When your Auntie Ava was a young girl she fell in love with Markus. Now Markus was too important to the angels to stay here on earth so he had to go to heaven to live with them. But because he was so sad that he had leave Auntie Ava he was allowed to leave Auntie Ava a gift.'

'Me!' Chloe interrupted delightedly.

'Yes you' Jac tickled her eldest grandchild. 'Now Auntie Ava and Markus had started to build a house before he went to live in heaven and the house was at the bottom of my garden because I had made a promise to Auntie Ava's mummy. That promise was that I would love and look after Auntie Ava forever and ever and that's how Auntie Ava and Chloe came to live at the bottom of my garden.'

'Nana Jac, will you love me forever and ever too?' Skylar asked.

'Forever and ever baby girl' Jac promised honestly and proudly. 'I'll love you all forever and ever.'


End file.
